26. Liam

"Now, will you tell us why you summoned us here?" Jagger takes one of the glasses Cruz sets on the table and pours himself a beer from the pitcher.

"Yeah, no offense man, but you're kind of freaking us out," Cameron adds as Jagger fills his glass.

I suppose Cruz could've been a little less demanding when he told them he needed to talk and beers would be involved if they came right away, but apparently when my boyfriend makes up his mind he can't be deterred.

Sliding into the booth next to me, Cruz doesn't hesitate. "I'm gay and I'm dating Liam."

Jagger and Cameron stare at us for a beat before they face each other and Camerson grins proudly. "Bet."

"Fuck," Jagger groans as he reaches for his wallet and slaps a twenty on the table.

"You knew?" Cruz gapes at his teammate, jaw hanging slightly open.

"Suspected." Cameron shrugs as he pockets the money.

"How?"

"You two share a room and still always do everything together. No one does that unless they're fucking." Cameron lifts his glass in a mock toast and takes a sip.

"You two are basically inseparable and you live together." Cruz points a finger at each of them. "Something you want to share?"

"That's different." Jagger shakes his head. "We've been inseparable since birth, more or less."

"How is that different?" Cruz balks.

"Codependency." I want to walk that back as soon as the word flies out of my mouth, but before I can Jagger agrees.

"Probably. So, is this like a test to see if we're good with it before you come out to the rest of the team, or are we just the first to know?"

"The first to know," Cruz says. "And I plan to tell Coach, but I'm not gonna make some formal announcement or anything. I'm just not going to hide the fact I'm with Liam."

"Cool," Cameron says, eyes darting back and forth between us when neither of us says anything else. "Was there something more?"

Why would he think—

"I might transfer," Cruz says.

"No." I swing my head, pinning him with a fierce glare. "No, you won't."

"I said might."

"And I said no."

"Why the fuck would you transfer?" Jagger stares at him like he's crazy. My thoughts exactly.

"Liam's dad said he won't pay his tuition unless he transfers to the school he wants him to go to," Cruz explains.

"Who pays it now?" Cameron asks.

"He does." I sigh, rubbing my forehead to alleviate the headache I feel brewing. This is not a topic I wanted to get into today. "He just didn't know I decided to come here. It's a long story." Please let them leave it at that.

"Fair enough." Jagger grabs a handful of beer nuts from the bowl on the table and tosses several into his mouth. "So, Cruz is threatening to follow you wherever you go?"

"Maybe you guys can convince him how stupid that is," I say.

"Or you can help me convince Liam that there are ways for him to stay without his dad's help. Student loans, work study, all sorts of shit." Cruz leans against the back of the booth and folds his arms across his chest.

Cameron elbows Jagger while jerking his head in our direction, causing Cruz and I to exchange a wary glance. "What?" Cruz asks.

"There's a house some of the seniors on the team rent off campus, and Bennet's been talking to them about taking over the lease," Jagger starts.

"He doesn't want to live in the frat house anymore?" I interrupt.

"Too many parties," Cameron says.

Jagger echoes that with a nod and continues. "He asked if we want in, and we already checked, our scholarships would cover the rent."

"Okaaay." Cruz prompts, glancing back and forth between them. "And your point is…?"

"If you take one of the bedrooms Liam can live with you rent free. Then, you only have to worry about his tuition payment," Cameron says.

"Move in together?" My eyebrows shoot up my forehead.

"You live together now." Jagger gives us a pointed look.

I side-eye Cruz and stifle a laugh. "I guess we do." Funny how I never thought of it that way before. The blush on Cruz's face suggests he didn't either.

He takes a sip of his beer and clears his throat. "You guys would be okay with that?"

"As long as you don't take all the hot water fucking in the shower, I'm good." Cameron lifts a nonchalant shoulder.

"And Bennet?" I ask. "You think he'd be okay with it?"

"I don't see why not," Jagger says. "He wanted us to ask Cruz about moving in anyway, and he's not the one who has to double up in a room."

"When would we move in?" Cruz asks.

"Their lease is up at the end of the semester." Jagger tosses another handful of nuts in his mouth and washes them down with a swig of beer. "We could probably take it over then, so we don't have to live in the athletic dorm over the summer."

Cruz's eyes are filled with hope as they find mine. "You could get a job here over the summer, and maybe that would help you qualify for a student loan."

"Screw that," Cameron snorts before I can respond. "If Cruz scores just one NIL deal he could cover your tuition and then some."

"What?" Cruz and I say in unison, although his voice is intrigued while mine is incredulous.

"Bet." Jagger nods. "I started posting training tips on my SMs, and a shoe company and an apparel company signed me to endorse them. I can't wear their shit on the field since it's different from the team sponsors, but I'm pulling in five figures from those two alone, plus they give me stuff." He lifts his leg to show us the tennis shoe he's wearing.

"Cruz is not paying my tuition," I insist.

"If someone will pay me five figures to wear their stuff, why shouldn't I?" he objects.

