22. Chapter 22

Chapter 22

Axel

" G od, Fetterman. Just tell him what happened. Everyone but him remembers that night."

Kade's voice sounding in my ear made me jump. I narrowed my eyes as I turned to him.

"No." It would be so much easier if I just explained why I couldn't tell him, but I still didn't want Kade to have the leverage if he realized he wanted to use it against us. That was the problem with working with psychopaths—it was so hard to trust them, even if I knew we had mutual enemies.

"I could do it."

"If you open your mouth, I swear to God, I'll—"

"Threaten me, go ahead. We both know that you can't kill me, Fetterman. You've tried more than once. You tried after that night, remember?"

Of course, I remembered. I couldn't forget it. At the time, I hadn't realized Kade was honestly doing me a favor by coming back, that he was showing a rare glimpse of the humanity he usually didn't seem to possess. I didn't know what had made him do it, whether it was some sense of honor because he and Xavier ran in the same circles, or if he'd just wanted to see the way I would react to the news. I'd always assumed it was the latter, but the fact that he was still here… that they'd come to help at all made me question myself.

"I never thanked you, you know." It came out as a soft whisper. Maybe I was trying to change the subject, but it was still the truth.

"Why would you thank me?"

"You didn't have to come back to my house. You could have just left, and I would have never known the difference." Knowing that he'd been there when Xavier had died, that at least he hadn't been alone, had been a small comfort. It took me a while to realize it—after I'd tried to kill Kade for letting him die.

"Xavier was one of the best. I didn't like him, but I could respect that much. Besides, I figured if you ever got over thinking it was my fault, you'd owe me a favor."

I stared at him, my brows knit together. For just a moment, he'd almost sounded like a normal human… then he'd chalked it up to a thing that he did because it might benefit him in the future.

I was never going to get a read on Kade. His death and reincarnation obviously did nothing to change that.

"Still. Thank you."

He was silent for a moment before lifting one shoulder in a shrug.

That was probably the best I was going to get.

When Xavier's laughter drew both of our attention, Kade frowned. It was probably because he was leaning close to Seth and they were talking in hushed tones.

"You know, on second thought, you don't have to tell him how he died. I'll remind him myself."

Kade actually started to move, and I threw my hand out. "I'll handle it."

I made my way across the room and slid my arm around Xavier's waist before the psychopath in the corner decided to change his mind.

"Axel, what are you doing?"

I ignored the question. "Seth, you might want to handle him before he does something we'll all regret."

Seth's eyes drifted over my shoulder to Kade, and the expression that blossomed across his features was so out of place. He was too innocent to be in love with a psychopath, and he was certainly too good to be making goo-goo eyes at someone who'd just threatened to kill the man in my arms… but it wasn't my business.

My business was getting Xavier out of the room before Kade decided to spill what he knew about that last night out of spite. He had no idea what it would do to Xavier, and I still wasn't sure I was ready to handle how he might react to the memories that came before it.

Just the thought of him leaving again made my entire body tense, and the burn of desperation that tore through me was nearly a physical pain. I dragged him back to the bedroom and kicked the door shut behind us—maybe this wasn't just about getting him away from Kade before Kade ruined everything.

Maybe this was simply the fact that I needed him. I needed to feel steady, to feel solid.

I needed to feel like nothing could come between us.

Kade being here was a constant reminder of that night. Remembering what had happened. Remembering how it felt to lose the only person I'd ever wanted.

"Axel," he half laughed, half groaned when I leaned down and brushed my lips against his neck. All this time, he'd been touching me, breaking me, remaking me. I wanted… no, I needed to return the favor.

I needed him .

"Lay on the bed for me, please?" I couldn't turn my voice into a command like he did, but the sound of the word please coming from my lips seemed to shoot straight through him the same way. He shivered in my arms before turning toward the bed.

"What's gotten into you, hm?"

I could have told him the truth, but I couldn't wrap my tongue around the words. Instead, I pushed him back gently until he laid against the sheet, then followed him. "I didn't realize how much I wouldn't like sharing my time with you." At least it wasn't a lie. If we could have stayed at the lake house forever, isolated from the rest of the world, I would have done it.

