Chapter 10

CHAPTER TEN

JAREK

Working for Ivy was a lot less stressful than my job at my former company, but my to-do list was a sloping hill that was about to get bigger since she was thinking about opening a facility to properly house teens who had nowhere to go.

The paperwork was a million-mile-long trail, and outside of the financials, part of what she wanted me to do was connect with state agencies for permits. It was way outside my wheelhouse, but as terrifying as it was, it finally felt like I was giving something back. I wasn’t some cog in a machine that could be easily terminated without mercy because they saw no value in what I did for them.

I was not only working for my best friend, but we were making a difference. And that mattered to me. I’d never really been at risk of becoming one of those teens, but I knew people who hadn’t even begun to consider who they were deep down until they were out of college for fear of losing support from their families.

I wanted to live in a world where that didn’t exist anymore. Which was a pipe dream, probably, but goddamn, if I could do something good with the rest of my life, I wanted it to be this.

Especially if I was going to spend the rest of my life in my little townhouse, tragically single, with nothing more than a cat for company. And maybe a fish. And I was kind of leaning toward a turtle at the moment. Their pointed little faces were so cute.

The drive to work was short, and while the street parking and the hill were a bitch, it felt good to stretch the ache out of my calves. I was only slightly out of breath when I made it through the front door, and Ivy was already there, leaning on her assistant’s desk as she scrolled through her phone.

“On time is late,” she said. Then she looked up at me, and her eyes widened. “You know what they call that in Australia?”

“Call what?” The hell was she walking about?

“Pash-rash.”

I blinked at her, and she gestured at my neck. Oh , right. Yeah.

I hadn’t seen Bean in a little while, but my skin was still a bit tender from how long we’d been kissing. Bean had stubble, which was great while he was devouring the skin over my pulse, but it was a little red and irritated despite the moisturizer I’d used over the last few days.

Pressing my palm against the spot, I walked to my desk and dropped my bag off to the side. “So?—”

“Nope,” she said, crossing the room and dropping primly into the chair beside me. “Who is he? What’s his name? How big is his dick? Does he have a dick?”

I covered my face with both hands. “We’re not doing this today.Fuck off.”

“When have I ever fucked off when there’s hot gossip to be had?”

She was right. The answer was never. I sat back in my chair and folded my arms over my chest. “It’s Bean.”

“Adorable Army guy.”

I nodded. “Yes, he has a penis. No, I’m not going to tell you how big it is.”

“But you’re dating him now.”

I choked on my own spit. “Uh. No, honey. I’m not dating anyone now. Or ever again, probably. I mean, look at me.”

“Silver bear hottie?”

“Silver bear is not a thing.”

She grinned. “Oh, it so is. And I mean, if he’s being a judgmental dick about your hair or your body, tell me. I will not fucking stand for that.”

I almost laughed at the thought of Bean having a single judgmental bone in his body. Granted, everything he said or did could have been bullshit. It could have been one big mind game to mess with me, but I was pretty sure he wasn’t that good of an actor.

I’d seen the way his brain was—the way his disability affected him. No one was that good at pretending just for some dick. “He’s really, really nice, but he’s kind of new at this.”

“This?”

“Men. Or people in general,” I clarified. I didn’t want to tell her what I knew. It wasn’t my story to share. “Neither of us is in a good place for a relationship, so I’m not sure what to call it.”

“A hookup,” she said like I was thick.“Friends with benefits?”

Which, yeah, it was. But oddly, that word felt like it was devaluing what I felt with Bean when we were together. I rubbed my hands down my face and sighed. “Anyway, if that’s all, I have a mountain of work, and my boss is a real hardass.”

“I’ve heard she’s soft when it comes to silver bears she’s known for more than half her life.” Ivy winked as she jumped up and walked over, leaning down to kiss me on the cheek. “I want you to be happy, babe.”

I put my arms around her and squeezed as she fell into my lap. I’d done this since forever, and I was glad that no matter where we were in life, my ability to be affectionate with my best friend hadn’t changed. That it would never change. “I will be. I just need some time.”

She kissed my cheek again, then swiped her fingers over what was very obviously a lipstick stain. “I love you, Jarek. You’ll get wherever you want to be—except I will not let you become some hermit on the beach walking his cat on a harness. Okay?”

I burst into laughter. “Fine, fine.What about a turtle.”

She gave me a look full of venom, which only made me laugh harder.

“Alright, no cats, no turtles.Maybe a partner in the distant, distant future.”

“I’ll take it,” she said and settled back against me.

As much as I’d sworn off the idea of love after Gio, the idea was starting to have a little more merit. Maybe I wouldn’t get lucky enough to settle down with Bean or anyone as good as him, but maybe there was hope for me.

“Just call him.”

I glanced up from my crouch near the far wall of the townhouse, the mallet heavy in my hand. My brother and I were meant to be knocking down a wall, but I was distracted.I had been all afternoon. I stood up, my knees and back popping like a freshly poured bowl of Rice Krispies.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

Andrei scoffed and folded his arms over his chest. For a moment, he looked so much like our father that it made my stomach churn. Then his face softened, and it morphed into something else because our father would never, ever have looked at me like he gave a shit about my wellbeing.

