Chapter 7

7

Three weeks later, I wake up on a Thursday morning with Mack all over me.

I only know it’s a Thursday because that’s market day. It’s the only day of the week with a distinct feature, and without it the weeks would have blended into a blur of similar days.

Occasionally Mack gets horny first thing in the morning—unworried about realities like full bladders and morning breath—but today he’s still asleep. I’m on my back, and he’s on his stomach. But he must have rolled toward me at some point during the night because his head is tucked into the curve between my neck and shoulder, his arm is slung over my middle, and the left side of his body is resting on the right side of mine.

In a certain mood, I’m not at all opposed to such an arrangement, but this morning I’m hot and also need to pee.

I give his shoulder a little poke since often he’ll wake up easily, instinctively grabbing for the pistol he placed on one of my nightstands when he started regularly spending nights in here with me. This morning, however, he doesn’t wake up. Just grunts groggily and snuggles into me even more.

He’s heavy. And hot as a radiator. And my bladder is starting to dramatically protest the delay. But my heart gives a silly little spasm anyway.

At his deepest core, Mack is a warm, cuddly man, and it can’t help but come out in his sleep.

I hold out as long as I can, enjoying the feel of his big body and his possessive grip. But finally I have to give him a big push to free myself enough to roll off the bed.

He grumbles and mumbles, repositioning in the gap I left on the mattress, as I hurry to the bathroom.

As I pee, I come to the annoying realization that my period has started, so I have to do a quick search to discover that Chloe had some tampons and pads stored under the sink. After I take care of things, I wash my hands and face and check out my appearance in the mirror. I went to sleep with my hair loose since during sex Mack will pull out any braid or ponytail I tie. So at the moment it’s a mass of wildly tangled waves around my face. My eyes look huge and bluer than normal in this lighting. One of the thick straps of my knit gown is slipping down off one shoulder, and there’s a dark bruise on the right side of my neck from Mack’s mouth.

I look decidedly mussed. But oddly sexy at the same time. I kind of like the looks of me at the moment.

I have no idea why.

After briefly considering and discarding the possibility of brushing out my hair, I return to the bedroom.

Mack is still sprawled out, the covers pushed down to his waist, exposing his broad chest and firm abdomen. His eyes are closed, so I’m quiet as I step over and crawl into bed beside him.

Then I squeal when he rolls over on top of me without warning.

“You’re supposed to be asleep,” I tell him, giggling as he plants sloppy kisses all over my jaw and neck.

“You woke me up.”

“So now I have to pay?”

He pulls my gown strap down even farther so he can mouth the top of one breast. “If you call this paying.”

I’m still laughing softly as I run my hands over the smooth curve of his bare scalp and then down farther to the flat planes and rippling muscles of his back. “Don’t get too excited about whatever you have in mind. My period started.”

He lifts his head. “Since when has that ever bothered me?”

“Never. You’re never one to let a little blood stand in your way. But I’m not sure I’m in the mood to get messy this morning.”

“Okay.” He gives my shoulder one more little kiss before he rolls over onto his back. His expression is relaxed when I check.

He’s never once made me feel guilty about saying no, but I still worry. I hate to disappoint him. “I’m sorry.”

He slants me a narrow-eyed look.

“Okay, I’m not sorry,” I say, backtracking quickly. “We just had sex nine hours ago, so you have no business getting all revved up so soon.”

He chuckles at my tart, teasing tone. “Nine hours is plenty of time to get going again.” He rubs his face, staring up at the ceiling. “I guess I have been nonstop with you this month. I think it’s because there’s not much else to do, and so all my energy is going straight to my dick. It’s not too much, is it?”

He’s not exaggerating. We’ve been spending three or four hours every afternoon in bed, napping and having sex. We also usually have a quick session at bedtime and occasionally even in the mornings.

“No, it’s not too much.” I’m smiling as I scoot over on top of him and prop myself up so I can look down at his face. “Are you or are you not aware of the fact that I’ve been right there with you every time?”

“You definitely seem to be with me.” He lifts his hands to smooth down my messy hair and then cup my head. “When did you turn into such a horndog? ”

“Horndog?” I’m loudly indignant and trying not to laugh at the same time. “You’re the horndog! I’m just trying to keep up.”

“Uh-huh.” He’s grinning up at me endearingly.

I slide a hand down his belly until I reach his mostly erect cock. I give it a few squeezes. Unlike me, he nearly always sleeps completely naked. “Who exactly is the horndog around here?”

“I wasn’t gonna do anything with that since you didn’t feel like it.”

“I know. I’m just saying.”

