Chapter 21 - Kenzie

Having a long, drawn-out conversation about the future between Grayson and me was not what I wanted to be doing. I wanted to be down in the basement helping Forrest and Willow. Putting distance between myself and reality was my goal. I wasn't ready to face all this shit head-on, and yet here I was, sitting on the bed where Grayson and I conceived the child that was growing inside me.

And talking in my head because, of course.

"Do you…need anything?"

I looked over at Grayson, reluctantly pulling my stare away from the floor. He glanced back at me with a small smile, unsure and fragile. Huh . It was the first time I'd ever really seen him look like that, except for a few glimpses here and there. It was…strange.

Grayson was this big guy with big energy. He was bold and a natural leader, and it made complete sense to me that he wound up an Alpha. Looking at him now and seeing him so unsure was something. I wasn't sure how I felt about it. Being angry with him—finding reasons to stay apart—was easier than admitting there was still something between us.

A renewed mate bond, in fact.

The wall of frustration that I'd built so thoroughly around myself cracked just a little bit more, and at this rate, there wouldn't be much left after today. I wasn't sure how to feel about it. Still, I offered Grayson a smile, patting his knee.

"I'm fine. Why don't you just ask whatever things are in your head so that I can address them all, and we can move on?"

Gray let out a hard laugh that blended with a scoff. "Okay. Well, I guess the first question I have is…how did all this happen? Given what we know about what's been going on with wolves."

I sighed, staring off across the room. "Well, from what Forrest, Willow, and I learned when I asked the same thing, there are different markers in various wolf and V?lva DNA. Also human because of Kit."

"Different markers?" Grayson cocked a brow, and I had to remember that the only things he knew about medicine and healing he'd learned from me.

I chuckled lightly. "Sorry. Umm, our DNA has little sections or points that tell our bodies what to do, right? Well, some of those markers tell the body how to reproduce, how to handle disease, and how to bond with other wolves. The markers on a non-V?lva wolf, someone with none of that in their background, are worse for reproduction and disease. V?lvas and their descendants have better chances of getting pregnant, carrying successfully, and are less susceptible to disease."

"Okay," Grayson furrowed his brow as he dragged out the word, "Do you have V?lva DNA in your background?"

"Yeah." I nodded. "My grandmother. And those same markers are better in Senna, her twins, and even Kit and Kaiden's baby. Even across species, the fertility is better. Willow and Forrest suggested that it's spreading our genes around that's better for wolves. Our isolation is the cause of the fertility issues and susceptibility to illness."

Grayson leaned back, his eyes going to the floor. "Damn. That's…damn."

"Yeah." I raised my brows, nodding, but then I remembered what else I'd learned. "We, umm, we also learned that a rejection, like yours to me, can actually be mended. Being with your mate can bring on a heat, especially when emotions are high. And mates can develop over time as well as be instant. Oh, and I think the baby is a V?lva."

In a quick burst of movement, Grayson was up off the bed, pacing back and forth in front of me.

"Whoa, whoa, whoa! That was so much!" He shook his head, slashing his hands through the air. "I'm sorry. So, hold on. The rejection wound can be reversed? Is that what happened to you?"

I nodded, staying quiet.

"And I'm your mate, so that's why you went into heat like that?"

I nodded.

"And the baby…Gods, I can't believe I just said that. The baby is a…V?lva. How do you know that?"

"Because she talks to me. In my head. I think she's…telepathic, and it's working even now."

Grayson's eyes were the size of dinner plates, and his brows were all the way up to his hairline. He froze in place, standing there in front of me like he'd been struck by lightning.

"We have a psychic baby?" I offered him a sympathetic smile. "We have a psychic baby. And our mate bond made you go into heat. And you can make V?lvas. We can, I guess. And Leon is downstairs stark raving mad after poisoning the Alphas. And there are hunters and Reginald to be worried about. Did I miss anything?"

"The rejection doesn't hurt so much anymore because we've healed most of it."

He laughed again, equal parts amused and exhausted, and then Grayson plopped down onto the bed next to me.

"Right. Well," he looked at me, his icy blue eyes sparkling with something I hadn't seen in a long while—happiness, "that's good. I don't like seeing you in pain. Especially when I'm the asshole who caused it."

This time it was my turn to laugh, and boy, did I. It was all just so ridiculous laid out like that. And hearing Grayson be so open about the fact that he'd harmed me, that he was accepting the fault in his own self-deprecating humor type of way, was enough to get me sighing.

