12. Chapter 12

The best part of my day was always when I was able to go home, take a breather, and have a letter from Posie. Sometimes, it would be an old, snail mail version. Other times they were e-mails. I never told anyone, but I refused to read them on the computer or from my phone. The printer on my desk that only had one use was testament to that. Every time she sent an e-mail, they got printed before they were read. I don't know why the act of touching the paper made it feel more real, more connected to her, since it was no longer in her handwriting, but it did.

I printed out the latest letter and sat in my chair to get comfortable and read it. That familiar prickle in my chest exploded when I saw that Evan was the immediate topic of conversation. Posie and I didn't really talk much about our dating life and my brother refused to talk about Posie with me, so the question was always there in the back of my mind. Were they a couple now or still just collaborators on their graphic novels? An uncomfortable tightness in my chest always accompanied that thought, but Posie wasn't mine. She could never be mine since we had two different goals in life.

Dear Max,

Your brother thinks I'm ridiculous for opening my emails to you that way. He says it's antiquated and proves that I'm an old lady trapped in a hot chick's body.

I laughed at that, wondering what she'd think if she knew that I was just as much of an old man for wanting to read the physical letters.

We have another graphic novel in the works. Evan swears this one is going to be bigger and better than the last one, which is selling really well. Better than expected! Can you believe people want to read our stuff?

Evan says they love my art, but I still can't bring myself to look at the reviews it gets. Maybe I'm a coward, but I don't want to read about people tearing my work apart and nitpicking every little detail. My heart and soul went into those drawings. I guess, there is a part of me that still feels a bit like a fraud, like it was all a fluke and the next one we put out will be the proof of that.

I wanted to take Posie in my arms, wrap her up, and reassure her that she was amazing. I had been blown away by her sheer talent, and the one thing my brother would say about our mutual friend was that she did every bit of so effortlessly, that it made his job as a storyteller easy because he could picture everything down to the finest detail and the words just melted from his hands onto the paper as a result. That had been simply from her concept sketches. He'd shown me a side-by-side comparison of one concept sketch versus the final, published image.

I'd have to make sure Posie knew to stop underestimating herself and her talent. She was amazing. Unfortunately, because of my life choices, it would have to be my brother who pulled Posie into a hug and reassured her in person. I shook off that thought when my chest pulled tight again and dove back into her letter instead.

Enough about that stuff, though, as I'm sure you find it boring, Mr. Bigshot Detective. How goes everything in the world of real life crimefighting? Have you caught many bad guys yet? What about your house? Have you moved into the new place yet? It's weird, I know we have email now and it goes faster than snail mail, but the little day-to-day pieces of life seem to be lost in the mix. I want to know what you're having for dinner – it better not be takeout again! You need a proper meal, Max!

My deep chuckle rumbled through my chest as her words lifted a smile from my tired, grumpy face. Posie wasn't wrong. I needed a good homecooked meal. While that thought usually conjured up images of my mom's cooking and sitting around the table with my family, all I could picture was sitting at a far more intimate setting with a girl who I couldn't quite picture.

It made me want to ask for a recent photo of her, so that I could fully form that oddly domestic little fantasy scenario in my mind, but I knew better. It wasn't time yet. I hadn't lied to my father when I spoke to him a few weeks ago. My intention was to try to move closer to home eventually. I had to pay my dues and get enough time under my belt as a detective first, and then I needed for a position to open up. It felt a whole lot like waiting for the stars to align. The prize seemed less about being close to family and more about finally getting to be near Posie in person. The girl had wormed her way under my skin over the years we'd been corresponding.

She had burrowed herself so deep, I felt myself comparing everyone who came into my orbit to her. Women rarely matched the bar Posie had been unknowingly setting for them over the years. She was sweet, thoughtful, funny, caring, and sometimes seemed far too innocent for this world. Other times, she seemed far too jaded. There was a delicate balance where she'd been touched by too much tragedy so there was an edge to her sweet innocence that made her not seem totally out of reach for a guy like me.

I shook that thought off as quickly as it appeared. Posie would eventually end up with my brother – if he ever got his head out of his ass and realized what he had in front of him. If not Evan, though, it would be someone like him. It would never be me – the man who refused to go home to be seen as living under the blanket of his family's wild successes. I turned my attention back to her letter.

I made chicken and dumplings for Jack and me tonight. He loved it.

Okay, he told me he loved it as he choked it down. It was my first time making the dish and I may have accidentally added too much salt. How was I supposed to know a little goes a long way? Don't worry, I didn't let him finish his after I tried mine. That Pops of yours certainly did try to stick it out so he didn't hurt my feelings. We laughed so hard! Then we drank a ton of water and went to get takeout. Don't judge! At least I tried to make a hearty, homecooked meal.

Your mom promised to give me lessons on how to use spices and stuff. She said everything else looked good, except the heart attack inducing level of sodium. Maybe, if you ever come to visit, I'll be able to cook you a meal that won't kill you.

I have to run. We're all going out tonight to see that new action movie with the actor everyone loves. Can I be honest with you? I wish it was an at-home viewing so I could pause it and study the way explosions look at different points, so I can get them right in my drawings. It"s going to annoy the hell out of me that I can't do that. I'll just plaster a fake smile on my face while I inwardly fume about my lack of a pause button in a movie theater.

My ride's here. Gotta go.

Always,

Posie

I loved her quirkiness, but damn if I didn't want to know who the hell her ride was and who all was going to a movie together. None of it was my business. None of it should have mattered. The tightness in my chest seemed to disagree with logic though.