23. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

T his time, I knew immediately I was dreaming, even though I wasn't in that crushing darkness.

I stood in a silvery-white room. It was cool, but not cold, and there was plenty of room for me to breathe, extend my arms out at either side of me, and even do a cartwheel if I wanted. I wasn't naked, but dressed in a long dress the color of the sea that felt as comfortable as a robe.

But just like those times in the darkness, I was very alone. My wolf wasn't with me in this place.

"I'm so glad we're meeting here instead of that drabby place."

At the sound of Mara's voice, I turned and found her lounging in an ornate chair, one of her legs was draped over the arm, the other dangling to the floor. The chair looked like it was made of wood, but it was pitch black. It wasn't painted or stained, that was the wood's natural color. No tree on Isle Royale, or even on earth, naturally had such a dark color. It was wood from Emerys, the land of the gods.

That was almost as shocking as seeing the goddess lounging around as if she didn't have a care in the world. Every depiction I'd seen of Holo gave her such a sense of gravitas. There was a certain otherworldliness about Mara. A kind of innate ethereality that made her seem untouchable and unconquerable, but those qualities were tempered by her posture and the fact that she was examining her long, black stiletto nails.

I must have taken for granted that all gods would behave with the grace Holo was said to have had.

"Don't look at me like that," Mara said.

"Like what?" I asked. She hadn't looked at me yet, and she could tell I was staring.

"Like her . My sister. She and the others were always trying to convince me to sit up straight and act like a lady. But why bother? Behaving that way is so stuffy. I'm sure you get me."

"What?" I felt like I was being annoyingly dull and slow to understand what Mara was talking about. "You mean because of high-wolf society?"

"Exactly." She looked at me then, and her storm-gray eyes were so very familiar. "You know all about what Emerys is like just having to deal with the politics of your inferior world."

I frowned and touched my head. My mind was spinning with questions and comments about what she meant. How could the gods behave like spoiled children the way the people of high society did? But I knew from past dreams that I didn't have a ton of time to be asking every one of them. I needed to stick to the important things. Like… what had she said when she had arrived?

"What did you mean by that?" I asked. "When you said that you're glad we're meeting here?"

"I meant exactly what I said. I don't like that awful place where we've met before. It's a mood-killer."

"But… you're the goddess of nightmares, aren't you?"

"No," she said with a long-suffering sigh. "You mortals never get that right. I'm more like the goddess of the subliminal. I can tap into your dreams or nightmares depending on my whim."

"So, you don't give nightmares?"

"I do." She returned her attention to her nails. "I can give you dreams, too, but I don't do that anymore. Mortals never respond the way I expect them to. Not even you."

"Okay." I was struggling now, losing focus. Here I was talking to an actual, living, breathing goddess, but all she was doing was ranting about how inadequate I and other mortals were. "But if that's the case, can't you control what goes on and where we meet? Why aren't we in that dark place? Not that I want to be there, of course." I rushed to add.

"As I've tried to tell you before, that darkness is meant to be a warning of things to come. You always had the power to overcome the vision I was showing you. For some reason, you never tried. Until now. Hence why we're here in this much more pleasant space. My domain, as I like to call it." She smiled to herself. "It's nice and calm here, don't you think?"

"I like this a lot more than the void," I agreed. "But why have you been reaching out to me? I don't want to assume that you're interested at all in mortal affairs, but I've been busy. I'm trying to stage a coup with my m?—"

My face warmed. I almost said "mate", but Asher and I hadn't talked about what we were to each other, and I didn't want to say that in front of this goddess. What if doing so cursed us?

"—with my friends," I finished lamely. "I understand that you're warning me, but what are you warning me about? And," I added with some frustration, "why haven't you reached out before? I've never had any contact with the gods in my entire life, but suddenly you're in my dreams almost every night."

Mara lowered her hand and adjusted herself in the chair, so she was sitting in it normally. "You might want to sit down for this."

"Where—" A sudden pressure at the back of my knees forced me into a sitting position, and I found myself in a chair similar to Mara's.

"You are not just any mortal, Phaedra. You have the blood of a goddess coursing through your veins. Only half, mind you. The other half is still mortal."

I sat dumbly for several moments, and then the shock vibrated through me, starting at my frazzled brain and traveling down to my toes. "I'm sorry—what? No. You must have the wrong person, Mara. I'm mortal. I have to be."

"Really? Then, why can you tell when someone is lying? Why did your food stay fresh in your den even without electricity? Why was your mate and his pack able to stave off the urge to shift while you were around them? And what caused that bottle to explode when Connor was about to attack you?"

"I'm just… lucky?"

Mara scoffed. "Funny. You don't sound like you believe that at all."

I didn't. I rubbed my forehead. "But… then, who are my parents? Why aren't they contacting me instead of you?" I paused. "Are—are you my mother?"

Mara threw back her head and cackled. The sound echoed in the calm, empty space, pleasant and somehow musical, even though it made me blush.

"I've no children, and I plan on keeping it that way, thank you," she said. "Not like there are any eligible men in Emerys, anyway. But I digress." She calmed herself, flattening her hands over her bone-straight, raven-black hair. "You are the daughter of a wolf servant named Otavio, and my sister Holo."