It was such a relief.

"You really can be an asshole sometimes." I smiled back at Grayson, bumping him with my shoulder. "But I haven't exactly been nice to you lately, so…sorry about that."

He nodded, turning the corners of his mouth down. "Thanks. You had your reasons, of course, but thanks."

"What do we do now? Do you…do you want to have a kid? Do you even want me around?"

The questions had filled my brain, drowning my subconscious in doubt and leaving me perpetually anxious. Still, there was no other way to ask them really. I just needed to get it out there and hear the answers—even if I didn't like them.

"Kenz," Grayson took my hand, using his free one to pull my chin toward him so I'd have to meet his eyes, "I will do everything in my power to protect you and the baby you're growing. Our baby. I never want anything bad to happen to either of you. And you certainly don't have to up and leave."

My chest pinched, my heart surging. But I still wasn't sure if Grayson was saying all this because he felt obligated to. He was suddenly a father, and he was taking it well, but what if all this was some traditional connection to duty?

Did Grayson really want to be with me? Or did he feel like he had to be?

"Grayson, I…thank you." All I could do was nod again, but it felt like I was splitting down the middle.

Before I could say or do anything more, however, Grayson slid off the bed and knelt in front of me. Taking both my hands now, he looked up at me from his position on the floor, and my entire being hummed, my eyes burning.

"Kenz, you…you fucking terrify me." My mouth dropped open, but then he continued. "It scares the shit out of me how much I care about you. I've been running from it since I first shifted, and everything inside me called out for you. It was so intense, and I had no one. I couldn't…I couldn't lose someone again. And after my parents, it felt like everyone I cared about was going to be taken from me eventually."

"Gray, I—"

"I don't want you to leave. I haven't since you arrived. I…I'm sorry, Kenz. I never should have—"

But I crashed my lips against his, slipping into his lap and wrapping my arms around his neck. When Grayson pulled back, looking up at me like he didn't understand, I shook my head.

"No more talking. I need you, Gray. Now ."

His stare sparkled, lighting up with an internal fire that was stoked to bright light. I felt him thicken underneath me, where we pressed together, and my entire body went warm and wet.

This. This was exactly what we needed right now.

Grayson gripped my neck, pulling me to his mouth again, and I melted into him. His lips crashed against me, the kiss inciting an inferno beneath my skin. I melted into the sensations, opening up for his tongue to explore me as I did the same.

My hands went to his face, pulling Grayson closer, needing to lose myself to the caress of his lips. The scruff of his stubble rasped against my lips and fingers. It hadn't even been long, but Gods, how I missed him.

Then, Grayson hauled me up off the floor, getting us back in the bed. He towered over me, his hips keeping my legs open. We never broke the kiss, our tongues dancing against each other, and then Gray reached into my leggings, his fingers spearing between my slick folds. I cried out against his mouth, arching up off the bed.

Oh, fuck yes.

I was so wet, and Grayson twirled his fingers through me, circling around the sensitive bud of my clit. I bucked against his hand, gripping Grayson's face tighter. The kisses finally faltered. I couldn't keep it up with the maddening thrusts of his fingers, and I moaned against Grayson's mouth as he leaned back.

"Gods, Kenz. I fucking love it when you make those sounds."

He smirked down at me, my stare half-lidded and already so blissed out.

"And goddamn, gorgeous. You're dripping for me. Is a kiss all that it takes to get you going?"

The pained whimper I let out when Gray stopped, his fingers still deep but unmoving, was so pathetic. But I didn't care. I needed more of those incredible sensations. I needed more of him .

"So needy, Kenz." He grabbed my throat with his other hand, squeezing just enough, and my eyes went wide. "Fuuuck, I've missed you so much. Last time wasn't nearly enough."

He teased my slit, running just the pad of his finger across me in pointed, lazy strokes. When he stopped, I worried Gray was going to tease me again, but then he patted my swollen, sensitive flesh, making me jerk against him.

I yelped against the burn, but it was too damn fantastic. Memory and pleasure were swirling, images of what we'd done in the past superimposing over my perception of reality. This was it. This was that connection, and it was flaring brighter and brighter with each second.

"That's it, precious. Ride my fingers."

"Gray," I moaned, doing precisely that.

