Chapter 6

CHAPTER

SIX

Faith

Everything in my world fades away. Everything but him.

I never knew that it was possible for your world to feel as though it's tilting on its axis and righted at the same time. That's the result of his lips pressed to mine after all this time.

Asking him for this is wrong. We agreed that we would remain friends, and I've accepted that, but I also needed this from him. I need to feel the soft press of his lips, the warmth of his breath, and the taste of his tongue as it slides against mine.

I just needed him.

Chad.

He slows the kiss and rests his forehead against mine. He's breathing heavily, which keeps me from being self-conscious of the fact that I'm struggling to pull breath into my lungs. I don't know if it's more from the kiss or the man. I'm guessing a combination of both.

"I'm sorry." I finally find my words, pushing them past my lips.

"What are you sorry for?" He wraps an arm around me as he holds me close, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"I shouldn't have asked you to do that." I bite down on my bottom lip while moving my head to his bare chest. He runs his fingers through my hair, never wavering on the hold he has on me.

"Do you regret it?"

"No." A few heartbeats pass before I whisper, "Do you?" I hold my breath waiting for his reply. It comes immediately.

"Never."

"We said we were just friends." It's a reminder not only for him but for me as well.

"Friends can kiss." His facial expression gives nothing away. I don't know what he's thinking other than the fact that he seems to be defending our actions. I'll take that as a mark in the win column.

I lift my head so that I can look him in the eye. "Do you kiss all of your friends like that?"

"Like what?" Finally, there's a slight tilt to his lips, and I know he's messing with me.

"Like you need them to breathe?"

His eyes darken at my words, and I want to grin that I've shocked him and maybe even turned him on a little, but I contain it.

His heated expression simmers as his eyes soften. Lifting his hand, he pushes my hair back out of my eyes. "No. Just one. She's special."

Hot tears well behind my eyes, so I avert my gaze and rest my cheek back on his chest. He has no idea what his words do to me. I want to be special to him. I want to be his someone. I see what my brother and Shayne have, and I want a love like that. I want it with Chad, but that's not what we agreed to. He's in California, and I'm in Ohio. Two worlds, so close yet so far apart.

"She's beautiful. Dark brown hair and these big green eyes that could convince me to do anything she asked. She's a tiny little thing but full of fire and grace. And her name, well, it's a token of who she is. I know that I can trust her with my life. Maybe even someday, if all the stars align, with my heart too."

My heart races, and blood whooshes in my ears so loud I can't hear anything but the steady thrum. I snuggle in closer, and Chad, always knowing exactly what I need, holds me tighter. He wraps those strong arms around me, and I want to beg him to never let me go.

Finally, when I feel as though I have my emotions under control, I once again lift my head and find his eyes already there.

Watching. Waiting.

"She's you, Faith," he says, his voice low and gravelly. I nod, not able to speak. "Tell me what you need?" He runs the pad of his thumb beneath my eyes as if he knows I'm battling tears that threaten to fall.

I swallow hard. "You." My voice cracks. "More kisses, and for tonight, can we just… can we maybe pretend that we didn't make a choice all those months ago in that hotel room that has us keeping each other at arm's length? Can we pretend that you don't live a plane ride away from me?"

He rolls over to his side so that we're eye to eye. His body is aligned with mine, and his arms hold me close. "I'll be anything you need, Faith. Anything."

Mine.

"Kiss me," I murmur, closing my eyes. Not willing to witness the look in his eyes if he changes his mind. Only he doesn't change his mind as our lips connect. It's his warm, soft lips ghosting over mine. I settle into his embrace and allow myself to get lost in him. In his rough, calloused hands as they slide beneath my shirt and the way my leg finds itself snuggled in between his. The feel of his tongue exploring my mouth and the way his other hand is buried in my hair, holding me to him as if he's fearful I might disappear.

His hand slides up and slips beneath my bra strap. "Tell me to stop," he whispers against my lips.

"Don't stop."

Please don't ever stop.

He growls, and my entire body shivers as need races through me. "Faith." My name is a plea from his lips.

"Just for tonight," I counter. "Pretend with me. Just for tonight." I'm begging him to give me this. To give us this night. I don't know what it means, but I know I need more of him. More than just kisses. I want to feel his hands against my skin. I want to be able to explore him like I've dreamed of. I want him to explore me too. I just hope that he wants the same thing.

"I'm not strong enough to tell you no."

The look he gives me tells me he's not going to. He wants this. He wants me.

