Chapter 4

CHAPTER 4

DECLAN

What the fuck was that? I can’t wrap my head around it. In all the years that August and I have been having sex that’s never happened. Not even the first time. I’ll ever forget that night as long as I live. We were crammed in the bench seat of my first pickup, a hand me down from my dad. There was no room for anything, but we made it work, more than once. As soon as we graduated we got a little apartment then we moved to this place. The end goal is a house where we can raise our family and maybe get a dog. We want kids, we want the happily ever after we’ve talked about since we were thirteen years old.

Tonight really threw me for a loop. She was into and then she wasn’t. I have been inside her so many times. I know what her pussy feels like when she clenches around my cock as she comes. That wasn’t it. If I didn’t think something was wrong with her before I know there is now. Her eyes were so fucking vacant until she started crying. All I can do is hold her while she cries. She cries for what seems like forever until she falls asleep. Once she been asleep for a while, I get out of bed and head into the kitchen. I grab a beer from the fridge and then sit at the kitchen table in the dark. Brooding. I have got to figure out what the fuck is going on and fast. This is driving me crazy.

THREE DAYS LATER

I still have no idea what the hell is going on with August. I can’t stop thinking about her. I haven’t tried to initiate anything thing with her. It’s fucking killing me. She hasn’t really spoken to me either. She’s been in bed when I leave and back in bed when I’ve gotten home. We’re basically pretending nothing happened, but I can’t help the seeds of doubt that have begun to form that there’s someone else. Another man touching what’s mine? The thought alone drives me insane. I am going to come unglued.

“Hey! Dec! Watch yourself!” I hear, jarring me from my destructive, repetitive thoughts making me realize that I’m at work. This is really unsafe. How the fuck could I forget I was at work? I have a fucking nail gun in my hands. This isn’t amateur hour here. Someone, mainly me, could get really fucking hurt if I’m not paying attention. Shaking my head, I get back to work. The drywall I’m hanging isn’t going to hang itself. That lasts for all of twenty minutes before I think about August again. I can’t believe she faked an orgasm rather then tell me she didn’t want to have sex. Did she think I would be angry at her or something? I have never nor would I ever expect sex from her. She means everything to me. We could never have sex again and my feeling for her wouldn’t change. This can’t go on. I need to talk to her. I leave work early because I realize that I’m not going to be worth shit for the rest of the day. I stop to pick up some flowers for August and a bottle of wine. It’s barely noon when I walk back inside, expecting her to be home. She isn’t. I don’t like this feeling of uneasiness I have. It feels like a weight has settled on my chest and I don’t see it going away anytime soon.

At first, I think she’s gone to the store or something but when she’s still not home at five thirty, I begin to panic. I’ve called her all afternoon, but it’s gone to voicemail until it eventually stopped ringing at all. Five thirty creeps to six, and she’s still not home. The sun has set, and the house is dark. I’m so angry/worried I don’t bother to turn the lights on. I take a slow pull of my beer, as I see her headlights swing into the driveway. I look down at my watch and see that it’s six twenty-five. I was supposed to be home at six thirty. The thought that she was with another man enters my mind again and doesn’t go away. Where the fuck would she have gone and then come home just before I do?

“Where have you been?” I ask before she has a chance to say anything. “I have been calling you.” My anger is quick to rise, and I don’t know why. Before she even opens her mouth, I know she’s about to lie to me.

What the fuck is going on?