Chapter Seventeen

RYAN COULDN’Tstop thinking about kissing Dylan. One kiss wasn’t enough, and he craved more.

He couldn’t ignore the attraction that had been building since he first met Dylan. He had kept the knowledge to himself for weeks, but seeing him in the hospital made him realize he couldn’t hide his feelings any longer. Watching over Dylan, wanting to kiss him, to feel his body pressed against his in bed, was driving him to distraction. Now that he’d acted on his impulse, it was even worse. He’d put off work projects and returning to his office, letting deadlines fall by the wayside.

He pressed the heels of his palms against his eyes. There’d been that boy in high school and others over the years who’d given him butterflies and an awareness that he didn’t feel with a woman. Including the person he’d vowed to spend his life with. Instead, he put that part of himself away, never acting on those feelings. His parents made it clear when they talked about their friends who had children come out what a disappointment it was. Maybe that’s why Stephanie was constantly encouraging him to date her friends. Did she know? It didn’t matter now. This time something was different. Maybe he was different, older, and after sacrificing so much of himself over the years, he’d hit a wall. But it was also Dylan, and the way he looked at him with those large brown eyes, and the way his hair curled at the nape of his neck when he got out of the pool. Ryan finally had to admit he wanted Dylan. He understood Dylan’s misgivings, but his comment that Ryan only thought of him as a replacement for his twin hurt. His feelings for Dylan were so different from any he ever held for Lindsay.

Ryan had been a bit surprised when Stephanie brought Lindsay home for the weekend and made not-so-subtle suggestions that he should ask her out. Half-Black girls were okay; dating a guy, absolutely not. It was a harsh realization. Family was everything to him. Maybe it was the fear of never having his own family and losing his parents’ love that made him pursue a relationship with Lindsay that wasn’t really in his heart. He’d always been a pleaser. He’d been the kid who was happier going along with the crowd than being the leader. Ryan never liked confrontation and found it easier to conform to what others wanted than to argue.

Now here he was, thirty-four and never having lived the life he wanted.

“I can’t do it anymore.” He sighed.

A soft tap on the door brought him out of his reverie.

“Ryan, are you okay?” Dylan hovered in his doorway doing that thing he did, looking at him as if he really saw him, really cared.

“I—” He closed his mouth and shook his head. No, he wasn’t okay, and he didn’t know how to explain.

Dylan came toward him. He still looked too pale but much better. He’d been lying on one of the deck chairs, sleeping in the sun. Ryan had been trying to get caught up on work, but he kept wandering over to his office window to check on him.

Ryan’s libido. Lust pooled in his belly when he caught the scent of warm sunshine on Dylan’s skin. “Don’t,” he said in a shaky whisper.

Dylan stopped, wrapping his arms around his middle. “I thought this might happen. It’s okay if…. What happened last night was a mistake. You got caught up in a moment. It’s fine. It happens.”

“Dylan, stop.” Ryan’s voice was gruff. “If you come any closer, I’m going to want to kiss you again.”

“Oh.” A blush colored Dylan’s cheeks. “Would that be a bad thing?”

Dylan’s response brought a smile to his lips. “Yes and no. Kissing you again definitely wouldn’t be a bad thing, but I’m not sure if I can stop with a kiss. That kiss unlocked a part of me. It set me free, and now—” Ryan frowned, shaking his head. “—I can’t go back to being numb, and I don’t want to anymore.”

“What do we do now?”

Ryan got up and stood in front of Dylan. “I know what I need. What’s more important is what do you want?”

“I want….” Dylan paused, his tongue darting out to lick his lips. “I’d like to kiss you again, and I think I want more, but I’m… I don’t know, scared, worried, and… a lot of things.”

“I wish I could let you.” Dylan wrinkled his forehead, looking at him with confusion. “Never mind. Was there something you needed?”

“Leo and I have been reading books about camping,” Dylan said. “Well, not really camping, but about national parks, and I wondered if I could take Leo camping.”

“What?”

Dylan shook his head with a small smile. “I didn’t mean camping for real.” He glanced out the window. “I thought if it was okay with you, I’d get a tent and we could camp in the backyard. Unless you have one and it would be okay with you if I borrowed it.”

“No, I don’t have a tent.”

“That’s okay, I can get one. I think Leo’s feeling better. He’s got a lot more energy these days. So what do you think?”

Dylan looked at him with a hopeful expression that made Ryan’s heart do a little flip-flop. And then he smiled. Ryan was willing to do anything to be the reason behind Dylan’s smiles.

