17. Cole

Chapter 17

Cole

I couldn't keep myself away from her. Certainly not now, not after what I'd gone through and after what she'd seen. Maybe not ever. I didn't know, and I didn't fucking care.

All that mattered was her mouth on mine and the raw ache at the base of my core. Maybe I'd misjudged before—maybe it wasn't alcohol I had been craving but her .

No. I still craved booze.

But it was enough to keep me satiated. It was enough to drag my thoughts away, to keep me clean, to keep me centered.

I shoved the master bedroom door open, the wood clanging off the wall, and forced her backward into the space. Half of her clothing had been discarded on the way up to the second floor, lost somewhere in the grand foyer or on the stairs, and she stood before me in just her bra and underwear. The little black set at any other time would have been my undoing. But she was ripping me apart with just her presence.

I'd felt how warm, how slick she was through that little black set. I'd felt how much she wanted me. It had almost been surreal, after all, what kind of woman would still want me after witnessing what she'd seen tonight? What kind of woman would see me at my absolute lowest and still ache for me? She hadn't gotten that wet last time and it made all the more sense now.

Her fingers worked at the button of my jeans, fumbling and frantic, and all I could think to do was help her. She gratefully accepted and went up on her tiptoes, hooking one hand behind my neck, kissing me again. And again. And again.

I freed myself from the stiff material, my cock aching instead against the soft cotton of my boxers and kicked the jeans off behind me as I led her to the bed. It took everything in me, absolutely everything, not to take her the moment she laid back on the plush comforter, her lips tilted up in a soft, far too sultry grin.

Maybe I was shifting from one addiction to another.

Maybe she was salvation.

Grabbing the back of my shirt with one hand, I pulled it up and over my head, leaving myself bare except for my boxers. I wanted her in any way she'd give me. I wanted to taste her, devour her, sink myself inside of her and never leave. I wanted to worship the fucking ground she walked on.

She lifted up on her elbows and stretched her neck up to me, her mouth searching for mine, and I gave it to her on a silver platter.

Something bloomed in my veins as I kissed her, changing me, shredding me. I begged time not to shift like it did earlier that evening and plucked her bra from her body, mumbling an apology as the fabric grazed her sensitive nipples. Her neck tasted of vanilla, soft and warm, but I was aching to taste her between her thighs. I wanted every inch of her that she would allow, and from the way her body was responding, I knew she'd give it.

My breath caught when her slender fingers wrapped themselves around the base of my cock. I didn't think I could get any harder but fuck , the way she touched me, so gentle yet so fucking needy, only made me swell more. I needed her. I needed to be inside of her.

I pushed my boxers down over her hand and let her work at me while I sucked at the side of her neck, something primal screaming at me to mark her. I felt like a goddamn teenager, not caring who sees a hickey from an intense make out session on the football field. With her free hand she removed her own underwear, and within seconds, I had my fingers buried inside of her warmth.

"Do you want the lube this time?" I mumbled, eyeing my dresser where I kept it stashed. It didn't feel like she needed it, but I was playing by her rules, taking this at the speed she was comfortable with.

"Does it feel like I do?" she laughed.

"No."

"Then there's your answer."

Pushing her legs up by her breasts, I removed my fingers and pressed the tip of my cock against her entrance. I could already feel the burning at the base of my throat ease just a little, but I had to have more. "Watch me," I rasped, dropping my forehead to hers and staring down at where we connected over the bridge of her nose. "I want you to fucking see how perfectly I fit."

The moan that broke through her as I buried every inch of me inside of her made me quiver. I felt like I couldn't breathe, like I didn't need to, like she was the only thing I needed. No air, no water, no food, no sleep. Just her, and this.

I kissed her and the fucking world shattered around me.

I fucked her and she came undone.

Every kiss, every cry, every whimper she made felt like more than what it should have. She was just a woman I'd met last year, just someone I'd slept with a handful of times, just someone I'd destroyed a potential relationship with because of my drinking.

