3. Phaedra

PHAEDRA

T he midday sun filtered through the emerald curtains, casting rays on the marble floor that was the same throughout the entire manor. The linens matched the drapes, gold trim complementing the green. The cabinets and dressers were ebony, which meant they had been imported from the mainland.

The canopy hanging over the bed shimmered faintly, reminding me of a pix's wings. I blinked back tears and ignored the clench in my heart as I thought of Eleanor. I wanted to visit her, to see if she was doing well, but fat chance of that happening while I was imprisoned in this gilded cage. As far as she knew, I was on the mainland.

I lay back in bed, wishing it was the bed I'd grown accustomed to in Den City. Never once had I thought I'd long for my drab little den, but I did. Fiercely. These luxurious furnishings didn't suit me anymore. I would prefer my old makeshift home over this room any day, but if I was being honest, neither it nor this place felt like home.

Nowhere in the Wilcox Pack, whether behind the gates of high-wolf society or in the heart of Den City, felt like my home. Where I really wanted to be was on the other side of the island, in Asher's cabin, in his bed, with our limbs intertwined. That was the closest thing to home I'd had since Connor rejected me.

Each memory of those tender moments I'd shared with Asher felt like a stab through my heart. Just last night, I witnessed the man I love suffering through humiliation after humiliation. There he was, chin held high, proud and beautiful and fierce all at once… only for Connor to belittle him in front of all of high-wolf society. And I'd been forced to watch it all from my front row seat at Connor's side, unable to prevent it or do anything to help him.

In an ideal world, Asher would have killed Edgar and regained control of the curse. He would have ruled his pack as he needed to while I was living my life on the mainland.

That had been my dream: to go to the mainland and carve out a life for myself among people who didn't know me. My biggest problems should have been finding a place to sleep and a new job. Solving those issues would have been tough, but it would have distracted me from this searing ache in my chest. The absence of the fated mate mark was a terrible reminder of what I'd done, of the man I'd rejected.

Tears spilled from my eyes, stinging my cheeks as I burrowed deeper under the covers. I hated this. I hated myself. Connor got to use me and parade me around like his prize, while I was mourning a man whose heart I'd broken.

I wished I could just go back to sleep. If I were in a dream, or, hell, even a nightmare, it would be better than having to deal with the reality of my situation.

I felt the phantom of Connor's arm around my waist, keeping me as close to him as possible. Shuddering, I curled into a tight ball, hugging my knees to my chest. The longer I lay there thinking about him, the bleaker everything seemed. I would always make the choice to save Asher and his pack again and again. But was I really okay with giving up my future to be with Connor? Was there nothing more I could do to help Asher? To help myself? There had to be some way to get us both out of this.

The sudden raps at my door made me flinch. When the next round of knocks came, I retreated deeper into the warm my cocoon of blankets, hoping whomever it was would just go away.

"Phaedra?" I recognized the voice from the other side of the door right away. "Phaedra, it's Theodora. Are you awake?"

Again, I stayed silent.

"Okay, I'm coming in, and I'm bringing breakfast."

The door opened and shut gently. I heard the rattle of the dinnerware as Theodora carried my breakfast to my nightstand and set it down. The bed dipped under her weight.

She put her hand on my shoulder and squeezed very gently. "Phaedra, will you come out?"

Reluctantly, I sat up. My hair was a mess, and I shook the strands out of my face. All I'd done when I got to my room after the party was change into a sleeping gown and get into bed. I hadn't braided my hair, so it was mussed, and the pins were still digging into my scalp. The strap of the sleeping gown slid down my shoulder, and I tugged it up as I rubbed at my eyes with my free hand.

By contrast, Theodora was pretty as always. Her deep brown skin was blemish free, and her kind, heart-shaped face softened at my disheveled appearance. Her eyes were the green of fresh cut grass. Her hair, as always, was smoothed back into a professional bun. Her maid's uniform—a shapeless, black sheath dress and a white apron—draped over and hid her curves.

