36. Lucien

I am torn. Desire and relief ease down our bond, Kieran's feelings mixing with my own as his hands dig into my shoulders. I tremble with how much I want him.

At the same time, I am certain we should wait. Kieran needs rest. The others need help getting the flat in some kind of order. I need to speak to Adam and Elle before daylight comes and check they are all right.

Kieran lets out a breath. "Just… lie with me."

It is not all he wants. I know that. I kiss him again because now I know I am welcome, and he makes a sound against my mouth that makes my stomach flutter.

I was not certain I would ever fall in love again, despite all the time that always stretches ahead of me. I certainly did not expect it to be with a human.

My hand slides down Kieran's neck and he hisses when I catch the bite mark Tristan left behind.

I pull back with my own growl. Kieran grips my wrist.

"It doesn't hurt. It's just sensitive."

The wound is still red, but the punctures are covered over, now. It will mostly be gone by morning, and I do not know if it will scar like the other.

"Annoying that I can't have one from you," Kieran says, and I shake my head.

"I do not want to harm you."

Kieran snorts. "I really think it's more the other way around," he says, and his eyes roam heatedly over me. "But I want to leave a mark on you, y'know?"

My throat goes dry. I breathe in and out slowly before I get to my feet. "Let me get something to clean you up." There is still dried blood on his throat, and I do my best to focus on that and not on the way my cock is stirring. "I need to speak with Elle and Adam before they leave."

Kieran nods. Where I expected concern, there is none—he knows that I am retreating because I need a moment, and not because I am planning to leave. I flash him a smile. "Get into bed. I will be back soon."

I let myself out of Kieran's bedroom, closing the door softly behind me. Elle, Adam, and Sam all look up at me at the same time.

"He's okay?" Sam asks.

"Yes. I need… Do you have something I can use to clean him up?"

Sam nods, rushing into the bathroom. I step away from the door. I do not know how well Kieran can hear, or if he is even trying to listen in. The bond pulses, more content than it has been in days but still tugging me to go back and stay with him.

My mate is alone and vulnerable. That is where I should be.

"Are you going back to the clan house tonight?" I ask.

Elle and Adam exchange a look and Elle shakes her head. "We spoke to Sam. He said we can take his room in the morning, and he'll rig something up so we can move around the flat during the day. He's still got to do the wards tonight, so…"

Adam pulls a face. Clearly, Sam is as likely to take on too much as Kieran is. Sam chooses that moment to exit the bathroom again, a damp flannel in his hand.

"Don't look at me like that," he says, rolling his eyes. "I'll be fine. I lowered the wards. I didn't break them, so they won't take too much raising."

"Still," I say, and he sighs.

"Yeah, yeah. I'll rest before I try to work on the windows tomorrow."

I am surprised, again, that Sam is reassuring me, but I suppose my relationship with Kieran means something to him. In his mind, I am occupying a position where I am as reliable as his friend.

He holds out the flannel and I take it. "Thank you."

"Same'll go for you," Sam says. "Don't come out of Kieran's room until I let you know it's safe. It might be better if you all sleep the day away, but I won't blame you if you don't."

Elle pats me on the shoulder. "We'll be fine. Vasile knows he can call me if anything comes up. Go look after Kieran."

I meet her gaze. "You are…?"

"If you're happy, I'm happy." She squeezes my arm. "Nathan wasn't your fault, Lucien, and Kieran sure as shit isn't him. Go look after him, now."

"Thank you." When I look at Adam, he nods, appearing just as sincere. I feel something down the bond—a question—and hope Kieran can feel my answering relief. "I will see you all tomorrow."

They all murmur good night and I go back to Kieran's bedroom. He is in bed, under the duvet, though it pools around his waist when he sits up and I can see he is not wearing a shirt.

I sit on the edge of the bed and cup the side of Kieran's neck with one hand. He tilts his head to the side, and I clean the wound gently, wiping away any traces of blood.

The skin is red and still a little angry-looking. Rage flares in my chest and I push it aside.

Tristan is dead. Tristan bit Kieran, almost drained him, but he is—

"It's okay," Kieran says, touching my hand. He takes the flannel and puts it on the table next to his bed. "We're okay. It's okay."

I do not know how long we stay that way, heads bent together, but eventually, I feel steady enough to lean back. "He almost killed you."

"I didn't think he'd be able to take that much," Kieran says, the faintest of pink rising to his cheeks. "I didn't want it to end like that, but I didn't want him to attack you before he—"

"I need you to be less flippant with your own life," I interrupt, and Kieran's eyes widen.

