25. Asher

ASHER

I didn't have the strength to tell Phaedra, but that envelope was filled with most of what I'd been saving since I was a teenager. I wanted to have something for my future mate and our pups. It was all very comical to me now. There was no way I could take a mate after her. Even if we were able to get rid of the bond, I would never forget how things had been with Phaedra. Before I'd ruined everything.

After knotting in Phaedra, my head felt much clearer. I felt like I had more focused, more in control of myself. In that way, I felt amazing, but it was tempered by the fact that I'd lost the woman I loved.

Shortly after Phaedra left, Taig came to find me. He'd heard about my fight with Selene. I told him how things had ended between me and Phaedra, and now he wanted to know what I intended to do next. He and I were sitting at my dinner table, each nursing a beer.

"Now that it's over," I said, watching a drop of condensation slide down the outside of the bottle, "I can focus all my energy on killing Edgar and putting our curse to rest for good. Once that's done, we'll be strong again, and I'll convince Selene that I still want to combine our packs. In the years that follow, I'll lead our people to heights my father was incapable of reaching."

He nodded, but he watched me steadily, like he expected me to bolt at a moment's notice. "What about… succession?"

I laughed even though I felt like crying. "When I get to be Garrett's age, I'll let one of Selene's pups take over as alpha."

"One of your pups, you mean? With Selene?"

I shook my head. "No. They won't be mine by blood."

He didn't say anything. I couldn't tell if his silence was contemplative or pitying.

"Sounds like you've got it all planned," he said.

I shrugged. "More or less."

His chair creaked as he leaned back in it. "I'm sorry about the things I've said to you. I… I shouldn't have let myself get so angry."

"I shouldn't have strayed from the things that are important." And I shouldn't have put the future of my pack at risk. I never really wanted to be with Selene. I should have thought about renegotiating our alliance weeks ago.

"There's something else," he said, avoiding my eyes. "I never told anyone, but I'm in love with Selene."

I blinked. Words failed me. I thought about my interactions with Selene when Taig was present. His honesty around her, the strange looks he gave me… Yes, it made sense now.

"Oh," I said dumbly.

He snorted at that. "Yeah, ‘oh.' I shouldn't have judged you so harshly about Phaedra when I could hardly keep myself from acting like a fool around Selene."

"I can't hold that against you. Now that I know, I feel like I understand you a bit better. And who knows, now that Selene and I aren't to be mated, you might get the opportunity to tell her how you feel."

His answering chuckle told me he wasn't confident about that.

"I feel like I understand you better now," he said. "After meeting Phaedra and seeing how quickly she sprang into action to help when the meeting building caught fire… I think she would have fit right in."

I closed my eyes briefly, letting the pain wash over me. "I agree."

"I'm sorry for the way things ended between you two, and I'm sorry for the role I and the rest of the pack played in that."

"It wasn't really you," I said. "We were wonderful together, but I kept too much from her—left too many things unsaid. It wouldn't have worked until I gave everything to her."

He frowned. "But you're not in a place to do that."

A wave of bitterness rose within me. I wanted to spit. "That's the worst part. If we met in another life or at another time, maybe things would be different."

Taig nodded. "I can't help but feel like fate dealt us a bad hand. Our lives have consisted of nothing but a series of awful coincidences."

"Too true." I sighed. "If I could talk to the gods, I'd tell them exactly how I feel about all this and what I think about them."

"Me, too, Ash. Me, too."

We spent a bit more time together. It was nice just sitting with him. It reminded me of how things used to be when my father was in control of the curse. I wished Phaedra was there, but at least with Taig here, the cabin didn't feel so empty. Getting to spend this time in my human form with Taig was like one last gift from her. I wondered if Taig noticed that it had been so long. I didn't want to bring it up and ruin the moment.

He finished the rest of his beer in a few more swallows and got up. On his way out, he paused at the threshold. "You're not your father, Asher. I worried you were turning into him, but when I think back on it, you were still getting work done, still present at our meetings. You didn't abandon us the way William did."

Hearing that from him put a lump in my throat—one I quickly swallowed. "Thanks, Taig. That means a lot to me."

He nodded, then headed back to his cabin.

On Sunday, I threw myself into getting as much work done as possible. We had finished planning out the new meeting building and were in the process of gathering the necessary wood we needed to rebuild. Though we were still cursed, and Connor's ascension grew near, I helped my men chop down firs and shave off the rough bark. When that was done, I tried to follow up on last-minute preparations.

It was a day filled with labor and interacting with my people. In my own way, I was trying to apologize to my pack for my behavior as of late. I hoped they understood.

When that work was done, I felt the tingle of the fated mark flare to life. The moment it hit me, hope and excitement stirred inside me. Though I had my work to keep me busy, the ache in my chest never went away. Now, Phaedra was calling me.

It was already late in the evening, and I hadn't thought I would see her again so soon. Maybe she'd changed her mind about leaving, about breaking the bond. I laughed bitterly at myself as I told Taig I was stepping out for a bit. Of course she hadn't. Why would she after I'd fucked things up so badly?

She was already in Heartbridge Cave. The sight of her sitting on our rock, with a thick book lying open across her lap, her hair falling over her shoulder… it made me want to fall at her feet and beg for forgiveness and apologize for everything I'd put her through. But when she looked at me, the pain in her bright, beautiful eyes stopped me before I could. That was just as well; I would have only made a fool of myself.

I cleared my throat as I walked toward her. "Is that the book?"

"Yes." She lifted it to show me its old, elegant cover. "Eleanor told me we need to speak to Kestrel to break the bond."

"It's a risky move to go to her about anything, but I'm sure you're aware."

"I am."

Kestrel was known for taking on any job that paid enough, and if anyone knew anything about fated bonds, it was her. I myself had gone to Kestrel after my father died. She took my money and told me I had to kill Edgar—and what would happen if he died or lost his alpha status before that.

As I sat next to Phaedra, I noticed a familiar scent on her. Connor. I suppressed the urge to growl. "You ought to be careful around the Salcedos."

She rolled her eyes, and for a moment I wanted to smile. That was the woman I knew—the headstrong, beautiful Phaedra who wasn't afraid to let me know exactly how she felt. Not for the first time, I wished there was some way to go back in time and stop myself from ever lying or hurting her.

"Obviously," she said. "Don't worry, this isn't the first time I've had to play nice around Connor. I know how to handle him."

I didn't like the phrase she used. Though I knew Phaedra didn't mean it that way, "play nice" conjured up images of her and Connor in bed together. I needed to control my feelings, but I found myself wrapping an arm around Phaedra's waist and pulling her into my lap anyway.

She sighed but didn't push me away. "The sooner we get rid of our bond, the better. How soon can we make this happen?"

I stuffed the pain down deep inside my heart. Doing this was the best thing I could do for her and for my pack. It was what needed to happen, but no amount of encouragement would make it any easier.

"We'll go first thing in the morning," I told her. "It's probably best to get this done right away."

"I agree. Let's meet here tomorrow and head to her hut together."

"Sounds like a plan," I said, even as my heart squeezed in my chest.