Chapter Eleven

RYAN HOVEREDoutside of the guest suite. Dylan looked pale as he slept. Worry gnawed at Ryan’s gut. He’d been sleeping a lot since they came home from the hospital. The doctor reassured him that was normal, but it was unsettling, too, how weak Dylan was. He was about to go in when a tug on his arm kept him in place.

“Let him sleep.” Mrs. Lieu gently pulled him away. “He’s fine. Rest and more of my soup is what he needs now.”

“You’re right.” He sighed. “I… he’s saving Leo’s life, and I feel responsible.”

“I know”—she patted his arm—“and Dylan knows it too. He doesn’t expect you to watch over him.”

“But I want to. I know I need to be with Leo, and I’ll go to the hospital soon, but I want to make sure Dylan is okay too.”

They were making their way downstairs. Mrs. Lieu paused at his declaration. She studied him for a moment before she continued to guide him down to the kitchen. As he settled at the kitchen island, the aroma of freshly brewed tea filled the air, and she turned to face him with a sympathetic gaze.

“You like this man, don’t you?”

“Dylan has been very gracious. I—”

“No.” She reached across the island and grasped his hand. “That’s not what I mean. You’re attracted to him.”

Ryan clenched his jaw and looked away.

“My con, I can see it in your eyes. This is a look I’ve never seen before. I’ve wondered if I would ever see it. It’s okay to let yourself care for Dylan. You are always wanting to please everyone else. It’s time for you to be happy. I think Dylan could be someone who makes you happy.”

“I’ve only known him for a few weeks.”

“Our hearts don’t know weeks, days, hours, or minutes.”

Ryan blinked back tears. “You don’t seem to be surprised that I’m attracted to another man.”

“I’ve always known that you have a big heart that is capable of caring for the right person. The sex of the person doesn’t matter. How they love is what counts.”

She turned around and went to the stove, leaving Ryan to contemplate what she’d said. He’d read articles on demisexuality. Was that what Mrs. Lieu was talking about? Was that why he never felt the sexual attraction he was supposed to feel with Lindsay? The soothing chamomile and lemongrass fragrance drifted toward him. He gratefully accepted the cup she pushed toward him. Whenever he was stressed, Mrs. Lieu would always make lemongrass and chamomile for him. Typically, it would be accompanied by a serious lecture about working late. This time it was served with a gentle nod, filled with love and understanding.

“I have a lot to think about.”

“Don’t try to carry everything on your shoulders alone. I’m here if you need me, and when you’re ready, I think you should talk to Dylan.” She checked her watch. “Go to the hospital and be with Leo. I’ll let you know when Dylan wakes up again and how he’s feeling.”

“Thank you.” He got up and came around the island to give Mrs. Lieu a hug.

“My boys.” She patted him on the back. “You will all grow healthy and strong again.”

Ryan kept turning his conversation with Mrs. Lieu over and over in his mind as he drove across the bridge toward the hospital. How much of himself had he given up to make others happy? He’d never wanted to start Blackstone Financial, but he knew it would make his parents happy. He tried to think about what his parents had done to make him happy and came up empty. The road and the trees became hazy by the time Ryan took the exit off the bridge. He gripped the steering wheel tightly, following the road blindly as his chest grew tighter and tighter. Before he could make it to the hospital, it became too much and he pulled over onto a side street. A sob tore through him, and then another. He hadn’t mourned for his wife like this; now he grieved for… everything.

When he could catch his breath again, he finished his drive to the hospital.

“Daddy, your eyes are all puffy,” Leo observed when Ryan walked into his room.

“I got something in them.”

He hoped the lame excuse would be enough.

“Is uncle Dylan back from the hospital?”

“He is.” Ryan perched on the edge of Leo’s bed. “He did great, and now he’s home resting.”

Leo nodded, his large eyes holding a hint of worry. “Aunt Stephanie says he will go home now, but I don’t want him to.”