"Because you're my boyfriend, not my sugar daddy. I'll take you up on the room since it's covered by your scholarship and we'd probably try to room together anyway, but I'll cover my own tuition."

"What else would I spend my NIL money on if not you?"

"A, you don't have any NIL money yet, and B, you have your whole family you can spoil if you want to."

Cruz twists sideways so he's facing me, one arm resting on the table while the other is propped on the top of the backrest, caging me in against the wall as those blue eyes flare dangerously. "They don't need anything."

"Neither do I." I stand my ground.

"You don't have to do everything on your own anymore, you have me," he grits.

"And you don't have to play hero all the time." I stare him down.

"Aw, is this your first fight?" Jagger crunches on another handful of nuts.

"It has to be. They're being too polite." Cameron grins behind the glass that's on its way to his mouth.

"Who do you think'll win?" Jagger leans against Cameron, bringing their faces together like he's whispering, though his volume barely dropped. "I'm going with Cruz. I bet he's a top, so he'll come out on top." He sniggers at his own joke.

"I disagree. Everyone knows that the bottom wears the pants in the relationship. Liam's a top from the bottom guy all the way. Plus, he's proud. Look at how Liam isn't cowering with Cruz hulking over him."

With an exaggerated eye roll I hold my middle finger up in their direction, though it's only when they burst out laughing and pointing at us that I realize Cruz is doing the same thing.

"They're so in sync they even tell us to fuck off the same way." Jagger snorts, burying his head against Cameron's shoulder as he cracks up.

I huff out a frustrated breath as I watch them chuckle like a couple of teenage girls, but when I let my gaze shift back to Cruz, he's wearing the same goofy smile I am.

***

"Are you ready for this?" Cruz rubs his hand up and down my back while my finger hovers over the call button.

We may have come up with a plan to keep me from going to Cornell the same day I last spoke to my dad, but we figured a few months to put that plan in motion would go a long way toward making sure he couldn't mess it up.

We're far enough into the semester that he can't take his money back—I checked—and we signed the lease for our new place a few days ago. I still have to figure out how to pay my tuition, but I signed up for a work study program, and I lined up a job as a medical assistant with a small family practice for the summer. It's mostly filing paperwork and taking the occasional temperature or blood pressure, but it pays well and it'll look good for my med school application.

"Sunshine?" Cruz's gentle voice reminds me he's waiting for my answer.

"I don't know." I try to give him a reassuring smile, but can't make my face do it.

"Are you worried he'll be disappointed?"

"He absolutely will be, but I don't care about that. It's more like this call might be the last time I ever speak to him, and..."

"And if you don't make it, it can't be the last time you talk."

I lean into Cruz's shoulder, using him to hold myself mostly upright. "Stupid, right? If he hadn't cut off the tuition payment the first time I honestly don't know if I'd have ever spoken to him again. I don't know why this should be any different."

"Because he's never once said he doesn't want contact with you, he just got too wrapped up in his grief to make the effort. And you're worried that if you give him a reason, he'll deliberately disappear." Cruz's lips find the top of my head as he strokes his fingers along my arm.

"But it's the same thing, either way. Accidentally or on purpose, he doesn't make the effort. Why should I care which it is? Why should I worry how he'll react to a phone call when it won't change anything? Not really."

"Because he's still your dad, and you still hope one day he'll be the man he was instead of the man he is."

I don't say anything in response—we both know he's right—but that doesn't make it any easier to acknowledge. This one phone call might be the equivalent of saying goodbye to my family forever. It's something I want to be indifferent about, given how they've treated me, but the good memories I have won't let me be that callous. It's a relief Cruz understands that so well.

"You don't have to do this today," he murmurs against my forehead when I haven't moved some five minutes later.

"No, I do." I sigh heavily. "Waiting any longer would only make it worse. I just don't know how to get through this without losing it. The last time I talked to him, I was livid and I didn't hold back. But if this is the last time I talk to him… Remember how you regretted that your last conversation with Xavier was kind of angry? At least you didn't know that'd be the last time you talked to him. I know this could be the last time I talk to my dad. But I also know he'll probably piss me off."

Cruz offers me his hand. "When it's too much, just squeeze. As hard as you can."

This man…

"I fucking love you." I press my lips to his, lingering long enough that my already jumpy heart starts to slow to its normal rhythm. Then I take a few deep breaths and push the call button, holding the air in my lungs until I hear it connect.

"William?" my dad answers, his voice alone making me sit up straight.

"Liam," I say mechanically, not to be a dick, but because any emotion in my voice could quickly become overwhelming, and I'd rather get through this without losing control.

"Liam," he repeats curtly, and I subtly shake my head at Cruz's I'm ready to play hero frown. I should've given him the heads up we disagree about my name before putting my dad on speaker.

After another deep breath, I let the words flow out. "I'm not going to Cornell, Dad. I know you think that's the best option for me, but I hope you know I wouldn't be choosing to stay where I am if I wasn't convinced I was already in the right place."