Holding me pinned to the bed, Gray patted my pussy until I was a damn mess, begging, hungry, and wanton. He kissed me again—hard and then rammed my fingers deep inside my pussy until he was hooking my G-spot and pressing against it roughly.

I cried out against Grayson's lips again, and I could tell how much he was loving it, eating up my cries like dessert. He pressed into that magic button, my hips jerking wildly until I was so damn close to orgasm that my vision went blurry.

But then Gray yanked his fingers away.

"No!"

Grinning, Gray let go of my neck only to slide his hand through my shorter curls.

"Don't worry, precious. I have other plans."

In a flash, Grayson's wolf speed got me scooted up the bed with my leggings and panties nowhere in sight. He shoved my legs apart, situating himself between my thighs, and then admired how I was no doubt glistening with slick desire.

My cheeks heated, but damn. I would be lying if I said I wasn't desperate for this, and a tiny squeak of a moan oozed out of me. Grayson looked up briefly to meet my eyes.

"Sing for me, gorgeous."

With that, he drove his tongue between my folds, using the tip of his tongue to swirl over my clit. I bucked against his mouth, groaning loudly as my fingers tangled in Gray's hair.

"Kenzie, you taste like a dream," Grayson whispered, his breath tickling my skin, and then he sucked my sensitive bud into his mouth again, flicking it over and over.

But as soon as any one sensation drove me closer to the edge, Grayson sensed it and switched it up. He paid attention to untouched areas of my pussy, keeping me torturously on edge. I squirmed, writhed, and clawed against him.

I was so damn desperate, my swollen skin overwhelmed by the maddening and intoxicating sensations. Every time Grayson changed it up, the sporadic movements confused and heightened the exquisite pleasure in equal measure.

Mewling when his tongue rubbed across me, my voice was keening higher and higher. Everything was utter bliss, but not enough. I needed more, but I also never wanted Grayson to stop.

"Grayson! Oh, please. Please, please, please ."

I was very fucking close, but Grayson pulled back. I whimpered, damn near tears because of the lack of sensation. I was a damn mess, and I had a feeling that was what Grayson wanted. I'd been so terrible to him through this entire Alpha thing, and this was a bit of punishment for that.

"Oh, pretty girl. You won't be coming unless it's around my cock." Grayson crawled up my body, kissing me so that I could taste how much my body was responding to him. "And you're going to let me have that, aren't you?"

All I could do was nod.

Grayson stood up, smirking down at me as I lay there, a puddle of myself.

"Take off your shirt, precious." He nodded at the floor in front of him. "And then get on your knees."

I slipped down onto my knees and pulled my shirt over my head. Next was the bra, and I practically tore the thing off me. I was so hungry for him, and Grayson had earned himself this by truly opening up to me.

Because neither of us had forgotten why we were here or what we were doing, this was our anchor point in a chaotic sea, and I gripped him with my entire soul.

As I looked up at Grayson, now fully naked before him, his cock twitched as he roamed his stare over me. Damn, if that wasn't a hell of a compliment. I just hoped he'd think the same when I was the size of a damn blimp.

Get out of your head, Kenzie.

I tentatively reached for the waistband of Grayson's pants. When I looked up at him, locking onto the way his pale blue eyes sparkled with arousal, I gripped the button and fabric opening around his jeans. Undoing it, I went for the zipper next, freeing Grayson through the hole in his briefs.

"Fucking hell, Kenz. You're so stunning." It was just the encouragement I needed, and I grinned. "You going to keep me waiting forever?"

"Thinking about it," I joked, but then I looked down, swallowing hard as I took in Grayson's size.

There was a second of hesitation, but then I wrapped my hand around his shaft, my thumb smoothing over the underside of the head. He was so thick, my fingers not quite closing around him.

I want him to lose himself to this just like I did.

I stroked up and down Grayson's erection before lowering my mouth to the blunt head. Tentatively licking across the opening that dripped with precum, I relished the way Grayson tasted and how his head fell back on a low groan. He threaded his fingers through my hair, and at that, I lowered myself, taking all of him in my mouth as best as I could.

The sensations and control I had over Grayson were incredible and intoxicating , and he rocked his hips, making his shaft slide through my fist. I'd never had this level of command over him before. Every other time we were intimate if we even got to this part, it didn't last long.

I loved it. Tasting him and teasing him, having Grayson so completely at my mercy, was amazing. Giving myself over to the lust that roared through my veins like fire, I did everything I could to get Grayson to lose his mind with pleasure, lighting up inside every time he squeezed the roots of my hair and groaned.

