Chapter 7

CHAPTER SEVEN

BEAN

I was starting to see why scientists were fascinated by the human brain and how our memories worked in particular. How was it possible that I hadn’t remembered this man’s name—I still couldn’t recall it, but at least I’d written it down this time—and hadn’t recognized him when we’d met again, but my body remembered how his touch had felt?

As soon as he touched me, it all came back to me. How he had kissed me. How he had played my body like a fine instrument, coaxing reactions out of me no one ever had. How I had responded to him. So eagerly, so willingly. So horny.

So. Flipping. Horny.

“If you don’t stop kissing and touching me like that, I’m gonna embarrass myself in public, and this will be over before we even reach your place.”

“Like what?” He nibbled on my neck again, that sensitive place right near my collarbone. “Like this?”

Fuuuuudge. “Yeah.”

“Or like this?” His lips sealed around my earlobe and he suckled. Who knew that was a thing? Also, I’d never realized that spot had a direct connection to my penis, but it sure did. Sparks radiated out from my ear, like ripples on a pond after throwing a pebble in.

“That too.”

He chuckled. “How about this?”

His lips found mine again in a kiss so soft and tender a thousand butterflies took flight in my belly and my body floated.

“Nngh… Mmm, yeah.” He finally let go of my lips, and I blinked. “You’re teasing me. Were you this much of a tease last time?”

“A tease? Me?” His feigned look of innocence wasn’t even remotely convincing.

“I have zero desire to get arrested for public indecency, so if we could make it over to your house, that would be amazing.”

He grinned as he took my hand and we started walking again. “I’ll take pity on you.”

One of the things I had feared most after my diagnosis was people constantly pitying me. Well, Nash and the others didn’t and never would, that much I was sure of. We were all struggling, hurt in different ways, and while we had empathy for each other—though usually masked by a healthy amount of ribbing—we didn’t do pity.

But did other people show pity? If they did or had, I didn’t remember, so maybe that was one thing to be grateful for. But was my mystery bear joking about the pity, or did he mean it? Only one way to find out.

“Pity? Are you saying this is a pity thing?”

“A pity fuck? Jesus, no.” He stopped me. “That was a joke, right? You don’t really think that?”

I shrugged. “If I was sure, I wouldn’t have asked.”

“Shit.” He looked distressed as he dragged a hand through his hair. “I didn’t think you’d take it literally. It was a figure of speech, just me teasing you, I promise. No deeper meaning, nothing.”

“Okay.”

“You believe me?”

I nodded. “One of the many consequences of my brain injury is that I can’t always read emotions or intentions properly. My brain gets confused sometimes. My therapist taught me to simply check and ask people what they meant. I hope you didn’t take offense.”

He took my hand again and pressed a kiss on it. “I didn’t. I was more worried I’d accidentally hurt your feelings, which was never my intention.”

“You didn’t, but thank you.” Our eyes met, and oh, those pools of blue had so much depth now, like a stormy ocean I could drown in. “You have such beautiful eyes.”

They lit up, turning brighter. “Thank you. I always thought they were boring. You know, blue eyes like every other person on the planet.”

I stepped a little closer, studying them. They weren’t just blue by any standard. They had swirls in them, ribbons of darker blue and gray, as well as dots of almost cerulean blue and the brightest blue of a cloudless sky. “Anyone who said your eyes were boring never took the time to truly see them. They’re amazing. Makes me wish I could paint.”

His cheeks grew ruddy, which made the silver bear look adorable—something I hadn’t thought possible. “You’re sweet.”

“It’s the truth, isn’t it?”

He studied me for a moment longer, then tugged on my hand, which he was still holding. “Come on, let’s go. I want to have you naked in my bed.”

Oh, I could so get on board with that.

As expected, I remembered nothing from his house, but that didn’t matter. What was way more important was that as soon as he closed the front door behind us, he kissed me again. He pressed his broad body against mine, pushing my back against the wall, and devoured my mouth.

I’d been kissed, but never like this. His tongue roamed my mouth, dancing with mine, licking and probing even as his lips moved over mine with a restless energy. He sucked on my bottom lip until it almost hurt, then let go to lick it, only to put his teeth into it and bring me to that same edge of pain again. And I kissed him right back, greedy for everything he was willing to give me.

My hands grew greedy too, and I slid them over the planes of his back. Down, down, down until I reached his butt. I squeezed two handfuls of his flesh, and nothing had ever felt so good. I pulled him closer until his hard penis encountered mine.

He rolled his hips and ground into me. My eyes crossed, and I had to break off the kiss to suck in a much-needed breath.

A wave of dizziness came over me, and I squeezed my eyes shut as the unavoidable nausea barreled into me.

“Bean?”

I groaned. “Gimme a moment.”

He let go, but that wasn’t what I wanted. I made a blind grab, not trusting myself to open my eyes again. “Don’t. Stay. I didn’t mean to?—”

He put his fingers on my lips. “I’m staying. Just tell me what you need.”

