Chapter 1 - Kenzie

It had been a handful of days since the mating reveal ceremony—I explicitly told Senna and Jet that I did not want to go. I wasn't sure if Jet understood what had happened between Grayson and me, but Senna knew, and I was still pretty upset that she'd insisted I go.

Clearly, she was playing matchmaker.

Not that it mattered. Mate or not, Grayson had been pretty damn clear about what he wanted from our relationship, and that was nothing.

Worse, of course, was now that the ceremony had been performed, I was getting roped into his ploy to become Alpha, whether I wanted it or not, which I didn't.

Grayson could go off and do his Alpha bullshit without me. I could continue to exist in excruciating pain because he'd rejected me. I'd get used to it.

You've also learned that drugs help, so there's that.

As if on cue, a flare rocketed up from beneath my ribs, and I hissed as I pitched forward. I needed more of the little concoction I'd made for myself so I could withstand the rejection wounds.

Hopefully, I wouldn't have to use the stuff forever, but I was prepared to do whatever it took to keep myself mobile and Grayson at arm's length.

"Bastard hasn't even said anything to me. Not once."

Grumbling to myself wasn't going to help, but there was little that would, so it would do for now. Walking over to my dresser, I pulled open the top drawer and removed the capsules of herbal mixture I'd created to dull the effects of Grayson's actions.

It wasn't a fool-proof system, but taking them helped, and I hadn't seen any problematic side effects.

Well, except the one.

Dulling the pain had also meant dulling my focus to a degree. It had become a lot harder to say no to things, and concentrating for longer than a few hours was nearly impossible.

But again, at least I wasn't in agonizing pain.

I knew that the rejection would die off on its own as well, but I wasn't about to hole myself up in a box for the next two months to ride it out.

Knock, knock, knock.

Popping one of the pills in my mouth, I looked over at the door. There was one of three people standing on the other side of that door because no one else had any reason to bother me, and I didn't want to talk to any of them.

Retrieving my water bottle from my nightstand, I swallowed a gulp to take my "medicine." Then I called out.

"Go away." I had no intention of opening that door.

"Kenzie, please. We need to talk."

Grayson. Great.

My blood boiled, and I strongly considered lobbing something at the door to drive home the point that I didn't—nor would I ever—want to talk to Grayson. But I didn't have anything around I'd be willing to destroy, so snark would have to do.

"Oh, sure," I replied, rolling my eyes to myself, "now you want to talk. Get lost, Gray. I'm not speaking to you anymore."

"MacKenzie, please. This isn't about us. It's about giving that pack an Alpha. One they can trust."

I scoffed, squeezing my hands into fists and imagining wringing that fucking wolf's neck. Furious, I flung the door open, jabbing my finger into Grayson's chest.

"Not about us? Are you serious? You have to be kidding me." I glared, locking onto Grayson's furrowed brow, seeing the way he darted his gaze to the side. "I was declared your mate, you jerk. And now, now , after rejecting me months ago, you want to pretend like it didn't happen? So that you can be Alpha."

Pulling myself back, I gripped the door, ready to slam it in Grayson's smug face.

"As I said, Beta . Get lost."

Before the door could close, however, Grayson planted his hand against the wood, keeping me from that wonderful slam I was looking forward to. He pushed against it, and even with how angry I was, I couldn't stop him from holding the thing open and stepping inside.

"Ugh!"

I spun around, not willing to look at him anymore, and I threw my hands up as I walked to the far end of the room.

"You can't even let me enjoy the solitude in peace, can you?"

I was griping. I knew it, but I didn't give a rat's ass right now. All I wanted was to be left alone in my misery.

Well, it's not all you want. But that other shit ain't happening, MacKenzie.

"Kenz, I—"

Facing him in a quick turn, I forced him to halt his steps with just a look, my fury spilling over.

"You do not get to call me that." My throat was tight, my tongue sandpaper. "Never again."

Grayson nodded, ducking his head in a way that was almost sheepish, except that I knew he was faking.

"I know that I…" He exhaled hard, giving up on whatever lie he was going to spew and going with the truth instead. "This sucks for you. I know that. I don't want to drag you into any more than necessary, but I genuinely believe that I can be a good Alpha for that pack."

