7. Try and Resist

CHAPTER 7

Try and Resist

Dominic

Dawn found me in the gym in the east wing of the house. It was a large, clean room with big windows and breathtaking views of the sloping hillside and the forest in the distance. The receding mist revealed a fine day ahead with a clear sky. The forest was slowly shedding its orange and brown canopy, and the dew clinging to the grass blades sparkled under the day’s first sunlight.

My treadmill faced the vast expanse of my land.

Sweat trickled down the length of my spine as I pushed myself to the maximum, burning off the indulgences of last night’s dinner. The treadmill was a test of will rather than endurance. After a challenging workout, the very last thing I wanted to do was climb it and run for half an hour, but caving in had never been part of my vocabulary.

So I let the sweat soak my hair, my shorts, my underwear; I let my calves burn with strain. Every ounce of last night’s frustration poured into the effort. Every grudge, every hurt, every slight I could use went into the run.

And when I was out of offenses, I resorted to the confusing and fiery feelings Zain’s restless, eager gaze provoked deep in the pit of my stomach.

I had successfully kept people at arm’s length for years. I knew they only ever wanted to come near me in order to hurt me, but that lesson fell apart when Zain looked into my eyes. For all the little discomforts of having to share my home with a relative stranger, the worst was the risk of being comfortable with him. Yet it was so easy to grow accustomed to his presence.

Zain had found my most painful spot. He had located it with surgical precision. And when he had all the freedom to rub salt and acid into the wounds, he hadn’t. He’d offered me something else entirely.

It threatened to destroy the very foundation of who I had made myself into.

So I ran to forget. I ran to wipe my mind and heart. I ran to burn away the feelings he insisted on igniting.

When the thirty minutes were up, the treadmill slowed to a brisk walk, then a lazy stroll, and finally wound down to a halt. I picked up a clean towel and wiped my sweaty face, then threw it over my shoulder. My shorts were soaked through with sweat, and my torso glistened under the overhead lights.

I walked out of the gym into the relative darkness of the grand hall, where only faint morning light came through. As I climbed the stairs toward my bedroom, I heard footsteps. The light in the gallery poured from Zain’s wing, and he stepped closer to me, pausing abruptly when he noticed me at the top of the stairs.

That wasn’t a cursory glance he gave me.

I had been in his shoes, back in college, far too many times to know precisely the meaning of it.

“Good morning,” I said in a low voice.

Zain stepped closer to the stairs and closer to me. “Morning,” he breathed. His gaze dropped down the length of my torso, and he feigned interest in the carpet before looking up into my eyes. “Do you ever sleep?”

I sucked my teeth. “Sleep’s overrated.”

His cheeks darkened with color as he dropped his gaze to my sweat-covered abs.

Normally, I would have rescued him for the sheer lack of interest. After all, I didn’t let people come any closer than this. But Zain…

Seeing him blush was beyond any entertainment money could buy.

So my hand moved over my abs, and I moved an inch closer to him. “There’s a very well-equipped gym downstairs. You’re welcome to use it.”

“Do you think I need to?” he asked, meeting my glance in a challenge. Teasing. He was teasing me.

I let out a small chuckle. “No. I don’t think you need to. Only if you’d like.”

He drew a breath and held it, scanning my body. “I wouldn’t mind looking like that.” He tucked his hands into his pockets and pushed them closer together, luring my eyes down between us.

“All it takes is time,” I said.

He smiled. “I’m sure it takes more than that.”

I shrugged. We stood incredibly close, although I couldn’t trace my steps back and be sure which one of us was closing the distance. His flushed face and slow breathing were pulling me in until I caught myself and stepped back. To tease was one thing, but to take it further was quite different.

After all, hadn’t we both made some promises to ourselves? Something about steering clear of people? It was starting to get all hazy in my head. “I, uh, will see you down soon.”

Zain nodded.

I wasn’t sure if he was disappointed. The look on his face seemed both relieved and sad as I pulled away. It was as conflicting of an expression as I could imagine, so I put it out of my mind and headed to my room.

I undressed in the spacious en suite and then looked at the mirror. My body was toned, my muscles defined, and my skin smooth and tanned. A thin trail of hair went from my belly button to my cock, merging with the trimmed hair around it. The moment of indecision, of utter suspense by the stairs, still roiled through me, and a tingle descended from my stomach and into my cock.

I looked up sternly, examining my face. Long, slender, with a slightly overgrown beard. I didn’t like that. What would he think of me? That I was tardy? I lifted the shaver and adjusted the size of it, then trimmed my beard. With small scissors, I cut the stray hairs from my mustache, making sure no hairs came over my lips. By the time I realized what I was doing, the job was done.

