24. ~ The Silent Angel ~

CHAPTER 24

The pressure on my abdomen awoke me. Where was I? What was happening? Struggling to get out of my head, I forced my eyelids open just enough to see my surroundings. Mrs. White stood beside the bed, her arms locked, her hands on top of my belly. Lucy came into view, moving busily about with towels and other items. Next, I saw Dr. Jones at the foot of the bed, his face etched with exhaustion and worry. Bewildered, I tried to move my head to see more.

The memory came quickly, mercilessly—Sunny kicking with ferocity, me turning to save my baby, the sensation of my spine snapping, the panic and pain, and everything going black. I focused on the doctor again, and it hit me. I'm giving birth.

"Keep trying, ladies. We must get the baby out," Dr. Jones urged as Lucy joined Mrs. White in her efforts to force the baby out.

"She's losing too much blood. There's no use," Mrs. White said in a weary tone, but she continued to work.

"We must get him out, or they'll both die." Catching my eye, the doctor said, "Mrs. Sterling, can you hear me? We need you to push. Can you hear me?"

His voice faded as my mind slipped away . . .

A muffled whimpering pulled me from the edge of unconsciousness. Little by little, it grew into a strong cry. My child. I fought against the heaviness that trapped me. I wanted to see him. However, while my mind sharpened, my body felt strangely disconnected from the world.

"He won't survive without her," Mrs. White stated pessimistically.

"He is a little fragile but looks healthy," Dr. Jones observed.

A baby boy. I had been right all along.

I had to see him. I might never have the chance again. Mustering every ounce of strength I had, I turned my head. The figures formed slowly. Mrs. White held a bundle in her arms. I spotted his tiny head and hands. I yearned to hold him, to see his face. I tried to speak, but no sound came out.

My gaze followed Mrs. White as she left the room. I stared at the door for a long while. My son would never return to me—that much I knew.

"We are losing her! Bring more towels," the doctor cried. "Have you found General Sterling?"

"He is en route," Lucy responded.

My eyes became unbearably heavy, and everything went black once more.

How much time elapsed I couldn't tell, but long enough for Alex to have arrived. I felt him holding my hand. I wished he could take me into his arms and comfort me, take my suffering away as he always did, but, physically, I felt nothing.

"There must be something you can do," Alex implored the doctor.

"I wish there was, but she has lost too much blood, and her spinal cord is injured beyond repair."

"We must take her to London."

"General, moving her would only hasten her passing."

"There must be something you can do! There must be!" Alex choked out in agony.

"I'm deeply sorry. All we can do is make her last days, perhaps hours, as comfortable as possible." The doctor's voice broke.

"I don't understand. How did this happen? It doesn't make any sense." The ache in Alex's voice deepened my own. I was leaving him, but how could I?

"We are lucky Mr. Vines found her when he did," said the doctor.

"Something must have scared Sunny. It's not in her nature to be wild."

"She might have tried to ride her." Mrs. White's unexpected words made me aware of her presence.

"Nonsense! She wouldn't do that," Alex defended.

"I agree with the general. Mrs. Sterling wouldn't do such a foolish thing," Dr. Jones said.

At last, I opened my eyes and focused. I tried to speak, but only guttural sounds issued forth.

"Florence, I am here. Everything is going to be fine. Can you hear me?"

I stared into my husband's eyes, desperately wanting to communicate with him, but my voice refused to obey.

"I shouldn't have left. I'll never forgive myself for leaving you when you needed me most. If only I had come back sooner."

My gaze searched his, inquiring about our baby.

He understood. "Oh, Florence, I'm so sorry. Our baby. . . he was too frail." Tears rolled down his cheeks.

Our precious baby was dead, the reality of it too immense to comprehend. At last, my agony won the battle. I couldn't fight it anymore.

"Florence, please don't leave me!" Alex pleaded.

In my mind, I spoke the words my traitorous voice refused to. Alex, I wish I could stay, but my body is already gone. My life is slipping away. I ache at what has been stolen from us. I long to feel your sweet embrace, share our tears, laughter, accomplishments, and disappointments, and spend our days out in the sun together. All of that, along with bearing children, I can't offer you anymore. I pray that in time you'll find someone who will fulfill your needs and that you'll love and be happy again. I want that for you. But I also want you to know I will always love you, and I will always be thankful to have known your love.

"We better let her rest." Mrs. White approached the bed, interrupting my farewell. My thoughts turned to her. Oh yes, I remembered.

Alex groaned. "I'm not going to leave her again."

My gaze met hers. "You are responsible for this."

