Chapter 8

8

K yree held her breath tightly in the top of her chest. She had avoided this since the moment she’d left her home with Honour. But she couldn’t anymore. The questions, the concerns, the wondering—they were all too much, and she needed someone who would understand. Someone who would know exactly what she said when she said it.

“Kaelin?” Kyree called through the open coral entryway. She didn’t want to enter without permission. Back home, there weren’t these boundary lines between one person’s home and another. They simply existed together as a tribe, together for the betterment of everyone.

Until someone was cast out.

Her voice wavered when she tried again. “Kaelin?”

The temperature of the water changed. It thickened as the tension of what was about to happen came closer. Kaelin slipped into the entryway, her eyes wide as she stared at Kyree.

But Kyree saw the edge of Kaelin’s jaw, the clenched teeth she hid behind her closed lips.

They stayed there in silence, an impasse that tasted like fear and pain and anger all swirled together in an uncontrolled whirlpool.

Kyree wasn’t sure what to say first. There were too many things she should say but how? And knowing time pressed at the back of her mind didn’t help.

Who was she to even ask Kaelin for such a favor, for any favor, when she’d treated her so distantly from the moment she’d arrived. No, not just distantly, but worse, as though she were a stranger.

“Am I mermaid enough to be spoken to now?” Kaelin’s words had a bite to them.

Kyree sighed and closed her eyes at the pain she sensed there. Trying to push her own away, knowing Kaelin’s needed to be more important. Was more important. “I deserved that.”

“Doesn’t answer my question.” Kaelin crossed her arms and glared.

“You were mermaid enough then. I, however, was not.” Kyree bowed her head and bent her body, hoping her genuflecting would be enough. At least enough for some sort of pardoning so they could speak freely. Kyree didn’t move until she heard Kaelin’s voice.

“Get up. You’ll make everyone gossip.” Kaelin’s words were accompanied by the swishing of her body turning.

Kyree’s lips twitched as she straightened her body, and saw her ears hadn’t deceived her. Kaelin had turned her back on Kyree and moved away from her.

Hoping she read the nonverbal cues correctly, she followed Kaelin behind the reeds and into the small home that she and Zendalia shared.

Kyree had heard the rumors of the two of them together. She’d watched their interactions, and she was certain there was love between them. But why would Kaelin give up going home so easily?

“What do you want, Kyree?” Kaelin said, lounging on a stone that was probably large for Zendalia and small for her.

Kyree stayed put in the middle of the main living area. “I need to find Nylah.”

Kaelin shook her head slowly.

“My companion.” Kyree had missed Nylah, but being consumed with everything Hudson and Honour it had been easy to push the ache away. Now it reached inside of her chest and she wasn’t sure how she would find a way to breathe completely again until she found them again.

“You lost them?” Kaelin raised an eyebrow sharply, the disbelief written across her features.

“Not exactly.” Kyree bit her lip before settling onto the floor. “Soulara had a soul stone, Nylah’s stone. So I sent Nylah with her since she seemed to have their soul.”

“But now Soulara is missing.” Kaelin surmised with a sharp nod.

“How did you—”

“Sometimes there’s an advantage to being bonded with a mer who works closely with the royal family.” Kaelin stretched out her tail, flapping her fluke lightly.

“Nylah’s also missing. No one has seen them. I’ve tried connecting with them, but I haven’t been able to.” Kyree worried her lower lip again. She wasn’t sure how much more she could take today. She’d hoped that being in Reine again would ease at least that ache in her chest, but it had only made it worse.

And the fact was that when Honour had left her, it had gotten unbearable. Finding Kaelin was the only relief she could think of. She had no one else here. And no one who could understand the war she fought within herself.

“You need to clear your mind.” Kaelin settled more, a small blue octopus spinning circles around her.

Kyree instantly smiled, though tears came to her eyes. She recognized Kaelin’s companion for exactly that. She had given Nylah over, as difficult as it had been, knowing it was the right thing to do. But it had not felt like the right thing, not for her own heart.

What she wouldn’t give to have Nylah back in her life. To be worthy enough to have the ray’s gentle brush of fin over her skin once more.