I rolled my eyes. Silly. Silly thoughts. I wasn’t a college freshman going to my first party that I needed grooming. I was a grown man with an employee who happened to live in my house and looked at me with a hunger that reminded me of myself from ten years ago.

Silly or not, I showered and sprayed myself with cologne before putting on my best shirt and pants. Downstairs, Zain had already had breakfast and was pouring himself a cup of coffee when I entered. “Oh. I thought you might call in sick.”

I snort-chuckled and sat down. “I’m not that late. You’re that early.”

Zain brought his coffee to the smaller table in the dining room, where we usually had our breakfast. He sat down and put both hands around his mug. “All those expenses I’m reading every day,” he mused and paused. “You keep saying they’re justified, but those guys spent a long weekend in the most expensive resort in Hawaii at their company’s expense.”

I waved it off. “Justified? No. Justifiable. They can argue it’s all just the cost of doing business. You see, when people are that rich, they don’t court your private citizens to invest peanuts and change in their endeavors. They need to impress someone richer than them.”

“So hopping over to Hawaii for a business meeting wouldn’t damage their reputation,” Zain said with a touch of bitterness. “That’s ridiculous.”

“I never said it was right,” I said. “But it’s how things are done, especially with these old-money guys. They don’t know anything else.”

“I’m starting to think I won’t find anything at all,” Zain admitted.

I shook my head. “Trust me, they dropped the ball somewhere. There’ll be some weird account that just doesn’t make sense when you look at it. They had to be bleeding the company, I just know it. Guys like that? They don’t stop once they get the taste of it.”

“Who would have thought you’d be the optimist?” Zain joked.

I allowed myself a small smile.

We looked at one another, and Zain’s gaze lingered on my trimmed beard before he looked into my eyes. “I’ll keep looking,” he assured me.

And that was what he did.

I ended up spending my day away from the study. My business associates needed guidance on major decisions, and instead of spacing them through the week, I tended to pick a day and do my rounds over the phone. The conversations lasted well into the afternoon, and I paced around the house while we spoke. In the end, I only spent an hour or so in the study, where Zain was deep in work.

I had to give it to him; he could be dedicated when he put his mind to it. He was organized and learned quickly. It made me think of offering him a proper job in one of my companies once this was over, but that thought carried a tremendous sense of loss.

It took me a walk outside the house to realize that I didn’t fear losing his companionship around here. That was guaranteed either way. I feared having him employed in the city where strict contracts would prohibit personal connections.

The realization struck me like a lightning bolt.

Somewhere in the depths of my withered soul, I harbored a spark of hope that we might remain…friends? Or more. Or something completely different.

A sense of anticipation washed over me. Something like the youthful excitement over a prospect of pleasure that followed a long chase tingled in me until I couldn’t ignore it and remain sane.

My breath was misty in the cold afternoon air. I returned to the house when my brain began spinning in circles, moving from my determination to remain professional and impassive—the characteristics that had given me everything I had—and my basic desire to indulge in this careful little dance.

Every time we stepped over the line or tested the limits, it filled me with unbearable longing to leap over the edge and surrender myself to chance. It was a risk. It was a foolish risk, but it tempted me more than a gambler is tempted by day trading.

The evening was drawing near. The dinner was served at the usual hour, and Zain appeared in a black shirt and cream chinos. It was surprising after weeks of disregarding his clothes as unimportant. My eyebrows shot up at the sight of him.

“Well?” Zain asked.

I stared at him for a moment too long. The shirt was made to fit him to perfection, adding width to his shoulders and chest, emphasizing his narrow waist, and hugging his upper back snugly. But his pants were the winner. Normally, Zain wore his jeans or sweatpants, which neither added nor took away from his physique. These pants absolutely leaned into his attributes, and it forced me to look away when the heat rose into my face. “What’s this?” I managed.

“I figured if you’d make an effort to order this, I might show up dressed for dinner,” Zain said half-shyly as he came to his seat.

I frowned. “I didn’t order you new clothes. I wouldn’t be so…forward.”

Zain lifted his eyebrows in confusion. “There’s an entire wardrobe. If you didn’t…”

“I did.” The voice came through the door just as it opened, and Orwell brought in the cart with hot food. “I’m sure you will forgive me for acting on impulse, but I’m afraid I can’t determine what to do with your wardrobe as is. I couldn’t let you wear your sweatpants to work under my watch.”

“There’s nothing to forgive,” Zain said, a little breathless. “I packed in a hurry, thinking I’d do some yard work or whatever. It never crossed my mind to bring something…nice.” He looked at me while Orwell served food with indifference as if he hadn’t done anything noteworthy at all. “How did you know?”

Orwell scoffed. “I measured your existing clothes. Then improved the measurements.”

“Orwell has an eye for such things,” I explained.