If I could keep him locked in this room until the stars burned out and we were swallowed by the sun, I would have died happily in his arms.

"You're greedy." He didn't sound angry about it. As much as I said I didn't like sharing my time with him, it was nice to see him smiling. It was nice to see other people seeing him—it somehow made him feel more solid, more real.

It made me feel like I wasn't just wrapped up in the only dream I never wanted to wake from.

"Just when it comes to you." I slid my hands beneath his shirt and relished in his smooth skin, so warm and real and alive. "Can I touch you?"

Xavier paused, but his eyes were sweet when they flicked up to mine, and the smile on his face was like sunlight—he really had changed. I'd seen these moments from him before, in brief glimpses when he didn't realize he was doing it. Now, they escaped from him in beautiful bursts that left me dazzled by how intense his emotions were, how beautiful when he let them out.

"You can always touch me, Axel." His answer came as he slowly brought his hands up and crossed them behind his head, stretching his body out. It was beautiful, the way he offered himself.

I wasn't sure if he could tell that I needed this, or if it was simply because he knew every brush of my fingers was tantamount to worship. He let me draw his shirt up and over his head and settled back as I stripped his pants down his hips.

It was hard not to let my eyes fall to the marks on his chest, and when I leaned forward and gently brushed my lips against them, he shivered. I'd been ignoring them, pretending they weren't there. I'd been doing everything I could to force down the memory of that ache, and I couldn't anymore. I had to accept it—accept that it was a part of him, a part of our story now.

I made a point to gently kiss along each and every bullet wound, then dropped down to run my tongue along the cut of his hips.

He didn't seem to notice that I'd ignored one of the marks completely.

"I want to worship every part of you, Xavier," I murmured against his skin, brushing across to the other side in a ghosting of my lips that made him shudder. "I could get lost in the curve of your hip, the way it arrows down…" I trailed along with my words, drifting lower and nuzzling my face gently against his thigh. "I could spend forever memorizing every inch of your body, and it wouldn't be enough."

It would never be enough, because I knew what it was like now for it to be the last time . I'd been so full of regret then—the last time we'd been together, I hadn't appreciated it.

I hadn't touched him everywhere, hadn't run my fingers greedily along each inch like I'd be able to keep him with me if I tried hard enough.

I'd thought we had forever.

I'd never considered a moment when I wouldn't be able to touch him any time I wanted.

Now, I wanted to touch him any chance I could get. I wasn't sure why I ever thought I'd be able to resist him to begin with—Xavier was as inevitable as the sun, the sky, as breathing.

He was the universe, and I was helpless to give in to his pull.

I bypassed his cock and drifted my lips along his thigh, taking my time to inhale his scent, to revel in the way his skin pebbled with goosebumps and the soft hair on his legs tickled against my lips. Every inch of him was perfect—and the fact that he looked different didn't matter.

It was just something new for me to explore, to learn. To make sure I held close.

I trailed down long enough to brush my lips against the curve of his ankle, then drifted my way back up along his other leg, stopping to run my tongue along his hipbone again before slowly working my way along his chest. When I pressed the softest kiss to his nipple, I felt his hand slip through my hair. He tugged, but it was gentle.

Apparently, he didn't have enough self control to keep his hands behind his head, because he was drawing me up to him and pressing his lips against mine. Xavier kissed me like he could somehow sense the desperation I was feeling, like he could see the way my entire chest felt empty, the way my body floated and needed him to fill me so I'd come down to earth. When he'd first come back, he told me he needed an anchor.

The truth was, so did I. I'd been adrift without him, lost and drowning. I hadn't even tried to make my way to shore.

It was easier to sink than swim for a horizon I couldn't see anymore.

But he was here now, and his fingers sliding along the length of my spine to grab my hips and pull my body against his was everything I'd needed all along, everything I'd missed while he was gone.

Everything I refused to lose ever again.

I rolled my pelvis, rocking our bodies together so he could feel the way I'd gotten hard just from touching him. When I pulled back, his eyes were already searching my face, looking for something I wasn't sure I was ever going to have the strength to say.

