8. Jillian

8

JILLIAN

J illian gazed up into the dark eyes of the man she loved, his hand wrapped around hers, his eyes filled with hope and longing.

Stay.

It was the one word she longed to hear—the beginning of a confession, maybe the beginning of a new life for the three of them where every night could be like tonight—a life that promised to be the fun, chaotic, and happy fantasy she had dreamed of.

While she searched for a way to say yes, but more than yes, his expression suddenly changed.

“Stay and… work for me,” he said, letting go of her hand and taking his tea, the intimacy she was so sure she had seen in his eyes completely shuttered. “I’ll need an assistant at my new firm. The job comes with an apartment over the office.”

She let go of the mug, crestfallen.

Did I really get it all wrong? Do I not know him well enough by now to see what’s in his heart? Or was I just seeing what I wanted to see?

Jillian was disappointed, hurt, and maybe just a little bit angry. But she knew she would agree anyway. She had never been able to say no to Brad Williams, and saying yes now meant staying close to Josie and watching her grow up.

But when she opened her mouth to agree, she surprised herself.

“No,” she said plainly. “I won’t stay for that.”

Grabbing her tea, she headed upstairs without stopping to see Brad’s reaction.

But she knew what it would be. Brad would be dumbfounded that his spineless, eager-to-please nanny had finally said no to him. He probably knew she harbored a terrible crush on him, and he had given her false hope by being so sweet with her tonight, knowing it would make her say yes, and then she would stick around and keep making his life easier.

The direction of her thoughts shocked her. Jillian had never had such negative feelings about her employer before.

You’re just hurting because he wasn’t saying what you wanted him to say, she told herself. He’s still a good man. He wouldn’t use you that way.

But her heart was still pounding, and the hot tea almost sloshed out of the mug as she raced up the steps like she was fleeing the scene of a crime. It wasn’t until she got all the way upstairs that she remembered that Josie was already asleep in their shared room.

Knowing she wouldn’t be able to sleep anyway, and frantic for a little space, Jillian kept going up to the finished attic. She knew it had been torn up by a squirrel, but she needed some privacy right now.

Flipping the switch on the wall lit up a simple room with a faded pink carpet and a twin bed that had been stripped of its bedding. It looked like something had chewed through some of the drywall to get into this space, trying several different spots before it was successful. The idea made her shudder almost as much as the foul-looking stains all over the carpet.

But no one else was up here, and she didn’t hear any squirrels.

She really longed for a heart-to-heart with her little sister, but she couldn’t bother Rachel at this hour and risk waking the baby. So she pulled her phone out of her pocket and started a video call with Fee, who she knew wouldn’t judge her for feeling down.

Her bestie picked up on the first ring. She was wearing a gorgeous pink dressing gown and her hair was up in some kind of bendy curlers.

“ Jilly ,” Fee exclaimed in delight, using the nickname that no one else ever did.

“Hey,” Jillian said.

“Oh no,” Fee said, immediately pivoting to a serious tone. “What’s going on? Who do I have to come beat up?”

“Me, probably,” Jillian said, feeling completely defeated.

“I don’t think so,” Fee sniffed. “You’re perfect.”

“Tell that to my dream guy,” Jillian murmured.

“Not this again,” Fee said. “You absolutely cannot still be hung up on Brad Williams. ”

“I don’t want to lose this,” Jillian admitted.

“Wouldn’t you like to have a family of your own one day?” Fee asked gently. “A husband, a daughter or son who really belongs to you?”

“Josie belongs to me,” Jillian said automatically.

“I know that you two have a bond for life,” Fee said. “And that’s awesome. But don’t you want a family you can’t be fired from?”

It was hard to argue with that.

“I’m fired anyway,” Jillian said. “But tonight he asked me to stay in Trinity Falls and be his assistant. He’s opening an architecture firm in town.”

“Interesting,” Fee said, suddenly pensive.

“I told him no,” Jillian said. “Aren’t you proud of me?”

“Wow,” Fee said.

“When he first asked me to stay, I swore he was asking me something else,” Jillian admitted, feeling ashamed, but needing to share. “Then he said to be my assistant, and I don’t know what came over me, but I just said no.”

“Ouch,” Fee said.

“Yeah,” Jillian said. “It wasn’t pretty.”

“How did he take it?” Fee asked.

“I don’t know,” Jillian admitted. “I didn’t stick around to find out.”

“Wow,” Fee said with a note of appreciation in her voice. “Good for you. Though I guess it would have given you a chance to have him all to yourself—to see if you still like him when he’s not at home relaxing.”

