15. Ash

FIFTEEN

"Ican't believe your mom is so into Christmas," Wade chuckles as he and I pull up the end of our group. Mom has been on cloud nine the past hour, giving Wade a tour of the property and all the work she's put into making this the Christmas destination.

"When I was your age, we were really poor. There were days I wouldn't eat just so I could make sure Indy got enough food." I sigh as I make sure to keep my voice low. The last thing I want is for Mom to hear stories of our past and put her in a guilt-fueled depression. "During the holidays, we didn't have money for gifts or a tree, but we would always go out and walk around looking at all the lights and decorations. Christmas day was the one day my mom didn't work, and we all got to be together. It was our day, and I think as things got easier for her monetarily, she wanted to hold on to that one special day, ya know?"

Wade is silent for a moment, and I can see a contemplative look on his young face. "How long did it take?" he asks softly. "For things to get easier for your mom? And what happened to make it easier? Did you have to leave?" Halting my movements, I stare at the young man in shock as my heart breaks for him.

I cough lightly to clear my throat. "I started working full time and got myself through medic school. Once we had that income, things were a little easier. Then I moved to working at Hel's. After my first year, I was making more money than I ever thought possible, and I gave it all to her, bought her the house and a car, and put money in her account. I was fully prepared to give her everything I made, but she threatened to never talk to me again if I continued," I laugh softly while looking over at my petite mother, singing and spinning around with Indy.

"That's so far away," Wade's near whisper catches my attention. I look at the boy, and fuck; I feel like I"m looking at myself almost twenty years ago. The stress and worry are written all over his face.

"Hey, bud," I elbow him softly. "You and your mama will be just fine, I promise." He nods and gives me a smile he doesn't mean before I send him over to Indy. Once I'm sure he's going to stay with my sister, I head back inside to check on Sunday.

Once upstairs, I open the door to our bedroom and frown when I see the empty bed. I hear the shower and fan in the bathroom, and my brows pull together. Indy just helped her shower. "Sunday?" I call while walking to the bathroom. Invasion of privacy? Probably. But I don't care; I need to check on her. Opening the door, my heart sinks when I see her on the floor, sobbing into her knees.

Flashbacks of my mom hit me with such a force I nearly fall backward. "Sunday," I breathe, rushing over to her, dropping to my knees and cupping her tear-stained face. She looks shocked, as though I caught her doing something shameful.

"W-where's Wade?" She chokes as she starts rubbing at her face.

"Outside with Indy," I state while moving her hands away. She's rubbing her face so hard it's turning red. "Sweetheart, what happened?" Her face crumples, and she leans into me, resting her head on my chest.

"I'm sorry," she cries. "I just... I'm so tired, and I needed a moment. I'm sorry." Needed a moment. I've heard that before from my mom. The stress and guilt would become too much, and it would overwhelm her constant need to keep her strong mask on. There were many times I'd find her in this position.

"Don't be sorry," I whisper into her hair while pulling her into my lap. "Everything is going to be okay, sunshine. I need you to believe that." She lets out a huff.

"Right, easy for you to say."

"Enough," I snap, pulling her face back to look at me. "Look me in the eye, beautiful." I hear her breath hitch, but she does what I say. "You"re done being strong for the rest of this trip, you hear me? I'm in charge and until we hit those apartment doors, I'm your boyfriend right now. You don't have to be strong anymore. That's my job."

"But what about–"

"I don't want to hear it." I interrupt her again. "I don't care about after we get back. Right now, I"m taking care of you and Wade. Got it? You're done with that mask Sunday. It's not going back on while you're with me." Her eyes bounce back and forth as she stares at me in shock.

"I don't know how to keep it off." She admits as another sob breaks out of her. I hug her to my chest.

"It's okay," I soothe while rocking back and forth. "It's okay, I'll help you."

"Sunshine,"I groan, rubbing my stiff neck while standing up from the makeshift bed I'd slept in. My hope was that after our talk last night, Sunday would at least allow me a small corner of the bed to sleep in. I was sorely mistaken. As promised, she made my ass sleep on the floor. And I use sleep very lightly, considering she sounded like a fucking freight train going off the rails all goddamn night.

I look at my phone. It's four in the morning, and inwardly, I begin to cry. I need coffee, but I know Mom and Neil are anti-caffeine because they believe in fighting the good fight with Indy. Since her diagnosis, Indy has supposedly cut out all caffeine. But since watching her toe-fuck that bowl of cheese puffs while claiming veganism, as well as her getting drunk at Sunday's apartment, I'm not entirely sold on how strict she's being on her dietary restrictions. But, as her brother, I won't rat her out. I will, however, need to get to a coffee shop soon if I'm going to drive us the rest of the way to the resort.

"Sunshine," I groggily say again while trying to adjust to the dark room. "It's time to–Ow! Fucking hell!" I whisper-scream as I hit my foot on the bedpost. I sit on the edge of the bed, only to sit on Sunday"s foot, causing her to scream awake and kick me in the side, resulting in me falling on my ass on the wood floor.