I feel pretty proud of myself for getting that out clearly and concisely, until I realize there's nothing but silence on the other end of the line.

"Dad?"

"Do you mean to tell me you're dropping out?"

"No. I'm just not transferring."

"Are you implying you're at a better school already?"

"For me, yes." Cruz gives my hand a gentle squeeze, reminding me he's here.

"You think a school that isn't even ranked in the top twenty-five universities nationally is better than the one I'm prepared to send you to? Clearly, they aren't offering the education you need."

I take a fortifying breath. "Regardless, I've made my decision. I know it's not what you want, but it's what's best for me."

"How can you possibly know what's best for you? You're still a child."

I grit my teeth to stop myself from talking before I can get my voice under control. "Legally, I'm not."

"Numbers on a page, William. They don't translate to real-world experience."

"Raising myself while you and mom forgot how to be parents should count for that." I wince as soon as the words are out, I wanted to be more civil, but I can't change things now.

"We've been through this. Stop trying to punish us for how we grieve."

"Then stop trying to pretend you know enough about me and my life to say what's best. Do you know what I want to do with my life? Do you even know what I'm studying?"

Cruz fists his free hand in my peripheral, and I angle my head enough to see that his jaw is set so hard I think he might crack a tooth. But his lips are pressed firmly shut, letting me handle this.

"You're studying business, obviously."

"No, Dad. I'm studying medicine, so I can be part of finding a cure for cancer. Maybe one day, I can spare another kid from having to fend for himself because his parents were too broken to remember he even existed. And maybe that kid won't have to suffer the bullying and prejudice and discrimination for being gay on his own." My voice cracks a little as I finish, my face already wet from the tears streaming down it, which Cruz wipes away with the hand not being strangled in my death grip.

"I have a family here, Dad." I sniff. "A boyfriend who loves me, friends that support me. And I'm studying the subject I want to make a career out of. So, I'm staying. I just wanted to let you know."

There's a lengthy silence before he responds in the same clinical voice he's been using ever since Liz died. "Relationships are no reason to attend a subpar school when you could attend one of the best. You should be focused on your studies, anyway."

My heart sinks into my stomach. I really thought I had a shot at convincing him when he didn't lose his shit right from the start.

"I am focused on my studies. But I'll be studying here, not Cornell. I hope one day you'll remember what it's like to have a family and understand why I'm making this decision. I love you." I hang up before he can respond, knowing he's not ready to say what I want to hear. That he may never be.

Part of me wants to scream and sob uncontrollably, but a larger part of me doesn't have the energy. All I can do is wrap my arms around Cruz and hold on tight.

"I'm so proud of you, Sunshine." He returns the embrace. "You left him an opening to talk again if he's ever ready, and if he's not, you didn't say anything you might regret one day."

"I guess." My eyes drift shut as Cruz rubs soothing circles over my back. "I'm not sure which is worse, my mom being oblivious because she's drugged or my dad being oblivious by choice."

"He didn't sound oblivious to me, he sounded clinical. Almost like he's fighting being close with people so he doesn't get hurt again. It"s like he"s trying to insulate you from the same thing by suggesting relationships shouldn't factor into your decision."

"I could've ended up like him," I whisper. "I was headed that direction, keeping everyone at arm's length because I was afraid to fully trust them. Even though I didn't want to be alone like that, I didn't know how to let anyone get close."

"You let me get close." He kisses my forehead.

"You didn't give me a choice. When you aren't playing hero, you're like a happy puppy that won't settle down until you get your way. My face actually hurts from smiling sometimes, which I think is your diabolical plan."

"Smiling is diabolical?"

"Getting me to smile is diabolical. It ruins my whole brooding vibe."

"Why do you want a brooding vibe?"

"Everyone loves a bad boy, duh."

His chest shakes from a slight chuckle. "That's not a thing."

"Says the guy whose boyfriend was once accused of trying to unalive someone with his menacing scowl. Admit it, that's what reeled you in."

"Dammit," he mutters. "I guess I do get a little thrill out of being the guy who can make you smile."

Fuck, that's sweet. "Well, if that's why you do it, I guess it's not so bad."

"Why'd you think I do it?"

"To keep me for yourself. If I put out happy vibes instead of brooding ones, I lose my sex appeal and if I have no sex appeal you don't have to worry about anyone trying to steal me."

"Hmm," he grunts. "Well, since you're literally the only person on the planet I want to have sex with, I suppose you have a point about this appeal thing. I'll have to turn you into a happy fucker so no one else wants you."

That has me smiling like a loon, even though he can't see it, and despite the fact this day didn't go exactly the way I wanted it to, I'm happy.

"Cruz?"

"Yeah?"

"Thank you for helping me remember who I want to be."

"Thank you for helping me find out who I am. I love you, Liam."

Cruz brings my face to his for a tender kiss, and for the first time in years, my heart doesn't feel like it might shatter from a strong gust of wind. "I love you too." I kiss him back.