Chapter 7 - Bigby

Kaila is crying.

I can't see or hear her, but I can feel the waves of sorrow rolling over me like I'm floating in the ocean, drowning little by little, sputtering and trying to catch my breath.

I'm in the old bar, above the underground area. Linnea has told me, in no uncertain terms, that I am not to go down there. Apparently, it wasn't easy for her to convince Rosa to stay; she doesn't want me jeopardizing that. Those are just the general rules—to create an atmosphere in which abused women feel safe, it's important that none of the men go down there.

"It's not you," Linnea had breathed, "well, in this specific circumstance, it is you, but when women have gone through something like this, they tend to develop a general fear of men."

"You don't have to explain it to me," I'd said, waving my hand. "I don't like being around strange men, either."

What I didn't tell Linnea is that my body starts physically hurting any time I get too far away from Rosa and Kaila. It's been a week already, and I've spent basically all day, every day, in this old, shitty bar.

It's gotten to the point where I'm taking on projects just to pass the time.

"I wish we'd done this a long time ago," Linnea said when she saw me tearing out the old bar and carrying the lumbar to my Jeep to take it to the burn pile out on Aris's property. "This is a great head-start on the renovation."

Over the week, I tear out the bar, bottle storage, and booths. I sand down the floor. I take down all the bug-filled light fixtures. By the end of the week, it's practically a big, empty room.

"Well, at least you haven't been completely useless this week," Aris says when he drops by to bring me lunch. I gratefully accept, wolfing down my burrito in record speed. I can feel him staring at me.

" What ?" I snap, and he laughs, putting his hands in the air.

"How the tables turn," Aris laughs. "Remember when I was losing it? And you told me to go sleep in the river?"

"I want to drown myself in that river."

"It can't be that bad, man," Aris says, laughing again and clapping me on the shoulder.

"I know it was different because you and Linnea were blood-bonded," I say, gritting my teeth, "but this is—it's her and Kaila at once."

Aris stares at me for a moment, then nods.

"You're sure she's yours? Did Rosa tell you that?"

"She doesn't have to," I say, forcing the words through my teeth. "If you didn't know Araya or Percy, and you saw them on the street, would you know?"

"Touche," Aris says, "so you can feel that Kaila is yours. Do you think Rosa will ever admit that?"

"She has to," I breathe, "I'm losing my mind here. I have a daughter, and I know nothing about her, man. It's killing me. Every second, it's like two strings are connected to my heart, trying to drag me toward them, and I just can't go."

"That's fair," he says, rubbing his chin. He's started to grow a little beard, making him look more like his dad. "When I think about the bond between Araya, Percy, and I, I can see why it would be a lot all at once."

"Plus, she wants nothing to do with me. I haven't even spoken to my daughter."

"Yes, also that."

We look at each other for a moment, and Aris seems to understand that I'm not ready to tell him what happened. After a second, I let out a breath. I feel the sorrow from Kaila right now inside me like it's my own.

"She's crying right now."

"Rosa?"

"Kaila."

Aris sucks in a breath through his teeth, then glances around the bar like someone might be listening.

"I don't think I'm supposed to tell you this, but Linnea says Kaila is really missing the ocean. I guess she's a big surfer."

"We should take them to the lake," it comes out immediately. I understand the feeling—I was attached to the ocean, too, when I was going to college. That itchy, on-land feeling doesn't go all the way away, but being around the lake helps.

"That's…actually a decent idea," Aris says, clearly thinking it over. "The water will take care of the scent problem, and it might do them some good to get out of there for an afternoon. I know Byron set up those screens, but it's not the same."

"No," I agree, excited at the idea of going to the lake with my girls.

Rosa would punch me if she knew that's how I think of them—but I can't help it. It's the truth.

***

The lake stretches out in front of us, shimmering in the sunlight. Boats peter by in the distance, their captains raising a hand to us when we get to the beach. Humans and shifters alike are spread out on towels and blankets, picnicking and playing in the water.