I want to kiss him so badly I’m almost shaking with the effort to refrain. We used to kiss all the time when we were together, but that’s been more than two years. And whatever we are right now is only temporary. Mack made it clear that we’re together for now but not forever.

Maybe I’m starting to wish things could be different. Maybe I’m not feeling the same resistance to being bound to a man that I used to.

Maybe for the first time in my life, the idea of soft boundaries rather than clear lines around a relationship doesn’t make me feel safe. It makes me anxious and restless.

But he needs something different than I do. He said so directly.

Mack gave me everything I needed for a very long time, so I’m going to give him what he needs right now.

If that means I can’t have him all the way when for some reason I’m starting to want it, then I’ll be content with that.

Instead of going for his mouth, I lower my lips to his cheek. Then mouth a trail downward until I’m sucking on the pulse in his throat the way he so often does to me.

“Uh, it’s kind of hard to be good when you’re doing that to me, angel.”

I’m washed with a wave of pleasure at the endearment. He’s never called me baby or sweetheart or honey or darling , but every once in a while he calls me angel . I love it.

“Well, just because I don’t want to get messy doesn’t mean you can’t get messy.” I complete the sentence between kisses across his chest and then down his belly.

He lifts his head. The muscles in his thighs and stomach are already starting to tense up. “You sure?”

I smile at him across the length of his abdomen. “Yeah, I’m sure.”

I take his cock in one hand and lower my head to lick a line up the underside.

He lets out a long, uninhibited moan and drops his head back to the pillow.

I tease him for only a minute since he’s already fully aroused. Then I wrap my mouth around his shaft and start to suck.

It’s still thrilling for me to do this to him. That he’ll let go. That he’ll allow me to take him all the way. I’m more skilled at it now than I was because I’ve had a lot of practice these past few weeks. I’m better at wrapping my lips around my teeth, using my tongue, and taking him deeper without gagging. I think I’m doing pretty well this morning, and Mack’s responses certainly testify to that fact.

He’s loud and shameless as he groans and gasps. His hips are rocking up with my rhythm. He’s got both hands curved around the back of my head, holding me in place at his groin like he knows he’s allowed to take what he wants. Occasionally he mumbles out hot compliments or instructions. “Fuck, you’re doing so good. A little harder. I need it harder. Yes, just like that. Fuck, Anna, I need it just like that.”

My mind is throbbing with power and excitement as his body tightens and tightens until all the coiled tension inside him breaks. His hips jerk into my mouth as his cock spasms, and he lets out a loud sound of satisfaction. I meant to move my mouth before he came, but I got distracted and never did. So I do my best to swallow down his semen as I keep sucking until he’s thoroughly spent and his hips have finally settled.

Then I let him slip out of my mouth as I straighten up, smiling and coughing a few times.

“Y’okay?” he mumbles, peering at me through mostly closed eyes. He’s fully relaxed now, limp and replete.

“Yes. Just didn’t plan very well.”

“If you don’t want to swallow, let me know, and next time I’ll pull out.”

I know he means it and that he’ll follow through since he always, always pulls out of my pussy before he comes no matter how far gone he is.

“No, I don’t want you to do that. I want you to be able to let go. I don’t mind swallowing. I just didn’t prepare well this time.” I’m still smiling as I rub his thighs. Then his belly. Then up to his chest.

He cups my face with one of his hands and makes me meet his eyes. He doesn’t say anything. Just gives me that deep, searching look I well recognize.

Whatever he sees in my face must satisfy him. His expression relaxes into a little smile. “Thank you for doing that for me,” he finally murmurs.

For no good reason, I blush hotly. “You’re welcome.”

“It feels kind of selfish to take that from you when you’re not in the mood for me to give back.”

“No, it’s not selfish unless you start demanding it. I love doing that for you.” Dropping my eyes, I open my mouth to continue but then close it again.

“Tell me,” he demands very softly.

“You didn’t used to… to let me. Not like this. So I’ve been really… loving it. These last few weeks.” I feel stupid and strangely young as I make this admission.

He’s still holding on to my face with one of his big hands. He’s breathing heavily and not just from his release earlier.

“You were always so gentle with me. And I loved that. I needed it back then. But this… this is different. And I’ve been loving it. ”

After a long pause, Mack asks in a voice that sounds purposefully soft. “Anna, why didn’t you ever tell me before that you wanted sex… rougher? Less gentle.”

