8. Sam

SAM

Two weeks later

Noah has called me three times in the past minute which lets me know that Annie told him the news. I also know that she's working today at the local diner so I'm going to have to deal with my best friend all on my own. He's been working a lot the past two weeks, which is why Annie hasn't told him yet.

Of course, this is probably better anyway. I already applied for a small two-bedroom apartment just a few blocks south of Annie's school. She assured me the size would be fine, as long as I didn't mind sharing a room with Noah.

I know it's probably the most idiotic thing I've ever done, offering to move to New York, finding an apartment for us to live in, all for a woman who won't ever let herself love me back the way I know she could. But I'm doing it anyway. Even if it means I end up with a shattered heart.

Now, I just hope that Noah suggests the move so he doesn't guess my true motives. He has never told me explicitly to not date his sister, but it seems to be an unspoken agreement—at least on his end—that Annie is his little sister and nothing more. I don't think he even knows how good of friends she and I are.

I call him back. He answers on the first ring. "Finally, man. I've been trying to get a hold of you."

"I can see that. What's up?"

"Can you come over? I need to talk to you about something important."

"Sure," I tell him. "I'll be over in a bit." Since I've been packing up my apartment already, I'm glad Noah asked me to come to him. It takes about twenty minutes to get to his house.

"Your mom home?" I ask as he opens the door.

He shakes his head. "Out with a boyfriend or something."

I know Annie hasn't told her mom yet about her news; she told me she was going to wait until right before she was leaving to do so because she knows her mom won't approve. And Annie will try to please her mom, even if it ends up wrecking her. So I fully support the choice to not tell anyone who isn't necessary until the cars are loaded up with stuff and we're about to leave.

"So, what's up?" I ask Noah.

"Annie's moving." He has no lead-up and he also shows no excitement over the fact that she got into culinary school.

I blink in surprise. "Oh?" I ask as if I haven't known this for weeks. Noah sits on the couch, running a hand through his hair.

He's stressed. "It's bad."

"Why?" I ask. I think everything about this move is a good thing for Annie. It will be a great way for her to start over and be away from her Mom who hasn't ever been able to say a positive thing about her daughter.

"She's going to culinary school," he says as if it's the worst thing in the world. "In New York."

"I mean, that's what she's been talking about for years." This shouldn't be that big of a surprise.

"But she's moving to New York. She'll be eaten alive there," Noah says, concern lacing his words.

"She can handle her own." It hits me at this moment that Noah doesn't know his sister that well. She's stronger than he thinks. She needs this more than he'll ever be able to guess.

"We'll have to move there," Noah suggests, just like we knew he would. I bite my cheek to hold back a grin. He won't ever have to know that I was planning to go to New York already. "But we can't make it seem like we're moving there just because she is. Could you make it your new homebase? Tell her you've always wanted to live in the city after living in upstate New York?"

"Yeah of course." My reaction is a bit too enthusiastic.

He narrows his eyes at me, but says, "Thanks, man. Maybe you can move out there first and I can follow in a few months so it'll be less weird."

"Sure," I say. "I'll start looking into apartments." As if I didn't apply to one this morning.

"You're the best." He watches me carefully, wanting to see my reaction. "We've got to watch out for our sister."

Something swirls in my stomach and I feel sick. I should just tell him the truth. When I don't say anything, he pulls out his phone.

"Noah…" I start, then I take a deep breath because maybe it will be better if it's all just out in the open. I should have told her first, but I think she knows my feelings. Maybe if Noah knows, it'll make telling her easier. "I love her."

Noah doesn't react at first, he's looking down at his phone. "What was that?"

"I'm in love with her."

Noah blinks up at me. "In love with who?"

"Annie." I don't look away.

His face falls, morphing into confusion. "She'll never go for you, man. You're like an older brother to her," Noah says, trying to spare my feelings.

I don't tell him about the thousands of interactions Annie and I have had that tell me otherwise. I don't tell him about the lingering glances or extra touches that I know make us something more than friends. I don't say that she doesn't see me like a brother and never has, but that the real reason she'd never go for me has nothing to do with me, it's just how she is. But she's my best friend, and around her I can keep my feelings at bay, because when we're together we're just Annie and Sam, and nothing else matters.

"I just needed you to know," I say. "Before we do this, move to New York. I'm not doing it for you."

I wait for him to get mad, to tell me to leave her alone. Instead, he says something worse. "I don't want to see you get hurt."

I've already been hurt. Nothing hurts more than loving someone who won't fully love you back. But I can't kick these feelings—I haven't been able to for years. I don't reply.

"You should date other people in New York," he says. "Didn't you have a girlfriend for a while?"

I nod.

"Why did you break up?" he asks. "Was it because of Annie?"

"No," I tell him, and it's the truth. "Chelsea loved the traveling side of our relationship but hated it when we were home. She wanted to be traveling all the time, which is not something I can do. So she ended it."

Noah nods. "Find someone else."

It's not a threat because he doesn't want me ruining his sister or whatever, which would almost feel better than this. He's trying to spare my feelings. But I'm too far gone. My feelings have already been ripped to shreds and I'm still here, ready to bare my soul to Annie, even if I know she will never let herself want me like that.

"I'll try," I tell him.

Noah nods like this is the best thing I've said all day.

"Good."

"Good."