Just someone who'd appeared back in my life, just a woman who'd truly lived while I drowned.

But the connection we'd had last year hadn't gone away. If anything, in that moment, it felt like it had grown tenfold. When I kissed her, it wasn't out of want but desperation. We were connected in ways I couldn't comprehend. It was as if she had been the only one I could count on to show up when I needed someone, like she had done everything in her power to make sure I didn't drown again.

I didn't deserve any of it.

But I was going to lose myself with her.

"You're everything," I rasped, my lips against her ear, my chest against her breasts, my cock so far inside of her I didn't think I'd ever leave.

She whimpered a little moan as I touched her, my fingers thrumming against her clit with every drive of my hips. I wondered what she'd been worried about, there wasn't a single thing about her that felt wrong. It hadn't changed her fundamentally to have a child. It didn't make her any less worthy of feeling so fucking good.

Her head turned, seeking out my lips again, but she didn't kiss me. "Cole," she whispered, our heated breaths mixing. I could feel the way her body began to tremble, the way her walls started to close in on me. "I…"

Her hand sought out mine, her fingers wrapping around my wrist, and slowly, shyly, led me to her breast. She'd pushed me away the last time I'd gone for them.

Gently, I ghosted a finger across her swollen nipple, watching in fucking awe as the tiniest bead of white prickled to the surface. She moaned louder, and I did it again, taking it between my fingers and rolling it.

Every part of her stiffened before breaking, a shriek rippling from her throat. I covered my mouth with hers, drinking in the reverberations of her noises as she came around my cock, her walls trembling and clenching around me. It was the sweetest fucking thing I'd ever felt, and it dragged me closer to joining her.

"Fuck, oh my god," she cried, the overstimulation forcing her wild eyes to lock onto mine as I moved down her body.

I didn't even think about it. I just did it.

Closing my lips around her nipple, the intensely sweet drop of milk hit my tongue. My hips stuttered, my mind went fucking numb, and oh god, I was close. I was so goddamn close.

"Cole, you don't have to?—"

"I want to," I rasped, and as if by magic, my tongue moving against her produced another little drop, and then another. Her fingers knotted in my hair, her trembling body taking all that it could from me. Just a little more, a little longer, I could hold out. I could make it last. I could take her, I could claim her, I could fill her up then do it again. I had to. I didn't want to stop.

I lost all control and rocketed over the edge, emptying everything I had inside of her, shaking as I fucked her, as I claimed her. I wouldn't recover from it this time. I knew I was ruined, ruined for every other fucking woman.

I didn't want anyone else.

————

The warmth of the sun on my bare back coaxed me gently from sleep. I hadn't slept so well since she'd last been in my bed, and even then, it wasn't like this. I felt rested, satiated.

Reaching across the sheets, I searched for her. But I came up empty, my eyes peeling open, only to find nothing more than a blank space where she'd been before.

My stomach dropped. Not again.

The panic in my gut forced me from the bed. There wasn't a single part of me that had fallen asleep worried that she'd leave again but here I was, my throat aching, boxers in hand, heading out my bedroom door to look out the front window from the top of the stairwell.

Her Camry was still parked outside.

The realization that I was standing in the middle of my hallway completely naked set in as the panic slipped away. I wasn't that concerned about Bobby stumbling across me, but I wasn't exactly one to show my cock to anyone that happened to pass by.

I pulled my boxers on and checked the guest room, then the gym, then the upstairs living area. In each space I came up empty. It was when I stumbled into the bathroom two doors down from my bedroom that I finally found her, hunched over the bathroom sink with two devices stuck to her breasts and one of my button-ups around her shoulders.

The words almost left my mouth.

I thought you'd left.

She gave me a soft little smile and held up the controller for the device. "Sorry," she said, her voice still thick with sleep. "Remembered it this time."

Something about seeing her like that, in my house, caring for her child even without him there, made my chest feel full. "Is there anything I can do to help?" I offered, stepping past the threshold. I glanced at the machine but I didn't want to stare at it, so instead, I watched her eyes, her lips.

