10. A Visit

CHAPTER 10

A Visit

Dominic

The morning was clear and bright, sunlight pouring through the large window and bathing us in bright gold hues, but it was Zain’s warmth that woke me up. My mind swam from the dark depths to the bright and easy surface, my eyelids opening easily as if I had had the best night of sleep in my life. The truth was that we had slept little, and the day was still young, judging by the light that kissed Zain’s bare skin.

My left arm covered his lithe torso while my left leg rested between his legs. Lying on his back, Zain was still fast asleep, and I knew I needed to turn away from him, leave the bed, and put something on before he woke up. What seemed like a good choice at two in the morning had a much different look in the light of a new day. I didn’t plan on being here to witness the regrets in his eyes.

Yet my gaze traveled down his body. It moved slowly, savoring each inch of flesh it covered. Such soft and beautiful skin, light brown and hairless, taut over the hints of his muscles, and such tender physique that made me hungry for more of what he had given me last night.

I looked down to where his cock stirred slowly, the morning dreams waking it up before Zain’s eyes opened. Would he hate it if he knew I watched him? Would he turn around in shame? No matter how firmly I told myself to do it, I couldn’t peel myself away from him.

He was more hard than not by now. His dick swelled before my eyes slowly. It grew as his body radiated incredible heat, but the expression on Zain’s face was peaceful and still. He inhaled deeply, his chest rising and expanding as he filled his lungs with air, and the corners of his lips twitched.

“You’re watching me,” he said in a soft, sleepy tone, then rubbed the back of his head against the pillow and sank deeper into it. There was no complaint in his tone. If anything, he sounded amused.

My chest hurt. A dull ache spread through it as I gazed at his face. We had crossed such an important line that I was certain we would never go back to normal after this. And when I inhaled, anchoring myself in the moment and in his scent, I decided I would own it. “You’re nice to look at.”

Zain stretched his arms up, causing me to pull away the arm that had covered him. He lifted them high and arched his back, thrusting his flat stomach up and pushing his round butt harder against the mattress. His dick hardened, now shamelessly erect, and I realized that my mouth watered like I was in a cartoon, floating toward the hot pie on a windowsill.

I turned away from him. The sight, perfect as it was, fanned the glowing embers of desire in me, but I reminded myself that the morning brought a vastly different world to us with it.

If we had made mistakes last night—Zain in his eagerness to be with a man, and I in my weakness to resist such tender beauty that existed in stark contrast with my entire being—then I needed to own up to it. I needed to act my age and put a stop to this before he got hurt.

Unless it’s too late , I thought worriedly and got up. My dick leaped as I stood, irking me and filling me with devastating longing to return to the bed.

He’s willing , I argued with myself.

But he’s young and inexperienced. He’s willing because you are letting him get away with it. He’s willing because he doesn’t know the risks and consequences. And my arguments died a quick death because the voice of reason was right.

I walked into the bathroom and locked the door, then let cold water pour over me and cool me down. Icy needles pricked my skin, but the water washed away the desperate need to be with him again. It was better this way. He didn’t know what he wanted. How could he? He’d never had the freedom to make those choices. If he had, he wouldn’t have picked me.

Zain

Dominic suggested that I should visit my family, and my heart leaped. He’d done it over the incredibly arranged table of breakfast treats that came from several local bakeries under Orwell’s guidance. Even Dominic’s reserved appearance warmed at the sight of the hot pastries.

I could feel the weight of his gaze on me whenever I was looking away, but he was quick to look away when I reacted. It was odd, but not unlike Dominic. I wondered what was going on inside that beautiful head of his. I wondered why he couldn’t bring himself to share those thoughts with me.

Time , I decided. Give it time . The truth of the matter was that I was hardly myself this morning. Everything was so gently and discreetly different from how it had been my whole life that the awareness of the contrast never fully left me.

I stood taller. I inhaled deeper. My eyesight was sharper. Everything I touched seemed softer, and the chocolate-filled pastries tasted sweeter and more buttery than ever before. The scent of Dominic’s cologne put me in the mind of last night when his skin was under my lips and his hands on my body. It lifted my heart with such ridiculous ease that I had to hold myself still against the flutters that soared through me.