"You are thinking about me," her eyes seemed to respond. "Yes, what you're thinking is true. I'm responsible for your misery, and you'll take the truth to your grave. No one will ever know. We played, and you lost."

"I didn't lose. I won. I'm taking Alex's heart with me until he finds an honorable woman to love. But one thing is for sure, he will never love you because you are wicked," I willed her to hear.

A shadow of fear crossed her face, and she retreated to the corner of the room.

My attention returned to Alex. He would forever be the love of my life. I didn't know how or when, but we would be reunited. For now, I just wanted to rest. Alexander Sterling, I love you. I will always love you. I closed my eyes and felt the light pressure of his lips one last time.

"I love you, my lady," he whispered.

It felt like I slipped into a peaceful sleep, but an instant later, I found myself standing across from Alex in my spirit form—those in the room were totally unaware of my ghost—their eyes and ears denied the gift of seeing and hearing the otherworldly.

Alex fell to his knees beside my lifeless body. He rested his head on my arm and softly cried.

Dr. Jones, who had patiently watched the unfolding scene, approached and took my pulse. "I'm sorry, General." He shook his head and, in a gesture of respect and compassion, left the room.

"Come, come now," Mrs. White said. "There's nothing else you can do. You must rest."

"Leave me, please," Alex said.

"You need the energy for the days ahead," she insisted, reaching for his shoulder.

"Leave me. Now." Alex shook her hand off. Nothing would separate him from my remains.

Defeated and perhaps offended, Mrs. White complied.

At that moment, the room grew a shade lighter as if a light switch had been flipped, and the knowledge of my entire existence illuminated my understanding. I'd regained the memories of my life before I was born in New York. But why had I been given a chance to live again? Why was I a part of Alex's life a second time? While my thoughts left me feeling confused, some things were crystal clear.

Mr. Sterling grieved for me back in New York, the same Florence Contini whose husband he was. The memory of what happened haunted him. His love for me still burned brightly. No wonder he had been so perplexed and tortured by my presence. The idea of a duplicate of his lady brought both hope and madness to his troubled soul. And I didn't just look like the old Florence; I was an exact copy with the same name, born when she died. How could he even attempt to explain those things to me when they made no sense? It was indeed madness.

Alex broke into deep sobs, oblivious to anything in this separate sphere. I stood so close to him, yet he did not sense me. My heart shattered for him, and as I attempted to draw near him, the scene changed to another place and time.

In front of me, people dressed in black gathered around a grave in the cemetery behind the ancient parish in Breamore. The priest withdrew first, and then, one by one, the rest, until only one remained. I moved to the figure crouched on the loose dirt. Alex stared at the newly placed headstone, frozen with grief.

Florence Contini Sterling—Forever My Lady—1894–1917

Alex had dreaded the idea that death might separate us, and now he faced his worst fear. I noticed the tiny grave beside mine, confirming my suspicions. It was death's biggest sting.

Sterlings' beloved baby boy, sleep in peace under the nurturing love of your dear mother

"Why did you have to leave me? What am I going to do without you?" His voice broke. "Whatever happens to me, I promise you'll always be my lady."

When Alex rose, I saw the change in him, the light and joy in his eyes replaced by despair and detachment. He strode off, his shoulders slumped as if he bore the weight of the world. Death had defeated the great General Sterling.

Just then, the guide who'd taken me back in time reappeared.

I looked more closely at his lively brown eyes, his loving smile, and the anguish I had harbored since his death, like chalk erased from a blackboard, vanished forever. He pressed me to his chest, and my heart burst with joy.

"Lucca, I can't believe it's you!" Happy childhood memories flooded me.

"Florence, you know me! It's wonderful to be recognized." Lucca smiled.

"I have missed you so much!"

"I never left you."

"There are no words to express my gratitude. Though, I must say, you gave me a few good frights at Oak's Place."

He chuckled. "What can I say? Being a ghost has its fun side."

"Lucca, please help me understand. How am I able to live again? To find Alex? I died in adulthood, yet I was a baby the very same year that I died. How?"

"Because you now know who you are, I can connect the pieces for you. This is not the first time we have met since my death. I came to you when you passed away." He held my hand and said, "Remember the space between your death and your second life. Remember."

Mrs. White had thrown the snake into the stall. Sunny had injured my body beyond repair. I had died yet existed in another form, a spirit form. And suddenly I found myself in an oppressive fog. A sense of anguish, endless isolation, and loneliness washed over me. The suffering my mortal body had experienced under Sunny's attack was minuscule when compared to this new level of grief. I felt trapped inside a box without oxygen and that death would never release me.

"What have I done to deserve this misery?"

"Absolutely nothing," my dear brother said.

