Chapter 12

Lauren

My heart ached hearing Denny's story. Somewhere along the way a switch inside me turned on and I felt the same possessive need to protect him that I had always felt towards Kylie. It caused me to stumble as we walked.

Denny's arm snaked around me, quickly righting me. I was starting to get used to the calm his touch caused within me. It was no longer freaking me out. Though the fact that it wasn't was probably freaking me out more than anything. Everything seemed to be moving so fast.

I thought back to our time alone in the hotel just hours earlier. I'd been so close to giving him my virginity. A part of me wondered why I had put the brakes on it. It's not that I didn't want it. He'd made me feel so good it was terrifying. Yet a part of me knew he was eventually going to take it anyway.

It was all insane and made my head spin to think about it.

How could this even work? After what he'd just shared with me, there was no way in hell I was moving to New Orleans. I would never allow Kylie to be exposed to such a beast. I didn't want Denny going back there either.

He had mentioned coming to New York. But that wasn't fair, not yet at least. He'd spent far too long here at the ARC to walk away without his degree.

Denny seemed lost in his own thoughts and memories. I had this ridiculous need to comfort him, so I took his hand in mine as we walked in silence. It was the most peaceful moment I could remember, maybe ever.

I was so lost in the moment that I didn't even notice when we stopped until he let go of my hand and wrapped his arms around me. I turned to face him excitedly awaiting the moment he would kiss me.

His head dipped towards me as I smiled up at him. This time I was ready for it, but instead of kissing me, he whispered in my ear.

“Time to get naked. We're going swimming.”

My jaw dropped.

“You were serious about that?”

“Of course I was. That's why we walked out here.”

I froze and then slowly turned away from him to see a large lake just a few feet away.

My heart started to race, and I stumbled backwards wanting to get as far away from that water as possible while also feeling like my body was suddenly made of lead or maybe like I was stuck in quicksand and unable to move.

I started breathing heavily and the edges of my vision were darkening as I began hyperventilating.

“Lauren? Lauren!”

Denny's voice sounded far away even though I knew he was right there next to me. For some reason his touch wasn't calming me down this time, which only sent me spiraling even further into an unknown void.

Nothing like this had happened to me in years. Not since my tenth-grade year when we were supposed to go to the Statue of Liberty. I'd frozen, much like I felt now, and could not get on that boat. In the end they'd put me in a cab and sent me home while the rest of my class went on with the trip.

I started shaking my head and forced myself to take a few steps back, causing Denny to get out of my way.

“Lauren, what's wrong?”

“Too close,” I managed to say.

I was ready to turn and bolt, but he grabbed my hand at the last second and I was jerked back, right into his arms. As they wrapped around me a sense of true safety washed over me, and I crumbled into him crying.

“I'm so sorry. Please talk to me,” he begged, but no words would form as we sank to the ground and he held me as I sobbed.

After a while he stopped asking what was wrong and just rocked me gently as I got out the years of pent-up grief until I couldn’t shed anymore tears.

Time had lost all meaning, but through my swollen eyes I saw that day was turning into night.

“Are you okay?” he asked softly.

I nodded.

“Do you want to talk about it?”

I started to shake my head, but then sighed. He'd just witnessed me at my absolute lowest. Even Kylie had never seen me like this before, and I realized I really did need to talk about it.

“The water caught me off guard.”

“Because of your parents?” he guessed.

I nodded. “I used to love the water. My family spent hours nearly every weekend out on the water. It was once my happy place. We don't have a lot of room to safely run in New York City. Central Park at night is about the best option for a wolf shifter and we rule over the park. My dad used to say that gliding across the water with the wind in his hair was about the closest thing to running in his fur that he could get in his skin. It was thrilling and we all loved it—until that day.”

He rubbed my back as I readjusted to sit beside him and forced myself to look out over the lake. It was beautiful and terrifying at the same time.

“You said it was a boating accident. What happened?”

I sighed. “I've never spoken of it to anyone before.”

“You don't have to now.”

“No, I think I need to. Though there really isn't much to tell. One second, we were laughing and enjoying our day just like any other weekend. It was a big sailboat and sometimes we'd spend the whole weekend out there sleeping in the cabin below deck. Mom and Dad had just gone down there to make lunch, but Kylie and I stayed up. Even then I had fussed over her like a mother hen. I remember telling her to take off her lifejacket so I could reapply her sunscreen. Our backs were turned in the opposite direction and neither of us had even seen the boat that crashed into us that sent the two of us flying overboard.”

