Chapter 5

CHAPTER 5

AUGUST

“Just lay real still. This will be over in just a few minutes, " the radiographer says into her microphone as if I needed her to tell me that. Rolling my eyes, I say nothing and close my eyes.

I left the doctor's office an hour or so ago after having had treatment an hour before that. The chemo has begun now, affecting my ability to stand upright and control my body's movements. It’s a mess. Once this scan is done, I return to her office because I have questions.

“Are we almost done?” I call out. The more I have to do these scans, the more claustrophobic I feel.

“Actually we are all finished. I will be right with you.” Taking a deep breath, I say a quiet thank you because I think if I were in there any longer, I would freak the fuck out.

Once she helps me up and I am placed in a wheelchair back to the office, I am helped into a chair, and the doctor is waiting for me.

“How’s the dizziness and shaking?” Is she serious with this fucking question? How does she think it is?

“It sucks,” I answer, a bit short.

“I would like for you not to come to chemo alone anymore. It is no longer safe for you to be alone afterwards.” Well, too fucking bad.

“I’ll take a cab if I have to.” I have begun getting angrier, finally entering the stages of cancer grief, as some of the patients call it.

Clicking her tongue at me in disapproval, she opens my folder and folds her hands. I understand you have some specific questions for me.” I have avoided this as long as possible, but it has been on my mind lately.

“Will I be able to have children?” Might as well rip the band-aid off. Her face turns sympathetic, and it pisses me off. I don’t need her fucking sympathy. I need her to answer the damn question. Pity has gotten me nowhere.

“That depends, August.”

“On what?”

“On if it goes away without surgery. If we can get it to shrink and disappear with surgical intervention, then yes, there is a possibility, although chemo can cause other obstacles that might require medicine to conceive.” I figured.

“And if I have to have surgery?”

“In that case the ovary might have to be removed and with one left, it could be even harder and fertility drugs might not help. Essentially, your body would be operating at half of its reproductive self.” I am staring at this glass reward she has on her desk, listening to her tell me my chances of being a mom, of making Declan a dad and having the family we imagined are dwindling, and all I want to do is that this trophy off her desk and throw it across the room. “August, dear, did you hear me?” Yes. I heard it.

Depleted both physically and emotionally, I am so happy when I realize this is Declan’s later day, and I will be able to be alone with my thoughts. I walk in and sigh when all the lights are off, but when I look down and see his work boots, my heart sinks. I turn on the light and prepare myself.

“Where have you been?” he asks before saying hello or anything else. “I have been calling you.” Crap, I forgot I never took my phone off do not disturb.

“I was out,” I tell him. I don't know why I say it like I am annoyed he is asking me, but I am so angry nowadays, and it seems I am right now.

“So you couldn’t answer your phone?”

“I forgot to charge it last night. It probably died.”

“Bullshit, August. I plugged your phone in myself last night.” Crap. Instead of telling him that I put it on do not disturb because I needed peace and quiet, I stoked the fire.

“I don’t know. Maybe I need a new phone.” The hurt that runs across his face wrecks me. I literally feel the slice of the dagger I used to pierce his heart in my own. He stands up, and now he looks pissed.

“I never thought I would look at you and not know you.” God, that stings. “Because my August would never look me in the eye and lie to me.” He starts walking away, and then he turns back. “And by the way, you suck at it.” I don’t know why, but that last line rips through me, and suddenly, I feel this overwhelming force of indignation and audacity I don’t deserve, but it bubbles over anyway.

“You know what? Screw you, Declan. I don’t have to tell you my every move. I am a grown woman, and I can do what I want, when I want, where I want and who I…” He descends on me faster than the speed of light and backs me into the wall.

“Be careful with your next words sweetheart. I have never lost myself with you, but you are dangerously close to the edge.” Oh shit. Are my nipples getting hard? Seriously, this what gets my body revved up, anger?

“Oh yeah and then what? What are you going to do?” He is on me before I can finish my thought. His hand is around my neck and his face is so close that if I licked my lips I would lick his.

“You don’t want to know, baby.” Apparently my body does.

“I really want to know.”

The look he gives me makes me shiver. He rips my clothes from my body and does the same to his. He pushes me against the wall, and he reaches for me, kissing me again. We both know we aren’t about to make love right now. This is about fucking, plain and simple.

Every muscle in my body tightens when he slams his massive cock into me. It’s never been like this before. Never. It’s always been good. Great, even, but this is what the poets were talking about. He thrusts in and out of me over and over until all I can do is wrap my legs around his waist. I swear I can feel his heartbeat in his cock. I can also hear the squelching sound my pussy makes with every hard thrust his cock makes inside me, and it turns me on even more. I meet him thrust for thrust and scream his name when he reaches between us and pinches my clit.

“Fuck, Dec. Please. Please. Please,” I beg. I don’t want him to stop. I want to stop thinking about everything happening inside my body.

“I fucking love this pussy. This is my fucking pussy. Don’t even joke about giving it to someone else,” he growls in my ear.

“I didn’t,” I moan my promise as he bites my neck.

My orgasm comes barreling out of left field. It’s so fucking hard; I think I might pass out because I’m not even breathing. He kisses me hard and my pussy clenches. His cock throbs and I feel him come inside of me.

"Fuck, baby," he groans as he make several hard, shallow thrusts. He fucks me through his own orgasm making me have another.

I don’t know why I like this so fucking much, but I do. Can one brutal fucking reset your whole sex drive?