Stunned, Zain looked at my valet, then nodded. “Thank you. I mean it.”

Orwell only looked at Zain as if it had never crossed his mind he might be thanked for doing the most obvious thing of all. “Dark colors suit your face,” he said.

After serving our dinner, Orwell left the dining room with something like a smile on his sharp, businesslike face.

“I’ve no idea what made him do that,” I admitted to Zain once we were alone. “You must have left quite an impression on him.”

“I don’t know what I did,” Zain said, bewildered. “But the clothes fit.”

“That they do,” I said, struggling to look away from the way his biceps bunched when he moved his arms. Nothing seemed to be too tight, but perfectly so to draw the eye where it needed to go.

We ate quietly as I mulled over the words I meant to say.

Usually, if I had to share my dining table with someone, it was purely for discussing business. With Zain, I didn’t want to talk of business while we ate. We had a study and plenty of hours every day for that. These hours were different, although I couldn’t exactly put my finger on how.

Once we were nearing the end of our dinner, I wiped my lips with a napkin. My hands were a little sweaty, so I wiped them, too. “I was wondering,” I said, thinking that I should have kept quiet. “You’ve been here for a couple of weeks. How do you find it?” It was a last-minute improvisation to postpone asking him.

“Good,” Zain said. “The work’s not that hard. And you definitely provided more than I expected.” He thought about it. “I love the library. But…it’s nothing. It’s just that I’m not used to being so far away from the city.”

“It’s only a drive away,” I said. “Do you miss it?”

He shrugged and averted his gaze.

Man up , I told myself angrily. I wasn’t asking him anything serious. So what if he said he wouldn’t want to hang out? “I was considering doing something,” I said, my mouth dry. This was ridiculous. “Something entertaining.”

Zain cocked his head. “Like movies?”

“Of course,” I offered. “If that’s what you like. Or going to the city. Is there any place you’d like to visit? Anything you’d like to do?”

“Visit my family,” Zain said.

I nodded, hiding my disappointment. I was surprised at how strongly I felt it. “That would be nice for you.”

We were quiet for a few moments, and I pretended to be busy with my plate. Zain glanced at me a couple of times. “There is this place,” he said slowly. “I used to deliver groceries there. It’s a little silly, but I never let myself go there at night because it’s so…shocking. Or it would be to my parents if they knew. But I always wanted to go to one of their parties. Could we go?”

“A…party?” I asked, my chest tight. This was all a mistake. I wasn’t sure what I’d hoped for. Still, my heart gave a lurch that he was asking me to join.

Zain nodded. “They have drag queens. I never saw a live show.”

My eyebrows knitted.

“Like I said, it’s stupid,” Zain blurted, shaking his head. “Forget I said anything.”

“No,” I said. “We can do that.”

Silence. He lifted his gaze, eyes wide, and perked his ears. “Are you sure?”

“Positive,” I assured him, although I didn’t feel so sure at all. “We can spend the night in the city.”

Zain folded his lips and smiled, nodding. “Great.” The word was a small, excited squeak, and it made my heart leap.

A party. What was I thinking?

We left it at that, and I retreated to my bedroom instead of having a drink after dinner. Somewhere below, in the library, Zain was probably sitting with a book in his lap, and I lay in my bed, staring at the dark canopy above, worrying about having to go to a party in the city.

I had attended galas early in my career. Back then, I had understood the necessity of networking. It pained me to be around people I only knew in passing. It only made me think about the ways in which they could mock me, laugh about me behind my back, or get close to me for their benefit.

It hadn’t taken me long to turn my back to it all.

And before that, the only parties I had attended had been some college events. Fraternities would gather to drink and bully the weakest and youngest among them. Julian Hale had put them up to prank me one time in my sophomore year, lacing my drink with something that knocked me out cold after half an hour. I woke up half-naked in a bed, lying under a massive stuffed bear , and photographs of myself in compromising positions continued to torment me for weeks, delivered to my dorm room. “Into bears, Blackthorne?”

I disliked parties.

But it didn’t go over my head, what Zain had done tonight. He’d seen my disappointment despite my effort to hide it. He’d suggested it for my sake, and I decided I wasn’t too proud to take it. It had been an impulsive decision to take him up on the offer. Part of me regretted it, but I understood that my longing to do something nice in return was stronger. And it wasn’t just about being nice to him. I wanted to see him like that. I wanted to see him at a party when he was free and enjoying himself.

You want to bribe him , I heard myself whisper.

But that wasn’t all of it. I wanted to be close to him in some way, some elusive way that only ever manifested itself as yearning.

I flicked the light off and sighed frustratedly.

The last thing that crossed my mind was the image of Zain dancing in the darkness of a club, turning around, his gaze meeting mine.