"Looks like you forgot to take off your makeup," she said. "Let me help you." She went to the vanity that stood near the door. She opened the drawers one by one, then closed them with a huff. "I can't believe your vanity is empty. You sit tight, I'll be right back."

While she was gone, I looked at the breakfast tray. There were two pancakes with a handful of berries on a ceramic plate. On the side was a small pitcher filled with maple syrup. Another plate had a strip of crispy bacon and a small rolled omelet. My stomach growled despite my foul mood, and I pulled the platter closer to me. I hadn't had an appetite last night, but today my hunger couldn't be ignored.

I had finished half of the bacon, the omelet, and one of the pancakes in the few minutes before Theodore returned with a wicker basket holding a few toiletries. When she saw how much I'd eaten in that short time, she grinned. I blushed in response.

"I'm sorry you didn't have any of these supplies before you moved in," she said, setting the basket on the vanity. "Would you like me to put them away? Or would you rather do the organizing yourself later?"

I swallowed a mouthful of pancake and cleared my throat. "Um, either way is fine for me."

She nodded, as if she'd expected such a noncommittal answer. Although Theodora was only a year older than me, she had such a calm, mature way about her—always reliable, always kind. "I'll organize them for you in a bit, and if you want to rearrange things, you can when you feel up to it. But for now"—she patted the chair—"come and sit. Bring your pancakes with you if you'd like."

I felt a bit stronger now I had food in my stomach, so I slowly slipped out of bed and slumped into the chair. Theodora wet a cotton pad with some makeup remover. I closed my eyes as she tilted my chin up and gently dabbed at my face. When I opened my eyes and looked at my reflection, every trace of concealer, blush, and eyeliner was gone, leaving behind a pale complexion and haunted eyes. I quickly looked at the pancakes, not wanting to look at my reflection any longer.

"Let me open the windows." Theodora pulled open the curtains, filling the room with warm, midday light. The rays lit upon the gold accents in the room, almost too bright to look at.

"I don't like you doing things like this for me," I said. "You're not my servant. You're my friend."

"I know, but you're hurting right now and clearly need some comfort. So, you just get comfy while I fix your hair—as your friend."

I sighed. She wasn't going to leave me be. "Fine," I muttered and crammed more of the pancakes into my mouth.

She took out the pins still in my hair and began to tame the tangles. Despite my protests, it was very relaxing—comforting, even. My mind wandered, and instead of dwelling on my and Asher's problems, I thought about Penny. I hadn't seen her all day, but Theodora was her maid, so maybe she had more info.

"How's Penny doing?" I asked, glancing at her in the mirror. She had finished taming half my head and was moving to do the other side.

"She's…" She paused, her mouth twisting to the side. "She's up and about."

I raised my eyebrows. "I'm surprised. If I were her, I don't think I could find the strength."

"Me neither." She shook her head. "I told her it would be best to rest up, but she didn't want to hear it. She's going to look over her father's will."

I let out a long, low breath. "Gods, she's strong."

"Yes." She worked the brush up to the crown of my head. Each stroke was gentle and soothing, so much so that I wanted to lean back against her, close my eyes, and fall asleep.

"She sent me to check on you."

That chased away my drowsiness and sent a sharp stab of guilt through my chest. The guilt was swiftly followed by a wave of empathy. "I guess I shouldn't be surprised, considering she's already started taking care of business."

"I don't think she did that just because she's planning to get work done or because she's worried about you," Theodora said. "I think she wanted to be alone for a little while. Her mother has insisted Penny stay by her side at every moment, and it's been hard on her."

"I can imagine." Miranda was probably beside herself without her mate. The last thing anyone had expected was for Edgar to die right before Connor's ascension. Edgar should have lived for many more decades.

"Penny said to let you know that you're free to visit her when you're feeling up to it."

I looked up from my empty plate to meet Theodora's gaze in the mirror. "I thought she wanted to be alone?"

"Yes, but her closest friend is an exception."

Lowering my eyes, I took inventory of myself. I was still exhausted, and the ache in my chest for Asher was still present, but if Penny could find the strength to move forward with business after the death of her father, I could cheer her on.