“Shall we leave the city this afternoon?” Dominic asked matter-of-factly after we had both eaten. Orwell was in the adjoining room with the door between us wide open, so I made sure to keep up Dominic’s pretenses.

“Of course,” I replied. “At what time do you want me to be here?”

“Let’s say noon,” Dominic said after considering it.

I nodded my agreement, catching Dominic’s gaze for a moment. His eyes softened when we looked into one another’s eyes, and my heart gave a silly little dance before I pushed my chair away from the table and started to leave.

There was a softness in him that he kept hidden from the world. And if his own father had treated him as badly as he said—frankly, I had no doubt about it—then it made sense that Dominic should hide that tenderness well.

I walked out of the apartment and into the elevator, passed through the spacious and elegant lobby, and walked into the cold November air and mist of the fall in Hudson Burrow. Every breath of this city I inhaled filled me with hope. The city of optimism, I always thought. And this morning, unlike any other morning of my life, I walked with my head held high and a sense of change fueling my stride.

Something monumental had shifted last night, and it wasn’t just my initiation into the club everyone had been a member of for ages. Something that almost felt more intimate than sex had happened last night.

Dominic and I had danced. We’d danced in a crowd of bodies and didn’t care who saw us. It had been the most liberating feeling of my quiet, solitary life. And Dominic had shined like the most expensive diamond. It hadn’t been just me who felt liberated.

My heart lurched with longing, but I walked on. Despite myself, I could see the days to come. I could see them filled with flirting, midnight visits, indulgences of the most delicious sort, and trips to the city to feel as free as I had felt last night.

It was odd to find such freedom in a certain kind of captivity. I had been his to do with whatever he pleased to pay off the debt, but he’d kept me at a distance until the burden of the debt was removed from the equation.

The shop on the corner was lit and working, although it was too cold to expose the fresh produce in front of it. So I walked elatedly to my home, opened the door, and sounded the bell above it.

My father walked into the shop from the hallway in the back. “Good mo…” He looked up. “Zain!” The delight was so unlike my father that it confused me for a moment. “What are you doing here?”

I bit my tongue before using Dominic’s name. “Mr. Blackthorne is in the city.”

Father crossed the space between us and put his arms around me. “Come. Come up. Your mother misses you. Did you eat anything?”

My stomach was still full. “Plenty. Don’t worry.”

Father locked the store and turned the CLOSED sign on the old glass door before ushering me through the hallway into the back of the shop and the stairs leading up to our apartment. “This is so unexpected.”

“It was an unexpected trip,” I lied. I hadn’t told them I was coming because I hadn’t wanted to get their hopes up. I hadn’t been sure if I would get a chance to see them, although that wasn’t the entirety of my reasoning. I put the rest out of my mind.

Mother said my name with soft delight when I walked into the apartment with my father. She hugged me tightly and kissed my cheek, lending me the warmth I had so desperately needed. The apartment smelled like the herbs and spices I’d consumed my whole life, all of the scents mingling together to create the perfect aroma of home.

“I don’t have much time,” I said immediately. “Mr. Blackthorne has some business until noon, and he’ll want me back by then.”

“Enough time for tea,” Mother said softly, putting the kettle on. She immediately opened the fridge, looking for something to feed me, and I had to explain what a decadent breakfast we’d had.

“It’s good that he feeds you well,” Mother said, her voice a little tight as if she hadn’t expected to hear this about Dominic.

“He’s pretty nice, actually,” I said.

“Is he?” Mother asked, preparing the tea, while Father sat down at the round dining table with me.

“You’re leaving today?” Father asked. “But the debt…it’s forgiven.”

I nodded and looked from my mother to my father. “It is, but Mr. Blackthorne offered me to work for him.” He offered me the world I’d never thought I had a place in . “And I accepted. For now.” I added the last bit hurriedly when I noticed my parents’ confusion. “He’s a businessman. Working for him will open doors for me.”

