Chapter 14

CHAPTER FOURTEEN

"Isuppose you will be leaving now."

Dunne watched as Bj?rn finished brushing the horse with brisk, efficient strokes. They had not talked since their argument the night before, but she had brought him some bread and honey to break his fast as a peace offering. He straightened back up before answering.

"Desperate to be rid of me, I see, before your sister or anyone realizes how intimately we know each other?"

"No, of course, not," she said irritably. Even if she understood why he would be angry with her, she did not like being reminded that she had hurt him. "But aren't you going to the fair? You can't delay any longer or you'll miss it."

Wasn't that why he had come all the way north? He rubbed a hand over his stubbled jaw, not looking concerned in the least. Suddenly he didn't look angry or hurt, just full of mischief.

"Mm, you know, now that I'm here, I'm not sure I can muster the energy to go all the way to Lincoln."

Dunne narrowed her eyes as realization hit. "You never intended to go to the fair, did you, or buy new casks?"

Bj?rn dropped the brush back into the bucket and gave her a grin that was seduction personified. "No. Why would I? After all, I can buy ale casks in town. In fact, I know a very good cooper. He was my father's best friend. I would never buy casks at the other end of the country while he still lives. And besides, the original plan was never going to work."

"What do you mean?" What original plan?

"Because there was a serious flaw in it. I was to take you to Birgit, or near enough. Very well, but then what? Were you supposed to make your way back to the Norsemen village alone?" He crossed his arms over his chest. "Over my dead body. I always knew I would escort you back as well."

Dunne shook her head. Odd as it was, she had not given the return journey a single thought. Now that Bj?rn had pointed it out to her, she was surprised that no one else had done so, not even Sigurd. Unless…unless he'd known Bj?rn's intentions all along. Frigyth had said the two men had talked. Now she had an inkling of how that discussion might have gone.

"You are impossible. Why didn't you tell me you intended to accompany me from the start?" He had not even mentioned that he would travel with the merchants, only placing her in front of the fait accompli the morning of the departure.

"If I had told you my intentions, you wouldn't have gone to see your sister. Instead, you would have disappeared on your own somewhere I couldn't find you."

"How do you know that?"

Bj?rn sighed. "Dunne. As I told you yesterday, I know you're embarrassed about what happened between us and want to avoid me." He kicked a stone, evidently trying to control his temper so as not to start another argument. "But there's no need. I'm not embarrassed and I don't regret anything."

"I don't either. Only…It can lead nowhere." There, she had said it. Something within her died at the thought and, for the first time, she wondered if she didn't want a man in her life after all, if that man was a Norseman who made her heart flutter and her daughter laugh.

Bj?rn didn't appear in the least put out by her declaration. "Oh, I can think of one place it can lead to." He leaned in, all masculine intent and she didn't move, as captivated by him as a moth would be captivated by a candle flame. She could only hope the attraction would prove less dangerous to her. "When are your womanly courses due?"

Dunne's mouth fell open. Had he just asked her that? "That is a very private?—"

"Not under the circumstances. We made love more than once and very thoroughly. As a consequence, you might well be carrying my child. I need to know if you are."

A child.

Everything within her froze. How could it be that she hadn't thought of that before? She had been so lost to pleasure during the act that it was perhaps understandable she had not worried about it, but since then she'd had more than a week to come back to reality and realize that her moment of folly could have more consequences than she'd anticipated.

What would she do if she found out she was with child?

Bj?rn was looking at her with feverish intent. He was still waiting for the answer to his question and she had to admit he had the right to know about something like that. And it was not hard to think of the date. She had just finished bleeding the day Bj?rn had made love to her.

"About three weeks," she finally answered, her voice little more than a whisper.

The blue in Bj?rn's eyes became stormy. "Well, then, we will wait for a month. And if you haven't bled by then, I will make you my wife."

His wife! She bristled at the same time as her legs went liquid. He made it sound as if her agreement was a foregone conclusion, or even worse, not even required in the first place. Just like Toland. He had told her one day they were to marry, that her father wished it, and that had been that.

"Don't I have a say in this?"

"I'm afraid not." This was said with such fierceness that she shivered. His mind was set. "I will not let a woman carrying my baby out of my sight or anywhere near another man."

Of course, this had all to do with the baby, not her. Oh, and all too predictable male pride and possessiveness. She bunched her fists.

"And I will not have another husband who doesn't truly want me. I don't want another husband anyway," she informed him coldly. "When Toland died, I swore off all men, and chose never to marry again."