She took a deep breath and relaxed as much as she could. Holding her hands together in her lap she focused. Nylah came to her mind, their sleek lines, bright and beautiful coloring. But no matter how hard she tried, Kyree couldn’t sense where Nylah was.

Shaking her head, Kyree opened her eyes to find Kaelin staring at her oddly. “I can’t sense them.”

“Your mind is too clouded, Kyree.”

Kyree sighed heavily, though she appreciated the soft way Kaelin spoke her name. “So what if it is?”

“You’ll never be able to find them without clear focus.”

“How do you do it?” The question was out of her lips before she could stop it. Wincing, Kyree tried to rein things back in, tried to go back to how it was before then, but she couldn’t. She needed to know. “How did you give them all up?”

“I didn’t give them up,” Kaelin whispered, flicking her gaze toward the front entrance of her home. “They cast me out and refused to let me back in when I brought news to help them.”

Kyree frowned. That wasn’t what she had been told, what anyone had been told. Kaelin hadn’t returned home, had she? “You came back?”

“With Honour and Zendalia, when we first tried to warn the elders about the krakens in the deep soundings. But they cast me out again, refused to listen while I was there.” Kaelin tangled her fingers with Neyon’s tentacles. A vibration moved through the waters, one that was comforting, focused entirely on Kaelin.

“They didn’t.” Kyree couldn’t hide her shock and disgust. Not that she would even want to.

“They did.” Kaelin raised her chin defiantly. “I won’t go back there and beg for them to accept me. I found my place here, I have a woman I love, who loves me, and I have a home.” Kaelin’s voice broke on that word. “That’s all I ever wanted—a home—and now I have that.”

“But they’re our people.”

“They’re not mine anymore.” The lines in Kaelin’s face tensed.

Kyree sat with that. If the elders cast her out with no hope of return, would she feel the same way? She had willingly exiled herself, but she still had hope of returning, didn’t she? So long as she followed the ordered rules. So long as she kept to herself. So long as she—as she what? Kept herself pure from all that was outside her people.

That’s what this really was about, wasn’t it? Anything considered outside and different was evil and must be cut out immediately for fear of infection. How was that any different from what the humans were doing? Did they need the mermaids? No. So they were going to destroy them in order to survive. Their tribe—no, just her tribe, because Kaelin rejected them—was simply going to let the other mermaids die in order to save themselves from impurity.

Kyree shook her head, dropping her chin and closing her eyes. What was she going to do now? Was Nylah even hers anymore or had they returned to the deep soundings and the tribe that had raised them? Was Kyree truly alone in this ocean?

“Kyree…” Kaelin’s voice called to her, pulled her from the depths of darkness that she wasn’t sure she could bring herself to exist in anymore. “The choice has to be yours whether or not to leave them. But if that’s why you’re here, to ask if I regret leaving, then the answer is no. Was there a time when I would have? Absolutely. I hated every minute of my banishment, and I wore the shame they gave me like a badge of honor.”

Oh, Kyree understood that. She’d done the very same thing from the moment she’d swum out of that village until she’d found herself pressed between the ocean floor and Honour’s body. How she’d longed to kiss her, to make love to her, to let those touches teach her about life in ways she knew she’d never understood before.

“It wasn’t until Zendalia showed me what real love is, what a real family can be, that I understood what I never had.”

But Kyree had that. She’d had family and friends. She’d never been on the outside of the tribe like Kaelin had been. In fact, she’d been right near the damn center of it, surrounded by everyone and in the midst of everything. She was on track to becoming one of the next elders. She’d thought that this would ensure that, but now? Now she wasn’t sure that was a good idea, or even a reasonable idea. To go home and face the darkness? Face whether or not she would be accepted when she was accepted here?

“And what’s it like now? Living and knowing you’ll never return?” Kyree’s question was soft, gentle almost. But she needed to know how much pain awaited her if she were to make a decision, one that would end her hopes of ever going home.

“It hurts, on occasion, that the one people who should have accepted me never did. And those who have no obligation to me so widely embraced who I am without question.” Kaelin sat up sharply. She glanced toward the entryway and nodded toward Kyree. “Zendalia returns.”

