19. Hunter

Playlist: Eightball Girl | Maddie Zahm

“This isn’t going to work,” I say, laying starfish on Ren’s childhood bed.

“Yes it will. Just relax and breathe. We’ll make it work.”

We’re both silent for a moment before I hear him snicker. I roll my eyes and sit up. “Should I say that it’s too big for good measure?”

Ren raises an eyebrow. “Oh, sweet summer child. It is too big.”

“We’re talking about your ego, right?”

“What else would we be talking about?”

I bark out a laugh. “I can’t believe you think this is a good idea.”

“It is a good idea. Have faith.” Ren is cross-legged on the floor, plucking at a guitar he apparently has been keeping in his closet since high school.

“So she’ll think we’re boinking while you’re playing guitar?” I ask dubiously.

“No. She’ll think I’m seducing you with music before we boink.” He grimaces. “It wouldn’t be the first time I did that.”

“Yikes.”

“I know.”

“How many chicks did young, seductive Ren Quinn get with that method?” I ask teasingly.

He eyes me. “I said it wouldn’t be the first time I did it, not that it wouldn’t be the first time it worked .”

I sigh dramatically and flop onto my back. “This is ridiculous. She won’t care.”

“She’s been staring at you all night,” he counters. “Fifty bucks says she bursts through that door without knocking.”

I roll my eyes. “I could use an extra fifty dollars. You’re on.”

He continues to tune the guitar before starting to strum the chords to “I Will Always Love You”.

“Did you know Whitney Houston’s song is actually a cover?” I ask, turning my head to look at him. He’s ridiculously handsome. I’ve slept with men way less attractive than him, and now I’m realizing I never really felt anything. It’s not that I don’t feel anything for Ren, but I’m certainly not attracted to him. Not the way I’m attracted to Giovanna.

Maybe I’m not attracted to men.

“I’m playing Dolly’s version, obviously,” Ren says teasingly. His head is bent over and his curls are flopping into his eyes and I should find him so hot.

And maybe that’s why I kept trying, why I found myself swiping through Tinder and hoping that maybe this one would give me the butterflies I’d heard so much about.

The butterflies I’d felt with Jo.

Ren starts to softly hum along and I feel tears pricking my eyes. There’s something about that song that makes me feel like my heart is being put through the wringer, especially right now.

Thwack .

Ren’s door flies open, slamming against the wall. He stops playing and I up to see Giovanna Quinn breathing heavily in the doorway.

“Hey,” she says. I think she’s trying to smile, but it just looks like she’s baring her teeth. “What are you up to?”

I swallow, hearing Ren chuckle in the background as he gets to his feet. I can’t stop looking at her.

She came.

Ren leans his guitar against the wall. “My job here is done. You can Venmo me.”

He leaves the room, pulling the door behind him and winking.

Jo’s looks between me and the door in confusion. “What just happened?”

“Jo,” I say softly. “Why did you come up here?”

She narrows her eyes at me. “I asked first.”

“Ren just left.” I bite my lip to keep from smiling. “That’s what just happened.” Somehow, her eyes narrow even more. “We came up here to see if you’d follow us.”

Jo blinks at me in surprise. “What?”

My mouth feels dry, but I try to speak anyway. “He said you couldn’t stop looking at me. I didn’t believe him. So he suggested we flirt and come up here…because it would make you jealous.” I lift my eyes to meet hers. “Are you? Jealous?”

“Of what? You and my brother?” She scoffs and stares over my right shoulder. “Of course I’m not. There’s nothing to be jealous of. What would I be jealous of? You fucking Ren? You can fuck whoever you want. I don’t care.”

“Jo.”

“Don’t make me say it,” she blurts out, her eyes darting to mine.

“Why did you leave me this morning? Why did you say it couldn’t happen again if you were going to come bursting in at the mere idea of Ren and I together? Why are you acting like I mean something to you when this morning you acted like I meant nothing ?” There are angry tears in my eyes blurring her. She looks like a dream, fuzzy and unfocused.

It feels like a nightmare.

“You could never mean nothing.” Her voice shakes in a way I’ve never heard from her before. “Not to me.”

“That’s not what leaving me this morning said. Or telling me something that meant a lot to me could never happen again. All of that tells me it means nothing—”

“I left because it meant something,” Jo interrupts. “I ran because it meant a fucking lot to me and I’ve never felt like this and the last time I thought I meant a lot to someone this quickly, she fucking left .”

My heart stops beating for a moment, I swear it does.

“I got scared, because I can’t give you what you want, Hunter. I can’t give you a relationship or love or any of that because I’m so goddamned broken.”

“So you think running away is letting me down easy?”

She throws her hands in the air. “I don’t know how to do this! I don’t want to hurt you. I’m sorry I did. You have every reason to hate me and— oof .”

My arms are wrapped around her, squeezing her because god, I couldn’t even take space from her for a full business day.

Pathetic.

“I’m sorry she hurt you, in all the ways she hurt you.” Then I feel something life changing. The best thing I’ve ever felt.

Jo wraps her arms around me too, and I’m surrounded by peonies and champagne.

“I’m sorry I hurt you,” she says quietly. “That wasn’t fair of me. I’ll try to communicate when I need space like you did today.” She rests her chin on my head, and god, this closeness feels so right .

I’ve never felt safe or more seen, or more loved than I do at this moment, in Ren Quinn’s childhood bedroom, in the woman I love’s arms.

I do, don’t I? I love her.

Of course I do. Jo’s the easiest to love. She’s dark, stormy days when you get to stay inside and drink tea. She’s a cozy blanket you find at the thrift shop that looks a little wonky, but is the softest thing you’ve ever felt. She’s midnight walks along the beach with the waves lapping at your feet and the moon shining down on you.

I want her to love me too, and I know she can’t. At least not yet.

Maybe someday . My heart whispers. Maybe someday she’ll be able to give you herself.

But I don’t have someday. Right now, all I have is her in my arms.

I clear my throat and pull away, wiping at my eyes. “I forgive you.” She opens her mouth to say something, but I interrupt. “Kelsey mentioned your mom makes a mean tiramisu, and Ren told me she made it today.”

“God, that shower was fucking wild.”

I shudder. “Horrifying. But you know what’s not wild or horrifying? Dessert. Let’s go.”

I open the door and Ren stumbles in, the fear of the Lord in his eyes.

“You little shit ,” Jo growls, lunging at him.

“I could barely hear anything!” Ren says, quickly like it’s one word.

“You’re dead meat.” Jo stalks after him as he turns and runs back towards the stairs.

I can’t help but laugh. It doesn’t look or feel the way I thought it would, but I recognize it all the same.

Belonging.