“I think that’s a great idea. We could go to REI this afternoon.”

“I’d like that. I have a membership, and I was hoping to see the flagship store while I was here,” Dylan said.

Ryan glanced at his watch. “Can you give me an hour to finish up?”

“Yeah, sure, that would be fine. You don’t have to take me. I can get a rideshare and go myself.”

Ryan groaned. “I forgot.” He went to his desk drawer and pulled out a set of keys. “I meant to give you these when you arrived. It was so busy, and then you were sick.” He held a car key out to Dylan.

Dylan stared down at the key in his hand, rubbing his thumb over the Mercedes logo on the key fob. “I can’t take your car.”

“It’s to the SUV. I don’t think Lindsay used it more than a dozen times since she bought it. It’s the latest model.”

Dylan’s expression clouded. “I can’t,” he said, holding the key back out to Ryan. “I don’t think I would feel comfortable using Lindsay’s car.”

Ryan’s stomach sank. “I didn’t think. Of course you’d feel uncomfortable. That was thoughtless of me.”

“I don’t want to be an inconvenience.”

Ryan had reached his limit. He reached out to Dylan and pulled him closer, gripping his shoulders. “You’re not an inconvenience,” he said, giving him a little shake. “You have every right to feel the way you do.”

Dylan sighed, his body relaxing into Ryan’s. He splayed his hands on Dylan’s back. Eventually, Dylan tensed and stepped out of his arms.

“I shouldn’t have done that. I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be sorry. I want to be here for you. You’ve been through a lot, Dylan. You deserve it.”

“You need to stop doing that.”

“Doing what?”

“Wanting to take care of me.”

Ryan gently caressed Dylan’s cheek. “I like taking care of you. I like you, Dylan. Taking care of you makes me happy.”

He didn’t want to scare Dylan away, so he stepped back and held out his hand. “Give me back the key.” Dylan passed it to him, and Ryan continued, “I’ll get you something else you can drive while you’re here.” When Dylan protested, Ryan put his finger to his lips. “Don’t you dare say anything about inconveniencing me. Let me take care of it and don’t worry. And we’ll go to REI together.”

Dylan clamped his mouth shut and nodded.

“I’ll meet you downstairs in an hour, okay?”

Dylan nodded again and backed out of the room.

Ryan wasted no time after Dylan’s departure calling his assistant to organize the pickup and trade-in of Lindsay’s SUV for a new compact SUV to be delivered the next day. He didn’t want Dylan to feel like a prisoner while he was here.

“RYAN, YOU’REbeing ridiculous. We don’t need all this for camping in the backyard,” Dylan said.

They’d been making their way through the flagship REI store for the last hour. As soon as they walked in, Ryan wasted no time in adding items to their cart while Dylan remained fascinated by the towering climbing structure near the entrance.

Ryan tried to look innocent as he held a top-of-the-line camp stove hovering above the cart. “Maybe we don’t need it for camping in the backyard, but if Leo likes it, I’d like to take him camping for real.”

“I’m not going to be able to reason with you, am I?”

“Nope,” Ryan said, adding the stove to the cart. “Let’s go look at tents.”

Ten minutes later, Dylan put his foot down. “Absolutely not. You do not need a ten-person tent.”

Ryan tapped his lips, walking around the enormous tent on display one more time before looking at Dylan. “Okay, what do you suggest?”

Dylan grabbed Ryan’s arm and led him over to a display of tents with a guide that listed all the different tents with a chart comparing the various features. He eyed Ryan, who was staring at the guide with a furrowed brow.

“Have you ever been camping before?”

Ryan gave him a sheepish smile. “No.”

The random assortment of items in the cart made sense now. Dylan’s frustration melted into compassion that had him reaching for Ryan’s hand and giving it a reassuring squeeze. “That’s okay. This will be good practice when you and Leo are ready to venture into the wilderness.”

Dylan tapped a picture on the guide. “I think this is a reasonable option. There’s plenty of room for you and Leo.”

“But what about you?”

“Well, I thought I’d—”

“Nope.” Ryan shook his head. “Don’t do that thing you do where you don’t include yourself. This could be the beginning of a tradition. We can take Leo camping every summer.”

Dylan looked down and realized he was still holding Ryan’s hand. He let go, unsure Ryan was ready to show affection in public. Ryan didn’t loosen his grasp right away. Dylan’s heart fluttered in his chest. He found it difficult to accept that Ryan was attracted to him. This smart, kind, deadly sexy man wanted him. It was intoxicating.

“What about this one, the next size up? Would that be big enough for the three of us?”

