20. Dana

Chapter 20

Dana

C osta Rica was more beautiful than I could have ever imagined. The resort was massive, spanning multiple properties with independent suites, each with its own infinity pool and in-house catering. We were staying on the Peninsula Papagayo, right along the beachfront, with thick, lush forests behind us and an unwavering amount of ocean before us.

I could stay here forever.

Of course it wouldn't be a Pearson Beers retreat without Cole occasionally making us do work. We still had meetings, discussions about the upcoming launch in a few months, and the overwhelming amount of press that it would bring. Cole still had to do the rounds and answer emails, communicate with the board members who had come with us, as well as field calls and video meetings with the people he'd hired to ensure the brewery was still running efficiently. The bar, tours, and restaurant had all been shut down, but the brewery needed to continue to run.

Cole still made time to see me and Drew, almost going out of his way to do so.

Unbeknownst to me, he'd spoken to the resort staff in advance and ensured a nanny would be on site for me as needed. The moment she'd turned up and introduced herself, it was like every worry I'd had about Cole had dissipated—he'd done everything he could, from booking me a child-safe room to making sure that our meetings fell within Drew's schedule so I could either bring him along or put him down for a nap with the nanny. It only made the fear of falling for him that much less terrifying.

But what had surprised me more than anything was when I'd come back from a morning meeting on the third day and found Cole in my private residence, Drew on his lap with a bottle in his mouth, Cole holding onto him while speaking down the phone about some upcoming press release.

I stood in the doorway as the nanny gathered her things, my heart swelling in my chest. I wanted to tell him. I wanted to fall on my knees and apologize for keeping it from him, tell him how well he was doing without even knowing Drew was his. In a paradise away from Boulder, everything just felt right .

Drew clocked my presence before Cole did. His little smile tripled as he popped the bottle from his mouth, his giggles filling the room as he reached out toward me. The nanny shuffled beside me, mumbling a quick goodbye before she walked out the door, and only then did Cole follow Drew's line of sight.

"I've got to go," he said, hitting the end call button as muffled words filtered through the small speaker. He put the phone down on the table and took Drew's arm in one hand, making him wave to me just as I'd done to him on the plane. "Look who's back," he cooed to Drew, the baby voice he'd adopted making me laugh. "It's mommy."

"Don't call me that," I chuckled, crossing the room to them and planting a kiss on Drew's bald head. "What are you doing here? You weren't at the meeting."

He shrugged. "I figured I'd let Ben take the reins and hang out with this little guy instead."

"You've been here the whole time?"

"Since a few minutes after you left."

"And miraculously Drew's still alive," I mumbled.

"Well, the nanny helped a bit," Cole laughed. "He only got fussy once, though. I tried the bottle and it seemed to calm him down."

Tell him. Just tell him, here, where things are perfect and he won't get mad.

I opened my mouth to follow up my line of thought, but the words I wanted wouldn't come out. "I was planning on going to the beach," I said instead, that rock plummeting in my stomach from my fucking cowardice. "Do you want to come?"

He stood from his seat at the table, holding Drew the same way I did and tucking him into his arms. His lips pressed against my cheek gently, and for a moment, everything slotted into place. Cole holding Drew, his affection toward me, my reception to it… I wanted this. And I let myself want it.

"Of course I do," he said softly.

————

Our time together was beginning to feel easy and natural. We spent nearly the entire afternoon on the beach beneath a canopy, the waves hammering against the shore, the sun beating down around us. I'd covered Drew in a thick layer of sunscreen to be safe, despite keeping him in the shade, and as I relaxed and read a book Cole adorably tried to teach my—our—son how to build a sand castle. But Drew was only interested in trying to eat the sand.

The absurdity of it was the best part. Cole didn't understand babies, but in fairness, neither did I until I'd spent nine months carrying one while reading every parenting book I could get my hands on. I didn't expect Cole to know that Drew didn't know how to pack sand into a mold. Instead, I watched in amusement as he figured it out along the way, as he panicked when Drew shoved a handful of sand against his mouth, as he gently beat against his back to get him to spit it out. He learned as he went.

It was only when Drew started to drift off that we decided our beach trip was done. We decided it would be better for him to cry the way back up to my residence than to fall asleep on the beach and not be able to take a proper nap, so Cole held him in his arms as we walked, distracting him and shoving toys at him to keep him somewhat happy.

"I'll put him down," Cole said as I shut the door.

After everything, that shouldn't have surprised me. But still, I found myself freezing in the doorway, my legs covered in a layer of sand, looking at him in fucking awe. "Are you sure?"

"Yeah, I've got it," he said, flashing me a little grin. "You should rinse off."

I took his lead and let him take Drew, listening to his tiny little cries that always broke my heart as I hopped into the shower. The sand fell from my body, from places I didn't know sand could get stuck in, and I slowly let myself relax after I heard the last little cry.

————

Drew was fast asleep by the time I wandered back out in a plush robe, my damp hair dripping onto the wood floor. He lay silently in his crib, his little giraffe on the table beside him.

