24. Chapter 24

Chapter 24

I awoke feeling clear headed and with my stomach growling to be fed. To my surprise, Greg was still tangled up in bed with me; usually when I awoke he was already gone, gone to protect us all in one way or another.

That morning he enjoyed a leisurely shower with me – significantly warmer than the one I'd ended up in last night. ‘You okay?' he asked, checking me over.

I smiled. ‘Better,' I admitted and it was true. I wasn't okay but I was better than yesterday when I'd slipped into the pit of despair.

‘Good.' He hesitated. ‘I got some good news last night.'

‘Oh? Do tell.'

‘The dragons have reinstated Emory as Prime Elite.'

Yes! Esme shrieked in our head, whirling around and chasing her tail in happiness.

My forehead creased with confusion. ‘They reinstated him? Because I killed Geneve?'

He shook his head. ‘As far as I know, her death isn't widely known. I haven't got the full story – Tom just shot me a message – but we'll get it soon. I thought you'd want to know the bones of it.'

‘I do. Thanks.' I gave him a smile. I was ninety-nine percent delighted for Emory and only one percent peeved that Jess hadn't called to tell me herself. Still, she was bound to be busy and I knew how that felt. Some days all I did was tread water, desperately trying to stay afloat; I rarely had time for friends anymore and that didn't feel good. I needed to work some self-care into my life or I was going to crash and burn like Geneve.

‘I'm going to check in with the office.' Greg pressed a kiss to my bare shoulder. He was already dressed and he looked far better than anyone had a right to. His tight T-shirt bulged with muscles that made me want to strip him down and drag him back to bed.

He correctly interpreted my lascivious gaze. ‘Later,' he promised.

‘Later,' I agreed lightly.

After he left, I finished dressing. My hunger now was crippling; I should have taken Greg up on his offer of fetching food for me yesterday.

I jogged down to the kitchens where Xander would usually be helping Finley and Noah with breakfast service. Normally when I entered the kitchen there was bubbly chatter but today it was silent.

Ben was perched on a stool next to a red-eyed Noah. Finley turned when I entered and crossed the distance between us. He pulled me into a fierce hug. ‘Xander did right by you,' he said firmly. ‘He was a good lad. His sacrifice will be remembered.'

Just like that, the tears were back; a huge lump in my throat was choking me and all I could do was nod against Finley's warmth. ‘He was just a boy.' My voice warbled.

He was a good wolf. Esme's tone was mournful.

‘A man,' Finley countered. ‘A young one, but a man all the same. Don't take that away from him. He served his alpha, he saved his alpha, he died for his alpha. He died an honourable man.'

‘That honour won't keep him warm in his grave,' I said bitterly.

‘The Great Pack will hold him and Reeve,' Finley disagreed. ‘They will be honoured for their work.'

‘His body,' I choked out. ‘It was destroyed. I can't bring him to Nina, can't release him to the Great Pack.'

Ben cleared his throat. ‘That's why I collected his ashes – as much as I could manage. We can try. It might not work, but we can try.'

My eyes slid closed and I prayed with all of my might that Nina could connect Xander and his wolf to the Great Pack.

‘We should let the Devon Pack come with us while we do it,' I said finally, giving Finley one last grateful hug before stepping back. ‘They should have the opportunity to say goodbye.'

‘They held a vigil for him last night in the pack common room,' Ben told me. ‘That's why we've done so much food.' He gestured at the mountain of Danishes. ‘They'll be hungry after being up all night. Let's take them these.'

I nodded; I still couldn't look at him, not yet.

Working together, the five of us piled the food onto huge trays and carried them and some canteens of hot tea and coffee to the pack common room. As Ben had said, the room was full. When we entered, Thea was telling a story about Xander from his childhood, a nice story about him and his mother, Sophie, after whom Thea had named her wolf.

Xander had nicked cookies from the table and Sophie had pretended not to notice, putting a hand on her hip and pretending to count them in mock confusion. I wondered what had happened to Sophie, how she had died. My money was on Beckett Frost; no doubt she'd displeased him in some way. Now she was dead and so was her son, and it was on me.

As we set down our offering of food and drink, all eyes swung to me. I cleared my throat.

‘Xander has been an ally of mine since the moment he arrived here. He was young and eager, ready to help his new alpha. From the beginning he pointed out troublemakers and I let them leave. That was a mistake because they returned recently, having joined Alpha Rain. I killed Rain and the men who sought to bring us down, then I went to recover an important artefact. I didn't know that Xander had sneaked into the boot of the car. He wanted to help – he always wanted to help.'

My voice was about to crack so I took a sip of water. ‘He saved my life,' I continued when I was sure that I could hold it together. ‘Without him, I'd be dead. He was a hero, and I will make sure his name and his sacrifice are remembered. I am sorry that your joining us here has been clouded with grief and loss.'

‘We are always mired in grief and loss,' an older woman said in a hard voice. ‘We live it, we breathe it – the Devon pack hoards it. Xander was a good lad and Beckett knew that, so under his rule Xander's days were numbered. He would have gone lone and Beckett would have killed him to prevent it. At least this way Xander had some joy first. He said he felt like he belonged here, that he finally understood what pack meant. I see the grief on your face and I hope that maybe I can understand soon, too.'

‘You will,' I vowed. ‘All of you will.' I looked around the room. ‘If you would like to come with me, we want to lay him to rest in the seat of power like in the days of old. I understand, though, if you don't want to accompany me. Have your tea and coffee and the breakfast that Finley and Noah have prepared for you. For those who wish to join us in laying Xander to rest, please come to the seat of power for 9am.'

Heart hurting, I left the room before I could see if their faces showed any hatred of me. The truth was, I wouldn't blame them if they did.