"It's not that!" He shakes his head, hands moving through the air as he tries to find the words. "I couldn't let him get to you. Any of you."

"I know. I understand that." I take Kieran's face in my hands and his whole body stills, his heartbeat steady when I listen for it. "I can feel that, Kieran. But I will not have the man I love throwing himself in harm's way when I am here to help him."

Kieran's lips part, his eyes going wide. His heartbeat stutters before it thumps louder, and hope and disbelief echo down our bond.

"The man you… what?"

"I am in love with you," I say, and my mouth curves in a smile I cannot hope to suppress. "I love you. Let me in. Let me help you."

"Lucien—fuck." Kieran surges forward and kisses me hard, messily, panting against my mouth and biting my lips. I groan. I surrender to Kieran the way I did the very first time, happy for him to lead and drag me along with him.

"I love you too," he says between kisses, and my heart flips in response. "I was scared because I thought the bond was tricking us, tricking you, but—I love you."

I groan. I push forward and Kieran leans back, tugging me on top of him. His hands tangle in my hair, pulling slightly, and I moan into his mouth, hips rolling against his even with the duvet between us.

Kieran pushes me back a little, trying to shove the duvet aside, and I kiss him softly, trying to catch my breath. "You are injured. We should not—"

"I want you," he says. There is that bottomless hunger I saw when he held back from marking me. There is my wolf, even if Kieran does not have one at all.

"We can wait."

"Do you want to?"

The bond thrums with desire. Kieran waits, head tilted slightly. He will not push if I say no. I know that.

"You almost died."

He smiles. He takes my hands in his and kisses me chastely. "But I didn't. I'm fine. I promise. I'll tell you if I'm not, but we don't have to do this right now if you don't want to. Just… stay with me?"

I close my eyes. I want Kieran to trust me enough to help him. I have to trust him to know his own limits.

And besides, when I open my eyes again, the hunger I feel matches what I can see on his face.

"I want you," I growl and kiss Kieran before he can answer. He moans and throws his arms around my neck, pulling me down again.

Somehow, we push the duvet aside, and I moan when our hips rock together. I am not hard yet, but he is already there, and the sound that vibrates from his throat only makes me cling to him harder.

I move my hands over Kieran's chest, mapping scars I am now certain are from claws and teeth, and he arches into every touch, groaning into my mouth.

"You're wearing too many clothes," he hisses against my jaw. I snort and kiss the corner of his mouth.

We untangle reluctantly, and as I kick off my shoes and pull off my shirt, Kieran shimmies out of his pyjama bottoms. My mouth goes dry. I already have the image of the first time I saw him naked seared into my mind, but seeing how handsome he is hits me again. He sits back against the headboard, folding one arm behind his head as he leisurely strokes his cock with the other. My eyes travel over strong thighs and arms, my own cock jerking in response.

"Please don't tell me you're about to make me wait all night as punishment."

I shake my head, the spell mostly broken, before I unfasten my trousers, pushing them and my underwear to the floor. His eyes widen, and all his desire hits me in a crushing wave. I sway on my feet.

"Oh, sorry." Kieran does not look repentant. "Side effect, I guess. We'll have to get used to that."

I huff a laugh and climb onto the bed, straddling his lap. His hands drop to my hips, and I lean in for a gentle kiss.

"Why do I get the feeling you will be using it to your advantage?"

Kieran lowers his head to lick a stripe up my throat. I shiver. "Because I've only got so long before you're better at it than I am?" He grins. "Gotta keep you on your toes. Who knows how long you'll be stuck with me."

I have not thought of that. Humans only live so long, but wolves…? Alpha Deacon is nowhere near my age, never mind Vasile's, but wolves clearly live longer than humans, so will Kieran—

He grumbles and kisses me again. I suck on his tongue, and he relaxes against me, one hand trailing down my spine.

"Think about it later," he says against my mouth. "Pay attention to me now."

"What a hardship."

"There's definitely something hard about it." Kieran thrusts his hips up and I choke on a laugh, dropping my head to his shoulder for a moment. I look up again when he runs a hand through my hair. "What do you want?" he asks.

"I want you to stay there." I put my hand over Kieran's mouth when he starts to protest. "I want you to stay there and let me ride you."

When his eyes go wide, pupils blown with desire, I pull my hand away again. He nods. His voice comes out hoarse. "Yeah… Yeah, we can do that."

I open the drawer on the table next to the bed and snatch up the lube I find there. I grab a condom, too, but Kieran plucks it from my hand, looking at me seriously.