Far from being impressed, Bj?rn closed the gap between them. "Well I'm afraid you should have thought of that before you allowed me to make love to you. I haven't sworn off women and I certainly have not decided never to marry or have children."

Dunne shook her head. This conversation had taken a shocking turn, and she was still reeling.

"You would only be marrying me because of the babe when you do not really want me."

She could not bear the idea that he would only marry her out of duty. To think she had once believed Bj?rn was not ready for commitment! He was about to throw away a future with the woman of his choice to offer her and her unborn babe a respectable life. She should have been ecstatic. She wasn't. She didn't want anyone to marry her because he had to when all along he wanted another woman.

Like Toland had.

Bj?rn placed a warm, possessive hand over her stomach. "That's where you are wrong. I would want both of you, I already do. I want you, this baby, and Bee."

That he would include her daughter in this bargain was the most unfair attack on her heart. It gave a jolt of yearning, urging her to relent. Of course, if he truly did want her…If she really was his first choice, then it would be different, wouldn't it?

"There might not be a baby," she could only whimper.

"There might not," he agreed, not letting go of her. "But it makes no difference. I would still want you and your daughter to be a part of my life. And once you were, then there would be a baby, for sure, because I would bed you as often as you would allow me."

Dear Lord. Allow him? If it came to that, she might well be the one demanding to be bedded.

"Bj?rn, this is too much. Don't talk like that. It's too soon. We've only known each other for?—"

"Almost four years. Plenty long enough."

She groaned at his refusal to be reasonable. Strictly speaking, yes, they had first set eyes on each other at Frigyth and Sigurd's wedding four years ago, but that hardly counted. She had not really paid much attention to him at the time and well…he had been a boy then, not someone she could ever have imagined marrying.

"You know what I mean. And we only slept together two weeks ago. Before that, we didn't really?—"

"Before that you had been haunting my dreams every night," he cut in ruthlessly. "I might only have held you in my arms a fortnight ago, but I have fantasized about doing so for four long years. And it felt right to be with you in that way. You must have felt the same."

Yes, she had. It had been as he said, right.

But that didn't mean anything. She could not base a decision that would affect the rest of her life and that of her daughter on what her senses told her. She had to use her reason.

"My husband's death gave me the freedom I'd craved for years. I can't give that up on a whim." She shook her head, remembering the misery her life had always been. Not just during her marriage but while growing up as well. Dunne had spent the first thirty years of her life feeling trapped. She didn't want to spend the remaining forty feeling the same. She had only just started to live, alone with her daughter in the Norsemen village and she didn't intend to give that up. "I need to be free."

"Free to do what exactly?" Bj?rn scoffed. "And marriage doesn't have to be a prison. My parents were happier together than they would have been apart. Look at your sister. Do you think she would rather be on her own?"

"I'm not Frigyth," she protested. "Our circumstances are not the same!"

"No. But you must see that she is happy, not in spite of being married, but because she is married. As is Merewen, and other women in the village."

Yes, the two Saxon women were blissfully happy, and this because they were married to men they loved, men who had married them because they loved them, not because they were doing their duty by them. It made all the difference.

"It's not all about me. I have a child to take into account. Dawn might not?—"

Bj?rn cut off her objection with a gesture of the hand. "Bee loves me. She's loved me from the moment I told her my name was Bear and I'd saved a cat. And I love her. She's the most adorable little girl I have ever seen and she's yours. That would be enough to ensure that I want to be the one to look after her. I told you, I want her to be part of my life."

This time Dunne's knees almost buckled. There was such conviction in his voice, such fire in his eyes…She had to get out of here and think, because she could feel her resolve weakening. "Do you always have an answer for everything?"

"Yes," he said flatly. "So there is no need arguing. We will wait for a month and if you haven't bled by then we will get married."

It took Dunne all morning to muster the courage to leave the forest and go back to the village. After her tense discussion with Bj?rn she had needed time on her own to absorb what he'd told her.

He wanted them to marry if she turned out to be with child and he seemed as determined to have her accept the offer as she was to refuse it. How could they ever reach an agreement in those circumstances? They would either marry or they would not. One of them would lose.

But which one?

In any case, she didn't have to worry about it now. They didn't have to decide anything for another month.

Her sister was not in the hut when Dunne entered. There was, however, one person waiting for her. A tall Norseman who pierced her with his blue gaze as soon as she walked through the door. The notion that he could always be waiting for her thus if she agreed to be his wife hit her square in the chest and she lowered her head to the floor.

"Birgit asked me to tell you she has gone to the village hall with Edita and the other children and would be busy all day," she heard him say. "I've made some gruel if you're hungry."

