1. Jillian

1

JILLIAN

J illian gazed up and down the Thanksgiving table with satisfaction. Practically every inch of the massive walnut surface was covered with delicious food and pretty decorations that she and Josie had prepared themselves, after weeks of planning and excitement.

Cooking and decorating for Thanksgiving might not be a normal task for a nanny, but Jillian’s role with the Williams family had never been confined to just watching over Josie.

The nine-year old scampered over to her now, looking up at Jillian with sparkling eyes. Josie loved this next part as much as she did.

“Can we call him in?” Josie asked.

“Yes,” Jillian told her with a smile. “Go get your father.”

Josie did as she was told, dashing past the big table and the rest of the sleek Scandinavian furniture of the penthouse, yelling for her father before she even made it to the hallway to his office.

Jillian waited as rain slid down the wall of floor-to-ceiling glass windows overlooking the city skyline. Despite the weather outside, and the modern furnishings inside, the flat was nice and cozy inside, thanks mostly to Jillian’s efforts. Of course, getting things just right had taken time, but she had called this outlandishly luxurious space her home for nearly a decade now, ever since Josie was a baby and her mother left, prompting her father to hire a nanny.

Brad Williams might have had a prestigious job as head architect at a big firm in the city. But money and status were useless in the face of a high stress job and a tiny infant, whose heartbreak he seemed to care about more than his own.

Although she’d originally been hired to look after Josie, over time, Jillian had come to think of herself as a caregiver for the pair of them—doing her best to warm up this cold, minimalist palace and make it feel like a real home, filled with a child’s art, happy voices, and the smell of good things cooking.

She had succeeded to the point where she often thought of it as her own home too, which was a dangerous notion for any domestic employee, especially one who didn’t have much family of her own.

The early years had been very secure, but when Josie began preparing for first-grade, Jillian braced herself for Brad to let her go and downsize to a simple after-school babysitter for the child. The idea had kept Jillian up nights, sobbing helplessly into her pillow—not over losing a job, but just at the thought of leaving the little girl she had raised from an infant.

But the first day of school came and went, and Brad never said a word. He hadn’t even asked Jillian to take on new duties now that so much of her time had been freed up.

But of course Jillian had come up with all kinds of ways to fill her days and improve their lives. Brad and Josie had beautifully organized cabinets and closets now, and a pantry that was always perfectly stocked. Josie had fun activities and lavish parties and playdates, all meticulously planned by Jillian. And the day Brad mentioned missing the greenery of the homestead back in Pennsylvania, Jillian had started working on a beautiful container garden on the wrap-around balcony, with pretty plants and flowers along with herbs and vegetables they could use in the kitchen, too.

She hadn’t exactly loved working out there. It turned out she had a fear of heights that she’d never had a good reason to notice before. And she had never really had a green thumb when it came to gardening, so her project involved a lot of video tutorials, as well as more than a little trial and error. But if Brad Williams was determined to continue to pay her, house her, and feed her, then she was determined to give him his money’s worth, if she could.

“Oh, wow.” Brad’s deep baritone roused her from her musings as he stepped into the dining room. “This looks incredible.”

“Did you see the sweet potatoes, Dad?” Josie asked, practically dancing in place .

“Incredible,” Brad said, admiring the tiny marshmallows arranged on top of the sweet potatoes in the shape of a turkey. “You’re an artist.”

“Not really,” Josie said. “Jillian came up with it.”

“But you set every single one of those marshmallows in place,” Jillian told her. “I would never have had the patience.”

Josie and her dad shared a look, as if they knew Jillian did have the patience and was just trying to give Josie some credit.

“Well, all of this makes me feel thankful to you both,” Brad said, letting his gaze take in the whole table again. “Shall we sit?”

“How about some music, Dad?” Josie asked as they all took their usual spots at the table.

Brad smiled and murmured some commands to his watch. He was a simple man at heart, but he loved his music and his gadgets. Jillian was pretty sure Josie had mostly asked for a song because she knew it would give her dad pleasure to provide it for them.

A moment later, Andy Williams was softly crooning “It’s the Most Wonderful Time of the Year” through the tiny speakers positioned all over the open living space, and the corners of Brad’s mouth were tugging up in a satisfied smile.

“Let’s give thanks,” Brad said, taking Josie’s hand.

Jillian liked to think that they didn’t take her hands only because the table was too big and grand for her to reach them from her spot. But it was more likely because she wasn’t really family, even though Brad had insisted from her very first night that she eat at the table with them.

