18. Sunday

EIGHTEEN

The shuttle bus parks, and everyone begins to file out, heading toward the dock. This includes Wade, who bolts so fast from me that I barely see his slim frame run out the doors. Which sucks, but I know he's mad at me. I told Wade this morning while at breakfast that I wasn't sure how I felt about him going flyboarding today. And considering that flyboarding has been the main reason he was excited to be here. It's safe to say that he's pissed off at me.

"Come on, sunshine," I look at Ash's exhausted face before peering down at his outstretched arm. I don't think he slept for more than five minutes last night. I wake up a lot. I always have. I'm just a light sleeper, plus I need to pee a lot. Every time I woke up, he was awake. Staring at his phone, the ceiling, whatever. My guess is sleeping in the same bed as me wasn't all he thought it would be.

"He hates me," I whisper as I stare at the empty seat beside mine.

"Hey," Ash sits next to me and pats my leg. "He doesn't hate you." He must notice the sadness in my features because he lets out a sigh before standing up. "Wait here," he whispers and kisses my forehead before getting up and heading out of the bus, leaving me alone in the vehicle. I stare out the window and see he's caught up to Wade. Both of them are talking expressively, their arms waving. Ash jerks his hand and gestures to the bus, and Wade slumps his shoulders and heads this way.

"Hey, Mom," Wade sighs as he walks up the steps. I watch him stiffen uncomfortably as he rubs the back of his neck. "I'm sorry for acting like a jerk."

"It's fine," I state firmly as I go to stand up, not wanting to let him know that I'm hurt. "Come on, let's go."

Wade looks out the window behind him before turning back to me. "No, I shouldn't be that way. I just… I'm mad about a lot of things right now, Mom. I was excited about the flyboarding, but I shouldn't be mean to you."

"What are you mad about, son?" I ask, feeling horrible that I have no idea what's been bothering him. I've been so focused on the move, both the one to the apartment and the upcoming one. Plus, work and everything else… I rub the ache in my chest from the growing mom guilt.

"I don't want to move," he mutters. "I like it here. I feel like we have a family now, and I get to talk to the guys about drawing, and I have friends. Plus…" I watch his eyes drift out of the bus, and I follow his gaze to the tattooed man who's slipping into a wetsuit. Oh, no. No. No. No. Nooooo.

"Wade…" My voice is pained, which is fitting because I'm full of that emotion. "Ash and I are just–"

"I know," Wade interrupts firmly. "I know you two are just friends, mom. I'm not an idiot. I just… I'm mad that I have to say goodbye to everyone. They're my home. I like Ash, and I was excited to go flyboarding with him. I know that's not an excuse to be a jerk. If I'm going to be an asshole, it shouldn't be to the person who loves me more than anyone else." I clutch my chest at his words and choose not to mention the language this time.

"We will talk more about this when we get home, alright?" I say while hugging him. "Until then, let"s go so you can give me a heart attack watching you on that board." His face instantly brightens up.

"Are you serious?" He asks excitedly. I give him a nod before ruffling his hair.

"Yeah, go on."

"No, I mean about talking about staying. Are you serious?" This kid is killing me. I give him a reluctant smile and nod.

"You know I always figure it out," I say softly while motioning him out of the bus. "Now come on, it's hot in here." I follow him off the bus as he runs to the group while I start running through what I can do to keep us in our new place. If I stay in the apartments, maybe I could start stripping again. I hate working nights, but Wade would be right next door to Ash. Well, Indy. My guess is Ash won't be home many nights. That could work.

"Mom! Wasn't that amazing?"Wade is vibrating as he hops off the board that Ash is attached to. This whole afternoon has been terrifying. Watching Ash strapped onto this hoverboard contraption as high-pressure water shoots out while he holds whomever and takes them around, flipping and twisting. I"d be impressed if it wasn't my son he just did a corkscrew with while falling back toward the ocean.

I force a smile and nod hesitantly. "That was…" I shake my head, unsure of what to even say. It looks so dangerous.

"Alright." Ash's gaze lands on me. "Your turn, sunshine."

I feel everything inside me sink as I stare at him in shock. "Have you lost your mind? I ain't getting on that thing; I'll be killed."

Ash's face falls. "Do you really think I'd let anything bad happen to you?" His words hit me deeper than they should. I feel my heart rate picking up for other non-dying reasons.

"Do it!" Celeste grins from the dock as she sits on Neil's lap. The two of them have been inseparable this entire afternoon except for the short moment when Celeste got on the flyboard with Ash.

"I can't." I shift uncomfortably. "I'm not a good swimmer." I think I've won the fight until my son—my own flesh and fucking blood—looks at me with the eyes that I created for him and smirks.

"Just let him hold you, Mom. Ash is strong, and he already said he won't let anything happen to you." Disowned. He is disowned. He and his fucking chicken can go find their way together. I glare at him with the intensity of a thousand suns as Celeste hops up and helps me to Ash.

"I-I'm really nervous," I whisper hesitantly as I look down at the water.

"I won't make you get up here." He shrugs before stretching out his hand. "But you can trust me, sunshine. I really think you will like this."

Fuck, I'm going to regret this. Celeste and Neil help steady me as I move to the edge of the dock.

"Arms around my neck," Ash instructs. "Are you able to wrap your legs around my waist?" he asks over the loud noise of his board.