"Where is she?" I asked.

"In her father's study."

That meant she was in Connor's former room. On the day of the ascension, as was custom, Connor moved into the alpha's rooms, and Edgar moved into Connor's. That Wilcox pack tradition had led to quite a bit of confusion for Asher and me. When I went to Edgar to pay off my contract to the pack, I'd found Connor instead; and when Asher had tried to sneak into the manor through Connor's room, he had met Edgar.

Disgust roiled in my stomach at the memory. "I'm going to see her," I said.

Theodora nodded. We'd only known each other a few weeks, but she'd caught on quickly to my personality. Nothing I did seemed to surprise her. "I'm sure she'll be happy to see you," she said. "Let me finish your hair first, okay?"

I nodded and let her finish detangling my hair. Once it was done, she braided it and tied it off with a ribbon.

"All done."

"Thanks." I admired the hairstyle in the mirror. "I look less haggard now."

She chuckled. "You're so harsh on yourself. You didn't look haggard."

"You're too nice to me, Theodora," I said, smiling at her in the mirror. "But I appreciate it. Will you walk with me to Edgar's study?"

"I will. I'll gather your dishes while you get dressed."

"Sounds good."

While Theodora cleaned up, I went to my closet. I wanted to wear jeans and a T-shirt, but all I found were dresses, skirts, blouses, and scarves. I groaned. Living in Den City had allowed me to appreciate a comfier, more casual outfit, but now that I was back in high-wolf society, I wouldn't get away with it.

I flung each hanger to the side until I found a pair of slate-gray dress pants. I paired them with a black linen blouse and black flats. When I emerged out of the closet just minutes later, Theodora had managed to organize all of the toiletries she'd brought me and was sitting on the bed waiting.

Seeing that I'd finished getting dressed, she hung the empty wicker basket on her arm and picked up the breakfast tray.

"You sure you don't want to come back for the tray?" I asked.

She shook her head. "The kitchen is on the way, and since I finished with the basket, I don't have any reason to come back to your room."

"I guess that's reasonable enough. But do you want me to carry?—"

"Phaedra," she cut me off with a little chuckle. "How would it look for me, a servant, to let you carry this tray?"

"Oh." I shuddered inwardly, thinking of the gossip. "You've got a point, Theodora."

Balancing the tray in one hand, she opened the door. "Yes, I do make sense sometimes," she teased, glancing at me over her shoulder. "And didn't I tell you to call me Theo?—"

A man walking past the door bumped into her, and she stumbled. The tray tilted, the dishes sliding slowly to the edge. As I rushed to grab her, I saw his hand dart forward to wrap around her waist. He caught the tray before the dishes could fall—all except the tiny pitcher of syrup. I reached them just in time to catch it before it could shatter against the floor.

Theo squeaked in surprise when she saw who had a grip on her waist.

"M-Mr. Randall—sir," she stammered, her cheeks reddening. "Forgive me, I should have been paying more attention." I'd never seen her so flustered. Then again, who wouldn't be flustered to find such a huge, intimidating guy suddenly in their personal space?

"Are you all right?" he asked, slowly releasing her waist.

"Hm? Oh. Yes, I'm fine. A-are you?" Her heart was beating so hard and fast that I could hear it.

He balanced the tray in his hand. "Of course."

"W-well." She straightened her apron, which had gone askew after he caught her. "Good. Great. Sir."

Randall did something I'd never seen him do before. He smiled. It wasn't just any smile, either. It was soft and gentle. I hadn't known Randall's face was capable of making such an expression.

He was a mountain of a man, with black hair, black eyes, and so much muscle it was a wonder he could move at all, but with that smile, he seemed so much more approachable. Handsome, even.

"Anyway," she said, looking anywhere but directly at him, "I don't mean to keep you. We were just headed over to see Penny."

"I see." His smile faded at the mention of Penny, his usual stoic mask returning. "I won't keep you. I hope you three have fun, whatever you're doing." He looked from her to me, nodded politely, then continued down the main hall. He was probably headed out to the training grounds.