“You can tell all that from this distance?”

Kaelin shook her head, a smile playing at her lips. “No, Neyon told me.”

“Ah.” Sadness swept through Kyree. She’d been given the responsibility over Nylah and she couldn’t even keep them safe. Instead, she’d gifted Nylah to the princess, and both were now lost to the sea. “I need to find Nylah.”

“You do. If you concentrate, you’ll be able to connect with them.”

Kyree wasn’t so sure about that, and Kaelin’s confidence, while unwavering, seemed misguided. Kyree had been attempting to connect with Nylah since she’d rescued Honour, and it had been hopeless since. But if they could find Nylah, then they could find Soulara. Or at least, perhaps, glean some information about where she was.

“Will you go with me?” Kyree asked.

“Go where?” Kaelin looked genuinely taken back by the question.

“To find Nylah.”

“No.” Kaelin squared her shoulders. “I’m not part of the tribe any longer. Your companion is your responsibility. Neyon has chosen to stay with me, here in Reine, but I won’t risk my life for them again.”

“But you’d be risking it for the entire ocean.”

Kaelin’s lips parted, as if she was about to protest again but hesitated. Kyree waited with bated breath for Kaelin to change her mind, for something different to happen. Instead, Kaelin doubled down.

“They’re not my people anymore.”

“But Nylah could help us find Soulara.” Could Kaelin hear the desperation that leaked into Kyree’s voice?

Kaelin pursed her lips. “I’ll speak with Zendalia and the king.”

That was hopeless. They’d already been through that, at least Kyree had. And Honour had refused to even bring it to his attention. Pregtox didn’t understand, Honour didn’t understand, none of them knew what the companions meant in their culture, how they could be connected with, how Nylah was so important to the war. And they wouldn’t take the time to understand it either. Kyree had tried.

“I’ll find them.” Kyree straightened up. As Zendalia entered the living space, Kyree pushed her way out.

She avoided touching Zendalia but barely, and she slid around the coral into the open water. She didn’t even wait as she followed the pathway to the edge of town and away from the city. She wanted to get out of there. She wanted to get to the open water where she could breathe again, where she could maybe even form a thought.

Kyree swam and swam without looking back. By the time she stopped, the water was darkening and every single one of her muscles ached. The last week had been a disaster, and she was exhausted from it. The torment of watching Honour nearly be ripped apart, the pain of seeing her struggle with Soulara being taken from the water—it was all too much.

But then adding in Hudson… Kyree sucked in a sharp breath and let it out slowly. Hudson was an entity all unto her own, and Kyree wasn’t sure where to put her or how to sort through all that had happened in the days they’d been held captive by her. But then they’d been released, for nothing more than a simple kiss.

Simple?

No, that kiss had been anything but simple.

And Kyree had wanted to be right in the middle of all of it. She’d wanted to know what it would feel like to have all that intense energy and seduction turned on her, swirling through her, consuming her. But she’d been held at a distance. She’d been pushed to the side to watch, and why?

Because of where she was from?

Because it was what she wanted?

Or because she wasn’t invited into the fray?

All of that had been true, but she hadn’t wanted it to be. Running her fingers through her hair, Kyree rolled her shoulders. Her first point of order was to find Nylah. If she could find Nylah, they could find Soulara, and if they could find Soulara, then perhaps Honour would be ready to discuss all that had happened between them.

As long as Honour’s health truly had been returned to her. She had faith in Hudson’s cure, she had to have faith in it. Without understanding why, Kyree needed to believe that Hudson was not all bad, and that Honour would survive.

Because then, maybe it would be all right.

The possibilities.

The desires.

The reasons why Kyree was so unsure about what she wanted to do next.

Until then, it was up to her. Because no one understood—perhaps Hudson did, but she was distracted by her own demons—what it was she needed to do and why this was so important to her. Without that, she was on her own. Without Honour, she was vulnerable. But she had faith.

Kyree whispered a prayer to the water to keep her safe as she pushed her fluke down, found that inner strength, and started to search the ocean, one reef at a time.