Chapter Ten

CHAPTER TEN

Barrett

" H ow do you want your steak cooked?" I ask as I stand at the grill.

"Medium well, does that make me awful?" She laughs as she sits on the outdoor couch, drinking a beer. "Most people want theirs rare."

She's cute as she stretches her legs out, before kicking her flip flops off. I never see her relax, so this is good for my soul. "I like mine medium rare. I definitely want it to be cooked, but I don't want it cooked too much." I laugh, waiting for the grill to heat up.

"I think that's why I do baking. At least I know it's cooked. I don't have to worry about feeling like I eat people."

"You wanna know what I think?" I question, glancing back at her.

"Definitely. What do you think you know about me?"

She's throwing down a gauntlet. One I want to answer, but at the same time I've also told her I'm willing to be patient, yet here I am. It could be the wrong thing to do, but I need to be honest with her. "I think you like baking because it's scientific and you can control the outcome nine times out of ten, as long as you do exactly what you're supposed to."

Gabby swallows before taking another drink. "How do you see me so clearly when all I want is to melt into the background? What is it about you that truly sees me?"

I walk over and crouch in front of her. "It's because I want to see you, because I refuse to let you hide. When I look at you, you're the glittering diamond, clear and full of authenticity. In a crowded room, you're who I search out. I want to always see you."

Leaning forward, she kisses me softly. "I want you to always see me, too. There are times when I get too deep into my own head, when things get loud, and I don't know how to continue. I let it all build up to be too much, and then I get overwhelmed. Once I'm there, I shut down..."

"I think we all get there, and you shouldn't be too hard on yourself when things like that happen." I remind her. "Life is hard, and we can't always make it so that it'll be easily worked around." But at the same time, I want to tell her, I'm always going to be here to help her do what I can. I'm just unsure if she wants to hear it. It might be too much for her at this point. But I have to go with what I feel and what my gut is telling me. "If I'm around and you shut down, I promise to be the person to help you pull out of it. You can ask for help, and I'll be here to do whatever it is I can."

"Thank you." She grasps my hand. "I don't know what I did to deserve you."

"You're you. I've been searching for you for most of my life. As soon as I walked into Get Baked, I knew you were it," I admit. I've always been afraid of scaring her by the depth of my feelings, but now I've realized in order to be true to myself, I have to lay everything out for her.

"I don't want to disappoint you, Barrett. You still have a lot of life to live..."

"Nope." I shake my head, holding up a hand. "We're not doing that again. Our ages have never mattered, and they won't this time around, either. I respect and adore you for the woman you are, and the man you inspire me to be." I put a hand over my heart. "This is our relationship and fuck anyone who wants to get in the middle of it."

She blinks twice. "Including your mom?"

"Yeah, even including my mom." I realize that by saying this, I've made a choice. One I never wanted to make, but it's not really the woman sitting in front of me that's asked me to make it.

"You're serious this time?"

"I was serious last time, babe. I just let you make the decision about us because I didn't want to make it uncomfortable for either my mom or you, and I wasn't secure enough in myself to push the issue." I curve my palm around her jaw. "This time I will. This time I am. I'm in it with you, Gabs. Whatever that means."

She closes her eyes and leans into my palm. When she opens them, they are clear as the sky. "I am, too."

"Good." I grin slowly. "Let me get this food down so we can enjoy it."

My heart is galloping as I stand up and go back to the grill. I was afraid this was going to end badly, just like it did before, but looks like we're both on the same page now, and I'm thankful as fuck.

-----

"That was good." She groans as she pushes her plate away and takes a drink of her fresh beer. "I'm so stuffed."

"Me too, it's been a while since I cooked any kind of food." I wipe my mouth and swallow the last bite.

"You're good at it. If I were to judge a book by its cover, I wouldn't have pegged you as liking to cook." The side of her mouth lifts up in a smirk.

Hearing her praise is everything to me. It's nothing I've ever counted on, not from her, but at the same time not from anyone. One thing I had to realize as a kid was that if I made my mom happy, I'd piss my dad off, and then vice versa, so I started just caring about how I made myself feel. Until I got older and started seeking approval from others. I can't quite figure out where it came from, but it's there, and to know I've got it from her? I'll take it every day of the week. "Thanks. It's something I did when I was little since she was usually working. I wouldn't say I'm great, but every once in a while, I can bust out a meal."

She plays with the label on her bottle. "That's something we never talked about. Your childhood."

Scoffing, I reach over and grab a piece of bread off her plate. "I never wanted to get you focused on me being younger, but what's your question."

"Your parents aren't married, right?"

"Right. They got divorced when I was a little kid."

"Does it make you feel weird that I'm divorced?" Her eyes lower, and her tongue comes out to swipe against her bottom lip. "My ex said that no other man would look at me the same, knowing I couldn't make a marriage work."

I would love to beat the shit out of that motherfucker, but instead I reach over and grab her hand. "It takes two, Gabs. If there's anything I've learned this far in life - it takes two to make it work. If both people aren't in it, one can't save it."

"You're wise beyond your years, B." She reaches over, running her fingers along my jawline.

"All I hope to be is wise enough for you."