"We could…"

"You are certain?" I cannot catch anything humans can—I cannot pass things on, either. Still, as much as I am seized by the sudden desire to feel Kieran, all of him, inside me, I will not push for this.

"Yeah." He grins. "You?"

I kiss him again. As much as I want this, I know it is what Kieran needs. He tosses the condom back into the depths of the drawer and I uncap the lube, then squirt it over shaking fingers.

He pushes my hair back and kisses down my throat. "Don't stress," he murmurs before he bites my earlobe. "Not like we haven't done this before."

"It feels different now."

Kieran takes hold of my chin, holding me in place as he studies my expression. "Yeah," he agrees. "We were good at it last time. We can only get better, right?"

"You are incorrigible." I lean in and swallow Kieran's answering laugh, turning it into a moan.

He holds me as I work myself open. He kisses and bites down my throat, teeth sinking into my skin in a way that has me hissing through my teeth and wishing for more. His tongue slides over each mark in a soothing apology, but he does not hesitate to leave them behind.

He presses his lips to my chest, just over my heart. I push another finger inside, feeling myself slowly open. I want to push further, go too hard, too fast, but I resist the urge. We have time.

"Can I…?" Kieran asks. He rubs his thumb over the spot he just kissed.

I remember the mark he left last time. It remained through much of the day, and I pressed my fingers against it in the bathroom, the dull ache mixing with pleasure and sparking under my skin.

I sink down on two fingers. "Please."

Kieran's grin is nothing other than wolfish. He ducks his head and licks over the spot before he bites down, sucking hard. I toss my head back, swallowing the cry that wants to escape. I know the others are aware of what we are doing in here, but I will not share all of it.

I push in another finger, impatient now as Kieran sucks again, drawing blood to the surface. He lifts his head, and his eyes darken when he sees the mark, which is red and throbbing to the beat of my heart.

"Lucien…"

"Fuck. I am ready, just—"

I pull my fingers free, but Kieran is faster, slicking up his own cock with a shudder. The bond pulls at me. He is close—we both are.

Kieran clutches my hips. I plant one hand on the headboard and take hold of his cock with the other, lining myself up.

Our eyes meet as I lower myself down slowly. I groan when he breaches me, the head of his cock pushing past that tight ring of muscle, stretching me open even further. It does not hurt, but then I do not think I would notice if it did. Kieran's and my pleasure plays on a feedback loop, so I am, as I sink down and take all of him inside of me, not certain where I begin and he ends.

Kieran lets out a shaky breath. His expression is awed, though I can see the love in his eyes. "Fuck, Lucien…"

"I know."

We kiss, soft and messy, and when I start moving my hips, Kieran makes a broken sound into my mouth and kisses me deeper. He thrusts up when I rock back and I whine, already close.

I reach for my cock, but Kieran knocks my hand away. "Let me," he says, and I nod, helplessly, unable to do anything else.

We move together in a rhythm I think we will always find, and as my own pleasure rises, I feel the answering wave of his, too. His hand is slick and tight on my cock, and I clench around him, chest warming at the groan Kieran lets out when I do.

"Lucien, fuck, you feel so—I'm gonna—"

I groan and bury my face in his throat. His blood rushes through his veins, his pulse resting against my lips, but my fangs do not descend, and I feel no fear from him, no concern that I might sink my teeth in deep. I lick over the spot, and he throws his head back with a cry.

I am not sure who comes first. Pleasure floods the bond and Kieran groans brokenly, seeming almost surprised as his hips jerk up and he comes deep inside me. I shake and come over Kieran's hand and stomach, rocking down onto his cock, into his grip, until it is too much for both of us.

Kieran lets go of my cock, running his hand down my spine. He is breathing hard, but then we both are. Sweat curls his hair at his temples and I kiss him there, inhaling the scent of him.

"We're gonna get stuck together," Kieran says when I do not move. His arms wrap around my waist, squeezing tight.

I only hum in response. Eventually, I climb off and we use the still-damp flannel to clean up before Kieran tugs me into bed beside him.

"I love you," he murmurs, head settling on the pillow. His grin is contagious. He presses his fingers to the mark on my chest and I gasp, swinging my thigh over his hips to drag him closer.

"And I love you," I say, heart flipping when Kieran takes my hand and kisses the back of it.

I watch, stroking his hair, as he falls slowly into slumber. The bond projects his contentment, his joy, and I smile to myself, reaching over to turn off the lamp before I settle again.

Kieran sleeps soundly beside me. I can hear the others in the flat still, heartbeats thudding steadily, calmly.

I have more than I could have ever hoped for and all I have ever wanted.

I smile and, sometime later, follow my mate into slumber.