"Good." I smile as I kiss his jaw. "Just for tonight," I say, kissing toward his ear.

His grip on my hair tightens, not painful but enough for me to know he's struggling. When I feel the snap of my bra release and the whoosh of hot breath fan against my cheek, I know we're about to cross a line we've never crossed.

Outside of one incredible night. We've never taken things farther other than that one incredible night. He kissed the breath from my lungs until my lips were red and swollen. That same night, we decided to let whatever happens happen between us. Since then, it's been a lot of phone calls and video chats, and he'd visit when he could. When he was stationed in Kentucky, I made weekend trips when school would allow. We haven't kissed since that first night Shayne and I sent him and Ford back to base. We've hugged, held hands, and shown affection, but nothing like tonight.

Tonight changes things.

Tonight, I'm asking him to pretend the barrier we placed between us no longer exists. Tonight is also when I know with one-hundred-percent certainty, I'm in love with my best friend. I've known for a long damn time, but it's in this moment that I know there is no going back.

I love him.

"I need this off," he says, tugging at my shirt, bringing me back to the present. Dazed from his kisses, I manage to sit up and allow him to pull my shirt over my head before tossing it on the floor.

"Fuck, you're beautiful," he says as he slowly slides each strap of my bra over a shoulder, pulling it from my body and tossing it behind him, not giving a single fuck where it lands.

He's frozen as his eyes roam over parts of me he's never seen before.

"Chad?"

He jerks his head up to look me in the eyes. What I see would bring me to my knees if I weren't lying down.

I watch as his throat bobs as he swallows hard, finding his voice. "Can I touch you?"

Four words I've always wanted to hear from him.

"I don't know the rules here, Faith." He closes his eyes and furrows his brow. When he opens them, they're swirling with desire. He lifts his hand as if he's going to touch me, but instead, it hangs there suspended in the air between us. "Tell me." His voice is full of grit and need.

"I want you to touch me." I'm being bold, more so than I've ever been with him. I've always been afraid to tell him I want more, but not tonight. Tonight, I'm asking for it all. For as much as he'll give me, and even though I know there will be consequences, I'm willing to take them to get his hands all over me.

"Where?" he croaks.

This time it's me who's placing my hands against his cheeks. "Everywhere."

"Fuck," he curses but wastes no time reaching out and rolling a pert nipple between his thumb and forefinger. I close my eyes because I just want to feel. I want to remember every touch. "Open your eyes for me."

I slowly blink them open to find him watching me.

"I need your eyes on me, baby."

I nod. Speaking anything coherent just isn't something I'm able to do at the moment.

Getting his other hand in on the action, he tests the weight of my breast in his palm, gliding his thumb across my pebbled peak. A moan falls from my lips, and he grins, satisfied that he's eliciting that sound from me.

His eyes find mine, and he holds my gaze. There are no words passed between us, but we don't seem to need them. He's asking me if I'm okay with this. He's asking if he's allowed to go farther, and my silent answer to both is yes. Finding the answer he needs, he dips his head and swipes his tongue across my hardened nipple, one and then the next.

I grip the sheets, holding myself still, not wanting to make a wrong move and have him pull away. I've thought of this moment more times than I care to admit, and now that it's happening, I don't want anything to ruin it for me.

For us.

Chad slides his hand behind my back and traces my spine while his lips capture mine. He kisses me with abandon, telling me with his mouth that he's in this with me. He leans forward, causing me to fall back on the mattress. I was still sitting from where he stripped my shirt and bra from me. He makes love to my mouth while those large, calloused hands of his roam over my body. We're both still wearing pants, and I curse the fact that we are. I should have stripped while he was in the shower to seduce him, but then again, I didn't see this night ending like this.

Then again, maybe, hopefully, we're just getting started.

Pulling away from my mouth, he trails kisses down my neck and to my chest. When he reaches my breasts again, he wastes no time pulling a hard nipple into his mouth. He's nipping, and sucking, and licking, and I've never been more turned on in my entire life. I rub my thighs together to quell the ache he's creating inside me.

From one breast to the next, he takes turns loving on me. My hands are buried in his hair, and all I can do is hold on for the ride. He has a singular focus, and that's to get his fill, and I'm not complaining. Other than the moans he's pulling from deep in my chest that escape my lips, I'm not saying a word. I'm too fearful he might break out of the lustful haze he's in and stop.

I don't want him to stop.

