Chapter 19

19

H onour swam back and forth in her rooms while Kyree lay on her bed, playing with Nylah. The room wasn’t large or spacious, but it was a home Honour had known for such a long time. Being in it now with Kyree, she looked at the barren existence with a harder eye then she ever had before.

She shook her head, ignoring the lack of decorative shells or embellishments.

“How can you relax?” Honour couldn’t take it anymore. Even the movement did nothing to help the restlessness that continued to fizz beneath her skin.

“Because we need our rest while we can get it.” Kyree’s voice was calm and even.

Honour had known this woman, and yet the weight that settled over them since they had returned to Reine pressed down between them.

“We need to go and get Soulara,” Honour snipped back. She scrunched her face, feeling guilty at the sharp words, but not finding herself able to apologize. Soulara was still trapped in that cage in the sky. Someone had to get her out and Honour was the only one who could do it. She was the only one who could breathe above the water—and yet, no one in all of the ocean knew that she had that ability. Thank the stars that Soulara had used her magic for that before she’d been taken as a prisoner of war.

“We can’t get her, not yet.” Kyree lifted up her torso, using one hand pressed against Honour’s bed of seaweed and sponge to keep the top half of her upright. Her tail still hung over the end of Honour’s bed, not designed for the length of deep sounding mers. “She’s doing her duty, being our eyes and ears inside the human prison where they’re keeping her. It’s a better defense than we could have ever planned.”

“So you think it’s a good thing that I nearly died, that she’s being held against her will and gods only knows what else she isn’t telling us about, just so she can do her duty?” It wasn’t Kyree’s fault. None of this was, but that didn’t stop Honour from throwing her frustrations out at Kyree as though all of the war were her fault alone.

“Of course it’s not a good thing. But I’ll take the good things that have come out of it.”

“Right, having a spy in a cage and with only limited access to any information is definitely worth me dying.” Honour stopped swimming and faced Kyree, eyes boring into her, demanding an answer about the worth of her own life.

“It’s worth saving our people and our home. It’s worth having an advantage over the enemy so we might actually know how to win this war.” Kyree’s voice was rising with each word, her own frustrations leaking through.

“I don’t care.” Honour resumed swimming back and forth, knowing that part of her cared. But Soulara wasn’t just her charge—she was Honour’s best friend. “And neither should you.”

“Why shouldn’t I care about how this war goes?” Kyree narrowed her eyes at Honour.

Honour stopped, Kyree’s words finally making her think about what she had just said. About the fact that she’d just accused Kyree of not caring about the fate of the ocean. About the fact that she’d told Kyree that her life was worth it and wasn’t worth it in the same moment.

“I’m sorry.” She moved her fluke gently but with purpose toward Kyree. She propped herself on the edge of her bed in front of Kyree. Beneath her bottom, she felt the lingering warmth where Kyree had been lying merely moments ago.

“I didn’t mean it like that.” Honour scrubbed her hands over her face. “I just…”

“You’re worried about your friend.” Kyree reached up and pulled Honour’s hands from her face, leaning against Honour’s strength to keep her core muscles from taking the brunt of keeping her core upright.

“Yes.” Honour nodded as one hand moved to Kyree’s hip, the other tangling her fingers with Kyree’s. “But why aren’t you more worried about another mer’s safety and freedom?”

“Of course I’m worried.” Kyree lifted her free hand and pressed her palm against Honour’s cheek.

Honour leaned into it and the touch was a comfort she had missed and seemed to constantly crave. When had that happened? When had she wanted Kyree like this so desperately? More than anything else she’d wanted before. Including her status as a general?

This was right and safe and complete.

But the space between them, even now, with their skins vibrating against the touch of each other, was raw.

“Do you think she’s okay?” Kyree asked quietly.

“No,” Honour answered honestly. There was no way that Soulara was okay. She was in a prison, and she was a princess. If anything, she was being held for ransom, at worse she was being held to be beaten and raped before they tortured her to death. Honour was very aware of the tactics that so many other mers in the ocean used, and she had no doubts that the humans were worse.

“Are you still talking about Soulara?” Kyree asked with a slight quiver of her lips.

“Of course I am, who else …” Realization dawned, and Honour let out a huff of bubbles. “She made her choice. Just as you said.”

Honour took her hand from Kyree’s hip and moved her face away from the gentle touch of Kyree’s palm.

“Yes, she did. But that doesn’t answer my question.”

“Of course she’s okay,” Honour said. Because the idea of Hudson being anything else wasn’t something Honour could come to terms with.

