19. Ash

NINETEEN

"Sunday seems very lovely." Mom beams from across the table in the small cafe nestled away near the spa of the resort.

"Yeah, she's great." And likes me. I sip my coffee while glancing over at Wade, who's trying his hardest to get my thirteen-year-old cousin to notice him. Not that it's taking much. Jessica has had her eyes locked on him since we got here.

My mind thinks back to Sunday, and I try my damndest to figure out what in the fuck to do about this. She likes me? I know she said she meant just as friends, but I'm not a fucking idiot. She saw my face, and I embarrassed her. Goddamn it. No relationships and no Sunday. And here I am, throwing both of those rules out the window.

"I was worried." Mom sips her tea as she looks off toward the indoor waterfall. "I was worried that you would never get over her." I chuckle. Mom hated Shannon from the start, and I know that if she knew the full extent of what Shannon did to me, she would've never invited my cousin. But I didn't want to cause waves, like usual.

"Mom, I've been with women since Shannon." She snorts.

"I'm not talking about fucking them."

"Mom!" I laugh in shock. "What the hell?" My mother never uses language like that. She waves me off before continuing her conversation.

"How long have you two been together?" And here's the tricky part. I don't lie to my mom or Indy, ever. The three of us made it as far as we did because we've been completely open and honest. I feel nauseous as I rub my palms together.

"It's, umm, newer." I give her an uneasy smile while glancing at Wade again. He's drawing something for Jessica, who is giggling with her cheeks bright pink. "We're still trying to find our places in each other"s lives." Mom gives me a nod.

"But not so new that she doesn't allow her boy around you." She states and gestures her head toward Wade.

"Oh, Wade? Well, I mean, he and I are buds. He likes to draw, and there aren't a whole lot of people around the area that are into art for him to hang with." She raises a thick brow.

"My beautiful boy, there's nothing more important or treasured in a mother's world than their children. If she"s letting you get close to that portion of her world, then she's already decided where you fit into her life." My gut twists, and I give her another uneasy smile before deciding that we need to change the subject to literally anything else. I'm about to rat Indy out for her caffeine consumption just to take the spotlight off me when my phone chimes.

Sunshine: Are you coming back anytime soon?

Me: Miss me already?

See, thisis my problem. I can't stop flirting with this woman.

Sunshine: About as much as a hemorrhoid. I was asking because I'm going to take a shower if you and Wade are going to be busy for a while.

Me: Nah, I'm with mom. Go ahead. Think about me.

Sunshine: I hope a seagull shits in your hair.

I laugh out loud as I put my phone back in my pocket and look up to see the amused smile on my mom's face. Yeah, this is going to be a problem.

"Wade," I call over as Jessica walks away. "Come on, let's go." Giving my mom a kiss on top of her head, Wade and I walk out of the area to walk the beach.

"You like Jessica?" I ask as we take our shoes off to walk in the sand. Wade goes red instantly and shakes his head.

"N-No." He laughs and looks around nervously.

"Your mom is in the room taking a shower, relax." He lets out a breath.

"She's literally the prettiest girl I've ever seen." I move my head from side to side.

"She's a good girl. Smart, and I think she lives near us."

"Yeah," Wade mumbles while picking up a shell.

"Your mama ain't gonna--"

"It's not that," Wade interrupts, "I know my mom will do the whole ‘My baby is growing up' thing. That's not it. I just don't have the time." I laugh in surprise.

"Time? Bud, you're a kid; it's all you have."

"You know that's not true. I have my mom. I need to help her, especially if we really are going to be staying at the apartments. She's going to need help. So if I'm not at school, I need to find ways to make her life easier until I can start working."

"You guys aren't moving?" Wade shrugs his slim shoulders.

"I don't want to; I'm so tired of moving and being so far away from everyone Mom is close to; it scares me because it will truly be just us, and I'm afraid something will happen, there will be trouble or something... Another Josh will come into our lives and..." He trails off, glaring at the ground before his golden eyes meet mine. I wonder if his blond hair matches Sunday's. I've never seen her without her silver locks.

"Ash," Wade's voice is cool and firm as he speaks. "If someone like Josh comes again... If someone hurts me, hurts her like he did... I'll kill them." My heart sinks at his words.

"Did he hurt you?" Wade winces slightly before shaking his head.

"Never around my mom, and never enough to leave a mark she would see. She would've gotten herself killed trying to protect me if she knew, and she"d still kill him if she found out." She won't have to; I'm going to kill him. "I don't matter, though. Mom does. I need to keep her safe, and she's safer here. Yeah, Josh is here, but so are you, and so are the guys and her friends. If someone she was dating tried to hurt her, you'd be there to help me, right?" My brain tries to catch up with everything he's saying. I nod slowly, not one hundred percent sure what I'm agreeing to but knowing that I need to say yes.