"Ash?" I hear her whisper into the dark as I lay on the floor, contemplating my life choices.

"Yep?" I say shortly.

"Was that you?"

"No, Sunday, it was fucking Santa Claus. He wanted to talk to you about–– Oof!" I grunt when she slams a pillow on my face. I jerk it off before standing up and glaring at her. Though it's probably not that intimidating in the dark. "Listen, brat, I was trying to wake you up to see if you wanted to run and get coffee with me before we head out. Now I have a broken toe and rib, and you smacked me in my face."

"It was a pillow," she states dully as she turns on the bedside light and yawns. Holy shit, that's her full fucking tit. Stop looking. Stop. Looking.

Her breast is perfect. A nice, small handful with perky nipples that are a pretty reddish and light brown color. With that hot-as-fuck silver bar in it, I have an uncontrollable urge to lean in and taste it. STOP FUCKING STARING.

I go to look away, but it's too late. She gasps, jumping up while trying to cover her chest. She quickly tries to fix her top but trips over my makeshift bed on the floor and slams right into me. I grip her to me as I try to get my footing and keep us from falling.

"Oh my god," she whines with her face firmly buried against my chest. "The amount of embarrassment… I should've just stayed home. No amount of Starbursts is worth this."

I sigh and stand her upright before using one hand to remove my T-shirt. She blinks and looks me up and down before staring at me in confusion.

"There," I state firmly. "Now we're even. Actually, you got to see both my nipples. I only saw one of yours. But you can have lefty as a freebie."

Her eyes look at me with such a fierce intensity I think I'm about to get slapped. But she laughs. She doubles over at the waist and cackles. After a couple of seconds, she stands back up and smiles.

"I like you," she says between laughs, and I swear my heart is exploding. "I feel like every time you and I are in contact with each other this past month has been one embarrassing thing after another. Which is remarkable because I'm not normally one to have thismany moments of mortification."

I snort. "It's good to know what kind of effect I have on you."

Sunday huffs out an annoyed breath while shoving her hand against my mouth. "Stop talking," she states firmly, and I'm overcome with the urge to lick her soft hand. "My point is." Her tone has a warning edge to it as if she is daring me to do exactly what I'm thinking. "Things haven't been going well for me, like at all. But every time it seems horrible and unmanageable, you're there to make me feel better. Which I'll admit is weird considering how you treated me before, Dash." I roll my eyes at her little dig and blow out a breath against her hand, earning me a slight grin. "I really appreciate you making me feel better about my shit storm, charming. Shockingly, you're the only one who has kept me grounded."

I gently grip her forearm and easily pull her hand away from my mouth. "I know what it's like." I shrug. "I know what it's like to have everything go wrong and to feel like nothing will get better. Like every bad thing they said about you is right, and you should just accept it." Her hand goes to her chest, and, fuck, here we go again.

"Ash," she says my name calmly like I'm a wild animal backed into a corner and may try to attack or flee at any moment.

"Don't," I warn sharply, and she holds her hands up in surrender.

"One thing and I'm done; then we can get coffee," she offers, and I sigh in defeat before nodding. Goddamn it, can't a man just get some fucking coffee? Sunday drops her hands and steps toward me before burying her face back into my bare chest. I inhale sharply, and I'm sure she can hear—and possibly feel—the quickening of my heart as she wraps her arms tightly around my waist. I stay frozen for a second before my body reboots itself, and I melt into her while wrapping my arms around her and inhaling her intoxicating scent.

"Why?" I whisper into her hair after a moment. I feel her shift, and for a moment, I fear she will move, and I'm not ready to let this go. To let her go. Her hug is warm and soft, and I feel whole here. I don't want to give it up. I want to keep this hug. I want to keep her. I know I can't, I know we can't. But I will hold on to this hug and steal a couple more seconds before the real world comes calling again.

"It's not a pity hug if that's what you are worried about," she murmurs into my chest.

"Sunday," I gasp as I feel her kiss me between my pecs. God, this feels too good. I pull her face up to stare into mine. Her eyes are heavy-lidded, and fucking hell; I want her. I watch as she grabs my hand and slips it under her cami. Oh my God. I slide up her tight, smooth stomach, and she lets out a shaky breath but doesn't lose eye contact with me.

"Are you going to get hard, or should I just do this myself?" Shannon's voice in my head sends a cold chill through me.

"Sunday," I say, my voice full of pain as I halt my movement. This needs to stop. "We should go get coffee." I feel her arms drop from around me, and instantly, I hate myself. I want to take it back.

The inner corners of her eyebrows raise, and a look of sadness or possibly rejection washes over her. Goddamn it! I take it back!

She nods and I see her walls go back up, her eyes harden and her jaw sets. "Yeah, you're right. Let me get dressed, and we can go." I fucked up. That mask I told her she wasn't allowed to wear, she just firmly placed it back on.