2. Brad

2

brAD

T wo weeks later, Brad Williams drove slowly through the velvet darkness of rural Pennsylvania, with Josie asleep in the back. Out the window, he could see outlines of familiar fences, fields, and the occasional farmhouse twinkling with Christmas lights.

It probably wasn’t the easiest territory for most people to navigate when the sun was down, but he still knew these winding roads like the back of his hand, and it felt good to finally be coming home.

But for some reason, the idea of it brought none of the relief he expected. Instead, Brad found his thoughts kept veering back to Jillian. She had insisted on staying behind to supervise the movers, and was planning to take a flight out tomorrow morning to join them in Trinity Falls. The thought of it left him unsettled. He knew she didn’t like take-offs or landings, and now she was going to have to endure one of each all by herself tomorrow.

He couldn’t help wondering what Jillian was doing right now—alone on her very last night in the penthouse. He imagined her curled up with a book on the cozy chair in the living room, which was one of her favorite spots.

And even though he sometimes jokingly teased her about her reading choices, Brad secretly loved having her there—a comforting fixture whose presence never failed to calm his spirits. And she admitted to him once that even though she was only reading quietly, it wasn’t nearly as lonely as reading in her room.

He had decided to leave most of the furniture behind, so at least her reading chair was there for her tonight, even if she was all alone. Brad was going to hang onto their city home for a little while, until he was sure the change in environments was as good for Josie as he suspected it would be. Jillian had suggested they bring Josie’s bookcase and dresser so that her new room would feel familiar, and Brad agreed. Even though Josie was probably old enough to be just fine without all of her things, it would be nice for her to have some of her favorites to help her feel at home.

She’s so attuned to Josie, he thought to himself for about the hundredth time in the last week.

He remembered the way Jillian had looked on Thanksgiving night, her eyes shining with excitement as she and Josie showed him the meal they had prepared. The woman never seemed to get tired or resentful, no matter how many hours she invested in his family.

Maybe because we’re her family too, a little voice whispered in the back of his head.

But that was silly. Jillian was a beautiful young woman, with dreams of her own that she had selflessly set aside to help him with Josie. Sure, she might miss them a little at first when they parted ways, but only a monster wouldn’t want to see her spread her wings. And he wasn’t about to stand in her way any longer. She had earned her chance to fly, and then some.

Of course, he also remembered something else from that Thanksgiving night.

I almost told her how I feel, how much I’m going to miss her…

He was glad he hadn’t though, he assured himself now. It was good that Josie had run in when she had. After all, what he felt was just an infatuation—born of the potent combination of him never getting out except to work, Jillian’s soft smile, and the vision of his daughter with a mother-figure.

It was all well and good to enjoy playing house with a beautiful and kindhearted young woman. But at the end of the day, Jillian was with them because she was being paid to be there. She did her job with all her heart, but it was still a job.

Sometimes it feels like love…

But it wasn’t love. And when he took a deep breath and forced himself to imagine looking backward a year from now, or ten, he knew he would be glad that he’d kept his feelings to himself. Over time, he was certain that he would be proud of the fact that he handled this attraction like an adult, and didn’t make Josie’s nanny uncomfortable with his feelings when she was going to have her hands full enough with his daughter’s emotions as they said their goodbyes.

And even on the tiny off-chance that she shared some part of his attraction, or wanted to explore the idea of dating, it wouldn’t be right to do anything that might slow her down from chasing after her own future. She had spent too much time sacrificing her needs for his.

If she took the position with Val and Aimee Butler, she would have regular hours and plenty of time off for writing. Butler had so many employees that Jillian could probably even get long periods of time off and travel, if she wanted.

Who will hold her hand when the plane takes off?

But he couldn’t think like that if he wanted to get through this last Christmas. He’d made it this long, almost a decade, and it would be awful to ruin their happy memories by shaming himself and embarrassing her at the very end.

“Dad,” Josie mumbled softly from the backseat.