“It’s not that I wanted rough sex,” I say in a rush since I don’t want him to ever doubt how much the way we used to be together meant to me. “Like I said, I needed it to be gentler back then because I was still… still healing. From Josh. But it always felt… it felt like most of the time you were taking care of me, even while we were having sex. Like you could never fully let go and take what you needed. And I think it’s been better now because it’s not just that anymore. It’s not that I need to have it rougher to really enjoy it. It’s that I want to give as much as I take, and I never felt like I fully could before.”

He’s listening. Thinking about what I’m saying. I’m so afraid I’m going to hurt him by the admission that I move my hands to stroke his face. His head.

“Are you upset?” I finally ask when he doesn’t say anything.

He shakes his head. “I’ve been trying to figure out why it’s even better now than it used to be, and you’re right. That’s why. I… I was holding back before. I was always afraid I’d somehow hurt you if I…”

“If you took what you needed.”

He nods.

I can’t resist any longer. I simply can’t restrain the impulse. I lean down and press a very soft kiss on his mouth. Then say against his lips, “You’ve always done so much to take care of everyone else. You’re allowed to let someone take care of you too.”

He makes a soft sound in his throat and slides his hand to the back of my head, holding it down so he can deepen the kiss.

We kiss for a long time, soft and slow and deep.

Then he finally rearranges my body so I’m curled up at his side beneath the curve of his arm. He pulls the covers up over us, and he’s asleep in only a few minutes.

I’m asleep only a minute or two after him.

We sleep in later than normal, but we have to get up eventually because we need to get out to the market to restock our perishable food. So Mack shakes me awake at around nine and says we should get going.

It doesn’t take long to dress, eat a quick breakfast, and find something from our storage closet to trade for food at the market. Then we get on the ATV and head down the trail and deeper into the forest.

The market is always in the same clearing where Mack took me that first week. According to him, it’s organized by a group of women in the area who have been running it for years now. Because it’s too dangerous to have large groups of people gather in the same location, the providers bring their food and supplies on Wednesdays and the buyers come to trade for them on Thursdays .

It’s a fascinating culture here in The Wild. Different from anywhere else I’ve been. There are so few people and so little organization in communities that it’s much more like it was in the first year or two after Impact where every step you took outside the boundaries of your home immediately put your life under threat.

As far as I know, the market is the only regularly held social event.

When we reach the clearing, Mack parks the quad bike in the normal place, and I wait next to it, pulling out my gun so I’m prepared for anything.

Mack strides over to the table and waits for the buyers in line to clear before he steps up to offer the economy-size bottle of combined shampoo and conditioner we brought with us.

The toiletries stocked up at the cabin are rare finds nowadays, and they’re clearly worth a lot. Mack and the woman behind the table have a brief negotiation about what he should get in trade for his offering.

I’m watching so I don’t notice immediately when something changes in the mood of the clearing. The first thing I notice is that the small group of old guys not too far from me stop talking and get tense.

Looking around to discover why, I see several newcomers. They walk in together but split up almost immediately, each moving to a different position in the open space. Three are men and one is a young, cold-faced woman. They’re dressed like anyone else nowadays—in worn remains of the clothes manufactured in the old world. There’s nothing noteworthy about their appearance except their manner is so efficient and guarded.

I haven’t fully wrapped my head around what’s going on when someone else enters the clearing accompanied by four more men and a rising murmur from the folks already here.

I can’t get a good look at the newcomer, but he’s clearly being guarded by the others. And the four who entered first are with him. They were checking the surroundings before he came in to make sure it’s safe.

Like the Secret Service protecting the president.

Every single person in the clearing stops talking as soon as the man comes into view. It’s not until he reaches the table—everyone even remotely in his way clearing the path with notable urgency—that I can see any features.

He looks like a normal man. Maybe in his forties or fifties although it’s hard to tell anymore. He’s got salt-and-pepper hair grown long and pulled back with a tie at the nape of his neck. He’s dressed in gray trousers and a blue button-up shirt that are neat but well-worn. He’s got hiking boots on.

When he turns his head to the side, I can see that his features are pleasant but unexceptional.

Who the hell is this man? And why does everyone make way for him like he’s royalty or a superstar?

My heartbeat has accelerated, but it’s not as much from fear as it is curiosity and intrigue. Mack has stepped to the side and is waiting quietly while the man talks to the woman behind the table. After a minute, the man steps over to say something briefly to Mack.

Mack shakes his head. His expression isn’t angry or adversarial, so he’s obviously not threatened by the stranger.

I watch open-mouthed as the man gestures toward his guards. They break away, each moving to talk to various people who’ve been hanging around the perimeter of the market.