The shadow of a seated figure on my balcony, the door half open so he could hear if Drew roused, put my mind at ease.

I stepped through the crack in the door. Over the water the sun was slowly beginning to set, the sky colored in pinks and oranges and shades of blue I'd never seen before, almost as if it were painted by hand.

"Thank you," I breathed. Something familiar was urging me toward Cole but far more intense than I'd felt before.

"For what, baby?" he asked. He welcomed me with open arms, pulling me into his lap and wrapping his hands around my robe-covered waist.

I shook my head, unsure of what I wanted to say. For being so good with him. For making sure he was out like a light. For feeding him when he needed it. For playing with him. For being what I need. "Everything."

He pressed a kiss against my damp hair, his features darkening as he looked out at the setting sun. Silence filled the space, the only sound the chirping of the crickets and the low bass of a booming party somewhere below us on the beach.

"My parents took me to a beach in Mexico just like this when I was kid," he said, the words so quiet I almost didn't hear them.

I looked up at him, watching as he avoided my gaze but holding onto me just as tightly. "How old were you?"

"Six, maybe," he sighed. "My dad tried to teach me how to surf, but I couldn't figure it out. So instead, he took me out into the water with nothing but our bodies and spent hour after hour trying to teach me how to body surf."

His hands squeezed me a little tighter, but even through the seemingly good memory, the darkness on his face didn't fade.

"It took me a really long time to get it. But when I did, when I finally caught a wave and rode it all the way into shore, he'd hollered like I'd won a fucking gold medal. He picked me up, spun me around, the works. He said he was proud of me."

Slowly, solemnly, his eyes met mine.

"I think that might have been the only time he said that to me."

I swallowed, my chest aching for him, nearly splitting in half. I opened my mouth to speak but his lips found mine instead, silencing any hope for a reassuring word.

Taking his face in my hands, I tried to say what I wanted with my kiss instead. I held him, tasted him, conveyed everything, everything I'd been holding back with that kiss. I told him with my lips that I was proud of him, that I was falling for him, that he was enough and that I wanted this, wanted him.

I just wished I could've said it with words, instead. Wished he could understand.

His hand tightened around the belt of the robe, tugging at the loose knot until it broke free, splitting down the center and exposing every part of me to him. His cock hardened beneath his swim trunks as he deepened the kiss with every swipe of his lips and tongue. I hadn't had him in nearly a week, and if it meant here on the balcony, I was more than willing.

I moaned into his mouth as his hand cupped my breast, his fingers brushing against my hardened, almost aching nipples. I needed to pump but it could wait.

His lips found my neck instead, kissing and sucking against the spot that made me lose my mind. My mouth was free and I could say what I wanted but still, the words wouldn't form. I found myself getting completely lost in his touch, any hope of the truth coming out falling flat. Tell him, I silently screamed at myself, nothing but a sigh passing my fucking lips.

His fingers trailed from my breast down my stomach, dipping below, tracing the folds around my clit instead. Little teases and gentle brushes against the bundle of nerves that was beginning to ache turned my mind further into mush.

"You have no idea what you do to me," he rasped, snaking his free hand between the robe and my skin and wrapping it around the small of my back.

"I'm still not going to date you," I teased, pushing my hips forward and guiding his fingers toward my entrance. I shuddered as they slid inside, curling forward, pressing against the spot inside that made me feel like fucking heaven.

"Keep telling yourself that," he laughed, repeating what he'd said to me just before Vee had opened the door a week ago, "while you fuck yourself on my fingers."

I moaned at his words, sinking myself further onto them and tilting my hips forward. His thumb jutted out, pressing lightly against my clit for added stimulation with every thrust I made. "More," I breathed, digging my nails into the side of his neck, pulling a little hiss from him.

"More what?"

"More," I repeated through clenched teeth. "You, this, everything. All of it. More. "

A sudden, wailing cry shook me back into reality.

Cole froze beneath me and my hips locked, each of us waiting for the inevitable follow-up. It could have just been in his sleep, could have been someone else's baby in another residence?—

A sharper, needier one bled out from the cracked door, and god fucking dammit, I wanted to join him in wailing my brains out.

Cole slid his fingers from me and held me closer as he lifted us both from the chair. "I've got him," he said, absent-mindedly sticking his digits in his mouth and cleaning them off before stepping around me.

"Cole—"

But he had already stepped through the door and was rushing over to the crib, leaving me there on the balcony exposed and wanting. I watched through the glass as he picked up Drew, holding him against his bare chest and bobbing up and down, soothing him the way they say to in every parenting book. He offered him his giraffe but he batted it away. Instead, he fetched a bottle, holding it up to his lips and swiping the little bit of milk at the tip against his mouth. Drew sucked it in, problem solved.

What was stopping me from telling him? Why couldn't I put those words together, why couldn't I just tell him and face the consequences? It didn't make sense to me. I hated secrets, always had, and yet here I was keeping the biggest one I could've ever dreamed of.

Maybe Cole had already put the pieces together. Maybe it wasn't some big realization he needed to have.

Maybe he'd already accepted that Drew was his son.