"A glass of water would be amazing," she grinned.

By the time I'd retrieved it and come back, the bottles and the attachments were resting on the sink. Instead, she'd replaced them with her hands, her face scrunched in concentration as she massaged each breast. "Does it hurt?"

"Hmm? Oh. No, it's just… weird," she laughed.

I set the glass down in front of her and saddled up behind her, wrapping my arms around her waist. I watched as she worked at them in the mirror. Each little squeeze and push, each little grunt she made churned something inside of my chest.

She reached for the pump again but I held her back, grasping her wrist gently in my palm and plucking the two little suction attachments from her. Her look of surprise softened as she glanced back at me in the mirror, the smallest little smile tugging at her lips.

Dana guided me, showing me how to place them and what button to press on the device, explaining how she needed to coax more out halfway through to get a good pump.

I took in every word.

I took in every goddamn second.

————

Any other morning I would have opted to go back to bed with Dana or join her in the shower. But I knew the state of my own house, knew that Bobby had no sense of control when it came to keeping things clean, and I didn't want her to inevitably end up in one of the living spaces or the kitchen and walk into a disaster.

So instead of taking my time with her, I took the time to impress her.

I picked up every scrap of trash Bobby had left behind and stuffed it into a bag before dumping it in the outside bin. I washed the dishes, wiped the counters, I even fucking vacuumed . There wasn't a single thing left behind, not a single crumb or morsel. I wanted to prove to her that after last night, I wasn't too far gone.

I shot a message to Bobby. He still hadn't come home, at least not that I could tell. A part of me was almost jealous of how much his social life in Boulder had seemed to take off, but I didn't let it sour me.

Hope you had a good night. I had Dana over.

By the time she finally emerged, taking the steps carefully from what I could only imagine was a good ache between her thighs, I was halfway through making her breakfast.

Still in my button-up shirt but with the buttons actually fastened and nothing underneath, she looked like a goddamn dream. Her wet, wavy hair hung over one shoulder, dampening the white material and giving me a peek of her breast. The leftover makeup from last night was gone, nothing but her bare, tanned skin and freckles left behind.

The temptation to throw her over the counter and take her again was nearly maddening.

"Smells good," she grinned. "What are you making?"

"Honestly?" I laughed, reaching out an arm and tucking her into my side. "It's just bacon. I'm not exactly the best chef in the world."

"Well, most mornings I barely have time for a bagel before Drew starts up so bacon is a goddamn luxury," she chuckled. Her face pressed against the side of my bare chest, warming me with her skin while chilling me with the cold of her damp hair. I only pulled her in tighter.

"Then you'll be even more excited to learn that there are frozen hash browns in the oven."

"Mmm, I love hash browns."

"Eggs?" I offered. "I've got so many damn eggs. Bobby keeps buying them."

She lifted her chin, poking me with it in the side of my pec as she looked up at me. "I could go for some eggs."

I planted a quick kiss against her cheek before slipping out of her embrace. "Scrambled? Sunny side up? Fried?" I asked, fishing out the pack from the refrigerator.

"Scrambled with cheese, if you're capable." Her wicked little grin as she hopped her ass up onto the counter had my cock twitching in my pajama bottoms. Don't.

I grabbed a pack of pre-grated cheddar and dropped it onto the counter next to her. "So picky."

"Just wait until Costa Rica," she giggled. "I'm not exactly good with foreign foods. I'll eat Mexican once in a blue moon, but even then, I'm happy with just a quesadilla."

Grabbing a fresh pan from the cabinet, I cranked up the gas burner and got started on her cheesy scrambled eggs. "So you're coming then?"

She leaned back against the varnished wood cabinet behind her, bare legs dangling over the edge of the counter. I couldn't stop myself from placing an absent-minded hand on her thigh, just enough to feel her softness. "Mm-hm," she grinned.