"Goddess, that man makes me so flustered," Theo said, her hands pressed to her reddened cheeks.

I wanted to tease her about her interest in him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it. Randall was Connor's right-hand. His job was to be loyal to his alpha no matter what. I didn't trust him on principle. I couldn't.

"Theo, you should be careful around Randall. He's close to Connor, and that makes him untrustworthy."

She worried her lip between her teeth. "You're right. I wish I could control my reactions around him."

"You shouldn't feel sorry about that. I'm sorry. I didn't mean to make you feel bad."

"I know you didn't. You're just looking out for me. And yourself, too, I'm sure. I won't get close to him, I promise."

Her words did nothing to make me feel less awful. I wished I could take it back or tell her that if she was interested in him, she should go for it, but I kept my mouth shut as we walked to the study. As long as Randall was in Connor's pocket, I couldn't, in good conscience, support Theo's feelings for him. All I could do was tell her to stay away.

When we reached the door to the study, Theo knocked on it three times. Penny answered just a few seconds later.

The moment I saw her, I pulled her in for a hug. She stiffened, then melted into the hug, holding me just as tightly as I held her.

"I have to get back to work," Theo said. From the corner of my eye, I saw her smiling. "I'll let the two of you catch up." She met my gaze, winked, then left.

Penny and I continued hugging. I was content to keep holding her for hours if that was what she needed, but she was the first to pull away.

"Could we get out of here?" she murmured.

"Of course," I said, squeezing her shoulders. She looked up at me, and my heart broke at the bags under her eyes. "Do you want to go shopping or go to one of the cafés in town?"

She shook her head. "I don't want anything here. Could we go past the gates? I don't want to be in high-wolf society for a little while."

I nodded. "I understand. Let's go."

One of the guards brought a carriage around for us, and we piled inside. It was a good day to leave the manor. The sky was a clear blue with white, fluffy clouds dotting it. There was no trace of rain, it wasn't terribly windy, and the sun was pleasantly warm on my body.

"There's so much I didn't get to say to him," Penny said softly.

I turned from the window to look at her. She was staring straight ahead at the plush, burgundy interior of the carriage. Tears dripped down her face, and her shoulders trembled. Her hands were balled into fists on her thighs.

"There were things I hated him for, things I admired him for." Her voice cracked. "I didn't get to talk to him about any of it because he was either busy, decompressing from his day in the library, or taking a walk on the training grounds. Even Mom had a hard time getting hold of him when he was taking a break. He promised us he would have plenty of time to spend with us after the ascension… but I hardly got to speak to him at all last month."

I thought about meeting Edgar in the library while he was reading, and my lungs constricted. Edgar had told me he was angry and surprised by my parents for not fighting harder for me, and that he could tell I had mated someone other than his son. It had been both validating and frustrating for me—validating because he acknowledged my pain and understood why I had moved on from Connor, but frustrating because he hadn't fought for me, either.

I couldn't have known that would be the last time I'd have the chance to speak with him, but if I had, I would have given that opportunity to Penny. She deserved to have closure with Edgar far more than I did.

"I'm sorry," I said. "I'm sure he'd have kept his word if he could have."

"He would have. He always kept his promises to me and Mom." She dabbed at her tears with her sleeves, graceful and proper even in the grips of her grief.

"Penny, are you sure you're up to this? We could ask the driver to turn around if you like."

"No, no, I'll be okay for a few hours. Especially when I have you with me." She placed her hand on mine. "I don't know what I would do without you and Theo. Mom is in no state for visitors at all, and Connor… he hasn't visited me even once."

I tried not to wince at the mention of his name. "He hasn't?"

She shook her head. "It's like he's avoiding me for some reason, but I don't know why."

I wasn't sure how to respond to that, so all I did was take her hand and squeeze it. Today was about Penny. Whatever she wanted, whatever she needed. Even if what she wanted to talk about was painful.

If she wanted to talk about Connor, I'd deal with it because Penny was my friend.