Looking away, I blink my eyes and look back at him, "He hurt you, and you didn't say anything?" Wade shrugs while picking up another shell.

"It's not important. I was an annoyance to him, I get it, I'm a bast–"

"Knock that off." I snap, gripping his shoulder. "Don't you ever say that." Wade scoffs, not looking at me.

"It's true. Mom thinks I don't know about my biological father, but I know how to do a web search. I know... I know what he did and that I'm here because of it."

"Wade."

He shakes his head and I know the look on his face too well. He's done with the subject, he's done talking, and he's feeling backed into a corner. Sighing, I remove my hands and back up a step, glancing over to Wade with a playful smile as we make our way back to the hotel.

"So, what did you draw for Jessica?" I ask, eager to hear about his latest drawing. He's very skilled, and with some practice and time, he'll be amazing. His shoulders relax, and he turns to me with a slight grin.

"Well, she said her favorite animal is a tiger, but I don't think my drawing quite captures its "true majesty,' as she would put it." I nudge him playfully, knowing how much he likes my artwork.

"You know, tigers are one of my specialties. If you want, I could help you make something cool for her when we get back home." A look of pure joy lights up Wade"s face, and I can"t help but feel a sense of happiness, knowing that I have the power to make him so genuinely happy.

After seeingWade off to his room, I walk down the hall to mine and Sunday's room and raise a brow as I open the door. What is that noise? Walking further into the suite, I'm met with–oh my god, is that a boy band?

Moving toward the open bathroom door where Sunday is evidently still in the shower, I chuckle as the band plays at full volume, blasting one of their old hits. Something about being ‘original' or something, I don't know. What I do know is Sunday is in the shower and I can partially see her through the textured glass of the door. And she's singing with her entire heart while doing some weird little movement and waving her hands above her head. Also, she's a fucking terrible singer. I mean completely off-key. Whales could tune into this frequency, and it would change their swimming patterns. It's that bad.

I press my back against the cool, tiled sink, trying desperately to stifle my laughter as she performs what can only be described as the worst boy band dance moves I"ve ever seen. She"s clearly going for a seductive vibe, but it comes off more comical than sexy. She lets out a soft, breathy "Yeahhh" after her little performance, and I have to bite my knuckle to keep from bursting into hysterics.

With her hair slicked back and a makeshift microphone in the form of a sudsy body sponge, she launches into the next verse with gusto. "Am I sexual?" her voice echoes off the tiles.

Caught up in the moment, I join in half-heartedly before she suddenly jumps and shrieks, flinging the sponge wildly. It hits the glass wall of the shower, bounces off, and smacks her right in the face. I can"t contain my laughter as she quickly shuts off the water and grabs a towel to dry off and recover from her accidental attack on herself.

"I guess knocking, privacy, and good manners weren't something you were taught in school, is it?" She huffs as she goes to step out of the shower but slips and grips the shower handle as she falls to her knee. She glares at me, her face bright red, and it's not from the heat of the water. I crack a grin as I take a step closer.

"Would you like some help, sunshine?" Her glare intensifies as she refuses to answer. I shrug and step again, putting myself directly in front of her. I can see the beads of water running over her bare flesh, and I have to force a swallow while grabbing her under her legs and lifting her over the tub. I carry her out of the bathroom, despite her protests, before standing her up near the bed.

"If you think for one second, I'm having sex with you after that–"

"That's not what I was thinking," I say flatly. Actually, sticking my face between her strong legs and wearing those toned thighs as earmuffs while I make her scream with my mouth had been a thought, but I need it not to be a thought anymore because I will very quickly make the thought a reality.

"Oh." Is that disappointment in her tone? "Well then, what were you thinking?"

"Honestly?" Earmuffs. Earmuffs. Earmuffs. I shake my head, willing the perversion to go away."I was wondering how someone with such an alluring voice as yours hasn't landed a record deal," I smirk as her face drops. She whacks me in the chest as she walks by me to her suitcase.

"You're an asshole," she grumbles while twisting her hair into a towel. I stare at her back and look at the large tattoo. The black and grey tattoo with pink cherry blossoms floating around that I did on her a couple of years ago.

"Wow," I marvel as I step closer. "This healed really well," I state while running a finger over the lines of the dragon. I feel the shiver run through her at my touch. It isn't an unpleasant shiver; I can tell by the way her body leans into me.

"Ash," she whispers as I brush my lips over her shoulder. "What are we doing here?" I run my hand up her thigh, and she gasps, resting her head back against my chest.

"What do you want to be doing?" I murmur as I nibble on her ear.

"Uh–mm, fuck…" she pants, and I slip my hand under her towel and find her pussy. I slide my fingers over her already wet slit, and I have to bite back a groan.