“No, sweetheart, Dylan isn’t going home for a while. He needs to recover, and he should be here for your transplant, don’t you think?”

“Grandpa McKenzie said he did the only thing he’s good for. I don’t know what that means.”

Ryan inhaled a sharp breath, fighting not to show Leo his anger toward Dylan’s father. “Your grandpa McKenzie is wrong. Your uncle Dylan is a great uncle, and we are so lucky we found him.”

“Will he read to me some more?”

“Absolutely. As soon as you’re both feeling up to it. In the meantime do you think I can be his substitute?”

Leo nodded and reached under the covers to pull out an issue of Captain Underpants. Ryan spent the rest of the afternoon reading stories, playing games, and watching movies to keep his son entertained. The day after tomorrow would be Zero Day, transplant day. Then the process of engraftment would begin. If it was successful, over the next month Dylan’s donated cells would begin to grow and produce new blood cells.

Before they finished the book Leo started to slow blink, his head falling against Ryan’s chest. Mrs. Lieu sent a text letting him know Dylan was awake, had eaten, and was insisting Ryan stay at the hospital with Leo.

Ryan carefully tucked Leo under the covers, making sure not to jostle the port on Leo’s arm that would connect to the IV that would feed Dylan’s healthy cells into his body. Once he had Leo settled, Ryan stepped into the hall and called Dylan.

“How are you feeling?” he asked when Dylan answered.

“I’m fine. Mrs. Lieu’s pho can make anyone feel better. How’s Leo?”

“He’s okay. He’s been asking for you. Apparently, you’re a better story-time reader than I am.”

Dylan laughed softly. “I can’t wait to see him again. It’s funny how you can know someone for such a short amount of time and feel such a strong connection.”

“I know.”

Dylan had been in his home for a short time, and Ryan was having a hard time imagining what life would be like when he left.

“I should go and let you rest.”

“I’m not tired,” Dylan said around a yawn.

“That’s not what it sounds like to me. I’ll check on you in the morning.”

Ryan hung up and stared at his phone with a frown. He hadn’t heard from his parents in the last couple of days.

“Ryan, is something the matter?” his mother answered.

“I was going to ask the same thing. Why haven’t you called to check in?”

“Check in on what?”

“How Dylan’s donation went.”

“I assumed if there was a problem, you’d let us know.”

“And I assumed you’d have the decency to care about Leo’s donor,” he said with his jaw clenched.

“He’s a donor, a stranger, and we don’t know if it will work or not yet.”

“He’s more than a donor, and Dylan is not a stranger. He’s Leo’s uncle, and he’s saving your grandson’s life.”

“You don’t know if it will work.”

“It’s going to work.”

“How do you know?”

“Because unlike you, I have faith.”

He hung up before he said anything he would regret. Ryan had never challenged his mother’s callousness before. He’d always accepted her coolness rather than make waves with the family and ask for more. This time her lack of empathy had him seething with anger.

“Ryan, is everything okay?” Joy Anderson, Leo’s patient-care coordinator and, along with her husband, a personal friend, came toward him with a worried frown.

Ryan glanced at his watch. “You’re working late tonight.”

“I’m just finishing up. How’s Leo? I checked in with his doctor, and everything was on track for the transplant.”

“Leo’s good. I’m tired, anxious, worried, all the things, I guess.”

“Of course you are. It’s important to remember this isn’t a sprint, and you need to give yourself time to rest.”

“Thanks,” he sighed. “You’re right. It’s hard knowing you don’t have any control of the process—you feel helpless waiting for time and the science to do their work.”

“You’ve got my number. I’m here whenever you need me.”

“Thanks, Joy, I really appreciate that. You’ve gone above and beyond.”

Joy gave him a gentle pat on the shoulder. “You’re more than a client. You know that. Jason and I are here for you whenever you need us.”

“Thank you, I appreciate that. And tell Jason I said thank you, too.”