Mother brought the kettle to the table and sat down next to my father, pouring tea for everyone before setting her hand on my father’s.

I had called several times since going away with Dominic, telling them some small details about the work I was doing. I wasn’t weeding Dominic’s gardens or cleaning his gutters. I shared his office and helped him organize a mountain of information that needed attention.

“Of course,” my father said with an unusual heartiness. “You are young, but you are ambitious.”

Mother smiled at that and spoke more to my father than me. “He grew up, Amar. The store won’t keep him.”

I felt a pang of guilt and pushed it aside as best as I could. “It’s good work,” I offered. “And D…Mr. Blackthorne is much more generous than I thought.”

“Is he treating you well, Zain?” Mother asked. “He is not known for his…kindness.”

An odd sense of protectiveness filled my chest. “Rumors. He’s much nicer when you get to know him.” I racked my head for something else to say, something that would show them how good he was, and the best I could come up with was pretty lame. “He pays me well and lets me use his mansion like I really live there.”

He kisses me softly and sears my skin with his sexy beard , I thought, pushing that down before it made my cheeks turn red. But I knew without a doubt that I needed to tell them. I needed to tell them some of the truth, even if it wasn’t about Dominic. I’d spent so many years hiding my true self that it felt like my parents didn’t even know me. They knew the lie I’d built by omission. They knew what they were allowed to know.

I wished I could get the words out quickly and painlessly, but I was afraid. My father was so tied to his heritage and tradition that I could already see the heartbreak on his face. His eldest son and traditionally his heir was gay. Would he be ashamed of me? Or just angry with me? Would he forbid it?

I knew my father so well in every other way except this crucial one. He was a hardworking man, honest to a fault, and proud of who he was. The rules of conduct were so monumentally strict that he allowed nothing to bend them. And he was devoted to his family. I knew that because he had taken on a mountain of debt to provide a better life for me. A life he thought I would like more than working for him.

“I…” I started, my voice snapping immediately. I have something to say , I whispered internally, practicing. And I know it makes me a liar. But I am. I was. And I can’t keep lying to you .

“Yes?” Mother said expectantly, forcing patience into her expression as she leaned a little in.

“I think I’ll visit more often next month,” I blurted. “The work is keeping me busy just now, but it looks like it’ll settle down a bit.”

“That would be wonderful,” Mother said.

We spoke a little more about this and that. My siblings were all in school, doing well, and Father was curious about the agreements I had made with Dominic about the length of my stay.

“It’s sort of undefined now,” I said carefully. “He decided to wipe the debt and keep me on as an actual employee, so I guess I’ll work until this project is complete and decide about the next steps later.”

“And stay in the mansion?” Father asked.

Fear filled me abruptly. Could he guess? Did he suspect? Oh, but I had to tell them who I was, or I would never have a moment of peace. Despite all Dominic had told me, I believed he was wrong. He had to be. It had to be better to be the person you were, even at such a high cost, than to not be true to yourself.

Mama Viv was true to herself.

Roman was, and so was Everett, even though the costs had been high. Cedric had left a kingdom behind, yet I was afraid of losing this little apartment, the room I shared with three of my siblings, and the shop I never meant to work in again.

“Yes,” I said simply. “It’s very large. Sometimes, I spend the entire weekend without running into him.” I forced a laugh after that and finished my tea.

When it was time to leave, I felt like I had failed. I had hoped to find the courage to tell them who I was, but all I succeeded in doing was discovering what a coward I was.

I hugged my parents tightly and told myself there would be another chance, but part of me knew that I would never have the courage to speak up. I would never have the courage to put their opinion of me at such a high risk.

When I walked out of the store and made my slow way back to Dominic’s penthouse, a terrifying sense of failure threatened to sweep me away.

Dominic

My things were packed neatly and loaded into the car. Fifteen minutes past noon seemed like plenty of time to settle any debate about whether Zain had given our actions some thought and reexamination. He must have.