"Talk to me, sunshine," I purr while rubbing a circle around her clit. "Tell me what you want."

"You," she pants as she reaches behind her back and grips my erection through my pants.

"Fuckkk," I hiss out as she gives my cock a rub.

"Please, Ash," she mewls, and goddamn it, I can't think straight. I have zero blood in my thinking head, and I'm about to do something very stupid. So stupid. The stupidest. But even as I think this, I pull her to the bed and bend her to all fours while ripping her towel off and throwing it to the floor.

"God, this fucking ass," I growl, leaning down and biting her ass cheek while slapping the other. Sunday cries out while pushing back against me, and I have to bite back a moan.

"Fuuuck, you naughty little thing," I growl, and I press my mouth to the back of her pussy and taste her arousal. It's enough to drive me feral. "Fucking hell, sunshine, we don't have time for this, but I'm going to make sure you feel what you do to me."

"Yes," she pants, leaning down against the bed and lifting her ass closer to me. "Show me. Show me how hard I make you."

"You keep waving that perfect ass in my face," I snarl while dropping my pants before ramming my cock into her pussy, causing her to buck forward and let out a scream into the mattress. I curl my body over hers, biting her shoulder. "And I'm gonna fuck it too." She gasps, and I thrust into her again.

"Oh god," she cries out, gripping the sheets on the mattress because it's all I'm allowing her to do as I ram her again and again, trying my best to drown out the thoughts of how wrong this is. How much she will hate me when I can't be more. How she's going to take Wade away, and how badly losing them will hurt, even though I have no right to feel this way.

"More," she whimpers, snapping me out of my spiral. "I need more."

Pulling my cock from inside her, I ram two fingers inside, collecting her juices before sliding them over her crack while sliding my cock back inside her pussy.

"You want this?" I pant, slipping the tip of my soaked finger into her ass.

"Oh god," she shudders while backing into me. "More, fill me, please." She cries, and I obey, sticking one finger inside her greedy hole while pounding her other. Her face is smashed into the mattress, her screams muffled as I insert a second finger.

"You're so tight," I groan, reaching my free hand around between her shaking thighs and circling her clit. "That's my good girl. You like being filled? You like my fingers in your ass?"

"Ye-sss," she chokes out as I rub her clit harder, alternating my thrusts. "Ash," she warns, her body shaking.

"Oh sunshine, I know," I smirk, moving faster. "Come on my cock right now," I growl as I feel a jolt run down my spine as my thrusts become faster and erratic.

"A-Ash!" she cries, and I feel both her holes tighten as she explodes around my cock. I remove my hand and slip my cock out of her dripping pussy. I watch our mixed come slipping out and before I can decide against it, I use two fingers and push the come back inside her, causing her to whimper. Standing up, I head to the bathroom to wash my hands and grab her a towel before heading back and cleaning her up.

"You alright?" I ask while sitting on the edge of the bed. Sunday looks from where I'm cleaning off her inner thighs to my face, and before I can register, her lips are on mine, consuming them in a desperate and raw kiss that I can feel in my fucking soul. I break to catch my breath as she leans forward.

"Ash," her voice is soft and tentative, "What if–"

"Sunshine," I stop her. I can't let her continue. I can't let her think this can be something more. It doesn't matter how I feel about her or how I feel about Wade. In fact, that's exactly why this can't happen. I'll fuck it up, and I can't hurt them. "Sweetheart, I can't be anything… This can't be–" She stills before backing away and standing from the bed. She stares at me and, for a moment, I think she's going to say that's fine, that she wants a casual thing, but she doesn't. Instead, her eyes become guarded, and she steps back further.

"We have dinner in an hour. I need to get ready."

"Sunday," I state firmly. She refuses to look at me. "Sweetheart…" I watch her flinch and fuck, that's an uncomfortable feeling in my chest. I watch her roughly yank on her underwear and slip on a tank top before walking toward the bathroom. "Can you talk to me first? If I upset you–" She turns her attention to me and raises her brow. God, I haven't seen her eyes that guarded since the party at Hel's.

"Ash, I'm fine." That's a lie. "I understand what you"re saying, and I appreciate your honesty." She flips her hair over her shoulder, her eyes unable to meet mine.

"I-I'm sorry," I choke out while trying to keep the panic attack at bay. "For everything. I shouldn't have touched you, and if I led you on in any way or took advantage, I take full responsibility for that." She pauses at the bathroom door to glare at me, and I swear the room feels colder.

"Don't flatter yourself, charming." Her laugh is dry and annoyed. "I knew what I was getting with Ash Johnson when I signed up for this."

"And what is that?" I ask defensively. She looks me up and down before shaking her head.