Joy gave him a quick hug and headed down the hallway toward the exit, leaving Ryan thinking about the status of his friendships… or the lack of them. Friends had been another point of conflict with Lindsay. He didn’t want to hang out with people who only wanted to talk about their wealth or who wanted to pester him with questions about how to make even more money. The few friends he had weren’t glamorous enough for Lindsay. Her only interest in his friendship with Joy and her husband, music star Jason Anderson, was to ask for VIP tickets to one of his shows.

Any hope Lindsay would bond with his friends was dashed quickly. She constantly bothered Jason for celebrity gossip and completely ignored Joy. Eventually Ryan stopped including Lindsay and interacted with them on his own. It wasn’t very often, despite Jason and Joy’s reassurances that he was welcome to hang out any time. Ryan avoided interacting with them partly from embarrassment about Lindsay’s behavior, and because it was easier than arguing with his wife about who he chose to be friends with.

One of the oncology nurses came down the hall toward him. “Hey, Mr. Blackstone, were you planning on staying the night with Leo? I can grab an extra blanket for you if you need it.”

“Thanks, Thanh, and please call me Ryan. I was trying to decide. Leo’s donor is staying at my house, and I’m feeling torn, needing to be in two places at once if I’m being honest.”

Thanh gave him a sympathetic smile. “I’m on duty tonight, and Leo’s favorite nurse, Noelle, will be here in the morning. Why don’t you go home where you can check on your guest and sleep in your own bed. We’re almost to Zero Day, and we still have a long way to go. You need your rest as much as Leo does.”

“Thank you, Thanh. You’re right.” He liked the nurse, who always had a glint of laughter in his brown eyes.

“Can you tell my husband that? I’ve been trying to convince him I’m always right for a while now.”

A handsome man with creamy brown skin and a cap of short curly hair, wearing a white coat, came up and put his hand on Thanh’s shoulder, dropping a kiss on his cheek.

“Do we need to talk about that time you thought you should be a blond again?” he said.

“One time. You’re never going to let me live that down,” Thanh muttered.

The man chuckled and held his hand out to Ryan. “I’m Milo, Thanh’s husband.”

“Hi. Ryan.” Ryan shook his hand.

“Ryan is Leo’s dad,” Thanh explained. “Milo is an ER doc,” he said, looked at his husband with pride.

“Leo’s a great kid. Thanh introduced me to him. Congratulations on finding a donor. It can be really difficult with a biracial child. Thank goodness for the Be the Match registry.”

“Thanks, I still can’t believe it. Without Be the Match, we wouldn’t have had this opportunity. I’m incredibly grateful.”

Thanh sniffed. “Is that Santorini’s lasagna I smell?”

“Yup,” Milo said, holding up a lunch bag.

“Let me finish and I’ll join you.” Thanh gave Milo another kiss on the cheek. “Go home, Ryan. Get some sleep and I’ll see you tomorrow.” Thanh waved goodbye before heading into one of the patient rooms.

Ryan watched Milo’s gaze following Thanh. The love between them was palpable.

“Can I ask, how long have you been married?”

“Almost five years now.” Milo glanced around. “We met right here. I knew the minute I laid eyes on him Thanh was special.” Milo shook his head. “My friends and family were all surprised. He wasn’t my usual type. But after our first date, I knew he was my person.”

Ryan listened, an invisible band tightening around his chest. Milo was describing the feeling Ryan had always hoped to have.

When he got home, he crept into Dylan’s room and hovered over his sleeping form, watching his chest rise and fall. He reached out and brushed his fingers over Dylan’s slightly damp curls. He frowned and put the back of his hand on Dylan’s forehead. Was he warm? He’d been told that a slight fever was normal while his body rebuilt blood cells, but knowing that didn’t ease Ryan’s worry.

He never thought he’d have that moment when he looked at someone and knew that person was special. Until he met Dylan. The moment he saw him in the parking lot at Dylan’s school, he felt a pull that he couldn’t explain. At first he thought it was because of the connection to Lindsay. But he knew deep down it was something more.