“Yes, you do. The guy you were texting when we were at dinner. The one you were trying to pretend was nothing? I don’t even know why you showed up here today when clearly you want to be doing anything else. Like him, for instance.”

He wasn’t wrong in that sense. I would have much rather been screwing Bean six ways to Sunday if given the choice between that and house renovations. But it also wasn’t just missing Bean. It was the fact that we were making almost no progress on the townhouse because I didn’t know what I was doing and wasn’t any good at the things Andrei had taught me.

It was becoming increasingly obvious that I needed to put this project in the hands of his professional team, who could give me a timeline. They could do the work without fucking it up and requiring Andrei to come in and fix it.

“I don’t need to call him. I need…I don’t know. I need a hobby or something that isn’t failing at DIY renovations.”

Andrei raised his brows. “A hobby? Like what? Knitting?”

That didn’t sound like the worst idea, but the truth was, I was using every excuse to stay out of the rental as often as possible. It wasn’t home. It didn’t have my stuff in it. There was no warmth. It was just a bunch of walls with a bed to sleep in.

I wouldn’t feel settled after the divorce until I had my own place. Something that was mine alone. This townhouse was well on the way, but it wasn’t moving fast enough.

“It’s time.”

Andrei tilted his head to the side. “For knitting club?”

“For me to hand this place off to you and call it a day, you dick.”

He burst into laughter as he crossed the distance between us and set his hands on my shoulders. “Smart man. I knew the two of us got the good genes from that old man who calls himself our father.”

I couldn’t argue there. “My point is, I need to find some other way to occupy my time. And don’t say call Bean.”

His lips twitched. “I will never get over how fucking cute that nickname is for a guy who was literally in combat.”

I had to agree. But it fit him perfectly. His dimpled cheeks and wide eyes, and the way he seemed to appreciate everything like it was beautiful and brand new. Fuck, it had only been a few days, and I had no right to ask for his attention, but I missed him.

“I have an idea.”

I backed away from my brother and turned to grab my water bottle from the side table. “Shoot.”

“There’s a guy doing surf lessons on the beach like ten steps from here. And I have swim trunks in my car.”

I rolled my eyes. “You have to sign up for those things, man. You can’t just walk up and be like, ‘Hey, teach me to surf.’”

Andrei dug into his pocket and pulled out a crumpled yellow flier. The text was bold and the graphics were cheap stock silhouettes of a figure on a surfboard. Who had…one leg? Weird. “See right here? It says walk-ups welcome. He’s probably just getting started. They have practice boards and he takes cash.”

Learn to surf!Call or text Heath.

The address really was right near my townhouse. I glanced out the window at my brother’s car. “Did you do this on purpose?”

Andrei laughed. “No. Call it kismet…or serendipity. Whatever. You know what I mean. It’s exactly what you’re asking for, and it’s gotta be better than standing around staring at the wall.”

The idea of hanging out by the water was a million times more appealing than staying in the townhouse, knowing I wasn’t making any progress and was only making Andrei’s job harder. I shoved my hands into my pockets, but I could feel myself conceding.

“Fine. Will you call me later and give me an estimate on when this will be done?”

Andrei nodded, his serious business face on. “You know I will. But if you leave it to us, you know it’ll get done right.”

I did know that. I hadn’t wanted to sink more money into it than I had to, but it would be worth it. And I had the cash. I had the settlement from selling my old place with Gio and the shared Lexus was currently at a dealership getting appraised. And my severance was almost an entire year’s worth of salary sitting in my bank.

What was I going to spend that on besides making myself happy?

“Shake on it?” I asked.

Andrei rolled his eyes,yanked me close, and hugged me. We weren’t super touchy-feely most of the time, but it felt good to have some familial affection. I’d been missing that most of my life, leaving me a little starved, so I took what I could get.

“We’ll make it worth your while, and I won’t leave you flat broke,” he promised. Grabbing my hand, he shoved his keys into my palm. “Now go get the shorts, change, and make some hot friends with eight-packs so you can stop thinking about your guy.”

That was easier said than done, but damn if I wasn’t going to try.

I wasn’t sure what to expect when I headed to the beach. It was fifteen minutes after the time stated on the flier—a quarter past eleven—so I wasn’t sure I’d be welcome. But at the very least, I could dip my toes in the water and then meet this Heath guy and see about joining up next week.

I’d lived by the coast for a good portion of my life, but I’d never done anything like this. Most people didn’t think the Bay Area was good for surfing, but that was better for the locals. We had a bad enough tourist problem in the heart of the city. I didn’t mind that we got to keep these spaces for ourselves.

Meandering down the path, I saw a small crowd on the beach, most of whom didn’t look like they were there for lessons. Then, right near a little rocky alcove, I saw a pop-up cabana with several boards stuck in the sand, a little table, a clothesline filled with rash guards, and a collection of chairs.

And then my heart skipped a beat because I immediately recognized the dark-haired man sitting alone in one of the chairs.

Bean.

