Prologue - Grayson

My mate will be announced today because I am vying for the position of Alpha within the Williams Pack. And I am completely apathetic. Instead, dread flowed through my veins like acid, threatening to eat me alive from the inside.

Everything was silent, and I felt dozens of eyes staring at me.

The quiet of the room would be short-lived. I looked over toward Jet and Kaiden, trying to ground myself in their presence. It hadn't worked any of the other times I tried it. I didn't know what made me think today would be any better.

Jet grinned, his pride and happiness obvious, and as I met eyes with Kaiden—my best friend and the closest thing I had to a brother—my stomach clenched. His black eyes zeroed in on me with intensity. I could feel his reassuring vibrations, trying to dull the panic in my head. Still, I just wanted him to be anywhere else.

I had a feeling I knew how this ceremony was going to go, and Kaiden was going to hate me afterward.

Aspen, one of the oldest members of the remaining Williams Pack, led the mate reveal ceremony. He was the only one of the wolves present who'd seen a proper ceremony and not the bastardized version their deceased Alpha used.

Eli. That piece of shit.

My gut knotted up just at the thought of him. He'd "mated" at least three times, and all of them had wound up dead. It was all some ploy to remain Alpha for as long as he could, and he'd turned the Williams Pack into something violent and awful.

He'd nearly killed us all, particularly Kaiden, when he started up his little drug ring. There was still so little known about why he'd begun making and selling drugs in the first place. His alliance with Leon and Reginald was never understood.

Apparently, rogue wolves enjoyed working together.

"Grayson of the Edwards Pack," Aspen's voice called out, "step forward."

I stepped up to the older wolf, kneeling before him. He'd given me the rundown of what was expected of me during the ceremony, and I waited for him to get this whole thing over with.

I needed a mate to lead the Williams Pack, which was an extremely rare requirement nowadays. Still, I had little choice but to go through with it if I wanted to be Alpha, and joining the Williams like this was the only way I could realize my dream.

Cuz waiting around for Jet to pass on isn't what I want to be doing.

"You have come before us today as the representative put forth by both Jet Edwards, Alpha of the Edwards Pack, and Kaiden Edwards, Alpha of the Collins Pack. Alphas, do you confirm your support of this candidate for Alpha of the Williams Pack?"

"We do," Kaiden and Jet spoke as one, and my heart thumped against my ribs.

Aspen looked down at me, and I met his eyes with all the confidence I could muster. I did want this. I'd been set on becoming Jet's Beta with the hopes of becoming his successor for years. When he'd had his own children, it was clear that opportunity had disappeared.

I was truly thrilled for him, but it didn't change how much I wanted my own pack to lead. I wasn't thrilled that a mate reveal ceremony had to be a part of that, however.

I didn't believe in mates, no matter what Jet and Kaiden said. In fact, I knew that those two were likely flukes. Mates were rare, just like having pups was rare, and somehow those assholes had claimed all that good luck for themselves.

I was sure of it.

You're sure of exactly nothing, Gray. Magic, drugs, human-wolf hybrids? Nothing makes sense anymore .

Trying to ignore that nagging voice in my head, I refocused on Aspen.

"Grayson, in order to become the new Alpha of the Williams Pack, you must first reveal your mate. Once that is complete, you may enter into the trials against Choal. Do you agree to these terms?"

I nodded. "Yes."

"Very well. Let us begin."

Aspen turned toward the massive urn of water that was set out on the table in front of us. His fingers were long, dexterous-looking, and the bulbous knuckles on each one reminded me of knotted branches. He reached into the urn, dipping his fingers, and flicked water across my forehead.

Goddamn, this is ridiculous.

I wasn't one for mysticism or this so-called magic that everyone had been so excited about lately. Yes, I knew that there was something supernatural about being a shifter. Still, it was hard to believe that all this fate nonsense existed since I'd watched the very people who preached about it die.

Memories of my parents and their dwindling health flooded my mind. I tried to push them aside like I always did, but that was impossible between Kaiden's presence—which was always a reminder—and his new mate, Kit.

Kit was my adoptive sister, after all, and my dumb teenage self had blamed her for my parent's death. It was stupid, especially for a kid who didn't believe in magic, but few things teenagers do are logical.

She was there with Kaiden right now, and as I glanced over my shoulder, she smiled at me encouragingly. I was happy to bury the hatchet with her, and it was okay with me that she was with Kaiden. I couldn't think of any other wolf I'd trust with my sister.

"With this, we open your mind to communicate your soul's call." Aspen stepped around to the front of the table, picking up a blade that was as thin as a needle. "And with this, your true match will be revealed."

I held my hand out, knowing what came next, and Aspen took it in his bony grip, dragging the point of the knife across my palm. I flinched only slightly at the pain, and blood welled to the surface.

"Hold an image of your ideal mate in your mind, Grayson. Let that which your soul seeks fill your thoughts."

Seriously, can we please get this over with?