Dunne nodded. She was famished, and all too glad to have a meal ready for her.

"I've spotted honey and bread as well," she answered. "And I found some berries in the forest. We'll have a veritable feast."

He was behaving as if he had not threatened her with marriage earlier and, as it was easier to pretend he hadn't done such an outrageous thing, she followed his lead.

They sat down to eat. The gruel was good, thick and creamy, just the way she liked it. She almost groaned in delight. It seems that everything the man did provoked pleasure inside her. But his skill at cooking did not surprise her. Except for sewing, the man showed a surprising aptitude in household tasks. She knew that many, men especially, mocked him for it, but she thought it endearing—and very welcome. A man who didn't think it was beneath him to help around the house and did not judge a woman for her lack of accomplishments would make a good husband, one that would only make her life better.

She started when the thought hit her.

Only this morning she had balked at the notion of marrying Bj?rn. And here she was, imagining what life with him would be like. Exciting, pleasurable. The worst of it was, he had not tried to pressure her into anything, or even broach the topic since she'd entered the hut. He had only cooked for her. If she weren't careful, before she knew it, she would be the one begging him to let her wed him.

"I know all there is to know about your two sisters, or so it seems. But do you have any brothers?" Bj?rn ripped off a piece of bread and chewed.

"No. We had a neighbor, Caedmon, who was like a brother to us, though. We all grew up in town. Our childhood was…" She hesitated, wondering how best to describe it. All the words that came to mind were depressing, which was little wonder. It had been dire. "Well, by all accounts it was nothing like yours in the village."

"Unhappy, you mean?"

Dunne swallowed. That was putting it mildly. She could not recall her mother ever laughing or her parents sharing a tender moment. There had barely been enough to eat, little in the way of amusement and very few opportunities to meet other people. The only moments of joy had been the ones spent out of the house. Their friend, Caedmon, had always been able to bring a smile to their faces but that had hardly been enough to compensate for the misery they'd felt at home. Besides, he'd always had a preference for Frigyth, spending most of his time with her. Dunne had not begrudged them the time alone. In fact, as she'd told Birgit last night, she had been certain they would end up marrying each other. Which only went to show that she could not imagine a life outside their small, predictable world. How pathetic.

"You said that your parents were happier together than they would have been apart." When Bj?rn nodded, she gave a small smile. Such a thing was hard to imagine. "Mine were even more miserable together than they would have been on their own. My father was a drunkard. Not violent exactly, but still he…"

Bj?rn's nostrils flared when Dunne's voice faded. What wasn't she telling him? What had her father done to her?

"He hurt you, you mean?" The mere idea twisted his guts.

"Never intentionally."

But he had. No longer hungry, he placed the piece of bread on the table. What would she reveal?

"Tell me."

She hesitated and stood up, before starting to pace around the room, her way of building up the strength to answer. He waited.

Eventually, she answered. "Most nights he was out, drinking and…possibly whoring with his friends. Being the eldest, I slept in Mother's pallet. On the rare occasions when my father did spend the night at home, I joined my sisters in the other bed and did my best to ignore what our parents did under the cover of darkness."

"Mm." Bj?rn didn't know what to say but he could well imagine her unease. Having to witness their parents coupling would be uncomfortable for anyone.

"One night, he came back home earlier than usual. My mother was still out, visiting a friend. I must have been about sixteen."

She paused and a shiver of foreboding traveled down Bj?rn's spine. "What did he do?" Had he taken exception to the fact that her mother was out, struck her in his anger?

"Usually when he came back home early, it was because he wanted to bed my mother. They didn't get on but…"

She shrugged instead of finishing the sentence. Bj?rn understood only too well what she refused to say. Indeed, a man didn't need to be in love with the woman under him when he wanted to satisfy his urges. As for women…Well, a women would have no choice, especially if the man laboring over her was her husband. He bunched his fists. It seemed that both Dunne and her mother had had to endure marriages that made them unhappy by day, and caused them to be raped by night. Was that why she had not thought she could escape Toland, in spite of all he'd made her go through? Because she had not seen anything different as she grew up and thought it was the norm for women to be used and unhappy? Ingrid, he knew, would never settle for such an appalling arrangement, because of what she had seen as a child. He swore to himself if that he ever had a daughter, he would teach her she didn't have to submit to any man.

He waited for Dunne to carry on with the story.

"My father got in the bed and reached out for my mother."

"But…" He frowned. "You just said she wasn't there?"

"She wasn't. But it was dark and he was drunk, as usual. And there was one person in the bed."