So when he appeared in my study with cheeks red from the cold and a disappointed expression on his face, I was prepared to hear him say so.

I want to leave your employment. I considered this carefully and want to stay with my parents where I belong. He wouldn’t tell me that Neon Nights was just down the street and that he thought he should let himself explore his interests there. He wouldn’t tell me, for the sake of my feelings, that he wanted to meet more people his age. He was considerate like that, although I would have preferred directness.

“There you are,” I said without attaching any feelings to my voice. I stood up and walked over to the window while Zain looked distressed and on the verge of sharing his new decisions.

“Sorry I’m late,” he said. “I needed to clear my head.”

I inhaled and held my breath for a few moments, looking at the congested traffic far, far below. I wanted to run away from this city as quickly as possible. “It’s quite alright,” I said and exhaled. I let the silence go on for a bit longer, then turned on my heels to face him. “I understand you needed to think. And if you would rather stay in the city, that would only be natural.”

Zain frowned. He must have been shocked that I had pieced it all together.

“Of course, if you are interested in pursuing a corporate career, I will be happy to help. I have many companies based in the city with trusted executives…”

“What?” Zain asked. “Why would I want that?”

I stopped and blinked a few times. His frown was deep. “Because…”

He shook his head. “There is no ‘because.’ I don’t want that at all.”

We looked at each other. Part of me was aware that Zain’s expression was bordering on anger. I just couldn’t tell what precisely it was. “You want to return to Harringford?” I asked.

“Don’t you want me to?” he asked with growing impatience.

“I…thought that you might have regretted…”

“No.” He cut me off with a sigh. “Oh, Dominic. I didn’t regret anything.”

“Are you sure?” I insisted.

Zain stepped forward lightly, nearing me with a changing expression on his face. “What we did last night was the best thing that ever happened to me,” he whispered, extending his arms forward.

I stood still, not because I didn’t want to hold him but because I couldn’t control myself. My arms were limp, my feet glued to the floor, my legs heavy as stone. But Zain approached me and wrapped his arms freely around me, resting his face on my chest.

“Why are you so hard on yourself?” he asked softly.

I opened my mouth to counter that, but no words came.

“I didn’t sleep with you just because you were around, Dominic,” Zain said. “I did it because I wanted you. I wanted you for so long. And when it happened, it was everything I hoped it would be.”

I heard his words. I registered them. They carried meaning like any words, but I just couldn’t connect them to the reality. Part of me stood there in disbelief. He must have been mistaken. He wouldn’t say this to me. Would he?

“I like you,” he whispered, wrapping his arms tighter around my torso. “I want us to go to Harringford and do what we did last night. Again. And again. And again.”

A laugh broke out of me as my heart leaped madly. “You’re going to get bored of me,” I said, half joking.

“Never,” Zain said firmly.

I didn’t even know when I had decided to do it, but my arms tore free of their numbness and wrapped around his body.

“You have to think better of me,” Zain warned me, holding me tightly. “And of yourself.”

“I’m sorry,” I whispered. “I thought you changed your mind.”

Zain looked up at me, wearing two impossible expressions simultaneously. Happy and sad, both at once. “I know I’m only twenty-two, but I’m much more stubborn than you realize.”

Determined, I decided quietly. He wasn’t stubborn but determined.

“Kiss me,” he commanded me.

And there was no force in this universe that would have stopped me then. Every doubt that I had carried since waking up was gone. Every smart, rational thought jumped off the cliff. Every question of Zain’s interests and, more importantly, Zain’s determination were gone.

So I leaned in and pressed my lips hard against his. I kissed him deeply and passionately, and our faces grew hot by the time I pulled away to look into his eyes. Still, the happy-sad expression lingered, but it was much more happy after the kiss.

And I kissed him again, exactly the way my body craved to kiss him. My tongue ventured out and parted his lips against mine, sliding into his mouth to meet the tip of his tongue.

The fire burned hot in us both, but I needed to keep a lid on these feelings just now. We needed to go to the place where I was the happiest. And some small part of me glimmered with joy as I wondered how much happier I could be now.