Dylan studied the model Ryan was pointing at. “That would be perfect.”

Next they added three sleeping bags to the cart, along with camp chairs and a portable campfire, which Ryan insisted they needed in addition to the propane camp stove.

“This is the one thing you can’t argue with me about,” Ryan said, holding up three stainless-steel roasting sticks. “We can’t go camping without making s’mores.”

“Of course not.” Dylan grinned.

While they waited in line with their cart overflowing, Dylan looked around the two-story timber framed structure. “Someday I’d like to have this.”

Ryan wrinkled his forehead. “A store?”

“No,” he chuckled. “I’d like to have a little cabin in the woods. By a lake where I could go snowshoeing in the winter and kayaking in the summer.”

“That sounds perfect. My family has been trying to get me to buy a vacation house, but they want me to buy in a resort with perfect sandy white beaches.”

“What do you want?”

“Something simple where I can unplug and relax. A place that isn’t designed to impress anyone or entertain clients. Your cabin in the woods sounds like a perfect place where I could just… be.”

“I’d love to have you and Leo come visit if I can ever make my dream come true.”

“I’d love it if Leo and I could be a part of your dream,” Ryan said softly, with a look that made Dylan catch his breath again.

Ryan’s sister was waiting for them when they returned, with a dismissive glance at Dylan and some urgent business with Ryan.

It seemed like everything was urgent with whatever Stephanie needed her brother to do. As his sister led Ryan away, Dylan imagined a scenario where he and Ryan would stay in a secluded cabin, watching the snowfall from their shared bed.

Dylan organized the camping gear on the patio and went to tell Leo about this plan.

“Yay!” Leo threw his little arms around Dylan’s legs, gazing up at him with an enormous smile. “Are we gonna roast marshmallows, Uncle Dylan?”

“Of course. It wouldn’t be a camping trip without making s’mores.”

“You can’t take him camping.” Acid dripped from Stephanie, who was glaring at him from the doorway.

“Don’t worry, we’re camping in the backyard.”

“Don’t tell me what to do,” Stephanie snapped. She crouched down next to Leo with a fake smile. “Leo, can you ask Rebecca to take you to the kitchen and have Mrs. Lieu give you a treat?”

Leo hesitated, his eyes flickering with uncertainty, looking to Dylan for reassurance.

“It’s okay, Leo. We can read another camping story later, and we can plan our camping trip.”

“Okay, Uncle Dylan.” Leo ran out of the room calling for Rebecca.

“Never correct me in front of my nephew ever again,” Stephanie seethed at him.

“He’s my nephew too, and I only have his best interests at heart. The camping trip is a learning experience. Leo’s feeling better. He has more energy, and this is a safe way for him to have an adventure.”

“This isn’t about Leo. It’s about you thinking you have any place in this family or any right to influence my brother.”

Dylan looked Stephanie in the eye. “Believe me, I know my place. I learned it the day my parents kicked me out. You won’t intimidate me, Stephanie. I haven’t done anything wrong. I came here to save Leo. There’s no other agenda. At the end of the summer, I’ll be going back to LA. But I will be a part of Leo’s life. That’s all I want.” He took a deep breath. “Actually, that’s not true. There’s one other thing I want.”

Stephanie smirked. “I knew it.”

Dylan shook his head, looking at her with pity. “I want Ryan to stop living his life making everyone but himself happy. But I can’t change that. It’s up to him.”

“Stay away from my brother,” she warned, her voice filled with a mix of anger and protectiveness. “You don’t know what he wants or what he needs.”

“And you do?”

She folded her arms. Anger radiated from her in waves. “I’m Ryan’s sister. It’s my job to take care of him. It’s always been my job. I’ve kept him from straying down the wrong path my entire life, and I’m not going to let you ruin it.”

Her words sent a chill through Dylan. What did she mean by keeping Ryan from straying down the wrong path?

“You don’t have to worry about me.”

“But I do,” she said before turning on her heel and walking away.

Dylan wrapped his arms around his middle. Despite what he’d said, Stephanie’s words worried him. She was going to look for any excuse to find fault with him. Did she think he’d try to seduce Ryan? Is that what she meant about keeping him from going down the wrong path? At first he scoffed at the idea and then thought about the mixed signals he’d been getting from Ryan. The hand holding and heated looks weren’t something a straight man would do. Was it possible Ryan was bi?

No, it couldn’t be. Ryan was reaching out to Dylan because he reminded him of Lindsay. Despite Ryan’s denial, it couldn’t be anything more, even if there was a small part of Dylan that wished it could be.