"Strip for me and ride me, Sunshine. Show me how much you love me. Let me feel it." The command in his voice had been replaced with something softer, just as gripping… maybe more powerful. It was a need so intense it swallowed me up—a brand new ocean to drown in, a surface I never wanted to break.

I nodded and pulled myself away from him, aware that his body was smaller, aware that I was going to have to be careful and in control if I wanted this to be perfect.

Fuck, I wanted it to be perfect.

It only took me a second to strip out of my clothes, and another few to pull the lube from the drawer and drizzle it on my fingers. I opened myself up in quick, deep thrusts that only made my body ache for Xavier's. When I upended the bottle and slicked his shaft, he let out a low groan deep in his chest, but it was the moan that ripped from him when I straddled him and sank onto his cock that almost undid me.

He sounded so good—he looked so fucking good. With his eyes narrowed to near slits as he watched me, all I could see was that halo of green. His hands trailed down, stroking my thighs and settling on my hips, but he didn't urge my movements. He just held me—he held me and he waited.

He didn't have to wait for long.

I moved on top of him with steady, sure thrusts, loving the way it made my body burn. He stretched me open and filled me up, and some part of me wished I could sink further, that I could fall completely into him. If I was there, wrapped in the depths of him and curled around the beat of his heart, I'd never have to worry about losing him again.

I'd be home.

"I love you." I whispered gently and smoothed my palms up until my hands rested on top of his. He twisted his wrists so our fingers were linked together, and that connection felt nearly as good as his cock diving into my ass. "I think I've loved you since the moment I met you—and it must have been before that. I think I've loved you in every life."

Soulmates—Seth had talked about it. The flash drive had mentioned it. Soulmates… and I'd never really heard of a word that fit us more. When I looked down at him, his expression was open, raw and half torn between trying to process what he was feeling and already being overwhelmed with it. I knew it couldn't be easy for him to exist in a body that let him feel so much more, but it didn't stop him from embracing it. He tugged me forward so my frame covered his, so he could whisper his words against my lips.

"I love you, too. Even while I was gone, I was loving you."

Fuck, I believed him.

I believed him as I rocked my hips down and rode his cock like it was the last time I'd ever get to—I believed him, and I promised myself that I would treat every single moment we had together like it was the last, because he deserved it.

Because we deserved it.

The angle of our bodies left my cock working against his stomach, and that friction alone was nearly enough to push me over an edge I already knew I was flying toward. I wanted to make this last, but his words, the sounds tearing from his throat, and our fingers still locked together on either side of his head was too much.

I dropped my mouth to his again and let instinct take over. The new position of our bodies left him rocking just so—and like he could read me perfectly, like he'd never forgotten a moment we'd been together, Xavier shifted slightly so the next time I moved down, he was gliding against my prostate.

It was good—so fucking good. The sound that tore from my throat seemed to spur him on, because he thrust again and his fingers in mine tightened.

"Tell me—" he gasped, nipping at my lower lip. "Tell me again."

I didn't have to ask what he wanted to hear.

"I love you, Xavier." I gave him the words he wanted and rolled my hips again, taking him in deep and slow until I felt his body stiffen beneath me. He threw his head back on the pillow with a gasp.

He came, and the expression on his face, his lower lip caught between his teeth and his lashes fluttering to his cheeks, was so beautiful I thought I might get lost there—if I had to die, it was the perfect moment.

But then, his hand snaked between our bodies, and he caught my cock, stroking me hard and fast while he chased his pleasure. My orgasm almost caught me by surprise, and the burst of cum slicking across his chest was all I could focus on. Little stripes of white painted across strawberry birthmarks. Pleasure and pain, mixed on his skin.

I dropped to the bed beside him on a gasp, and he turned his head to smile at me with heavy eyes and an expression so possessive, it held me more than any collar ever could.

"Open up."

I didn't question him. My tongue lolled out obediently, and he swiped his fingers through the mess on his chest before feeding it to me—he didn't give me time to swallow, though. His lips pressed against mine, and he invaded my mouth.

He drank the taste of my pleasure with his kiss. I melted into him, melted into the moment, and silently begged whatever gods existed that I would never know what it was like to be without him again.