She remembered clutching tiny baby Josie to her chest with one arm, praying that the little one wouldn’t cry while she quickly took a few bites of takeout. She had been grateful Brad had thought to feed her. Back then, Josie had been colicky, and you could hardly put her down for an instant without starting up her pathetic wailing—an impressively loud sound for such a tiny baby.

Which was a far cry from the way Josie was now, so independent and confident. It was a joy to watch the girl approach a new friend or situation with a curious smile.

Thank you for letting her grow up happy and fearless, Jillian added inwardly to the family’s prayer.

“What are you thankful for this year, Dad?” Josie asked when it was done.

“I’m thankful that I finished the Eriksson project,” Brad began with a smile.

Jillian was pretty sure they were all happy that Brad had finished the Eriksson project. It had caused endless late-night calls and missed activities for Brad at the school.

“But most of all, I’m thankful that we’re all healthy and happy, and looking forward to a new year and new adventures,” he finished.

“I’m thankful to have tomorrow off from school,” Josie said with a smile, turning to Jillian.

“Yes, me too,” Jillian told her with a smile of her own. “Because I’m thankful that we can get the Christmas bins out and start our decorating. ”

The two had a tradition of decorating the penthouse for Christmas starting the day after Thanksgiving. It wasn’t as elegant when they were finished as it had been back when Brad hired home stagers to do it—just as this dinner wasn’t as refined as the department store one Brad had ordered in when Josie was a baby. But in Jillian’s opinion, children enjoyed the shared work of the holidays, and imperfect things felt so much more like home if you had planned them and made them yourself.

Besides, these were the activities Jillian and her little sister, Rachel, had longed to do as children, but they had never really had these kinds of resources.

Brad frowned across the table, and she wondered what she had said that displeased him. Maybe he didn’t like having the house decorated so quickly after Thanksgiving. If so, this was the first indication.

But the expression disappeared so quickly that she wondered if she had imagined it in the first place.

“We brined the turkey,” Josie told her dad excitedly. “I think it will be better than last year’s.”

“Let’s find out,” he replied with an indulgent smile, setting Jillian’s heart at ease.

Brad stood to carve the turkey, rolling up the sleeves of his white dress shirt. The sight of his muscular forearms and the dark, silky hair that contrasted with his light tan made Jillian’s cheeks heat, and she looked down at the dish of cranberry sauce, willing herself to let go of this silly schoolgirl crush.

Of course it wasn’t really a crush, not anymore, and she knew it. After all these years, she knew Brad Williams through and through, and she loved nearly everything about him.

Focus, she told herself as he handed her a plate of turkey.

It was a thin slice of white meat, exactly what she always wanted—just enough turkey to say she’d had some—and little enough that she could fill up on her favorite sides. Clearly, Brad knew her pretty well by now too.

“Did you know this stuffing is cornbread stuffing?” Josie asked her father, before launching into a rundown of all she and Jillian had learned about stuffing traditions before landing on which kind they wanted to make.

Brad listened to Josie and asked questions, and it warmed Jillian’s heart to see how his undivided attention made the little girl unfurl like a flower in the sunlight.

At one point, Brad glanced over at Jillian and winked.

Of course he was just winking in a friendly way. He had no idea the effect it had on her. She managed to smile back at him, amazed that her hand still remembered how to hold the fork.

After dinner was eaten and cleared away, and the pumpkin pie was nearly gone from their plates, Brad glanced over at Josie.

“Hey, Junebug,” he said. “Want to give me a minute to chat with Jillian? I’ll be up to read with you in a few minutes.”

“Okay,” Josie said cooperatively. “Goodnight, Jillian.”

“Good night, sweet girl,” Jillian told her. “Happy Thanksgiving.”

Josie launched herself off the chair without any warning, and Jillian accepted the quick, tight hug that was about the most snuggling the girl allowed these days unless she was very sleepy.

“Happy Thanksgiving,” Josie whispered as she let go.

Brad waited until Josie had headed down the hallway before turning his full attention to Jillian.

“Why don’t you come down here,” he said with a smile, indicating Josie’s seat.

Brad asked to talk with her privately all the time, after all, they were basically raising a child together. But every single time, wild fantasies that this was finally the time he was going to confess his love for her flashed into Jillian’s mind.

