Chapter 22

Chase

W hy the fuck is everything so black and white with her? No gray? Hard?

"I don't mean to be that way," she whimpers, and she wipes a tear off her face. "I think part of the problem is that I've wanted to be invisible my whole life. Tiptoe through, you know? Don't stay too long in a relationship enough to hurt someone or myself. Don't have kids. Don't get married. Don't even get a job where I'd have to stay and maybe make something of myself." She stutters a little as she says it, sobbing at the end.

"How's that working out for you?" I ask, wiping a lock of hair out of her face.

"It's shit," she sobs. Her lip trembles as she tries to speak. "But I don't know any other way, and everything in my fucked-up head told me to be afraid you only feel obligated to care about me."

I shake my head like a petulant child and flex my jaw. "That's bullshit, Kailee. I wanted you long before this baby came on the scene. Well, long before I knew there was a baby. I wanted a relationship with you when I saw you walking into that school one day. Did you know I used to watch you walk in from an upstairs window?" I ask. Another tear runs out of her eye, and I wipe it away with my thumb again. "You looked so beautiful. Kind. A smile for everyone. Like the woman I've always had it in my mind that I'd end up with. You're it. Baby or no baby, you're it. I knew when I took you to the hospital that I'd still love you, Kailee. I knew if you lost that baby, I'd still want you. I'd still bring you peanut butter and jelly sandwiches. I'd still tase Leo into next Tuesday to get a chance to be your hero. I want to try with you."

"How can you say that after all I've put you through?"

I jolt back a bit, my brow furrowed. "What, exactly, have you put me through?"

"Oh, I don't know," she says, waving her arms like a crazy person. My eyes flick to her stomach, worried too much stress will send her back to the hospital. "I ran out on you the night we met because I was stupid. I'm always so fucking stupid!" She holds up her hand and starts counting off items on her fingers. "I got pregnant. I listened to a dumb doctor who said I'd probably need fertility help to have a baby."

"You didn't make this baby by yourself. Personally, I blame your love of margaritas and my inviting kitchen counter."

"I made you scared for the baby."

"This has been insane for everyone. You've been shocked, scared, and in survival mode. I can empathize with that. I was terrified, Kailee. Hell, I still am, but I don't blame you for any of this."

She holds up her other hand. "I'm not done. I probably worried you sick at the hospital. I made you feel bad for telling me about that stupid bet with Leo. I –

I pull her to my chest, cutting her off. "I will always defend you. Whatever happens. I'm here, and I'm not going anywhere if you'll let me stay by your fucking side. When you have this baby, I'm going to be there in whatever capacity you want me. If you want me in the room and holding your hand, you got it. If you want me down the hall on a plastic chair drinking shit coffee until you're ready for me to see our baby, I'll stay up all night and pace holes in the floor. I'll be there.

"Then, when you come home, I'll get up with the baby. I'll clean the toilet. I'll make you food. If you have to have one of those cesarean things that are so hard on your body, I'll do all the chores, drive, and lift the baby for you. If you can't care for that baby because of any reason –depression, physical illness – I've got us."

"All birth is hard, Chase. A lot can go wrong with any way the baby comes out. It's part of why I hesitated. My mom had a rough time. She almost died, and I'm scared I'll be the same."

I give a short nod. "You're right. I'm sorry. It's not the first time I'll say those words to you. Your feelings are valid. I was wrong to assume you'd just move in because we're having a baby. You're your own person. I'm my own person. I shouldn't have tried to rush combining us into a family too fast."

She sighs and places her hands on my chest. "I need to know without circling it. No bullshit. Final answer. I need to hear it a final time. Do you just want me because of the baby?" she asks.

I look down at my shoes for a second and hope she doesn't think I'm being insincere. I just can't focus on her face when my eyes are so clouded with tears. I've cried more in the last few days than I have in my entire life. It's not because I'm scared of being a father. As she sits here on my lap, her arms around me, I realize it's because I'm scared of losing her.

I should answer her, but I need to tell her the truth. The full truth.

I raise my head and let her see my face. I let her see the look in my eyes so she knows I mean every word I'm going to say to her.

"I have wanted you for weeks. I knew I wanted you on our date when I kissed you and left you at the door. Our times enjoying each other after that, I wanted you . Think about how I looked at you. How I waved at you through your classroom window, wanting to fling the door open and kiss you in front of the students. In case you aren't keeping up, that was before I found out you're pregnant. Somewhere along the line, I decided that you're the person I want to try with, Kailee, and that timeline started long before I found out about the baby."