My heart was in my throat. I hadn’t seen him since the night I taught him how to suck my cock, and while we’d texted and attempted to match schedules, we hadn’t been able to find the time. And now he was here, close enough I could walk over and take him in my arms if that wasn’t against our rules.

Not that we’d really defined any rules.

I started toward him, coughing loudly so he’d look over. And he did. He shielded his eyes from the sun as he looked at me, a small smile playing on his lips.

“Hi there.” His tone said he didn’t recognize me. But then he gave me a long, careful look. His lips moved silently like he was muttering an internal dialogue, and then, with some uncertainty, he said, “Rhymes with Derek?”

I grinned. Maybe it was silly, but pride and joy rushed through me. He was remembering. “Yeah. Jarek.”

“Jarek,” he repeated.

“You’re getting better at that,” I pointed out.

His ears went pink. “It helps now that I can tell myself our story.” Before I could ask what he meant, his eyes widened and he flew to his feet. “Oh, sugar snaps. Were we supposed to meet today? Oh my gosh, I’m so sorry. I must not have written that down!”

“Hey.” I closed the rest of the distance between us and set my hand on his arm. Was I allowed to touch him like this? He hadn’t pulled back and wasn’t tense. In fact, I’d swear he swayed into me a little. “We weren’t supposed to meet. My brother had a flyer for this surfing thing, and I thought it might be a good idea to take up a new hobby. I didn’t know you’d be here.”

Bean sagged with relief, though he looked a little angry. “Sorry. I’m just…this is so…” He knocked his knuckles against his temple, and I quickly caught his hand, kissing his fingers. I was pushing it, but the look on his face said he didn’t mind. “It’s frustrating.”

“I can’t imagine.” I glanced toward the water and saw a guy wearing a slim titanium prosthetic leg walking toward us. The graphic on the flier made sense now. The guy’s face was…angry? Protective? Was this an Army guy? It was hard to assume with his long blond curls. He was definitely fit enough to have been in the military.

Bean followed my gaze and he burst into laughter. “That’s Heath. Don’t mind his resting murder face. He’s a good guy.”

“One of your Army buddies?”

“He’s dating one of them,” Bean said. He took a step back as Heath stopped beside us. I couldn’t see his eyes behind his sunglasses, but his face said enough. “Heath, this is…” He frowned in confusion, then shook his head like he was getting it back. “Jarek.”

“Hey,” I said, offering my hand. “Bean and I met a couple of times at Eddie’s Bar.”

Heath’s body shifted immediately, and he extended his hand. “Oh. You’re Jarek. Nice to meet you.” He eyed my shorts. “You here for lessons?”

“I was thinking about it. I know I’m super late.”

“Yeah, actually. We got started a while ago.” Heath rubbed the back of his neck, looking apologetic. “Can you come next week? I don’t want to stop these guys.” He thumbed over his shoulder at a group of people who were mostly teens.

“That’s totally no problem. This was kind of a spur-of-the-moment thing.”

Heath stared another second, then walked over to a backpack leaning against the cabana pole and dug in. He came back with a phone and shoved it at me. “Give me your digits. I’ll text you a reminder for next week if you’re cool with that?”

I was. I put in my number and handed it back. “Appreciate you.”

Heath nodded, then side-eyed Bean for a second. “Maybe you two could go grab some lunch? There’s a couple spots nearby and you were saying you were hungry.”

Bean bit his lip, then looked over and stared at my stomach for a long beat before moving his gaze to my eyes. “Do you have a shirt? Not that I’m complaining, but I think even the spots around here have rules about no shirts.”

I couldn’t help a small, pleased flush. “I do. But I don’t want to take you away from your lesson.”

Bean laughed. “Oh gosh, no . I’m not surfing. I’d probably have an episode out there and drown. I like watching, and it’s good for me to get out of the house when I’m not working. I’ve spent a long time moping and feeling sorry for myself.”

My heart ached for him. I wanted to give him so much more than this, but I was terrified. I hadn’t been nearly enough for Gio, so how could I be enough for a man who deserved more? “Lunch sounds like a good side quest.”

Heath perked up. “Gamer?”

“Another failed hobby,” I confessed. “I’ll explain later,” I added when Bean frowned.

Heath chuckled and waved us off. “I’ll see you in a bit, yeah?” Then he was out of earshot, and it was just me and Bean again.

“You totally don’t have to come with me anywhere,” I told him. “I don’t want to cross lines.”

He looked confused for a moment, then his eyes widened. “Oh. No, uh…unless it is for you. This is new for me, so I don’t know the rules.”

I stepped a little closer and let our elbows brush. “There are no rules, Bean.”

He squared his shoulders, then carefully reached between us. His warm, slightly calloused hand found mine, linking our fingers together. “Okay. Let me treat you to lunch.”

My ego said no. My need to be around him said yes. I squeezed his hand gently before bringing it up and kissing his knuckles. I felt half drunk on the way his cheeks went pink. Fuck, if my townhouse was ready and Andrei wasn’t there, I’d take him home. Instead, I gave him a little tug, and we started toward the path to the road.

I had no idea what this afternoon would bring or if this could possibly change things. But I did know that right now, there was no chance in hell I was letting go.