18. Chapter Eighteen Park

Chapter Eighteen: Park

S pin did an amazing performance for his scene between Boom and his mother yesterday. Afterward, he broke down until he wore himself out crying. I got him to take a nap, and after that he was better.

I've spent the past hour and a half filming the scene where Khao sits in his bedroom and thinks about Spin. The editing department will insert various flashbacks, so it's mostly closeups of Khao silently running through a gamut of emotions, which is kind of difficult to do when I don't have someone acting in the scene with me. Still, it wouldn't have taken as long as it did if lighting issues didn't come up.

I'm starving, so I fill my plate with food catered by the studio. I'm halfway through eating when I notice Spin's just picking at the food on his plate.

"Not hungry?" I ask him.

He shakes his head. "Not really. I still have a headache from yesterday."

P'Big sits down across from us at the table. "I've decided to film the love scene this afternoon and move the scene originally planned to tomorrow because it works better for the actor who plays Boom's father to do it then. You two up for the love scene?"

"Sure," I say.

"Sounds good," Spin says.

We finish eating and go to makeup. When they're ready for us, we take our places in the hallway outside the room. Besides me and Spin, only P'Big, P'Luke, and the cameramen are present. As I expected he would, P'Big gives us basic directions and tells us to do what feels right.

Spin and I both slip into character easily, and, as soon as I have him pinned against the wall, we smoothly take things where they need to go. As irresponsible as our lapse the other night at my house might have been, I think it helped. Spin is in character but not thrumming with need like he was that night, although, judging by the bulge in his pants, he's not unaffected. Submerged in my role as Khao, I touch Boom's body. Our shirts hit the floor, and we stumble down the hall, kissing and groping, tongues deep in each other's mouths. Boom's shoulder hits the edge of the door as I push him backward, and I follow him into the room and fall onto him on the bed. Wasn't I the one who was supposed to be pushed? P'Big doesn't stop us, so I put it out of my mind. On my knees, panting hard, I stare down at Boom.

I wasn't lying when I told Spin that a hard-on is a natural reaction during an NC scene–sometimes just the high of acting is enough to do it. Yet, as I run my tongue down Spin's taut stomach before attacking his mouth again, I am very aware that I've never experienced the heady combination of arousal and complete disregard for the camera only a foot from my face that I'm feeling now.

Getting us back on script, Spin flips me over and straddles me.

Unlike when we practiced, we take off our pants, leaving us in our shorts. The camera zooms in on Boom's face while Khao goes down on him. In reality, I've got my face buried in the cleft of Spin's leg and groin while he throws his head back and moans. What would it be like to actually go down on him? Would he make those sexy little grunts he made last night?

"Cut!" P'Big calls out, and I roll over, panting hard as I grab a pillow and pull it over my crotch. Spin yanks the covers over his lower half. We have a few minutes respite while P'Big and P'Luke look at the footage on the monitor.

"All right," P'Big finally says. "We're going to do it again beginning after you fall onto the bed. P'Park, before you get ready to fellate him, I want a little more. Push the envelope."

"What should I do?" I ask.

P'Big thinks for a moment. "Suck on his nipple."

Spin sits up. "I don't—"

Turning to him, P'Big interrupts. "We're a little limited on the things we can do, here. You could grab Park's crotch, but that would call attention to…things."

My face heats in embarrassment.

"But my nipples are really sensitive," Spin says, looking slightly panicked. Remembering his reaction the other night when I licked his nipple, my dick throbs beneath the pillow I have over my shorts.

"What do you mean?" P'Big asks him. "They tickle? Hurt?"

Spin bites his lower lip, eyes darting to me and then back at P'Big. "They, uh, I mean, they don't hurt. It's just that touching them makes me, uh… " He looks stricken.

"They're an erogenous zone," I say for him, and I know from the half-embarrassed, half-turned-on look on Spin's face that he knows I remember.