I didn't intend to keep a mate once I'd been chosen as Alpha. If I failed in the trials, I would be even less likely to agree to stay "mated." Whoever this woman was—because if I had a mate, it would be a woman—she was in for a treat.

Part of me cringed at the thought. I knew that being rejected by your mate could be painful, downright excruciating, going off what Senna looked like. But I also knew you had to accept them as your mate on some level for that to happen.

If you didn't believe it, or if you cut yourself off from that part of you, it wasn't supposed to be as bad. At least, that's what I hoped, considering…

Well, considering the fact that I already knew who this ceremony was going to name, and I'd already rejected her.

As Aspen took the dagger and dipped it into the urn, I couldn't stop myself from looking toward the back of the room. My palm burned, but it was nothing compared to the nauseating ache that set up shop behind my ribs each day—each day that I woke up knowing I'd turned her away.

MacKenzie.

Her gorgeous, deep blue eyes met mine, and I could see the well of sorrow and fury she harbored for me as it sunk into the invisible depths.

She'd cut her hair. I wasn't sure when because it had been several weeks since I'd seen her. The long swath of bouncy red curls I was used to seeing was now sitting just above her shoulders. It wasn't unflattering by any means, but I missed the long curls and how they stretched down her back.

Get a-fucking-hold of yourself, Grayson. You don't have time for this.

Even from here, though, I could smell that familiar fragrance of ocean and old paper. My stomach felt sick, and I swallowed hard as she glared at me. It was obvious how pissed she was, and I couldn't blame her.

"With this joining of the flesh and the ethereal, reveal to us the mate of one Grayson Edwards!"

The knife swirled through the urn of water, and a strange glow swam up from the bottom of the vessel. It was a roiling mass of cerulean light, and as it began to hover over the urn, my jaw actually dropped. How in the hell was this possible?

Before I could think anything else, however, the blue light glided through the air until it hovered over me. It shifted down—almost like it had a mind of its own—until it was level with my heart.

Something was yanking me toward the back of the room, and I knew. I just fucking knew what this meant. And it wasn't good.

That ache expanded, suffocating me as it pulsed stronger and stronger. I'd only felt this level of discomfort once before, and I hated that I recognized it so instantly. In a sweeping flash, the light shot out from my chest straight to the far row of chairs. Without even needing to look, I knew it landed on Kenzie.

But I couldn't keep my eyes closed forever.

When I opened them, I saw that blue speared through Kenzie's chest and looking as painful as I expected. She grimaced, her features screwed up tight as whatever the fuck that light was, seemed to pull her up out of her chair.

The rest of the room looked on with what I had to assume was a delighted surprise. So many faces smiled at me, even Kaiden and Jet. I would have thought that Kaiden would be a bit turned off by the idea, but considering his mate was sort of my sister, I guess he couldn't be that upset with me.

Yet.

The light encompassing Kenzie turned a deep brownish-red and then zinged back in my direction. After nailing me in the ribs with what felt like a kick from a horse, it faded away, leaving me with nothing but the remaining sting and an even more furious glare from Kenzie.

"MacKenzie Edwards of the Edward Pack is Grayson's preordained mate!" Aspen called out, and the room burst into cheers. "We shall arrange for a formal mating ceremony in the coming days. Until then, ready yourself for the trials Grayson. We will all see you when we reconvene for your mating."

I was sure things could possibly get worse, but sure enough, whatever had it out for me decided to add another layer to the shit sandwich.

Kenzie shook her head before fleeing the room, and Senna noticed. Jet's mate turned back toward me after watching the healer—my fucking mate—leave, and the disdain in her eyes was thick, grating on me like sandpaper.

Wonderful. Let's see just how many people end up hating me after this.

I could, of course, add myself to that list. I wasn't happy with how things had ended between Kenzie and me. I'd sensed it, after all. But I was too busy, thrust into pack business that took precedence, to think about a mate. I didn't have time. I was a new Beta, tracking down the rogue wolves who'd betrayed us and looking after Jet's twins, and then Kaiden's new pack was attacked.

Who in their right mind would have thought that was a good time for dating?

My wolf howled in my blood, and the voice that I'd successfully ignored for months now rang out in my head.

Mate. Your mate. And you turned her away. Wrong. So very wrong. Get our mate back—now.

I was pretty sure I was going to be sick, or I needed a drink. Hell, it was probably both, and the only good thing about today was that I was expected to get drunk. Sure, it was supposed to be celebratory, but no one needed to know.

No one needed to know any of it—the rejection, the plan not properly to claim her, or how every moment I breathed was one spent conflicted and uselessly torn.

I'd done some shit stuff when I was younger. Kaiden and I had picked on Kit mercilessly, but we'd made amends for that. After everything, I thought I would be free of this feeling that kept me awake at night, forcing me to shift and run through the woods to clear my head.

It hadn't.

Because above all else, whenever I looked at Kenzie or the thought of her crossed my mind, what I felt was guilt—and the aching need to take it all back.

But that's not how life worked, and if I was going to be Alpha, I needed to accept that sometimes you put the good of the pack before your own happiness.

And your mate's.