“Hey, Junebug,” he replied a little too brightly, trying to stave off the guilt he felt every time he let himself think about Jillian for too long. His focus should be on his daughter, as it always had been.

“You said we don’t have enough space for a dog,” Josie said sleepily.

“That’s right, kiddo,” he told her fondly, glancing in the rearview mirror. “And the cottage we’re moving into on the homestead is even smaller than the penthouse.”

“But the homestead is on more than three hundred acres of land,” Josie pointed out, suddenly sounding completely awake. “Won’t that be plenty of space for a dog?”

“A puppy is a big responsibility,” Brad said automatically, wondering if he was being outmaneuvered by a nine-year old.

“Well, I was thinking,” she said. “You told me that I don’t really need a nanny anymore. Maybe I’m ready for more responsibility.”

He tried to hide his smile. The trouble with having a kid who was smart was that you found yourself proud of them, even when they were getting the best of you.

“Besides,” she sniffed. “I don’t think I want a puppy anymore. There are too many grown-up dogs out there that need homes. I was thinking we could go to a rescue place instead—maybe foster a dog and see if it feels like a good fit.”

Wow, she’s good.

“We’ll see,” he said. He knew it was an extremely uncreative parent fallback answer. But he didn’t exactly want to roll over and tap out without thinking it through. “You make some interesting arguments, Josie.”

“I know,” she said. “Hey, Christmas lights.”

He chuckled and admired the lights with her. They were getting really close now.

“I’ll bet your grandma will have some lights up too,” he told her.

“No, she’ll be waiting for me,” Josie said firmly. “She’ll want us to do them together.”

“You’re probably right,” he told her. “Except you know you’re not the only Williams grandkid, right?”

“She’ll be worried about me because of Jillian,” Josie said.

Brad hummed noncommittally, though as usual, his daughter was probably right. And the whole idea made him question yet again if he was really doing the right thing here.

“I understand, Dad,” Josie said. “Jillian needs to have her own life, just like you said. She can’t go off to college with me.”

She was only echoing what he’d been saying to her all week, but he appreciated her cooperation. He was having the devil of a time keeping all those good reasons at the front of his own mind.

He turned onto Providence Road and felt that old sense of coming home again.

“Almost there,” Josie piped up happily.

“You had fun here last year, didn’t you?” he asked her.

“I love it here,” she told him. “I’ll bet Chester will be waiting by the door for us.”

Chester was the family cat. Brad honestly couldn’t believe the old boy was still with them, but the creature really did seem to have nine lives. And he was spending all of them stalking around Brad’s parents’ house, spoiled as a prince.

They drove on, under a canopy of bare tree branches, and turned into the drive at last. Lights were on in the windows of the big house, but just as Josie said, there were no Christmas lights hung from the porch yet.

“Grandpa will have a nice snack ready for us,” Josie predicted.

“That would be amazing,” Brad groaned.

He avoided stopping as much as possible on long drives, since it meant letting Josie wander into strange restrooms alone, and then negotiating with her about outrageously unhealthy snacks from the overpriced kiosks, or greasy fast-food meals. But it meant she had been eating granola bars in the backseat all day. And Brad hadn’t eaten much of anything himself.

“If not, we’ll fix ourselves something,” he told her as he pulled into a spot in the little gravel area by the big house where the other cars were.

Josie was out of her seatbelt and bolting for the front door before Brad could even take a breath. He got out of the car and went around to grab their overnight bags out of the back.

“Hey there, son,” his dad called out, jogging down the porch steps to meet him. “Need a hand?”

“Hey, Dad,” Brad said. “No, it’s just stuff for tonight.”

“You’ve got a lot of faith in movers,” his father replied, arching a brow.

“Nah, I’ve got a lot of faith in Jillian,” Brad said, shaking his head. “She wouldn’t leave until she watched them pack every bit of it and put it on the truck.”