"Fuuuuck, Kenzie." My pace quickened, bobbing my head in unison with his thrusts. "That's so fucking good. Ugh."

My eyes closed as I gave myself over to the experience, but more remarkably, I felt that pull between us strengthen all the more. The dull thud of pain from the rejection faded all the more, and my entire being called out to Grayson's—to my mate's.

Gods, he is. He's my mate. And…and I don't want to change that. Please, please, don't let this fall apart again .

Grayson's hips jacked roughly as he thrust forward and back. I could tell he was close, and the restraint he'd shown in an effort to take it easy on me was quickly dissolving as his need for release built.

I could sense it. I could feel how close he was, and it barreled me forward toward another climax of my own. It felt like eons since we'd been connected like this. Even during my heat, it was more of a healing and lack of pain. But this? This was something I had been secretly dreaming about for months.

Moaning, I noted how my thighs were covered in slick. I was so hungry for Grayson—to feel him inside me again, taking this growing, repairing connection between us to the next level.

Grayson pulled back, and I gasped for air but was unwilling to break contact, still stroking his length.

"Damn, Kenz. I…" His words faltered as I continued to pleasure him, but then his hands left my hair for my shoulders, yanking me up to stand. "I need to be inside you."

"Gray," I held his stare, the moment stretching into eternity, " please ."

He crashed his lips against mine again, but it was just a few heated moments before he was spinning me around and leaning me over the bed on all fours. My ass was entirely up for grabs, and Grayson gripped my cheeks hard.

"You're perfect, Kenze. So, so perfect."

"Please, Gray. Let me feel you. I…I need…can you feel that?"

His hands roamed up my back before sliding back down, and one brushed over my slit. I moaned, low and loud and unabashed, and Gray's fingers slid through my arousal.

"I feel you, precious. I feel us. The…bond."

"Yess," I hissed, desperately needy for him.

And then Gray notched the head of his cock at my entrance. Electricity zinged through me, circling and rebounding against his own power. Our spirits clawed for each other as our bodies opened up to the mate bond. The rejection burn was gone, and not a single ounce of pain was left.

"Do you want it, darlin'? Do you want me to fill you up?"

I whimpered as he toyed with my slippery skin, swollen and dying for attention.

"Yes."

Gray patted my folds with his cock. "What's the magic word, sweetheart?"

" Please , Grayson." I rubbed myself against Grayson's shaft. "Please claim me. Claim me completely."

"Anything. Anything for you, Kenz."

Gray speared his erection deep inside me, and I cried out at the sudden intrusion. It all melted into the most glorious-sounding moan, and my mate surged within me, my heart almost exploding behind my ribs.

Immediately, we set up a punishing pace, Grayson doing precisely as I asked, claiming everything I had to give and more. My walls squeezed down around his cock, and the connection was utter bliss—that magical bond between us ignited again, feeling new and wonderful.

"Grayson! Fuck!" My head dropped, and my legs shook as he pummeled me. "I can feel—Ugh!"

I could sense Grayson's pleasure, his joy, and he gave me everything he had.

"I know, love. It's there. I feel it. And I'd thought I lost it for good."

"Gray," the word spilled from me with a desperate sob, my chest cracking open as the mate bond flared brightly.

I clenched—hard. I was so damn close, and Grayson was too. He sensed it, of course, and reached around my hip, finding my clit and rubbing enthusiastically.

"Cum, love. Cum for me."

And I did.

My entire body relinquished itself to my climax, and my legs shook uncontrollably as my pussy pulsed around Grayson's cock. The sensations, the way we worked in complete unison, were beyond intense, reaching out into infinity.

Grayson's fingers drew out every bit of pleasure as he flicked my clit, all the while ramming into me. Our hips collided in a furious dance, and another cresting wave of euphoria washed over me. I arched back, and Gray grabbed my breast, squeezing my nipple between his fingers.

With a final hard shove, Grayson orgasmed, his cock impossibly thick as it kicked inside me. He flooded me with his spend, the release lasting so very long.

It ramped up into the heavens until the world slowed down, the sounds of our ragged breathing filling the room. After a moment, we both collapsed to the bed, but Grayson didn't pull away. He lay there with me, smoothing his fingers up and down my arm.

"Sleep, Kenz. I'll be here to keep you safe. Always."

And for the first time in a long while, I believed him. I believed him with everything I had.