Chapter 21

Chapter 21

Julian's hands trembled as he tried to steady himself, the shock of Cordelia's outburst still reverberating through him. He exchanged a glance with Matthew, whose face was etched with regret and determination.

What had they done?

"Julian, we need to …" Matthew began, but Julian cut him off, his voice barely controlled.

"What have you done, Matthew?" he hissed, his eyes blazing. "You had no right to speak to her like that. To speak for her."

"I did what I thought was right," Matthew replied, his tone firm despite the tension in the room. "You know she is unhappy. You have seen it yourself."

Julian's fists clenched at his sides. "You presume too much. This is my marriage, my responsibility. You have no idea what she needs."

"Do I not?" Matthew stepped closer, eyes locking on Julian's with unwavering intensity. "I have seen how she looks when she is with you, the way her eyes search for something that is not there. Julian, she adores you. She wants more from you. She wants your love, your attention, and she is not getting it."

Julian's face contorted with anger and confusion. "And you think you know what she needs better than I do? You think you can fix this by meddling in our lives?"

"I am not meddling," Matthew shot back, his voice steady but his eyes softening slightly. "I am trying to make you see what is right in front of you. Cordelia is desperate for you to notice her, to really see her. She wants you to love her the way she loves you, but you keep holding back."

Julian felt a pang of guilt twist in his chest.

He knew Matthew was right, at least in part.

He had been distant, wrapped up in his own world, failing to notice Cordelia's growing discontent.

"I ... I do not know how," Julian admitted, his voice breaking. "I do not know how to be what she needs."

"Well, you do know that she needs more. She deserves more than a life of isolation and repression."

Julian felt rising anger, but beneath it lay a gnawing doubt.

Had he truly failed Cordelia so completely?

He had always believed that providing for her, ensuring her security, was enough.

But Matthew's words cut deep, forcing him to confront the painful truth he had been avoiding.

"What makes you so certain she wants you?" Julian spat, the bitterness in his voice surprising even himself. "What makes you think you can make her happy?"

"Because I see her," Matthew said simply. "I see her for who she is. I understand that she wants more from life, and that is something I could give."

Julian's breath came in ragged gasps as he struggled to maintain his composure.

The truth in Matthew's words was like a dagger to his heart. He had always known he was not the most expressive man, that his emotions were buried deep beneath layers of duty and the stress of his scar.

But he had never imagined that his shortcomings could cause so much pain to the woman he had married.

"Your Grace." All of a sudden, Penny appeared at the door, frantic and breathless. "Cordelia has run from the house into the foggy cold, and she has not taken anything with her. No shawl, no protection."

Julian's heart nearly stopped.

"She ran out?" he asked, his voice tinged with panic and disbelief. "Outside on a night like this."

"Yes, sir," Penny confirmed, her eyes wide with fear. "Into the fog, without anything to keep her warm. I am terribly worried about her."

Julian's mind raced. The moors were treacherous at night, especially in this weather. The thought of Cordelia alone and unprotected out there was unbearable.

Without another word, Julian bolted for the door, his mind focused solely on finding Cordelia.

Matthew followed closely behind, guilt and concern etched on his face.

"Julian, wait," Matthew called, but Julian didn't slow down. He couldn't afford to. Cordelia's safety was all that mattered now.

The cold night air hit him as he stepped outside, the fog thick and oppressive. He could barely see a few feet in front of him, but he pushed forward, his heart pounding in his chest. The old bridge wasn't far, but in this weather, it felt like miles.

Without wasting another second, he barked orders to the nearest stable hand.

"Bring my horse, now!"

The stable hand, sensing the urgency in Julian's voice, sprinted to comply. Julian turned to Matthew, who had caught up, concern reflected in his furrowed brow.

"She could get lost out there," Julian said, his voice tight with fear. "We need to find her before something happens."

Matthew nodded. "We will. I shall check the perimeter of the estate on foot. You take the horse and head towards the moors."

Julian's horse was brought to him within minutes, and he swung into the saddle with practiced ease. The cold night air bit into his skin, but he barely noticed. His mind was consumed with thoughts of Cordelia … her frightened eyes, her determined spirit, her vulnerability at this moment.

He hated the idea of what might be happening.

He spurred his horse forward, the powerful animal leaping into motion. The fog wrapped around them like a suffocating shroud, but Julian pressed on, his eyes straining to see any sign of Cordelia. He called her name repeatedly, his voice echoing eerily in the silence.

"Cordelia! Cordelia, where are you?"

The only response was the haunting call of nocturnal creatures and the relentless rustling of the wind through the barren trees. Julian's fear grew with every passing minute. The fog was disorienting, each direction blending into an indistinguishable blur.

He knew this land well, and if he was having a hard time, he could only imagine how poor Cordelia was faring.

If only they had walked more. He could have shown her the way better.

