Chapter 18 - NamidJayce

Chapter 18

Namid

Jayce and I don't go out of our way to announce our relationship; there is no one we want to tell. It turns out that, unsurprisingly, two weeks after we return, everyone knows anyway. Early on a Sunday afternoon, Jayce is dusting a kiss across my cheek, and his hand is resting on my arm as we finish our conversation when a customer walks in to drop off their keys. The rush of shock and disgust that floods the reception area is nearly strong enough to knock me over. While the man doesn't say anything to either of us, by the time we head to the grocery store to collect our afternoon pastries, I can feel a change in nearly everyone we encounter.

There are nights during the weeks that follow when Jayce comes home upset or frustrated. On a few occasions, I've pushed him to talk about it, hoping that the knowledge he's not in this alone might help. I think it does in a way, but he's still hurt and surprised by how quickly the people he's known all his life have changed the way they treat him. I don't think anyone has been actively aggressive or insulting. If they have, he hasn't told me. All he'll say is that business is a bit slower than it normally is, and a few folks have been a bit more abrupt with him than usual. I know there's more to it than that, but I don't press him. I know all too well how it feels to be treated differently, and I wish I wasn't the reason people have become less accepting of him. I wish I could take away his pain, but I know that's not really how life works. All I can do is love him and remind him that he's not alone. I'll be by his side for as long as he'll have me, and I'll do everything I can to make sure he knows just how loved he is.

For me, things are a bit more…intense. I try not to let Jayce know how bad it's gotten. People who were already wary of me before now go out of their way to avoid being in my presence for longer than absolutely necessary, and people who have always felt mildly curious are now almost openly inquisitive. There is also a handful of folks whose fear or hatred seems to overwhelm them when I pass by on the street or in the shops. It reminds me of the way the town felt when I first arrived. While I've never been sincerely accepted by many, at least most of the emotion directed my way had become more subdued over the years. I hadn't realized how subtle it had grown until it shifted after the town found out about me and Jayce. It's anything but subtle these days, and while it's not exactly a wonderful way to live, I try not to let it bother me. I'm not ashamed of who I am, of who we are together. I have Jayce by my side, and having him is enough. He'll always be enough .

"I'm sorry, hun. I ran into a bit of trouble, and I have another half hour before I finish up here." Jayce's lips brush my cheek briefly as I lean over the engine he's working on.

I've just finished sorting the shop's accounts for the week, even though it's a Thursday night. At this point, as long as there aren't a lot of people coming to pick up or drop off, there's no reason for me not to be at the shop whenever I have the time, and I've taken to spending at least a few hours a week here just to keep Jayce company.

"It's a nice night. Why don't I head over and get the few things we need for dinner? That should take about forty-five if I walk."

"You sure you don't want to take the truck? It's freezing outside!" We came in together a couple of hours ago for Jayce to finish up the alternator job he's still working on.

"Nope. It's a clear night, and it's not really that cold. Besides, it's only four blocks. Pretty sure with all the…exercise…I get these days I can manage to walk a few blocks with a bag or two of groceries." I shoot him a leering glance as I pat his shoulder and turn to head out.

"I'll be finished by the time you're back," he promises as I shoot him a wink while I walk backward through the glass door into the reception area .

It really is a beautiful winter evening. The sky is clear, and the snow piles left by the plow glow with an almost pale jade-green light as the colors from the Aurora and nearly full moon bounce across their surfaces. It reminds me of Jayce's eyes. The quick walk to the grocery store is calm and refreshing, and I savor the way the cold air burns my lungs and stings the tips of my ears. It's a shame that the peace that falls over me during the walk is tainted the moment I step through the shop's sliding doors and feel the way the other shoppers shift from passive, distracted emotions to intense and almost painful ones when they notice my presence. I keep my head down as I grab the few items on our list as quickly as possible, and don't bother looking up when I pass anyone in the aisles. I know all too well that none of them are happy I'm here without having to see their smirks and glares and frowns.

The gentle amusement that approaches me as I slip apples into a bag is unexpected enough that I glance up, surprised to find Shelly bagging lemons nearby with an almost playful grin on her face.