One of the guards—a burly mountain of a man—stays with the main guy, who scans the clearing in a silent inspection. Then, to my surprise, his eyes land on me. He approaches.

Mack has tensed up as the man gets closer. I can see that even from the distance. My throat grows tight. I have absolutely no idea what to expect, but it feels like a very bad idea to raise my weapon, so I don’t.

“You’re new around here,” the man says when he reaches me. “I’ve never seen you before.”

He sounds educated. Articulate. With a very slight Ozark accent.

I clear my throat and reply, “I am. I’m a friend of Malachi.” I nod over toward Mack, who is visibly bristling but holding himself back for some reason. “I’ve only been here a month.”

“Where are you from?”

I’m not sure why it’s any of this man’s business, but too many alarms are going off in my head to object to the inquisition. “I’m from farther east. Originally from the mountains of Virginia, but I’ve been living in Kentucky for several years. The same area Mack—Malachi—is from.”

He nods, evidently accepting my answer as believable and appropriate. “Someone has taken my daughter.”

“What?” I’m genuinely surprised and appalled, and I sound that way.

He’s got startlingly intelligent blue eyes. They’re focused on me without wavering. “She’s been kidnapped. Her guard was killed. We’re checking for anyone who might have seen something.”

“I haven’t seen any little girls. How old is she? What does she look like?”

“She’s eight. This high.” He makes a gesture with his hand to indicate her height. “Brown hair and blue eyes. She always carries a doll with a pink dress.”

“I’m so sorry she’s missing. I’ll keep my eye out. I really hope you find her.”

He gives a brief nod. “I’ll find her. If you see anything, you can tell anyone. Everyone around here knows how to get me a message.” He pauses and then adds as if as an afterthought, “I’m Logan.”

He turns and walks away before I can get any sort of response out.

As soon as he and his men have left the clearing, Mack returns to me with his big package of provisions. “Did he bother you?” he asks, sounding as bristly as he looks .

“No. Not at all. His daughter is missing, and he was asking about her.”

“Yes. They asked everyone. No one has seen anything.” Mack is frowning.

“Who the hell even is he? Why does everyone act like he’s a king?”

“He kind of is a king around here. It’s best to avoid him if you can. So don’t be getting ideas about him.”

I stare at him in surprise. “Ideas about what?”

“I don’t know. You seemed kind of… interested.”

I’m almost sputtering—half outraged and half laughing. “Are you serious, Mack?”

“’Bout what?”

“About being jealous. Of course I’m not interested in him. It was just all so strange I was fascinated. But poor guy. No matter who he is, no one deserves to have his daughter kidnapped.”

“No, that’s bad. Not sure who the hell would even have the balls to do it.” Then Mack gives his head a firm shake. “Anyway, let’s get out of here.”

He puts the provisions in the cargo compartment, and then we both mount the seat. I wrap my arms around his waist and squeeze him. Then murmur against his ear, “You can’t really have thought I’d be into some random guy.”

He turns his face to look at me over his shoulder. Our mouths are only a couple of inches apart. “Why not? You’re hot as hell. Lots of guys would be interested. ”

“Maybe. Maybe not. But either way, the point is I wouldn’t be interested in them.”

“You wouldn’t?”

“Of course not. You’re more than enough man for me to handle.” I tighten my arms around him and press my front against his back.

“Maybe you want a different sort of man.”

“I don’t want a different sort of man, Mack! From the very first day I saw you, there hasn’t been another man who’s provoked even a passing interest for me. You must know that.”

“I thought I did. For a while. I thought it was only your bad experiences that kept you from being with me for real.”

“That’s exactly what it was.”

He’s gotten tense again. I can feel something strong shuddering inside him. His voice is thick as he mutters, “But then you dumped me. So I occasionally wondered if it was me you didn’t want after all.”

“That’s not?—”

“I know what you said, and I tried to believe it. But I still wondered… Then everything went to hell for me, and now I’m broken.”

“Mack, you’re not?—”

“I’m not the man I used to be. So it’s hard not to think that I can’t be the man you want anymore.”

It’s a raw, naked conversation to be having astride the ATV as we are. I’m kind of shaky as I hug him from behind again. “Mack, what do you think our conversation this morning was all about? If anything, I want you more now than I used to.”

He makes a gruff sound. His body shakes very briefly.

“And I know we’re existing in this temporary bubble for now, and that’s okay. That’s the way it has to be until we both figure out what we really want. But whatever happens to us, it’s never going to be because I want another man.”

He doesn’t answer, but I can hear and feel him breathing.

So, braver than I ever knew I was, I say one more thing. “You’ll always be the only man for me.”