Chapter 23

CHAPTER 23

M iranda

I'm in shock. I can't believe it.

It's supposed to be an inner ear infection or some other weird bug. I'm not supposed to be pregnant. I mean, I thought it once—just once. A part of me still didn't believe it could happen.

"You're sure?" I whisper.

My doctor's smile is gentle. "I know. You were sure it was you. But the tests don't lie. You're early, only a few weeks. But you are pregnant." She's concerned. "Is it not good news after all?"

"I honestly don't know," I admit.

All the reasons Declan gave for being glad he didn't have a child with his dead wife come tumbling back to me. Would he be mad? I told him it was safe not to use a condom. This is my fault. It was a wish the last time we made love—I never believed wishes could come true .

Those questions of it being Michael are finally answered. Even after I wondered, I didn't dare hope it was really a possibility. I want this baby. His baby. Tissues are being pressed into my hand. It's only now I realize I'm crying.

"Do you need to know your options?" The question is soft.

"No." I shake my head fast. "I do know I want this baby. I'm just not sure he does. And what that means."

Declan has been gone for eleven days, and he hasn't called me once. Not even a text. I'm beginning to wonder if he's coming back at all. Aoife only shrugs when I ask her, saying she hasn't talked to him either. She tried to reassure me that the visits to Ireland were never short ones.

When I woke up this morning dizzy and trying to keep food down for the second day in a row, I was worried it was from not eating well since Declan left. The call to the doctor was made with worry in the back of my mind. I never once thought I could be pregnant.

I even lied to Aoife, telling her that I was only going to the bookstore and would be back soon. Since Colm and Ryan were busy with Declan being out of town, she said it would be fine as long as I cabbed it and didn't use the El or the bus to get around.

"All right. I'm going to prescribe some vitamins for you. Then we'll schedule you back in another month to check on things. I'm also going to write another prescription—in case you need it after all."

I nod, still stuck in my head.

I'm in a fog as I walk away from the doctor's office. I want to call Declan. I need so badly to hear his voice.

I check my phone. No missed calls or texts. I trace Declan's number, longing to hit send .

Unable to stop myself, I press the button. Holding my breath, I wait. But it only rings and rings before going to voicemail.

It feels like a smack in the face. For eleven days I've waited for a call and got nothing. I've held my breath for him, certain that day would be the day. I finally give in and call him when I need him most and he doesn't answer.

An alert goes off. It's the pharmacy telling me the prescriptions are ready. Shit, it's the pharmacy I used in my old neighborhood—not the one close to Declan.

Walking through the store to get to the pharmacy window in the back, I'm in the baby care aisle. Diapers, formula, holy shit, formula is how much for a can? So, would I breastfeed? Would Declan resent me breastfeeding?

A woman with a baby in a sling is eyeing me. "You are her, Miranda. Declan's girlfriend. Aren't you?"

I nod. My eyes are on the baby. A baby with blue eyes and dimples.

"Isn't he adorable? I don't understand why Declan didn't want you to know about him. In the end, I'm grateful Declan decided to leave him with me…"

The buzzing in my ears is getting louder, I don't hear a thing she's saying. His blue eyes and dimples I imagined our son having are all I can see. Declan abandoned his baby? How could he do that? I never thought Declan would

I motion to the pharmacy window, wanting her to get the hint and leave me alone. I'm not able to process a thing as I stare at the baby who is looking right back at me. Except she's right with me, glued to my side as she goes on and on about how sweet and good the baby is .

The person ringing me up asks if I want to speak with a pharmacist. I'm shaking my head when the pharmacist appears anyway.

"Be very careful with these. Do you have anyone to help you through the abortion? There's going to be a lot of bleeding and cramping?—"

"What?" I'm stunned.

The woman with the baby is staring at me in horror. "How could you?"

I don't even have time to open my mouth before she turns and nearly runs away, holding the baby tightly. Oh my god, she's going to tell Declan.

What in the hell is happening right now? I'm so fucking confused. Why the hell would my doctor call in that prescription? Oh god, I told her I wanted the baby, but she said in case I needed something. No, no, just in case.

My head is aching, and I walk out of the pharmacy without anything. Would Declan take her call? Would he believe her?

I'm lost. I have no idea where I am. This can't be. I know this city. Except, fuck I'm not sure. I look for a street sign. Crap. I'm over a mile away from the pharmacy. How the hell did I not realize I only need to go one street up and another mile over to get to my house?

The key is in the door when my phone starts ringing. Declan. "Hello?"

"Jesus, Miranda. How could you? I trusted you?—"

"It's not true. And how the hell could you answer her call and not mine? You ignored my call, didn't you? I trusted you to be honest, but you already have a baby. A baby you left for her to raise alone. "

He growls low. "It wasn't like that."

It was like that. "Fuck you, Declan. I'm not going to do what she told you. I should have listened from the beginning. You said you didn't want kids. I didn't ask for the prescription. But I'll be damned if you ever see this baby or me again."

I don't know where the words come from, but I mean them. I end the call.

Climbing the stairs of my home at a run. I'm guessing I have twenty minutes before Colm or whoever the hellhe sends gets to me. Unlocking the door, I head straight for my office.

I unlock my safe and grab all my paperwork for my accounts and the deed for my home. I shove everything in a tote bag. Idon'tneed clothes. I can buy what I need later.

It takes three minutes to back up all my contacts and a few photos to the cloud before I drop my phone in a glass of water, leaving it on the counter for Declan to find.

All my important things are in one bag. I'm out the door only ten minutes later. I open my carriage house and find my car a little dusty but still there. It was a gift from my father. I don't drive it often, but I'm glad I kept it.

Tossing everything into the car, I drive away from my home and the life I thought I was going to have.