The more I considered Dana bringing Drew, the more I found myself excited for the trip. It would be interesting to see her in her true element outside of work, and I'd be lying if there wasn't a part of me that wanted to meet the little guy, especially after meeting Brody. I only hoped he didn't scream his head off the entire flight. "Does Drew have a passport?"

She nodded. "I applied for one a few days after he was born. Lottie had been talking about a trip up to Canada with just us and our kids, so I got one just in case." Her little smile tripled in force, almost taking up the entirety of her face. "You should see the picture on it. He's just a wrinkly little thing."

Shoving my hand into the cheese packet and tossing a load into the pan, I glanced at her for approval. She shook her head and pushed the packet back into my hands. So picky.

"Will the tickets you bought work for him?" she asked. Still unhappy with the amount of cheese I'd given her, she tipped the packet upside down over the pan, emptying the entire contents.

"Tickets?"

"Yeah. For the flights."

"Baby," I chuckled, resuming my grasp on her thigh and squeezing it. "You're not flying commercial."

She blinked at me, the empty cheese packet hanging limply in her hand. "What do you mean?"

"You'll fly with me," I said simply. I took it from her grasp and tossed it aside, creeping my other hand up her thigh just a little more. "You don't need a ticket for that."

"Cole."

"Don't worry about it," I cooed, taking the pan off the heat so I could give her my full attention. "A few others are flying with me as well. I doubt anyone will ask questions."

Her brows came together as I slotted my hips between her knees, for once looking up at her instead of down. "Who else?"

"Just a handful of executives."

"And no one will find it weird that a tour guide is joining you?"

Her body quivered as my fingers ghosted the warmth between her thighs. "If they do, they can take it up with me."

"But they'll?—"

I pressed my lips to hers, preventing her from saying anything else and did my absolute best not to fuck her next to the burning stove.

————

Driving her Camry was like trying to control that goddamn horse back at Lottie's. I wasn't used to the clunkiness of it. I hadn't driven something in that bad of shape since I was sixteen, occasionally driving my friend's cars instead of my own. It didn't maneuver as easily as my Tesla or my Maybach, but that could have just been a testament to its age.

Either way, I made a note to book her Camry for a full service.

I pulled into her driveway, the quaint little house sitting like a Lego amongst the rest of the identical homes. A few houses back, my driver parked on the side of the road, waiting for me to finish dropping her off so he could take me to collect my Maybach from the liquor store.

"You sure you'll be okay to get your car?" she asked, her fingers hesitant on the buckle of her seatbelt.

I nodded. "I'd have someone pick it up for me if I wasn't."

"Promise me you'll call your sponsor if you feel even the slightest inkling to go inside."

I chuckled. "I'll call her if I need to. If I did every time I felt the tiniest little want, Dana, she'd never be off the phone with me."

The joke didn't quite land. Her lips pursed into a fine line, more worry than amusement coating her features. "Cole."

"I'll call her if I need to," I repeated.

It took her a moment, but she finally nodded and pushed the door open. I followed her out, locking the car behind me, and placed the keys into her waiting hands.

I walked her to the front door, not quite ready to let her go just yet, and before she could wrap her fingers around the handle I had her face in my hands, her lips on mine. One last kiss, one last moment before we had to go back to the monotony of our day-to-day lives. I could steal as many moments as I wanted at work, but after last night, none of those would even come close to feeling as real as the last twelve hours had. I wanted this part to last.

She chuckled against my lips, her demeanor calming. "I'm still not going to date you," she breathed, the grin across her cheeks feeling far too mischievous for her own good.

"Keep telling yourself that baby."

The sound of the latch coming undone made us both jump, and as we turned, the door slowly opened.

There stood a woman a couple of inches taller than Dana, her shoulder-length brown hair wild and her eyes bloodshot. But that wasn't what stood out. It was the little bundle in her arms.

The smiling, eager little boy giggled the second he saw his mother. Bald head and green eyes, chubby but smaller than Brody. Something about him made the emptiness in my chest ache, made me want to reach out and take him from who I could only assume to be Vee.

I couldn't take my goddamn eyes off of him.