I still wanted to distrust his words. I wanted to hear only lies and send his handsome wolf ass packing.

But I couldn't.

Scenting him, that swirl of frost and clove hit me like a day tucked inside during a winter storm, and there was no astringent burn to it. Grayson wasn't blatantly lying to me. Char blistered through his scent, the sting of annoyance and guilt making it turn sour like stale eggnog. But he was telling the truth.

"God, I hate you." An aching sting claimed my eyes, and even the pill I'd taken wasn't strong enough to completely wipe out the hurt that rocked me with each heartbeat. "You know that?"

"Yes." Grayson's voice held no emotion as he spoke. "I do. I also know that I need your help even to perform the trials to be Alpha. I would like to propose a deal. So that we can both get what we want."

"A deal? With you?" I laughed, tossing my head back in an exaggerated cackle to drown out the pain. "You've got to be kidding. The only deal I want to make with you is one that keeps me from having to see you taking home every wolf that passes your way before sending her packing like all the rest."

When I looked his way again, I could see the muscles in Grayson's jaw work. A sign that he was fighting his desire to snap at me. Yeah, well, screw you, buddy. I'm not the one sleeping around right in front of your supposed mate .

"Done."

That threw me for a loop. I stared at Grayson, very much like he'd grown two heads, and the second one actually had half a brain cell in it.

"What ‘done?' What does that mean?"

Grayson stepped forward, holding out his hands in surrender. "You agree to pretend to be mates for as long as it takes me to either become Alpha or lose the trials. Afterward, you'll never have to see me—or anyone that might be around me—again. Deal?"

The bitter laugh was as potent as acid, and I felt every beat of it etch through my soul. But so much worse than that was the tiny flicker of blue light that I knew still lived invisibly behind my ribs.

It pulsed, barely noticeable against the pain coursing through me each moment. I'd dulled that voice in my head that called out for him—my wolf. And the repeated drivel of "mine" had faded into the background, along with my ability to shift.

Thank you very much, you stubborn bitch.

Ever since the mate reveal ceremony, however, that voice was chiming in my head again, and my wolf didn't want to let go of any chance to be around Grayson; her futile desire to change the asshole's mind pure insanity.

Still, I had to admit that ending this once and for all, having an Alpha's promise to leave me alone—or even Jet's Beta if Grayson lost—was as good as gold.

"You promise to give me your word, a pack or Alpha's bond, that you will leave me be? That you will never darken my doorstep with your miserable face ever again?"

Grayson swallowed, his scent going acrid and burnt. I couldn't quite tell what he was feeling upset about. To me, it was equally likely that he hated the idea of having to pretend to be mates as it was that he didn't believe he could do this.

But after a moment, he stepped forward, holding out his hand as he met my eyes, which obviously pained him.

"Yes." He nodded once. "I promise to leave you alone. I will never speak to you or see you again unless it is strictly necessary for the survival of the packs. Do we have a deal?"

I couldn't tell if he meant it. Grayson's scent was too messed up with a buttload of yuck to make heads or tails of it. It didn't help that the flickering mate call, still pulling at threads that had been all but severed, sat in my stomach like lead.

Why does he have to smell like the Winter Solstice?

My hand shook, so I quickly reached forward to shake Grayson's hand. As we clasped them together, that horrible zing knifed through my chest, and I nearly fell to my knees.

I was going to need so many pills to make it through this.

"Deal, Grayson Edwards." I snarled, yanking him forward and using my other hand to grip the front of his shirt. "But don't expect me to be your doting mate just so you look good. I'll stand there and do my job, but I will not be blowing smoke up that inflated ego of yours. We get this done, and then I never want to see you again."

Grayson's throat bobbed as he swallowed several times. It took him a good long moment before he spoke.

"As you wish, MacKenzie Edwards."

He shook my hand and then pulled himself away, turning on his heel and going straight for the door. Neither of us said another word as he exited my room, and as soon as his last step crossed the threshold, I slammed the thing shut behind him.

It looked like I was still able to slam the door at him after all.