"A fuck and a goodbye. Guess I should just be honored you haven't asked me to move out of the room yet, and I got a second round." I go to respond, but she slams the bathroom door, this time locking it.

"I"d really rather goand watch a movie with Wade," Sunday whines as Indy drags her toward the club that the wedding party rented out for the night.

"Wade's watching a superhero movie with my younger cousins," Indy says. "Don't be that weird mom."

"I'm not weird! I like superheroes! I think they're cool." Sunday huffs.

I scoff while walking by. "Name two," I mutter while Sunday glares at me.

"How about Captain Blow Me?" She holds up her middle finger. "And his sidekick, Eat Dick Boy." She holds up her other middle finger before Indy embraces Sunday in a hug, while gripping Sunday's hands.

"Hate him later, but if his cover is blown, it'll hurt my mom, and Shannon will ruin this wedding." I watch Sunday look away from me before nodding.

"I'm going to need shots then. A lot of them." I roll my eyes as the girls walk ahead of me. Despite my annoyance with how she's acting—even though I know I deserve it—I can't stop myself from staring at her ass in the black ruffled mini dress. It's so tight and hugs that ass that I just had my mouth on mere hours ago. Fuck, I'm an idiot. I'm not sure where my first mistake was. Fucking her today, fucking her when we got here, kissing her, asking her to come here. All of it?

Holy shit,Sunday Sutton can put them away. I sit at my table, staring as this woman downs two more shots faster than most can take a breath. The fact that she's still standing is nothing short of a miracle.

Indy leans over while in her chair to speak to me over the loud music. "She really can hold her liquor!"

"Zero chance she's holding that tonight," I state, already dreading having to deal with her vomiting all night.

"Sunday!" I hear a male voice call out, and I tense instantly as I scan the room. It's my cousin, Hudson, perfect. I watch as the overly confident, overly tan man struts over to Sunday, who's currently leaning against the bar while showing my aunt this… really mesmerizing hip dip thing. What the fuck is she doing?

"Sunny!" Hudson smiles as he reaches her. Sunny? No. Absolutely fucking not. That's not happening. "I heard you know how to dance." Goddamn it, I'm going to have to kill him. And on the night before my mom's wedding. I sigh while standing up to go and beat Hudson's face in when Sunday grins at him, causing my heart to drop.

"Well, my dancing usually involves a pole." I freeze. Why would she tell him that?

"Perfect!" He grins and points to the stage, where there are two stripper poles. I'm not shocked. They have bachelor and bachelorette parties here. What does shock me is that Sunday starts walking over to the poles.

"Sunday!" I bark out as I cut her off. "What the fuck are you doing?"

Sunday scoffs and it's then I really look at her. She's plastered, her eyes are glassy, and she's swaying slightly like she can't stand still. "I'm gonna go dance, s'that okay wit cha?"

Wow, that is a slurred mess. "Sunday," I say softer, "Come on, baby, let me take you back to the room."

"D-Don't you baby me!" She wobbles as she pokes my finger. "I've been dancing since I was in diapers… or you… someone was in diapers! I know what I'm doing." She hands Hudson her purse and I watch as she starts unzipping her cocktail dress.

My eyes bulge out of my head, and instantly, I shove my cousin away and heave Sunday over my shoulder, carrying her out of the club while she screams and beats on my back for the second time on this trip.

"Let. Me. Down." she yells as she hits my back.

"Hey!" I yell and smack her ass. "Knock it off and behave." The elevator ride is silent, as is the walk to our room. Once inside, I close the door with my foot and I'm about to ask her if she was ready to behave when I hear it.

"You are not passed out on me," I groan over her snores. Laying her on the mattress, I look down and sigh before grabbing her pajamas from her suitcase. I remove her heels before unzipping her dress the rest of the way and slipping it down. Oh, no bra… I avert my gaze as I quickly put her in the tank top and shorts and lay her back down. I walk to the mini fridge and grab her a bottle of water and some ibuprofen, placing them on her side of the nightstand next to a clean trash can. I go to my side of the bed, disrobe, and put the barrier pillow between us before staring at the ceiling.

I need to shower and brush my teeth, but I know I won't get any sleep tonight, and, undoubtedly, I will get puked on, so I might as well wait. I fucking hate myself. I hate myself for so many things: the short one-night stand and the amnesia that followed, the flirting, getting close to Wade and her, the kissing, asking her to come here, the sex, but above it all, the thing that I hate most is the look on her face when she knew I was rejecting her. I hadn't realized how many of her walls I had broken down until I watched her build them all back up.

"If she is letting you get close to that portion of her world, then she's already decided where you fit into her life."

My mother's words repeat over and over in my head, further reminding me that all I seem to do when a woman cares is fuck up.