A moment. I needed a moment for my brain to reboot. My brain was operating on an old Windows program, my psychologist had explained. It tended to crash when it got overloaded, and then it needed a little time to restart.

“What’s your name again?” I whispered, still keeping my eyes closed. “I’m sorry I forgot again.”

“Jarek. My name is Jarek. And don’t apologize. Ask as often as you need, and I’ll be happy to tell you every time.”

Jarek. Jarek. Jarek.

Rhymes with Derek.

Cripes, my brain was too fried to come up with a mnemonic to remember it.

I blew out a breath. Thank goodness I’d picked a guy with a boatload of patience. I carefully opened my eyes and checked to see if the world was normal or if everything was still moving like I was in a boat on a stormy sea. Man, I got seasick so bad, even on a calm sea. There was a reason I’d chosen the Army.

Yup, everything was steady again. Another deep exhale and I met Jarek’s eyes. “Jarek.” I tested the name on my tongue.

He nodded. “Yes. Jarek.”

“Rhymes with Derek.” I snorted. “Sorry, I’m trying to come up with some kind of mental trick to remember it, but I can’t think of anything.”

He cocked his head. “Hmm, I’ve never thought about it, but I’d be happy to help you brainstorm.”

“Not now.”

“No?”

“I think we have different priorities unless you’re gonna get really upset that I still won’t remember an hour from now.”

His mouth split open in a wide grin. “I’ll live.” Then he sobered. “Are you good?” I opened my mouth to protest, but he held up a hand. “I don’t want to baby you, but I also can’t ignore that you looked like you were gonna faint there for a moment.”

He didn’t ask me to explain. He simply noted what he’d seen, but he never put pressure on me to give details. Somehow, that made it bearable. “Sometimes, my brain gets disoriented. It’s like those first seconds after waking up when you need a moment to remember where you are and what’s happening. Except it can happen in the middle of the day, doing anything, and I need, like, ten seconds to restart.”

“Gotcha. And when that happens, what do you need?”

My throat tightened. Other than Nash and the others, no one had ever asked me that. “It helps if you’re quiet and not moving so I can orient myself again to time and place. I know I’m a freak, but?—”

For the second time, he cut me off with fingers placed firmly against my lips. “You’re not a freak. You wouldn’t be okay with someone else calling himself that, so don’t do it to yourself. You have a…limitation.”

“A disability,” I said quietly. It had taken me time to get there, but there was no way around it. This brain thing, as I had started out calling it, was a disability. Not a mere nuisance, something temporary that would go away over time. It was here to stay. It could get better over time, maybe—hopefully—but it would never fully heal. “I have a disability.”

Jarek took my hand. “A disability. So please allow me to help you when I can.”

I swallowed. “It’s hard. I hate asking for help.”

“You didn’t ask. I’m offering.”

“You shouldn’t have to. This is a hookup. Or at least, it was supposed to be. Hookups don’t come with these kinds of complications.”

“Says who? No offense, sweetheart, but it’s not like you have experience doing this.”

I opened my mouth, then closed it again. “Fair point.”

He cupped my cheeks and pressed a soft kiss on my lips. “How about you let me decide what complications I’m willing to deal with? And by the way, I strongly object to that term. You’re not a complication. You’re sweet, you’re sexy, and I want to spoil the hell out of you, so how about we move on to that part of the program?”

My throat tightened at how sweet he was. “I’d like that,” I said hoarsely.

“Good. Now, where were we?”

“You were kissing m— Hmph…”

He dove into me, and a few seconds later, I didn’t even know my own name, let alone his. But it was okay. I knew how good he made me feel, and right now, that was enough.

I tugged on his shirt, which he promptly removed. Before he could ask me to do the same, I whipped mine over my head and dropped it on the floor. Nash would have a coronary if he saw me be so messy, but he wasn’t here, now was he? Which was good because I was about to get very naked and very intimate with this man. With…

Rhymes with Derek.

Jarek. His name was Jarek.

He nudged me backward, and we kissed as we made our way into his bedroom. My elbow hit the doorpost, but I barely felt the pain. The pleasure tingling throughout my body overrode anything else.

Jarek was so sexy. I broke away from the kiss, needing to catch my breath, and I admiringly ran my hands through his chest hair. “I love your body.”

“You said that last time too.”

“Well, at least you know I mean it.”

“I never had any doubts to begin with. You don’t strike me as the kind of man to lie.”

“Correct.” I curled my leg around his knee and took him with me as I tumbled backward onto the bed, his heavier body covering mine. Oh yes, I loved that feeling.

Feeling bold, I slipped my hands under his waistband and into his underwear, grabbing on to his bare skin.

“Hold on.” He pushed up for a moment and, with one hand, unbuttoned and unzipped his pants. “There, better. Things were getting a little too tight there.”