All the blood froze in Bj?rn's veins. "You."

Dunne stopped her pacing but kept her back to him. "I was woken up by his hands on me. Even drunk, he was a lot stronger than I was and I just could not push him away. I screamed and woke my sisters up. They helped me get rid of him. My mother arrived at that moment and he turned his attention to her. I don't think he realized what had almost happened or that he had grabbed the wrong person. He just…made her lie down and…"

She shivered. Bj?rn's stomach churned. What an appalling way to live.

"You heard everything, as he took his selfish pleasure with her?"

"We always did. We had no choice."

"My parents never made love within hearing range of Ingrid and me." He shook his head. Why was he talking about this? Did he have to rub in how different his life had been? Couldn't he see that it would only make her feel worse?

Dunne sat back on the stool and hugged herself. "I wanted to leave that day. I could not bear to think he might make the same mistake again when we were alone, because then there would be no escaping."

Bj?rn bunched his fists to stop himself from reaching out to her. "Why didn't you leave? At sixteen you could have; you were old enough."

"Maybe, but my sisters are younger than me. Birgit was only a child." Dunne shook her head. "As the eldest, I felt responsible. Even if my presence did not make much difference, I didn't want them to have to endure it all alone. I was trapped."

"And then you were trapped in your marriage to Toland."

He understood now why she had bristled at his offer of marriage, why she valued her freedom so highly. All her life she had been forced to be in a place she wanted to escape, to live with people she wanted to flee, to place others' needs above her own. But now she was a widow, her parents were dead, her sisters were married and settled. She was no longer accountable for her actions or responsible for anyone except a daughter she loved, and she relished her situation.

If that was the case, he might never convince her to marry him, whether she was with child or not. His chest caved in at the thought because he would never be able—or willing—to force her into a union.

Which meant he might well lose, not only her but their child also.

"Do you know what the worst part about being married to Toland was?" Dunne asked in a small voice.

Bj?rn tasted bile. There was worse than what she had already told him? Worse than being insulted, humiliated, and raped by one's husband? "What is that?" he managed to ask.

"It was all for nothing. We should never have married. He never wanted me. When he approached my father, it was to ask for Frigyth's hand. My father refused and answered the only daughter available for marriage was me. Perhaps he had realized what had almost happened between us and he wanted to get rid of me before it could happen again, I know not." Dunne shook her head. "All I know is that he was adamant and that Toland made my life a misery because all along, he'd wanted another woman. My own sister."

"By the gods."

"I have no idea if Frigyth knows about it," she said with a shiver. "But I will never tell her. She doesn't need to know my husband lusted after her."

"How do you know he did?"

"He told me himself, one night, while he…" A flash of hatred sliced through Bj?rn's chest when he understood what she was not saying. The foul man had told Dunne he desired another woman, and her own sister at that, while he'd pounded into her. "He said the same things as usual, that I was cold as a fish, and that he would curse my father till his dying day for having saddled him with one sister when he wanted another. He…"

"He what?" he asked, even though he wasn't sure he wanted to hear what else the man had done. It might well push him over the edge. But he sensed it would help Dunne to confide in someone, to rid herself of the memories poisoning her, so he would be here for her.

"He started to tell me what he would like to do to Frigyth, and how he was sure she would like it, how she would not lie like a corpse under him. The idea seemed to heat his blood and he became more aroused than usual. It was the worst night I ever spent with him. It was also the last. He died shortly after that."

Bloody bleeding hell.

"How did he die?" If only he'd still been alive, so that Bj?rn could skewer him and show him what a corpse really looked like!

"He broke his leg coming back from town one night and froze to death in the mud."

Too good and easy a death then, Bj?rn thought ruthlessly. The man should have suffered for days after some rabid dog had feasted on his entrails, not been lulled to eternal sleep by the cold. "I'm so sorry."

Dunne gave a mirthless smile. "You have nothing to be sorry about. None of this is your fault."

No. But it would be his fault if he trapped her in yet another marriage she didn't want and burdened her with a child she had not wanted. Damn it all, he should have withdrawn before he'd reached his release, he should have thought about the consequences instead of getting lost in the most wonderful moment of his life.

Well, there was no helping it now. They would have to wait and see if their heated night together had borne fruit. He knew which outcome he would prefer, but alas, he wasn't sure Dunne shared his opinion. What would he do if she wasn't with child? How would he keep her then? And what would he do if she was and still refused to marry him?

He had no idea.

"I'll go for a walk around the village," he told her, feeling more dejected than ever. "I want to see who lives here."