“She really loves you,” his dad said, nodding and grabbing Josie’s backpack out of Brad’s hand. “Come on in. I made you a snack.”

She really loves you.

He knew what his father was trying to say—Jillian cared about the family. But the phrase made his heart squeeze anyway, most likely just because their time together was ending.

“That was so kind of her,” his mom was saying to Josie as she helped her out of her coat. “We’ll have to make sure your one last Christmas together is really special.”

“Christmas is always special,” Josie said, as if that were obvious .

“Go wash your hands,” her grandpa advised. “I made chicken and dumplings, and you don’t want your dad eating all of it without you.”

Brad chuckled at that suggestion. With a big family like theirs, nothing was ever made in small quantities. He was willing to bet that Dad had used the biggest pot in the house and made enough for lunch tomorrow for the whole family.

“Thank you,” he told his father, heading back to the kitchen to wash up while Josie went to the powder room in the hall.

“We’re so glad to have you home,” Dad said softly. “None of us can believe it.”

“Well, it was now or never,” Brad said. “And seeing how happy Josie was here last Christmas was good incentive to make things happen quickly, so she can have as much childhood here as possible.”

“Her cousins are all very happy about that,” Dad said. “And you know your mom and I are over the moon.”

“We sure are,” Mom said, bustling in to wrap Brad up in a big hug while he was still holding one of the Christmas towels. Annabelle Williams didn’t wait around for people to be ready for hugs.

“Hey, Ma,” he said, kissing the top of her head.

She smelled like cinnamon and soap, like always. And for a minute, Brad felt like a kid again.

“The cottage is cleaned up with fresh linens, and we stocked the fridge with just a few things,” she told him, pulling back. “Will Jillian be in the guest room here with us? It’s ready for her. ”

“What do you mean?” Brad asked, frowning. Jillian had always stayed with them.

“I just thought, it might not be…” his mom pressed her lips together, though her eyes were dancing. “Never mind. If it feels right for her to stay in the cottage with you, that’s great.”

“She’s been living with us since Josie was a baby,” Brad said, still trying to understand.

But his mom was already up on her toes to grab bowls out of one of the high cupboards.

“Put the radio on, Alistair,” she said to her husband. “Josie gets a kick out of the Christmas music being on all the time.”

“ WCCR ,” Brad quoted automatically, glad for the distraction. “ All Christmas, all the time, now through New Year’s Day.”

“You can take the boy out of Trinity Falls,” his father teased, his fingers already flicking the radio on and dialing in to the only station besides public radio Brad had ever known his parents to listen to in this kitchen.

When Elvis started in on “Blue Christmas,” Brad felt the weight of the lyrics to the upbeat song in his chest. He was going to have a blue Christmas this year even with Jillian, because he knew it was their last.

“So, are you getting Jillian a special gift this year?” his mom asked as Josie came in, her eyes already scanning the kitchen for food.

“Here you go, Junebug,” her grandpa said, setting her up at the kitchen table with two big bowls of chicken and dumplings. “Son, come and get it. ”

He headed over and took a seat beside Josie, his mind on presents for Jillian.

“We didn’t get anything yet, did we?” he asked her as he mused.

“Nope,” Josie said, taking a big bite of chicken and dumplings. “ Mmm. ”

It was a good idea to do something special for Jillian. He could think of a million little things that would make her smile, but this time they needed to knock it out of the park.

The sound of the back door opening interrupted his thoughts.

“Where’s my niece?” his brother’s unmistakable voice boomed.

“ Uncle Logan ,” Josie squealed flying out of her seat. “ Aunt Caroline .”

He watched her rocket toward the back door, but his mom looked over at him.

“Give some real thought to Jillian’s gift,” she said firmly. “You need to make sure she understands what she means to you.”

Brad blinked back at her, trying to figure out what his mom was trying to say. It suddenly felt like she was speaking on two levels, and he was starting to feel a little worried.

Are my inappropriate feelings written all over my face?