Chapter 19

After I pulled myself together from making out with Ty, I switched seats to watch out the window. It was my first time on an airplane and the view fascinated me. I'd already taken a dozen or so pictures of just the clouds and of the highway below, things that any veteran flier would have taken for granted.

I leaned my temple against the window and stared at the ground far below us. I was on a borrowed private jet with four brothers, flying off for a lavish resort vacation in the mountains. How was that any less far-fetched than the fictional story of Kelsey and the paramedics? It seemed unreal to me.

They were all wildly handsome and sexy, not to mention strong and thoughtful and interesting. Any girl would be fabulously lucky to have one of them, much less all four. I was a teeny bit nervous about that part, but in an excited and curious way. I trusted them completely, and I knew we'd have a great time together. As long as I didn't allow myself to think too long about the real reason for this conveniently timed trip.

My ex was in town looking for me. I was scared out of my mind to the point I couldn't remember things or do basic tasks without fumbling or getting distracted and confused. I shook all the time, felt clammy and sweaty and jumped when the phone rang. I couldn't go on like that, and since they couldn't rack him down immediately without any reasonable indication that he was up to some criminal activity, and I didn't want them to hunt him down and kill him, we were at a stalemate.

The Burns brothers had done this incredibly nice thing for me, generous and thoughtful. The least I could do was block out the bad stuff that was weighing on my mind and tearing at my fraying nerves and make sure I was present in the moment and enjoyed it all. As soon as we landed and were whisked away in a private car, I was able to focus, to hold Jake's hand and look out the window, admire the looming mountains nearby and catch my breath at the loopy drop-offs at the edge of the road as we climbed higher to the resort.

I'd never seen the Adirondacks even in pictures. Nothing could have prepared me, not even photographs online, for the splendor. Everything that wasn't coated white with velvety thick snow was a pale gray stone with hints of lavender, a delicacy of shadow that made the entire place, despite its breathtaking size, seem fairytale-like and gentle somehow.

It was not the sort of mountain resort with antlers and taxidermy everywhere, walls studded with framed vintage photos of big game hunters standing with a booted foot atop their kill. Inside the building itself, I felt that I was inside a jewel box nestled in the palm of the mountain's hand. The hulking stone mountains, the towering dark pines seemed friendly and sheltering, not intimidating.

It felt good and right and welcoming. The light scent of lemon and sage fragranced the air of the lobby and I peered at the label on the candles burning in rustic glass jars, their label indicating that they were handmade in a local shop. I'd never bought a candle that cost more than ten dollars, but I felt the urge to ask how much they were.

Maybe I was swept away by the holiday atmosphere of my first vacation. Maybe the whole place was so beautiful and it didn't seem real and I wanted to capture at least the fragrance of this retreat to help remind me of it once I was hundreds of miles away back home again. With a sigh, I looked around, standing in one spot and looking up, turning in a full circle trying to take it all in, the openness and warmth, the way the whole place made me ache with homesickness in a way I couldn't explain. I'd never visited or lived in a place like it and I was sure my mother never got to either. Something about it made me miss her and my sister so much it almost broke me then.

I stopped gaping at the lobby and moved over to lean my elbow on the counter at the front desk as Eli checked us in. Drew joined me, his hand warm on the small of my back.

"You okay?" he asked.

"Are you kidding?" I said, forcing a cheerful smile. "This place is like something out of a fantasy. It's amazing."

"It sure is. I wasn't asking how the resort looks. I asked how you are. You closed off and kind of withdrew all of a sudden."

"I was thinking about my mom, which is so stupid because I haven't seen or talked to her in years, my sister, too. Something about being in a place like this, where everything is nice and perfect and safe and even smells good… it isn't just that I want her to know I'm okay, that I'm with good people who look out for me. I want her to be okay too, and to know my sister is doing well. I just—I want my mom, Drew," I said, my voice cracking a little before I straightened my shoulders and wallowed hard, fighting back the well of sadness opening up in me.

"I'm sorry, Jas," he said, hugging me to his side. "It's got to be rough on you, but I think it's a good sign in a way. Like you've felt this way all along, but you finally feel safe enough to let go of some of that tension. Now you really feel that sadness and you can figure out what to do with it. You were just surviving before. Maybe soon you'll be ready to reach out."

"Who knew you were the one with all the wisdom?" I teased, hugging him and stepping back.

"Of course, I am. I'm the oldest," he said with a self-deprecating lopsided grin that belied the arrogance of his quip.

"Thank you," I told him. "I'm excited to be here. I just wasn't expecting a rush of feelings. I know how lucky I am, believe me."

"You're tough, not just lucky," he said.

That was one of the sweetest things anyone had ever said to me, and I felt it bury itself in my chest like an arrow of light. I felt better. Not healed or totally well, but better than I had before. One more green flag from the Burns boys, I thought with a soft smile.

Their form of protectiveness wasn't about keeping me small and weak and under their control. It was supportive, respectful, and centered around making sure I had a safe place to walk through the world with them at my side.

"Hey," Jake joined us, "how are you doing?"

"You'd think I was in a hospital waiting room not a luxury resort," I said.

"Not at all. I wanted to check on you. I'm sure that Ty let you know I always have a nap on planes because I'm not crazy about flying. Eli thinks it's the funniest thing he's ever heard. Particularly since he was in the cockpit on the controls practically before he could grow a decent beard."

"I didn't know. Are you okay now?" I asked.

"Yeah, I'm good. I have eyes on everyone in my family, so I'm okay."

Once we were checked in, a VIP golf cart took us out to our cabin. The driver told us the cabins were less than a year old, and they were cutting edge luxury all the way. If we needed anything, she gave us her number and we thanked her.

What they called a cabin was a luxury ski chalet in its own right. A vaulted ceiling soared over a hulking stone fireplace in the main room which was partly open to a small but fancy kitchen. A narrow wooden stairway hugged one wall, leading up to a partial loft tucked under the eaves that looked incredibly cozy. Glass doors opened onto a broad deck with a hot tub, a grill and real Adirondack chairs to recline in and gaze at the gorgeous mountain view.

Beyond the main room was a short hall with a coat closet, a bathroom, and the huge master suite. It had a massive bed heaped with white down comforters and strewn with pink rose petals. The same lemon sage candles burned in a row on the dresser. A bedside table held a basket of treats—chocolates and massage oil and all kinds of decadent things. I gaped at the lavish amenities like the flowers and candles and treats, and I knew the Burns boys had put a lot of thought into this. I turned to them where they stood watching my reaction.

I beamed at them and went first to Drew, wrapped my arms around his neck. I hugged each one of them in turn. "Thank you for everything," I said, nestling into Ty's arms last of all.