"Guess I won't be seeing you at the bar anymore, huh?"

I can't help the way my lips twitch into something close to a smile. "You know I'm not exactly social as it is. I'm there, what, three times a year max? You'll probably still see me a couple of times a year; I'll just only be after a good drink when I come in."

Her face softens, and something that feels almost wistful drifts from her .

"I'm happy for you guys. Truly. If you ever need anything at all, you let me know, okay?"

I'm stunned enough that it takes me a few breaths to come up with any response at all, and when I finally do, I find myself struggling to keep my voice from cracking. I guess I haven't realized just how isolating it suddenly feels to have everyone hate me again.

"Ya. We will."

Her smile softens even more as she nods once and turns.

"Shelly."

She glances back without hesitation, and I press my hand to my chest.

"Thank you."

Joy. She's happy. She's genuinely happy for me, for us .

"Anytime, Namid."

I'm still distracted by my interaction with Shelly as I grab the last few items and check out. I still feel the way those around me stare and wonder and secretly wish I'd just go away, but I'm able to keep their emotions from affecting me. I think I may actually have found a friend.

While it's uncomfortable, I'm getting used to feeling unease and suspicion and hatred from folks in town again. It's a low thrum that never completely disappears unless I'm physically too far away to feel the angry red and black emotions directed my way. Fighting to keep them at bay has become automatic for me anytime I'm in public. Maybe that's why I don't notice until it's too late. Until they're already on top of me.

I'm only a few steps away from the edge of the parking lot, two bags of groceries in one hand as I head back to the shop. I'm lost in my own head, trying to decide what Jayce and I should have for dinner and replaying my unexpected encounter with Shelly when I hear my name.

The man I've never seen before is close, far too close. He's spitting my name like it's a curse as he steps closer still. He's filled with rage and hatred and disgust. I've never felt anything like it before, and it turns my stomach as my knees threaten to buckle. I don't know how he managed to get so close to me feeling like this. How did I not notice?

I tear my gaze from his snarl as a second man, one I've seen in town on a handful of occasions but never actually met, steps out of an old pickup a few feet away. It's not in a parking space. It's stopped at an awkward angle, only half in the parking lot in front of me. The rear tires are resting on the sidewalk, and it's clear they've stopped there deliberately to block my path. The second man feels exactly like the first, an endless wall of anger and loathing.

I turn back the way I came. If I can make it back to the store, maybe I'll be okay. If I can even make it to one of the streetlamps that cast light on small sections of the nearly empty parking lot, maybe someone will see. Maybe someone will help. I've never been in a fight before, and I know that I won't be able to stop whatever these two men have planned for me unless I can get away before anything physical starts.

A hand curls into the back of my shirt before I can take a second step.

"Knew you were trouble the minute you showed up." The low voice drips so thickly with animosity that I can barely make out the words as I struggle tothink rather than succumb to panic and crumple to the ground.

"Knew you were just biding your time. I always thought that you were trying to take advantage of Ken somehow, but I never thought that you'd manage to get your hooks into someone like Jayce."

A hand clamps onto my shoulder.

Another grabs my wrist, twisting my arm and pressing me down to my knees on the asphalt. The hand on my wrist twists until a loud snap fills the nearly soundless night.

I can feel everything. Every nerve in my body is on fire, but it's burning in the distance. I'm far away. Detached. I'm no longer made up of the cells that are caught in the flames. I'm merely an observer.

The pavement is clawing its way across my skin where the back of my shredded shirt no longer exists to protect it. The pain in my ribs and arm is sharp and throbbing, and I imagine if I were still connected to my body enough to move, I might feel the shift of broken bones under my skin. The rage and hatred that swirl through the air around me no longer sink into my soul, and the grunts and curses and the scrape of leather on blacktop and the sound of skin connecting with skin start to fade.

The stars are so beautiful overhead. Their light shimmers so brilliant and bright across the universe that they seem to hold back the darkness, and the sky appears deep blue rather than black. Jayce says that blue is the color of my eyes…