Another wave of shock rocked me. "The goddess that was murdered by?—"

"Yes," Mara cut me off. I guess she didn't like thinking about the fact that a mortal man killed her sister. "I know this is a lot to take in, but we're running out of time. You will wake soon. Because the gate to Earth is closed, gods and goddesses cannot reach out or interfere with mortal affairs. I, however, am able to contact you because you have the blood of my sister, and because you're finally starting to use your powers. Because of that, I've been able to watch you these last few months, and I've seen you getting closer and closer to danger."

I gasped. I wanted to ask more about that, but Mara was rushing on.

"I need your help, Phaedra, but you can't help me if you're dead. You've started using your powers, which is great, but at this pace, you won't learn to control them for years. You don't have anywhere near that long." The ground shifted beneath my feet and brought Mara closer to me—so close that I saw her pale skin was almost uncannily smooth without a single pore. "You need to learn how to control your power before someone else does."

I sat up so quickly that Asher, who was still snoozing beside me, startled awake.

"What?" he demanded, immediately on guard. "What's happened?"

"I had such a strange dream," I said, rubbing my head. At first things were fuzzy, but then it all hit me like a splash of ice water. "But… it wasn't just a dream. It was real."

"I'm not sure I follow," he said around a yawn, scratching his beard. "You were dreaming, weren't you?"

"No. Listen, I… I need to tell you something."

The remainder of his drowsiness disappeared from his gaze, and he focused all his attention on me. "I'm listening."

I would have kissed him for immediately taking me so seriously, but it wasn't the right time. I had far too much to tell him.

"I've been having strange dreams lately," I began. I told him about the choking darkness and the voice that spoke to me. I told him how I learned that the voice was Mara's, and how she warned me from Emerys, and the danger that was headed my way. I also told him I knew the names of my birthparents: Otavio… and Holo herself.

When I was finished, I was breathing hard, my heart beating so fast it was painful. It was a relief to get all of that off my chest. It was far too much for me to carry on my own. But how would Asher take it?

His expression was almost blank with shock. I couldn't blame him. I'm sure my face had looked exactly like that in my dream.

"I… I guess that explains a few things," he said after a while. "I've always wondered what it was about you that kept my pack from succumbing to the curse when you were around. If I'd known this before, I think things would have gone differently."

"Oh." It just occurred to me how useful all of this would have been to him. To both of us. I wouldn't have doubted the existence of the curse or of the gods. I might have even found a way to reach my wolf sooner. He would have been able to avoid fighting Edgar, and maybe, with time, I could have learned how to use my powers to keep his pack from becoming feral when Connor became alpha. So much time would have been saved.

"I'm sorry," I said. "Mara said she couldn't reach me before?—"

"No, no," He silenced me with a kiss. "It's not your fault. We were both operating with the information we had. There was no way we could have done things differently."

The tension that had gathered between my shoulders released as quickly as it had gathered. "You're right. Thanks."

He smiled and touched my cheek. "Of course." He pressed his lips to my forehead. "I can't believe I wanted to stay away. That I wanted to hide my feelings for you."

"Why?" I asked, but the answer popped into my head as I finished speaking. "It's because I had us get rid of our mate marks, right?"

He nodded. "Yes, but it was also because I thought I didn't deserve you. I couldn't protect you and my pack at the same time. But as long as I have you by my side, I feel like I could take on the gods."

"I know what you mean." I felt his heart beating in time with mine. It was the first time I felt such peace in… years. "I do regret doing that," I murmured. "I am so sorry I insisted we go through with it."

"I don't blame you for it. I really don't." He pressed his hand to my back. "I consider it a blessing that we still want to be together."

I beamed up at him. "So do I."

"Maybe we're still meant to be together even though we rejected the will of the gods."

"Maybe," I said.

The minutes ticked by, and before we knew it, the birds started to sing. That meant dawn was coming.

His face reflected my disappointment. We had to say goodbye. For now.

"I'll miss you," I said. "I wish we had more time."

"Goddess, I'll miss you, too." He pulled me against him and hugged me fiercely. "I guess that's strange to say knowing that the goddess Holo is your mother," he said with a small chuckle.

I laughed. "Let's not think about that too much right now."

He hugged me for a few more precious seconds, then pulled back and framed my face with his hands. I read the happiness in his hazel eyes, but there was also something like despair in them as he gazed at me. "I don't want to let you go," he whispered.

His words brought tears to my eyes, and I crushed my lips to his. Who knew when we would get the opportunity to be together again? It could be days. Weeks.

Suddenly, Mara's voice came back to me. " You don't have anywhere near that long. "

It was such a foreboding thing to say. I pulled back from the kiss and pressed my forehead to his. "We'll see each other again when it's time for all of us to meet."

"But I won't get to touch you," he said with a half-smile.

I laughed and kissed his nose. "The faster we get rid of Connor, the faster you'll be able to have your hands on me again."

"Ah, Phaedra." He sighed. "As if I didn't already have every reason to take that prick down."

He kissed me once, twice, and then we reluctantly crawled out of the dugout and snuck back into his cabin so we could get dressed.

When I returned to my room, I found a few jars the size of sewing thimbles. Each was filled with a shimmery, powdery substance, but one of them was even smaller than the others and held a powder the color of pewter. A note was beneath them.

" Eleanor dropped these off for me. She said there ought to be enough pix powder for each of us as well as the sleep medicine . XO, Theodora. "

I smiled to myself. After the strange night I'd had, these gifts were a relief. At least some things were working in my favor, even if there were other things that remained confusing or out of reach.