“Oh,” Jillian said. She hadn’t thought about that. Hadn’t really thought at all, really. She’d just kind of let her emotions do the talking .

“But I’m glad you told him no,” Fee said firmly. “There’s no point wasting more time on your daddy-boss-crush when you can come back to the city and find a million guys who would throw themselves at your feet.”

“I don’t know about that,” Jillian laughed.

“I do,” Fee said. “You’ve got that long red hair and those emerald eyes—you look like a wood nymph or something. You’re going to slay on the dating apps.”

Jillian could only laugh at her friend’s silliness. She certainly didn’t look like a wood nymph. And dating apps weren’t her thing. She just couldn’t picture herself trying to use one.

“Seriously though,” Fee said gently. “Come home. I admit that it’s not a totally selfless request. I do want you back here to hang out with me. But I also genuinely think it would be good for you to get out of there if it’s not going to work out the way you want. And you’d be closer to Rachel and the baby.”

That last suggestion touched her heart and brought her a tiny breath of peace.

“I hear you,” Jillian said. “I’ll be home after the holidays.”

“Okay,” Fee said. “Hold onto yourself. You’ve only got a few more weeks. If you can do it without making a fool of yourself, I’ll take you out for cronuts.”

“Cronuts?” Jillian asked.

“They’re a mix of croissants and doughnuts,” Fee said impatiently. “And this is exactly why you’ve got to get out of there. That family has you living like a pioneer woman instead of a sophisticated, pastry-eating socialite. Where even are you right now? Are there holes in the walls? ”

Jillian laughed again. Fee had been to the penthouse once or twice to pick her up. She knew they weren’t normally living in a rustic way. Just because they had their routines and didn’t try new things often didn’t mean they weren’t living a good life.

“ Jillian? ” a sleepy little voice said behind her.

“Josie,” Jillian said, feeling instantly guilty as she turned to see Josie, practically shivering, even though she was in her fleece pajamas. “Were we too loud? I’m so sorry if I woke you.”

“Hey, JoJo,” Fee said, using another of her unique nicknames.

Josie grinned at the video feed and waved, though she still looked very sleepy.

“I’ll see you later, Jilly,” Fee said. “Keep a sharp eye on her, kid.”

“Okay,” Josie murmured, still smiling.

Jillian slipped her phone back in her pocket, going over the conversation in her mind and wondering exactly how much of it Josie had overheard.

“Let’s head downstairs,” she told Josie, wrapping an arm around her slender form.

“Fee wants you to go back to the city and fall in love,” Josie said, her voice suddenly clear and wide awake.

“She does,” Jillian admitted, stopping in her tracks.

“You shouldn’t do that,” Josie said, her voice quiet, but intense. “You should fall in love with my dad instead.”

“Oh, Josie…” Jillian began.

“Then we can be a family,” Josie went on. “You won’t have to go work for some rockstar. You can just stay with us. Maybe we can work on your dream together, like before.”

Jillian smiled at the reference to the little book-writing project they had so enjoyed a year or two ago.

“I wish it worked that way,” Jillian told her. “But it doesn’t.”

She felt the girl slump beside her, and she wanted to slump too, but when it came to Josie, Jillian always pushed through and did the best she knew how.

“That doesn’t mean I don’t love you,” she told her, giving her a squeeze. “I love you with all my heart Josephine Williams, and I always will.”

“I love you too,” Josie said, turning to wrap her arms around Jillian and squeezing her so hard that she could barely breathe.

“It smells bad up here,” Josie said as she let go.

“Yeah,” Jillian said. “I think the squirrel thought this was a bathroom.”

That made Josie giggle, and then the giggle turned into a real laugh that made Jillian feel just a little better.

“What’s going on up there?” a deep voice demanded from below.

“We’re coming,” Jillian called back. “I was making a call and I woke Josie.”

They piled down the stairs to find Brad practically taking up the whole hallway, eyeing them suspiciously.

“You can make calls anywhere in the house you want,” he told Jillian.

“Thanks,” she said, unable to make eye contact.

“Back to bed, young lady,” he told Josie. His tone was serious but light, so she would know he wasn’t angry .

He’s such a wonderful father…

But that line of thought wasn’t going to get her anywhere, so she shut it down.

Josie started down the stairs and Jillian followed after her quickly, not letting herself look at Brad, even when she passed by him close enough to catch the delicious spicy scent of his aftershave. She thought of Fee’s words the whole time, hoping they would give her the strength she needed.

Hold onto yourself. You’ve only got a few more weeks.