Mmm, now I could access much more, and so I did, kneading his plump ass with both hands. He rutted against me, and the friction sent delicious waves through me. I could easily get off like this, but I wanted more.

I wanted to taste him.

Giving oral scared me, but it also fascinated me. Natasha hadn’t liked giving head—though she had certainly loved me going down on her—but the handful of times she’d sucked me, it had been arousing. She’d never finished me that way, but I’d wanted her to.

What would Jarek taste like? Would I be able to let him come in my mouth? It seemed so dirty but also so sexy.

But if I wanted that, I’d have to take some initiative. Touching him was a good first step, but I needed him naked. Well, both of us, so maybe I’d start with myself?

He kept kissing me as my hands traveled from his ass to my own pants, which I quickly unbuttoned. Dragging them down with Jarek on top of me was a bit of a challenge, but I managed, and while I was at it, I also took my underwear off.

“Smooth,” Jarek said with a glint in his eye. “Very smooth.”

“You could do the same?” I batted my eyes at him, elation filling me as he grinned.

“I sure can, sunshine.”

Seconds later, he was naked too, and when he stretched out on top of me again, my penis rubbed against his. Adrenaline thundered through me, and my skin broke out in goosebumps. What an erotic sensation, feeling another man’s junk against mine.

I slipped my hand between us, suddenly craving to touch him. His penis was smooth as velvet yet hard as a pipe. How would it feel to have him inside me? As if on cue, my hole clenched.

Not this time, but maybe I could experiment with myself a little, work up to it.

Jarek nudged my legs farther apart, then settled between them. He trailed kisses from my lips to my jaw, then down my neck and chest.

“Buckle up, sweetheart,” he said as he worked his way down even farther. “I’m about to take you for a ride.”

He nuzzled the hair at the root of my penis, breathing in deeply. Why would he do that? Maybe it smelled good? “I love how it smells there,” he said, as if reading my thoughts.

Hmm, I’d have to take some time to do the same to him. I could barely hold a snort back. As if I would remember that. Hopefully, my instincts would help me out there.

Jarek curled his hand around my base and bowed his head. Fiddle faddle, his tongue was on me! Licking the head of my penis!

I could barely hold still as he lapped the precum off my tip. How could something so simple feel so good? He checked in with me, then grinned, probably seeing what he did to me. “You may proceed,” I joked, which only widened his smile.

But then he closed his mouth over my head and suckled, and the smile was wiped off my face. I let out a whimper, my hands fisting the sheets. Jarek lifted his head. “Hold my head.”

“W-what?”

He nudged my hands. “Put them on my head.”

Oh. Hesitantly, I threaded my fingers through his hair.

Apparently satisfied, Jarek sucked me back in. I moaned as he suckled the tip, but that changed into a drawn-out keening sound as he took me in all the way. Mother Francis, I’d never been that deep inside anyone’s mouth. As much as I tried to fight it, I bucked my hips, shoving myself deeper into his throat.

“I didn’t mean to…”

Jarek met my eyes, then held up a thumb. Oh. He was fine? He was fine.

Wait. He liked that?

I carefully did it again, but now on purpose. Spit formed around his mouth, which was obscenely stretched around my penis, but he didn’t pull back. He blinked slowly, signaling that yes, he did like this. That was why he’d told me to put my hands on his head.

I tightened my grip and thrust into his mouth again. The sound it made was wet and filthy, but nothing had ever felt so good. My penis was engulfed in his warm, tight mouth—or his throat? How far had he taken me down there? I’d have to research that—and he sucked and did things with his tongue and even his teeth. I thought teeth were a no-no during oral, but the way he used them to scrape my skin and create a perfect sting was sublime.

I wasn’t gonna last long. Heck, I’d already been lucky because I’d jerked off that morning, or I wouldn’t even have made it this far.

Pleasure crept up my spine like a fever slowly spreading out until every inch of my skin burned with lust at what Jarek was doing to me. My balls were heavy and full, feeling like they were gonna explode if I didn’t come soon.

My hips moved of their own accord now as I fucked his mouth. There was no other word for it. I used his mouth the same way I had fucked Natasha, who was about the last person I wanted to think of right now, but it couldn’t be helped.

My body tensed, and then Jarek hummed, and the vibration hurled me over the edge. I jerked, white-hot ecstasy blinding me for a few moments as my balls squeezed tightly, forcing out their load. Jarek swallowed, sucked, then swallowed some more until it finally stopped squirting.

Boneless, I sagged back on the mattress, my breath coming in frantic pants and my hands dropping off Jarek’s head. I couldn’t have moved even if the fire alarm had gone off. When Jarek crawled back up my body and met my eyes, my smile must’ve been downright sappy. “Good?” he asked in what had to rank as one of the stupidest questions of all time.

“I think you fried what little was left of my brain cells.”