I pull her closer and don't blink. I'm so close that her eyes go wide, and I tilt her chin so she has to look at me. "Can't you accept that someone loves you for you? I enjoyed the hell out of fucking you the night we met, but you never left my mind. Was that lust? Sure was. But then I got to know you. I see you through Lorelei's eyes. I see you through your students' eyes. I wanted to tear Leo's and Jeff's balls off for even looking at you before I knew you were the mother of my child. I grew obsessed with you in a way I haven't been with another woman in my life. I love our child now, even if you don't yet. I think that's normal. If not, I know now it should be normalized. Not every child comes into this world riding a unicorn while people jump for joy, but I want it. More importantly, I want his mother more than anything in the universe."

She shakes so hard, trying to be strong. Her lip quivers again. I hand her a tissue and watch as she wipes her face with trembling hands.

It's my turn to ask.

"Do you care about me , or did you just want to get to know me because of the baby?" I ask. I need to know if I'm more invested than she is in this relationship. If it's one-sided, this won't work. "Did you only go out with me because you wanted to tell me but were too scared?"

She shakes her head and squeezes her eyes shut. "No, Chase. I wanted to be with you. In fact, I wished the baby would just go away so I could take it out of the equation and not have it be an issue. My heart shattered into a million pieces that morning when you said you wanted just us. I wanted to click my heels together and not have it be the thing you latched onto to stay with me."

"It's not. Period." I tilt her chin up so she has to look at me. "Do you at least see yourself falling for me?"

She sniffles so hard I worry she'll stop breathing. "Y-yes," she stammers. "Somewhere along the line, I fell in love with you, too."

"When was it?" I ask, shocking her into silence. She stops blubbering.

"What?"

"When was it you realized it wasn't just about the baby with me? I need to hear it, Kailee," I say, pressing my palm to my heart, partially to make sure it's still in my chest.

She idly touches a curl over my forehead, smoothing it back from my face. "When you showed up with that sandwich. Then, I started to watch my classroom door more than I paid attention to my students. I just wanted you to walk by. I wouldn't have told you about the baby at work in front of the students, so I knew it wasn't just about working up the balls to tell you. I wanted to see you walk by my classroom and smile at me. Maybe wave. It was the best part of my day when you did that."

I don't wait for permission or a fucking cue. I push off the couch and wrap my arms around her as I lift her. She wraps her legs around my waist as I walk through the kitchen and smile at the counter. "Want to for old time's sake?" I ask, jerking my chin in the direction of the blessedly clean counter.

"I think I prefer a bed this time."

I press my lips to hers and kiss her. When I pull my lips away, I trail them up her jaw. "As you wish."

I walk her to my bedroom and kick the door shut as I enter. I'm frantic for her but also hesitant. Will I hurt her? Will she hold back with me because we're now going to be someone's parents and parents don't have sex? I mean, everyone knows that. My parents don't. I'm certain of it.

I gently lay her on the bed and hover over her, boxing her in. I refuse to lie on top of her in case I hurt her, and I hold myself in plank position.

She giggles when she notices my shaking biceps. "You can come down, Chase."

"I don't want to hurt you."

"You won't. I'm not even showing."

"Yet," I whisper. I push myself to my knees and run my hands over her stomach, lifting her shirt. "I can't wait to see you pregnant, Kailee. I can't wait to touch you here, knowing it's my baby in there. "

I slide down the bed, and she inhales, probably anticipating my mouth in all the right places. I'll get to that. I have a whole night with her. I have the next eight hours to show her just how much I'm falling for her and show her that I'm hers.

I place a soft kiss just under her belly button before kissing up until my head is practically under her shirt. She giggles and bends up, pulling her shirt over her head and throwing it across the room. I have her bra off in seconds, and I latch onto a nipple and palm the other breast as I suck, noticing her breasts are fuller than I remember them being since we were last in this room. I lap at her before I move up her neck and jaw.

She undoes my pants and pulls my cock from my boxer briefs, and I hiss against her ear. "Someone's awfully eager."

"Remember the workroom?" she asks. I nod against her face. "It gave me a new appreciation for pregnancy orgasms. I never shook like that before."

I push my pants all the way down my legs and hastily kick them somewhere into the void of my darkened room. She runs her hands up and down my back, through my hair, and down to my ass where she grabs handfuls of me, desperately pulling me to her.

I don't make her wait. I slide into her inch by inch and stroke her hair back from her face. "I'm here," I whisper, pushing my forehead to hers and swiveling inside of her. "I'm inside of you, I'm next to you when you hurt or are scared, and I'm behind you in every decision. "

She gives a weak smile before her lip starts to tremble. I put my finger over it, silencing her before she cries. I only make women cry in bed when they come, and I'm not going to start making them cry with words now.

I press another kiss to her mouth, close my eyes, and rock into oblivion.