I scoff. "I managed just fine the other day. I think I know how to hold myself up." Even though I say this, my entire body shakes while reaching out and wrapping myself around him. I let out a sharp cry as we lower slightly, but then we are moving, and holy shit.

As I gaze out at the vast expanse of water, it glimmers like scattered diamonds catching the brilliant rays of sunlight. The waves sway and undulate, their foamy crests glistening like a sea of precious gems. The salty scent of the ocean fills my nostrils, invigorating me with its salty freshness. With each inhale, I can taste the tangy salt on my tongue, adding to the overall sensory experience. The crispness of the air only adds to the feeling of liberation and tranquility that surrounds me in this moment.

"Enjoying the view?" he calls as I spread my arms out and lay my head back, trusting his hold on me fully.

"This is amazing!" I giggle, and he spins us around before pulling me to his chest. I smile brightly at him. His sharp face is relaxed, and his signature grin is firmly placed. He looks so in his element, and I love that I'm getting to share this with him.

His warm breath tickles my lips as he whispers, "Trust me?" His eyes search mine for any sign of hesitation. I can"t help but bite down on my lip, feeling a flutter of excitement and fear in my stomach. With a soft nod, I give into his request. The realization that I do trust him catches me by surprise, the walls around my heart slowly crumbling in his presence. He has somehow managed to find a way through my defenses; if I"m honest, I'm okay with it. I almost want to welcome it.

Squealing, I grip him tightly as he lowers downward before flying back up and sending us into a backflip. I scream in excitement as he does it again, drenching us in the water from the board. He straightens us before moving me into a bridal carry and spinning us again. I can't remember the last time I had so much fun.

Moving me back to my original position around his waist, Ash heads toward the dock. I pull from his chest and stare at him, water rolling off his black wetsuit.

"What is it, sunshine?" he asks, tucking a lock of wet hair behind my ear while the other is firmly and protectively holding my ass.

What isit? I don't know. Maybe it's just all the emotions and everything he's given me today. Talking to Wade so that he came back to me, taking my kid on this board as many times as he asked, or somehow knowing that despite my apprehension, this here was the free feeling I needed.

"I… I think I like you." His entire demeanor changes, and you"d think I told him I"m pregnant by the look on his face. All of his color washes from his face, and I feel him become rigid. You have got to be kidding me. I smack his chest, "Relax, charming, as a friend," I lie, wishing to god this man would just drop me in the ocean and let me drown. "I just never thought we would get past what we were before, and it's nice." He relaxes almost instantly, and god, please, just kill me now.

He smiles softly and nods, "I'm happy we did too, sunshine."

"Oh my god!"Janie gasps when she, Ren, and Stevie appear on the screen of my iPad that Indy and I sit in front of.

"What?" I ask, looking around. "You can't even–"

"You had sex!" she says, pointing a finger at her screen. I blanch, and my mouth falls open.

"No, I haven't!" Indy sputters before realizing Janie isn't talking about her. She looks at me and gasps. "Oh my god! With mybrother?"

I turn to the girl. "I'm sorry, it just hap–are you really gagging?" My voice is unimpressed as Indy looks at me before busting out laughing.

"Thank god! If I had to listen to his pining for you any longer, I was going to scream." I blush and look at my friends.

"It was just a one-time thing." Janie snorts, and Ren rolls her eyes.

"Yeah, sure," Ren smirks. "Us too." She gestures to Janie, who's looking off-camera at something and smirking.

"Janie!" I yell, causing her to jump.

"Sorry, here I'll show you what I'm dealing with." She flips the camera—and holy shit—Atlas, Derek, and Fox are shirtless in the back parking lot of the shop.

"What are they doing?" I ask as Atlas pulls a jump rope out of his back pocket.

"Jump rope competition," Janie chuckles. "Don't ask why they have to be shirtless."

"I'm not complaining," Ren mutters as she cocks her head to one side as Derek snatches the rope from Atlas and starts jumping with far too much ease. His tattoo-covered, muscular physique moving with each bounce.

Indy sighs, "I would lick the literal sweat off Derek's chest," she says under her breath, and we all stare at her in shock. "What? I feel like I've made it veryobvious I like him."

"So…" Stevie raises a brow. "Why not act on it? I mean…" She cocks her head, motioning to Derek jumping rope, and Indy very literally lets out a whimper.

"Have you met my brother?" Indy huffs. "He wants me to die with cobwebs on my vagina." Her voice trails off, and she gets a lost, sad look on her soft features. "Plus, he wouldn't want someone like me."

"Someone like you?" I ask, and she shrugs, but I see the sheen in her eyes. Janie flips the camera back around to face her and wrinkles her brows.

"Because you're sick," she states bluntly, and Indy nods.

"I hate to be the one to tell you this, Indy. But we're all sick," Ren says, and Janie nods.

"I know." Indy shifts uncomfortably. "It's just I don't want to put my illness on someone. It's a personal choice. Derek's active, fit and I would hate for him to have to spend his days worrying if I'm able to move or if I'm getting an infection that will require hospitalization. I see my brother having to deal with me every day, watching my heart monitor, pills, and mobility exercises, and then every time I end up in the hospital, I see him age by years. I"d give anything to take that stress from him, and I just don't feel comfortable having someone else share in that." We're all quiet momentarily, allowing Indy's words to sink in. It's a valid point and one that most of us have thought about at one point or another.

Indy smiles brightly, pulling us out of the heavy silence. "But just because I can't have him doesn't mean I won't look."