21. Cole

Chapter 21

Cole

D ay seven, and we'd made it to our final meeting. The last three days of the trip were to be spent in whatever way each person wanted. I'd offered to pay for outings, day trips, excursions… whatever the staff wanted to do was on me.

I hadn't had a better seven days in as long as I could remember. I'd been in either my penthouse or Dana's suite, spending nearly every second that wasn't dedicated to working with her and Drew. We'd had the occasional dinner and trip down to the beach, but outside of that, I just wanted to be around her. I didn't sleep or function nearly as well when she wasn't next to me, and as much as I worried that maybe my sponsor was right and I was chasing a high I'd replaced with Dana, I didn't give myself the space to think about it.

I checked her suite once I was finally able to leave the executives behind but came up empty. Instead, I made my way up to the penthouse, hoping maybe she and Drew would be there but no trace of them.

Sighing, I collapsed on the bed, eyeing the stash of alcohol the hotel had left as a present for me. But I didn't even crave it, didn't want it. I wanted her.

I'd barely been able to keep her off my mind, and when my thoughts weren't swirling with her, they were filled with Drew. Something about being with him, even when Dana wasn't around, had brought me a sense of peace that I wasn't used to. Sure, he screamed like a banshee sometimes and didn't always smell like sunshine and daisies, but there was something about him. Something I didn't feel when I held Brody. Something that felt familiar, like I wanted to slot him into my life right alongside Dana.

Maybe it was my growing sense of ease around kids. Or maybe it was because he was hers, therefore, he was a part of her.

I'd never given as much thought to having a family as I had in the last couple of months. I was never entirely against the idea; if I was I would have gone above and beyond to get a vasectomy the moment I was legally able to. I just didn't think having a family was a good idea unless and until I'd overcome my issues and gave up the resentment I had for my parents.

Though I wasn't sure that was something that would ever go away.

How was I supposed to be a parent when I had never learned how? How could I raise a family when my own wanted nothing to do with me? In fairness, until I was about eight years old, my parents did treat me like I was worthy of their time and attention when they were capable of giving it to me. But after I stopped believing in Santa Claus, the Tooth Fairy, and the Easter Bunny, after I outgrew watching kiddie cartoons and wanting sugary cereal for breakfast, it was as if I'd become nothing more than a crumpled-up piece of paper, my purpose served, already formed and broken.

If they hadn't driven me to my aunt's and left me for good, I probably would have turned out worse. I probably would have gotten that vasectomy, swore off a family of my own, and gone down the rabbit hole with alcohol harder, faster, and angrier. But Aunt Kathy took pity on me, saw my parents for what they were, and treated me as her own. Even through the chaos of my teenage years and the fuck-ups I made along the way, she cared. I could still hear her screaming her head off at my high school graduation, her pride far too big to keep in.

Her death a few months after I graduated college hit me hard. I'd only just invested in the property that would become Pearson Beers and I left it on the back burner, choosing instead to bury my grief in the bottom of a bottle. I'd started running with the wrong crowd again after a few years of being on the straight and narrow. I'd let it all slip. But Brody Hammersmith, Lottie's father and little Brody's namesake, had helped me figure out how to become successful on my own.

He'd also taken pity on me.

Thinking about them, Aunt Kathy and Brody, lit something inside of me. It had been far too long since I'd let myself dwell on my past for fear that it would spark up that burn at the top of my chest, the want to drink. But it didn't this time.

Instead, it made me want to appreciate what I had, made me want to live more in the moment and not take for granted what I'd been given.

It made me want to take a step further with Dana.

I'm still not going to date you. Her voice echoed in my head, tugging my lips up. She'd made that decision before I'd met Drew, before either of us had delved deeper than we thought we would. A fresh start might have been the initial goal, with the occasional hookup and an uncertain future, but that's no longer what I wanted. And even though she teased me, even though she kept saying it, I wasn't sure she meant it. Keep telling yourself that.

But taking things to the next level meant commitments, commitments that I wasn't sure I could reliably keep. If I made it official with her, and things progressed further, would I be setting myself up for a life raising another man's child? Was that something I had an issue with? It didn't feel like it right now but how would it affect me as he grew, as Drew began to ask questions and resemble whomever he came from?

And would I be able to stay clean for all of it?

Would Dana still want me if I slipped?

I swallowed down the worry. With Dana by my side, I'd be solid. She'd come through like a knight in shining fucking armor for me last time. The better I got, the less she'd have to be there, picking up and piecing the shattered remains back together. I could handle it as long as she was there.

I slipped my phone from my pocket, scrolling through my contacts until the resort manager's name popped up.

————

The nerves flitting about in my gut didn't seem to want to let up. I raked the pomade through my hair, pushing it back and out of my face. It was nearing seven in the evening, and Dana and Drew would be up here any second.

I took the five minutes I had remaining to triple-check that my buttons were in the right holes and that the living room of my penthouse suite looked suitable. An elaborate dinner had been brought up, and although they'd offered to bring up each course individually, I'd declined. I didn't want anyone else here. Just Dana, Drew, and me.

The glass dining table had been laid out perfectly—plates, cutlery, glasses, and a bottle of sparkling juice on ice. I'd laughed when they'd brought it in under special orders from me that nothing contained alcohol. I imagined maybe they'd bring sparkling water or an array of local specialties, but no, juice it was.