“We shouldn’t have let her go.”

“Let her?” Honour scoffed and got up from the bed. She didn’t swim back and forth in front of Kyree as before. Instead, she moved farther away. But slowly, with the faintest flick of her fluke. When her back brushed against the coral wall, she gave her fluke another flick and shifted closer again. “Since when did we have any say over what Hudson does and doesn’t do?”

“Of course we do.” Kyree’s face crumpled as though her heart was breaking. The heat of anger rose in Honour’s chest, filling her body.

“No, we don’t,” Honour snapped again. This time she refused to even let herself feel bad about it. “She got everything she wanted from us. And when it mattered, she couldn’t give a shit about us. Either of us, to even want to stay. To even want to try.”

“You know that’s not what happened.” Kyree’s tone rubbed Honour in a way that made the anger burn hotter inside of her.

“Of course.” Bubbles flew faster in and out of Honour’s mouth as she jabbed a finger into her own chest. “The stupid muscle couldn’t possibly understand what really happened.”

“That’s not what I’m saying.” Kyree’s voice cracked, and Honour bit back words she wanted to lash out with, to hurt Kyree as much as she hurt right now.

“She’s selfish, and it was stupid for either of us to think a few orgasms would change that about her.”

“She was scared. She hasn’t had the benefit or privilege of your life.” Kyree’s words were as sharp as any sword Honour had battled against.

Not our lives, but your life.

“Do you think she’s really the only one scared, the only one whose life would change, the only one who could have everything they ever worked for taken away?”

“No.” Kyree nearly shouted. “But she has other people relying on her. Other people who have fought their way out of the Talons’ clutches. She wasn’t being selfish. Not like you are now.”

“Oh.” Honour pushed herself back away from Kyree once more. “ I’m selfish. Of course. It must be so selfish to give my entire life to the kingdom and to the survival of my people.”

“Your people.” Kyree spoke in a flat dark tone that made Honour flinch and stop moving.

“What?”

“You said your people. Not our people.”

“You want to talk about Hudson so much?” Honour couldn’t deal with being called out, because she didn’t know what it meant. Was she the one being selfish? It didn’t matter, not now. “If Hudson was here, she’d agree with me, and you know it.”

“Agree with you about what exactly?” Kyree’s cold words made Honour’s chest ache, but she was too angry. With Hudson, with Kyree, with Pregtox, with the humans. With all of it. She was even angry with Soulara.

How could she have hidden Autumn from her all this time? How could she put herself in such danger? Honour had nearly died, and still Soulara refused to focus on getting out of there, sending Pregtox tactical information through Nylah instead.

“She would understand the need to fight. That sitting around and waiting for the humans and their monsters to take more of our water, more of our people is futile. Hudson would’ve come with me to demand Pregtox listen.”

“And if he didn’t?”

“She would’ve been by my side, ready to fight for this world. For all of us.”

“I’m by your side, Honour,” Kyree’s tone shifted from anger to a softness that Honour wasn’t ready for.

“It doesn’t feel like it.” Honour shook her head “It doesn’t feel like you’ve been anywhere near my side since the moment we got back to Reine. In fact, it feels more like you’re making sure no one knows what happened out there. Almost as though, once this war is over, you have every intention of keeping what happened to yourself. From my people, but more importantly, from your own.”

Kyree’s small gasp as she sucked in water through her open mouth wasn’t enough to keep Honour there any longer. She turned quickly, making sure Kyree didn’t see the heartache that she’d no doubt telegraphed over her face along with her words.

The emotions pushed up from her chest, and the roar of blood in her ears sounded louder than the foam breaking itself against the rocks at the surface.

Just outside the door she hesitated. Had Kyree called out to her, begged her to stop? Or was it just her own stupid wishful thinking?

She’d been so stupid. She’d put herself on the line, her attraction to Kyree already forcing her in a tailspin, even before they’d run into Hudson and her men.

Honour had forgotten not only who she was, but who Hudson and Kyree were. They were mers of their own tribes. They understood each other far better, and no instinctual connection or attraction to either of them ended up making Honour worthy enough for them to stay.

Waving away the warm salty water that flowed from her eyes and filled the space in front of her, Honour squared her shoulders and reminded herself exactly who she was.

She was a warrior of Reine. She was the damned sea general. And she wouldn’t sit around and wait until the heir to the throne got herself killed before she did something about it.

With more strength in the flicks of her tail, Honour headed down the corridors toward the King’s chambers. She knew the way, even if she had traveled it far less in the past then others might assume.