"Lucca—Lucca!" The joy of seeing him again, of realizing that Mrs. Allerton had been right all along and there was an afterlife where our dear ones awaited us, was indescribable. I fell into his loving arms, and the fog evaporated like dew beneath the morning sun. We were now on a brightly lit path. The ground beneath us gave off a luminescent glow, separating the darkness behind us from a powerful light that stretched across the horizon. I looked back into the gloom and shivered at the shadows that moved about restlessly.

"Those demons feed on our deepest fears and failures, making us miserable," Lucca explained. "Your spirit is suspended between the living and the dead, allowing you to make an eternal choice. Because you've briefly, and to a lesser degree, experienced darkness, your decision can be just."

"A choice?"

"You lost your life prematurely, causing this imbalance. To satisfy justice, you may reenter mortality to correct some of that. Grief consumes Alexander, and he doesn't deserve a life of misery. You can restore his joy. The love you share connects your souls. Only you can accomplish this, for you own his heart. You can also bring justice and send Mrs. White away from him, for she is bound to cause more damage."

I looked at the inviting warmth of the light on the horizon, then back at the obscurity. "How can I go back? I can't return to my physical body."

"No, your former body is broken beyond repair. If you choose to return, your mortal remains will be reorganized in a new life. It is the only way. And yes, your memories will be wiped clean. The veil of forgetfulness is part of the price you must pay. Love will be your guide and greatest ally."

"A connecting link between our souls . . . guided by love, my greatest ally," I repeated. "Wouldn't that prevent him from ever loving another woman?"

"A woman formed with her own remains is the same woman. And he will not have to fall in love again. His love for you runs through his veins and simply needs to be reawakened. You'll also retain any personal belongings buried with you." He shot a glance at the spiritual bracelet on my wrist. "Furthermore, you'll be reborn in a place where your path crosses his at some point. Now, you'll suffer consequences if you fail to listen to your heart and choose not to be with him. The price for failure after reentering the mortal realm is separation. You won't be with him after mortality, nor will your memories be restored, ever."

I felt as if a hand from the obscurity had stretched out its dreadful fingers to grab me.

"There will be no help from this side of the veil. We are not allowed to interfere unless, through no fault of your own, evil jeopardizes your mission. Only then will we help you see how to balance justice. Nonetheless, if you decide not to take this chance, you'll be instantly drawn into the light, where our loved ones anxiously await you. If you stay, you'll be safe in their company forever."

I considered staying with Lucca, reuniting with the mother I yearned to know, Father, Mrs. Allerton, Mr. Leroy, and my dear baby boy. My heart ached to be with them again. "My loved ones . . . all except for him. Without Alex, the light will be darkness to me. I will take the chance. I will reenter mortal life."

I was back at the cemetery, and the memory of the choice I had made after my death receded to the back of my mind while knowledge settled within me. "It would have worked. Alex and I would have been happy again, even if we did not know the truth. But Mrs. White separated us with her lies, and that's why you came, and I have the chance to go back in time—to remember, to balance justice," I summarized.

Lucca smiled. "I couldn't have said it better myself."

"Alex . . . he is now fighting for his life back in Geneva." I remembered how I had dismissed Zaira's call after I fled Oak's Place, and my thoughts spiraled in desperation. She didn't think he would last the night. "Lucca, he can't die. I must return to him. He must know the truth."

Again, Lucca clasped my hand. I blinked, and we were back where we started—in my room at the monastery in 1938. My mortal body lay peacefully on the bed, just as I left it.

"When you return to your body, it will be the same hour as when we left the room—give or take a few minutes. From then on, you are running against time," he warned. "Do you understand?"

I nodded. "I'll forever be indebted to you."

"My beautiful sister, don't fail." His arms engulfed me, filling me with confidence.

"Our family . . ." I thought of those who were gone, longing to know about them. "How is the next life?"

Lucca smiled brightly. "Better than you can imagine."

"I'll miss you."

"I won't be far." He raised his hand as if saying goodbye, and the next thing I knew, I was back in my body, and he was gone.

Fueled by the intensity of returning to flesh and bone, the heaviness of losing my baby, and leaving Alex behind, I bolted upright, gasping for air. The profound love I felt for them was woven into my body's fiber and sinews.

Many things were still far from my grasp, but I knew my Alex was still the same and we belonged together. How would I explain who I really was? Would he believe me? I had a good chance since my name and likeness to the deceased Florence and the bracelet had paved the way. But for now, it mattered only that I was here for him, and he wouldn't feel alone or defeated any longer. Our past, future, and entire existence depended on me reaching him in time.