A knock sounded on my door.

Drew's little grin hit me first when I opened it, but quickly and overwhelmingly, I took in every inch of Dana. The dark green dress she wore split halfway down her thigh, hanging just below her knees and hugging every goddamn curve. Her hair, swept over to one side, was perfectly coiled in loose waves despite Drew's little fist gripping onto it.

And those fucking lips.

Deep red, crisp, and begging to be used.

"Are you going to let us in or just stare at me?" she laughed, adjusting Drew's weight on her hip. A hint of a blush settled across her cheeks.

"I think I might keep staring."

She rolled her eyes dramatically and took a step toward me, almost daring me to step aside, but I didn't want to move. I wanted to memorialize her just like this, dressed up entirely for me, with a baby on her hip and a smirk on her lips. I leaned forward, pressing the lightest little kiss on her cheek, and finally relented.

I took Drew from her as she stepped through, allowing myself to fully take her in from behind as well. Drew cooed in my arms, his lips and gums gnawing down on his little plastic giraffe.

I couldn't stop looking at her fucking ass .

God, I didn't deserve her.

"Smells good," she said, the lilt in her voice telling me all that I needed to know.

"There's backup food in case you don't like it," I chuckled, stepping around her and pulling out the resort-issued high chair for Drew so he could join us at the table. Dana let out a sigh of relief.

"When you say backup food?—"

"It's not dinosaur-shaped chicken nuggets, if that's what you're asking."

"There is nothing wrong with dino-nuggets." She shot a playful glare at me. "They're delicious and nutritious and frankly, if you ask me, better tasting than regular-shaped nuggets."

I laughed as I set Drew into his high chair, his feet kicking out as he giggled. "I wasn't shitting on dino-nuggets, Dana."

She plucked a single cocktail shrimp from the rim of one of the martini glasses and popped it in her mouth as she sat down. "You better not be unless you want to be blue-balled."

"Oh no, not the scary, fictitious disease teenage boys use to guilt trip girls into fucking them. I'm quaking in my boots." I pushed Drew's high chair closer to the table before realizing how easily he could reach out and knock over literally anything before deciding that some distance would be better. "Honestly, baby, I thought you'd have outgrown your belief in that by twenty-eight."

Her little smirk made me want to spread her out on the glass table and enjoy a different meal instead.

I slotted into my seat, watching her carefully across the array of food. "I tried to make sure everything was at least a little bland."

"Oh my god," she laughed. "I don't hate flavor."

"Sure you don't, baby. Either way, they brought up all of the least scary dishes they had," I grinned, expanding the cloth napkin with a flick of my wrist before laying it out over my suit slacks. There were plates of oysters, martini glasses of cocktail shrimp that she'd already got her hands on, an array of different types of rice and beans, various salads, different glazed meats, fried plantains and potatoes cooked in every way possible, anything I could think of on the menu that might work well for her.

But hidden in the fridge was a jar of spaghetti sauce and a stash of fresh noodles. Just in case.

"I think I can find enough here to eat," she said, her eyes still catching on the cocktail shrimp as she helped herself to one of the salads and a massive scoop of rice and beans.

Drew seemed entertained enough with a handful of toys and a bottle at the ready in case he kicked off. We ate, drank the sparkling grape juice, laughed and teased. I didn't even find myself wishing that the aforementioned juice was something else. All I wanted was to be present in the moment with her, to not be startled when time slipped away, to remember every little detail from the way she hummed around the foods she tried and liked to the way she giggled when I called her baby.

I didn't want it to end. And it didn't have to.

"Why tonight?" she asked, leaning back in her chair after devouring a small plate of chocolate cake. "We still have another three days. What's so special about today?"

"Why does it have to be special?"

She leveled a glare at me that said cut the shit.

"Alright," I chuckled, sitting back in my seat and trying to relax. In truth, the nerves had kicked up again, once forgotten about in the peace she brought me but now screaming at me again in full force. "You got me."

She motioned with her hand to continue, her glee from being right barely hidden.

I took a deep breath, trying to work out what I wanted to say, how I wanted to sell it to her. But it wasn't another product I was offering, wasn't a financial investment. She was Dana, and I was me, and Drew was a tiny human shaking his toy keyring about with reckless abandon.

"Tell me," she said, her voice a little softer.

"I know you said that it isn't what you want," I sighed, already hating the way I'd started. "That you didn't want to consider it after what had happened between us last year."

I could see her body stiffen, her hand half outstretched toward the martini glass of cocktail shrimp. She hesitated before retracting it.

"And I know it hasn't been that long since then, but so much has changed," I continued. "And fuck, Dana, I can't pretend this is just casual. I can't keep pretending like I don't want more with you because I do. I'll keep going like this if it's what you need, but I wanted to lay my cards on the table. I wanted to tell you because it's getting so much harder to keep it in every time I touch you."

She swallowed, her throat bobbing. She glanced at Drew as he babbled, his little noises so easy to tune out when it mattered, but I knew this wasn't something that only involved her. She had to consider him, too. "What are you saying, exactly?" she asked.

"I want a relationship with you," I rasped. "I want everything with you."