P'Big smiles. "Oh, well, that' s okay. It'll work in our favor. Don't worry, Nong. I realize this is a little embarrassing when you aren't used to it, but that will pass. Places!"

Spin and I adjust ourselves—both on the bed and in our pants—and when P'Big calls for action, we begin kissing. When my mouth finds one of his nipples, I feel Spin shiver beneath me.

I run my tongue over the nub, then suck on it hard, and Spin bucks beneath me, the hardness in his pants briefly pressing against my erection. P'Big calls cut and has us watch the footage. Spin stands slightly in front of me, the tips of his ears scarlet.

"Right here," P'Big points out to Spin. "I want you to grasp the sheets. We'll do a close-up of your hand. What do you think?" He looks at P'Luke.

"Good idea," the acting coach agrees.

We continue watching.

"Park, you look ready to combust here. More of that," P'Big says at a closeup of my face.

Right. Because I'm such a good actor.

We film the scene two more times before P'Big is satisfied, and then someone hands us each a robe. As I'm slipping into mine, P'Big tells us to take a few minutes, and we lounge on the bed, scrolling through our phones while activity goes on around us.

We don't talk, just relax, and then it's time to film again.

Two hours later, we're done for the day. Looking at my watch, I'm surprised to see it's close to nine p.m.

Shit. Grabbing my cell phone, I call Khun Anong.

"I'm so sorry, Auntie. I had no idea it was so late," I say when she answers.

"It's no problem, Nong. You know that. I put Anya to bed an hour ago. "

"Was she upset? My, uh, friend mentioned that she might have been triggered about our parents when she heard your son talking about you moving to the States."

"Oh, I hadn't thought of that! I'm sorry, Nong, it never occurred to me. Of course I'm not planning on moving. I'll reassure your sister of that as soon as I can."

"Thank you, Auntie. I'll come get Anya for breakfast in the morning."

"You don't have to do that. You can sleep in."

"No, it's okay, I want to spend time with her when I can. Goodnight, Auntie."

When I get off the phone, Spin comes out of the bathroom fully dressed and gives me a tired smile.

"I'll take you home," I tell him.

"I can take the Skytrain," he objects.

"No need. I don't have to rush. Auntie said Anya's already asleep. I can't believe it's so late." I take my turn in the bathroom to change.

We're just leaving the building when Spin's cellphone rings. I try not to listen to his end of the conversation, but I can't help it.

When he hangs up, he says excitedly, "Can you drop me off at The Pickle instead, P'Park?"

"Sure. Wow, you're going out? I can barely stay awake."

"Kiet wants to meet. This is the first time he's spoken to me since I got into it with Daw that day."

I nod. "Oh, that's good. Maybe you guys can patch things up."

It doesn't take us long to get to the little bar, and as I tiredly watch Spin cross the street in the drizzling rain, I suddenly remember all the late nights we spent rehearsing the complicated dance routines for Dirty Dancing . Spin's a natural—without him, I don't think I could have done it. We laughed and cut up, and that time will be forever embedded in my memory as the last moments of my youth before responsibility hit hard.

Looking back, that year stands out as the beginning of my realization that I might be attracted to boys as well as to girls. Was I attracted to Spin? Yeah, I was. But I wasn't ready to admit that to myself then and didn't experiment with guys until I started working in bl's. People would probably be surprised how many of us hooked up at the beginning of our careers in this industry.

Why am I thinking about this now? Because there's a stark difference in what I'm feeling now and what I've occasionally felt over the last couple of years. Now, I'm consumed with wanting to protect my partner. Of wanting to talk to him. Wanting to touch him without cameras on us.

And there was the other night.

My plan has been to save as much money as I can so that when Anya grows up she won't have to worry about finances. That means having a long-lasting, popular ship. We can't afford to be in a real relationship that's likely to ruin our work relationship. It's too risky. Somehow, we have to manage to ride the fine line between reality and work.