He urged his horse faster, desperation clawing at him. His mind flashed through memories of their time together. Her laughter, her quiet strength, the moments of vulnerability she had shared with him. He had promised to protect her and to make her happy, and now she was out here because of his failures.

Is that …?

Suddenly, through the thick fog, Julian spotted a faint silhouette.

His heart thundered as he slowed his horse, squinting to make out the form.

Oh my!

It looked like Cordelia, huddled on the ground, shivering and alone. Relief surged through him, and he dismounted quickly, rushing to her side.

But no, it was just a trick of the fog and the dark. The shape he thought was Cordelia dissolved into nothing more than a twisted branch, and Julian's heart sank deeper. Panic surged anew, and he called out again, his voice cracking with desperation.

This was growing worse by the second. He could hardly handle it.

"Cordelia?" he cried out into the wind. "Matthew, have you found her?"

But he got nothing back.

The silence was utterly deafening.

The cold drizzle intensified, soaking through Julian's coat and chilling him to the bone. He pressed on, leading his horse through the uneven terrain of the moors, each step more gruelling than the last. The fog was thick as soup, distorting sounds and casting eerie shadows.

Julian's mind churned with thoughts of Cordelia, and as he stumbled with his horse through the fog, his heart pounded with an intensity that frightened him.

He could not lose her.

Not now, not ever.

The realization hit him like a blow: he was deeply, totally in love with her. This stark and undeniable truth filled him with determination and fear.

How had he not realized how deeply he was in love before now?

The revelation spurred him onward, his focus sharp despite the cold and fatigue. He had to find her, tell her how he truly felt, and make things right.

His breaths came in ragged gasps as he pushed forward, repeatedly calling out her name. Each unanswered call felt like a blow, a reminder of his failures and the growing distance between them.

In a rare moment of inner reflection, Julian faced his deepest fears. He had always prided himself on his stoicism, his ability to remain calm and composed. But in doing so, he had kept Cordelia at arm's length, failing to show her his feelings. He had been a fool, thinking that providing for her was enough. Love was not just about protection and provision but about connection, understanding, and sharing one's heart.

Something he was willing to give to Cordelia … if only he could find her.

"Cordelia!" he shouted again, his voice raw with emotion. "Please, come back!"

Julian knew he had to find her, to tell her what he had been too afraid to admit even to himself. He needed to make her understand that she was not just a wife to have in his home, to be kept, but a partner to be cherished.

As he pressed on, the fog seemed to thicken, closing in around him. Sensing his distress, his horse became cautious, its hooves sinking into the damp ground. Julian's thoughts spiralled—what if she were hurt? What if she were lost forever in this unforgiving landscape?

The next time he spotted something, he tried not to get to carried away with himself. He did not wish to be disappointed again.

But this time, it really was a person.

"Cordelia."

There she was.

It really was Cordelia this time.

Lying motionless on the ground.

She looked so fragile, so small against the vast, uncaring landscape.

Julian's breath caught in his throat as he saw the blood trickling from a cut on her forehead, her hair matted, and her face ashen. She must have tripped and fallen, hitting her head on one of the many rocks scattered across the moor.

"Cordelia," Julian whispered, his voice breaking.

He knelt beside her, cradling her limp body in his arms.

Her skin was icy cold, and he could feel the shallow, uneven rise and fall of her chest.

Relief mixed with terror; she was alive, but barely.

Julian gently brushed the damp hair from her forehead, his heart aching at the sight of her so vulnerable.

"Cordelia, please, wake up," he murmured, his voice filled with desperation.

He wrapped his coat tightly around her, trying to shield her from the biting cold.

With trembling hands, Julian lifted her on to his horse, cradling her against his chest. He mounted carefully, ensuring she was secure before spurring the horse back towards the estate. Every second felt like an eternity, the fog closing around them, obscuring the path home. He held Cordelia tightly, his heart pounding with fear and determination.

As they neared the estate, Matthew appeared out of the mist, his eyes widening in shock and relief at the sight of Cordelia in Julian's arms. "Julian! Is she ...?" Matthew began, but Julian cut him off, his voice firm.

"She is alive, but barely. We need to get her inside now."

Matthew nodded, rushing ahead to prepare the household for their arrival. Julian pushed his horse faster, his focus solely on getting Cordelia to safety. As they reached the estate, servants and household staff hurried to assist, their faces aghast with concern with Penny at the forefront of everyone.

"Prepare a warm bath and fetch the doctor," Julian ordered, his voice commanding despite the fear that gripped him. "We need to get her warm and treat her injuries."

Julian carried Cordelia inside with utmost care, his heart heavy with guilt and worry. He laid her gently on a chaise longue in the drawing room, where a fire was already blazing. The warmth of the flames offered a stark contrast to the cold that had enveloped them outside.

"Cordelia," he muttered hopelessly to her. "Please, come back to me. I need you …"