My chest swells with the particular kind of pride you feel when you love the place you live. I wave to the locals, loving the atmosphere at the lake. In the summer, the lake has vibrant colors and bright, happy voices. In the fall, hikers and orange, yellow, and red hues reflect off the water, which is usually much calmer. Ice fishing in the winter, colorful, tentative new growth in the spring, muddy walks around the perimeter.

I watch Kaila and Araya approach each other tentatively. Kaila is about a year older than Araya. Araya has her mom's wild curls, and Kaila has Rosa's long, wavy blonde hair.

"Hi," Kaila says, waving at Araya, who glances at me.

"Araya, this is Kaila," I say, smiling at her. I don't feel qualified to give introductions, as I barely know Kaila, but I hope that will change soon.

"Hi," Araya says, "do you want to play with my water toys?"

Kaila nods, and the girls start running down the beach together, giggling and squealing as they go.

"Be careful!" Rosa calls while Linnea yells, "Sunscreen, Araya! Come back!"

Rosa still won't look at me, no matter how often I try to catch her eye. I suppose I'd be pretty mad with someone if they drugged me and dragged me across the country, but we have to talk. We have to discuss Kaila and this forming a mating bond between us.

"Here," I say, holding my hand out for the sunscreen. Linnea hands it over, and I jog down toward the water, where Araya and Kaila squeal, letting the waves wash over their toes.

"Alright," I say, voice gruff. "I am the sunscreen police on this beach, and the two of you are under arrest."

Kaila looks at me shyly, wrapping her arms around her body, but Araya launches into my arms, letting out a particularly high-pitched squeal when I grab her and flip her up, letting her dangle upside down for a second before putting her down.

I squirt some sunscreen onto my hand, and Araya holds out each arm so I can slather it on her. I twirl my finger, and she spins around so I can do her neck and ears.

"Do me," Kaila says, poking my arm, and my heart bursts.

"Sure," I say, grinning at her, and she giggles while I rub the sunscreen on her arms and back. I see myself in her; our connection runs strong.

There's no way this isn't my child.

Kaila is an exact picture of Rosa. With her blond hair and bangs and those Caribbean blue eyes, it's like I'm looking at Rosa twenty years in the past. But when I look at Kaila's nose, how she laughs and wrinkles her nose, I see myself.

"Alright," I say, standing and stretching until my back pops. I strip my shirt off and wrap the sunscreen in it before tossing it on the sand. I chase the little girls into the water, splashing them playfully, making them giggle.

"Flip me!" Araya cries, and I shake my head, eyes darting over to Kaila, who's looking at us, interested. She's mine, but she's not mine . I don't have the authority to play rough with her. "Please, Biggie?" Araya says, lifting her arms up to me.

I roll my eyes, then grab her like I did earlier, except this time I let go, and she flies a foot out, splashing into the water. Kaila sucks in a breath, then laughs with relief when Araya resurfaces.

"Okay," Kaila says, "you can flip me, too.'

"I don't know," I say, pursing my lips, "I've heard you don't really know your way around the water."

"What?" Kaila says, eyes wide. "I do! I'm a surfer, and I've been swimming since I was a baby."

"Since you were a baby?"

"Yes," Kaila says. "You can flip me. I'll be okay."

I think about it for a second—I don't want Rosa to be mad at me, but I also want Kaila to like me. She stands, holding her arms up like Araya did, and I grab her, flipping her into the water.

There's a moment after I toss her when I'm sure it was the wrong choice, and my body floods with relief, and then she surfaces, laughing and sputtering a little. I can practically feel Rosa's eyes on my back. I hope I'm showing her she can trust me with Kaila.

I wish I knew how to show Rosa she can trust me with herself. I'm pulled out of my thoughts when Araya and Kaila surround me on both sides, tugging on each of my wrists.

"Again! Again!"