She moved to the seat beside the head of the table, knowing from his expression that the point of this talk wouldn’t be anything so silly as all that.

As a matter of fact, the look on his face was even more serious than usual, and it was starting to make her stomach twist in worried knots.

“You know how grateful I am for all you’ve done for Josie,” he said gently. “And for me, as well. I couldn’t have gotten her this far without you. And even if we’d managed somehow, Josie wouldn’t be the smart, curious, confident girl she is now without your influence.”

Knowing he felt that way about her impact on Josie should have been the most gratifying thing in the world.

But it sounded like he was saying goodbye.

“Josie is a very special girl,” she said, looking down at her hands, so he wouldn’t see the pain in her eyes. “And that’s all her. I don’t think you or I or anyone could have made that happen, no matter what we did. But it has always been a privilege to work for your family.”

“You’ve done so much more than work for us,” he said, his voice deeper than usual. “That’s what makes it so hard for me to tell you this.”

He paused and she made the mistake of looking up and seeing a flicker of pain flash across his face.

“Josie and I are moving to Trinity Falls next month,” he said quickly. “I know it’s not a lot of notice, but of course you’ll have your severance, and you can stay here as long as you need to, until you find another situation you really like.”

Jillian had known this day would have to come. Even if Brad kept her around as a kindness, Josie wouldn’t be a child forever.

But somehow it still felt like a hammer had come down on her chest.

“I’ve already asked around,” Brad told her. “There’s actually someone local—a bit of a celebrity, really— whose wife is due in January. They have their pick of nannies, but I put a bug in the husband’s ear, and he’d love to hire you. We can talk more about it later.”

“Th-thank you,” she managed. It was really kind of Brad to think about her future.

She looked up into the beautiful dark eyes she had come to love, and felt her heart squeeze.

I have nothing to lose now, she realized. I finally have a chance to tell him how I feel.

He was gazing at her strangely, as if he wanted to say something more, as a new kind of tension crackled in the air between them. She gathered her courage and opened her mouth to speak the words she had been holding back for years, before he said something else practical and threw her off track.

“ Dad ,” Josie’s agonized wail broke the silent spell between them.

Jillian turned to the little girl, stomach wrenching all over again when she realized that she must have overheard everything.

“Hey, Junebug,” Brad said, opening his arms and letting Josie slam into his chest. “Were you listening in?”

“It’s almost Christmas,” Jillian said right away, not wanting Josie to get a scolding as well as having to absorb this news. “You probably thought your dad wanted to talk about a nice surprise, didn’t you?”

“Yes,” Josie said, letting go of her dad and whirling on Jillian. “But he can’t just fire you. You’re part of the family. Why don’t you ever stick up for yourself?”

Jillian stared at the little girl in amazement.

“And you, ” she said accusingly, turning to her father. “We can’t have Christmas without Jillian, or birthdays, or Easter, or anything. Jillian takes care of us. She loves us.”

“Jillian had her own life before she came here,” Brad said gently. “She has her own dreams. And we’ve let her put them aside to take care of us for too long. Now she has a chance to work for a family that has more hands to help, and that means she’ll have time to get back to her writing.”

Jillian felt off-balance for the second time in a few minutes. She honestly hadn’t thought much about writing in years .

“They’ll have a night nurse,” Brad said quietly to her, nodding as if that was going to make her happy.

Brad had offered to get a night nurse for Josie back when Jillian first came. But she had known instinctively that having lost her mom, the little girl needed consistency from everyone else.

Besides, she had loved those hazy, sleepless days and nights with Josie. There was a peace that came with relinquishing everything except caring for another person. But no matter how much she loved being with them, she knew the best thing for everyone right now would be to make this a clean break. There was no sense dragging it out and making things even harder than they already were.

“We have to wrap the presents,” Josie whispered, tearing up again. “We have to build the gingerbread house and do a volunteer project.”

Jillian felt her heart cracking open as she thought about all their traditions. They had already missed them last year while Jillian was away helping Rachel with her baby.

“Come here, Junebug,” Brad said, opening his arms again.

But Josie moved to Jillian instead, sliding onto her lap and leaning her head on her shoulder, just like she had done when she was littler.

“What if we celebrated Christmas together?” Jillian heard herself offer. “I could come to Trinity Falls with you, if it’s okay with your dad, just for one last Christmas together. ”

Brad nodded to her as he leaned over to pat Josie on the shoulder.

So much for a clean break.