He gasped. “She wasn't wearing a lifejacket?”

“Not properly. It was still tied around her waist. She'd just removed her arms and pushed it down so I could apply the lotion. If I hadn't made her do that, she probably wouldn't be deaf right now. I was still in mine and after being thrown I just bobbed in the water watching our boat sink and waiting for my family to reappear. But they never did, at least not my parents. They weren't found for another three days. They'd died together and their bodies were caught up in the current taking them downstream. Every now and then I'd see Kylie's lifejacket bob in the water. Somehow, I managed to get to her just before the Coast Guard arrived. She wasn't breathing when they pulled her from the water. And when they resuscitated her, she was unresponsive for days. After extensive tests it was determined she'd lost her hearing but would survive. I still don't understand exactly why or how that happened, but my entire life changed that day and I've never been able to get near open water without freaking out since. I'm really sorry you had to witness that. I'm usually better at just shutting down without causing a scene.”

“That wasn't a scene, Lauren. That was grief. Have you ever allowed yourself to just grieve? You were so young, and you took on so much with Kylie.”

“I had to. Who else would? There was talk of putting her down, and I knew I could never allow that to happen. Plus, if I hadn't had her to focus on, I probably would have drowned in my own grief a long time ago.”

He nodded. “I know better than most what it's like to hold all that in. I'm glad you felt safe enough with me to let it out a bit.”

I stared up at him, realizing he was right, then nodded as my eyes welled up with tears once more.

I did feel safe enough to be this vulnerable with him.

Safe.

That's what Denny made me feel in this moment.

Had I ever truly felt safe a single moment in my life since that day?

I didn't think so.

But was this just the bond between us making me feel this way?

It was so confusing to think about. But for now, I decided I didn't care if it was truly him or just the bond or even just the added hormones and craziness of mating. I liked it, needed it even, and for once I was going to selfishly just accept it.

I'd always feared that if I allowed myself to grieve that it would pull me into such a dark place that I could never crawl out of it again. But I'd been wrong, and a bit of weight had lifted through my tears.

“I have a friend, a former D.O.G. brother who does counseling. I talked to him about my brother, and it really helped. If you want someone to talk to, and promise not to swoon for his Australian accent, I could convince him to come for a visit and counsel you too.”

“I don't know. I think I'd rather just talk to you, if that's okay.”

He beamed down at me and kissed the top of my head.

“You can always talk to me.”

Feeling much more calm, I watched the ripples forming from the breeze on the water, dancing in brilliant shades of orange from the setting sun.

“Red skies at night, a sailor's delight,” I murmured, remembering my father's words. “It really is hauntingly beautiful.”

“It is. I love it here. But as much as I was looking forward to seeing you wet and naked swimming in that lake, I think we're going to have to pass on that for today. I wasn't thinking, and I'm sorry.”

“Don’t be. I think I needed this more than I realized. Though when you mentioned going swimming, I hadn't considered this was what you meant.” I chuckled. “I've gotten okay, or at least tolerable, in the water, in a pool, where I can see the bottom and my feet touch.”

“I'll keep that in mind for next time.”

He grinned and winked at me.

There was so much promise in that wink.

“We missed dinner. How about we head back to the house and order pizza or something?”

I scrunched up my nose. “I saw what you consider pizza in the cafeteria. I'll pass on that.”

“So you're a pizza snob, then?” he teased.

“I'm from New York, buddy. I know good pizza, and clearly Californians do not.”

“Well, I'm from New Orleans.”

I gave him a skeptical look and barked out a laugh.

“Yeah, probably means I know even less about pizza. But Cajun food? Now that I'm an expert on.”

“Expert, huh?”

“Absolutely. I'm not cooking for you today, but someday . . . soon.”

That promise seemed to float in the air around us.

I knew things were getting serious between us. It had been a crazy day on the biggest emotional rollercoaster of my life, but at the end of it, we were still here, together. I couldn't help but wonder if life with Denny would always be this way. Because it would be so easy to just let myself fall for my mate.