In fact, I'm mentally trying to devise a plan to make this happen every night for the rest of my stay. That is until he bites down a little harder on my right nipple, and pleasure rolls through me. I feel a rush of heat between my thighs. I feel my face flush at my body's response to his mouth on me.

"So responsive," he murmurs, moving back to my left breast.

Over and over again, he ravishes me with his mouth. The pressure starts to build, and I'm no longer embarrassed. Instead, I grip his hair harder, holding him to me. "Don't stop," I pant.

He does as I ask, not once taking a break. His mouth and his hands are driving me insane. I shift on the bed, but he's onto me. He moves so that he's nestled between my thighs. I can feel his hard cock through the thin fabric of my pajamas, and when he grinds his hips, that's all it takes. I shoot off like a rocket. "Chad!" I call his name as pleasure rolls through me.

He doesn't stop until my body falls to the mattress. Then, he still doesn't stop kissing me. His lips trail down my quivering belly before starting their journey back. He stops at each breast, giving them equal attention before his lips glide farther up my chest, kissing up my neck until finally, he reaches my lips.

He lifts his head to stare at me. His eyes roam over my face, my chest, and my belly. Every part of me that's exposed to him, he rakes his gaze over as if he needs to memorize my every feature. When his eyes come back to mine, his lips tilt in a smile. "That was the sexiest fucking thing I've ever seen."

"Somewhere in the back of my mind, I know that I should be embarrassed that I did… that, just from your mouth on my breasts, but honestly, I'm too turned on and too blissed out to care. I'm sure I'll freak out later."

"No. Never. Please, don't do that." He kisses me quickly. "I promise you that was the hottest sexual experience of my life. To date."

"Can we not talk about you and other people?" I say, rolling my eyes playfully.

"Hey." He's suddenly serious. He cradles my face in the palm of his hand and doesn't speak until he's sure he has my full attention. He doesn't realize that he always does. Always has since the moment I met him. "There is no one but you." He taps his temple with his index finger on his free hand. "Up here"—he moves his hand to tap his chest over his heart—"or in here. All I see is you."

I want so badly to believe him, but I know he's all worked up from what we just shared. "Can you stay? We said one night, and I'd really like to fall asleep with you." I bite down on my bottom lip, worried this night is about to end.

"Is that what you want? For me to stay?"

I nod. "I want you to hold me. Like that night."

I don't need to elaborate. He knows exactly what I'm talking about.

"Can I still kiss you?"

This pulls a smile out of me. "The night's not over."

"Do you happen to know how to freeze time?" he asks.

This time I laugh and swat playfully at his shoulder. "No, but if I did, I would have already done it."

He nods thoughtfully, letting me know he would have done the same.

"If only," he says, pressing his lips to my forehead.

"Chad?"

"Yeah?"

"Tell me this won't change us." Something passes in his eyes, but it's gone before I can name it.

"I give you my word."

I nod because that's good enough for me. Chad Anthony is honorable, and I know that anything he tells me is his truth.

"You ready for bed?" he asks.

"I… should probably go clean up."

His eyes flare with heat. I almost ask him to help me. Almost.

He goes to move, and I feel his hard length against my inner thigh.

"Let me." I reach for him, but he stops me placing his hand over my wrist.

"I'm okay."

"I want to."

"Faith." He sighs. "I want you to. Trust me, I want your hands on me, but I know me. I know there is no way I'm going to stop there. I need you too much right now."

"Let me."

He kisses me softly. "I'm okay, baby. Go clean up." He motions toward the bathroom.

I want to fight him on this. I want to demand he let me give him what he gave me—the best night of my life. But I also know once he's made up his mind, there is no changing it.

Besides, we've pushed the boundaries too far tonight already. I don't want to risk him or our friendship because I'm greedy.

Instead, I climb out of bed, grab his shirt that he never put on that's lying on the end of the bed, and rush to the bathroom, closing the door. I brace my hands on the counter and pull in a deep breath. Lifting my head, I look in the mirror, and I don't recognize the woman staring back at me. My eyes are bright, my body is flushed, and my heart is full and cracked at the same time.

Tonight is one I will replay over and over and over again. When I'm lying in bed alone thinking about him, wondering what he's doing and if he's safe, tonight will help me through that. And if he gets deployed again, something I can't stand to think about, I can remind him of this night in my letters. I can remind him that if and when he's ready for more, that I'll be at home waiting for him with open arms.

I might even tell him that I'm irrevocably in love with him.