Chapter 50 - Hunter

T he silence is deafening as the door shuts with an audible click, making me flinch. All I feel is devastation—a sadness so deep it's a miracle I'm still standing. He didn't stay . Ollie didn't give me a chance to make this right. I just needed a minute to gather myself. To work up the courage to stand up for us. But he didn't have any faith in me. Instead, he walked out on me. I should've snapped out of it sooner.

Conrad looks at me expectantly. His arms are crossed over his chest as he sits on the couch, back ramrod straight. He acts like he's commanding the room, but he doesn't know that I don't give a fuck what he thinks about this. Not anymore. I wanted to keep him—to have a parent and the love of my life. But since that is impossible, there's no reason to dwell on it. When it comes down to him and Ollie, it will always be Ollie. No one could take priority over him. He's the love of my life. My reason to breathe—to exist.

"I'm done," I tell my dad, blowing out a big breath. "I don't care if you approve or not. I'm staying with him."

There's a moment of silence, and then Conrad nods slowly, a sneer on his face. It's eerie, the way he and Ollie look so much alike. Dad, with his dark hair and blue eyes…they could almost be twins. Save for the faint lines around his eyes, he doesn't look very old. Except right now, he seems as if he has aged ten years in the last twenty minutes.

"I pay for this place, Hunter," Dad says calmly. "So if you insist on staying with him, I want you to pack your shit and get the fuck out."

My heart stutters in my chest, and it feels as if it's going to stop altogether. There's a split second where I almost hesitate, but then I get my shit together. I'm not backing down now. I'm not going to give in to him. It's done. "Are you sure?" I ask him, my tone cold, devoid of emotion. "You'll never see me again."

Something like fear flickers in his eyes, and he shakes his head. "You're making a mistake—please see that! He's going to ruin your future." Dad gulps, running his hands down his face. From what I can tell, this is a show of frustration. "He's a drug addict, and he always will be. He will never recover."

"Stop talking about him like that," I snap, rage taking over. "Ollie is the strongest person I know, and if anyone can beat this, it's him." Dad seems stricken, his features sad and hopeless. But I can't do this anymore. So, I put the final nail in the coffin. "I'm not going to change my mind. Ollie is the love of my life."

"You can't?—"

"I can, and I will ," I snap. "And it's about fucking time you stop being a selfish asshole. Stop blaming him for Mom's death. Just fucking stop. Stop talking about him being a junkie and making him feel worthless. It's not just his fault Mom is dead. It's mine and yours too. We should've done something. We should've been the ones to go with her. Even drive for her."

"Hunter—"

"No." I shake my head, not giving him a chance to continue talking shit. I can't take it anymore, the way he talks about Ollie. Someone has to put him in his place. "I've forgiven him, and you need to do it as well." Dad looks horrified for a solid minute. "And you need to forgive yourself too."

"You're right."

Two words shouldn't make my world spin on its axis, but I feel myself going still. I think I've even stopped breathing. My fingers twitch with the need to run after my Ollie, and I just want Conrad the fuck out of here already.

"I want to make something very clear, Dad," I say through gritted teeth. "I'm in love with Ollie. Wholly and undeniably in love, and no one will take him away from me—not even you."

He nods. "Very well." I steel myself for what I know is coming next, but turn around and start heading for my room, ready to pack my shit. I'm not going to wait for him to tell me to leave again. I have no idea where I'm going to go. But maybe Connor will have a spare couch for me. "If that's your choice, Hunter."

"It is."

"You don't have to go." My dad stops me in my tracks. "If this is truly what you want, it's your choice."

I nod slowly. "And us?"

"I—" Conrad breathes in, his nostrils flaring. "I'm sorry."

Tilting my head, I wait for more. He seems to take the hint and gets up from the couch, coming to stand toe to toe with me.

"You're right." He says slowly. "It's not his fault, and I should've never blamed him. I should've been a better dad to him?—"

"Damn right, you should've." I interrupt.

"—And I'm going to apologize to him."

"What else, Dad?" I raise an eyebrow.

"If this is your choice…" He sighs, giving me a sad look. "I won't get in the way."

"Good," I say with finality. "Now if you'll excuse me, I need to go see Ollie."

Dad's shoulders slump as he nods, and he looks regretful, as he should. I don't waste any more time though, grabbing my keys from the kitchen island and heading for the door. "Lock the door on your way out, please," I tell him, then leave.

About ten minutes later, I'm standing in front of Jamie's apartment door. I contemplate my options for just a moment. Number one: demand to speak to Ollie right fucking now. Number two: give him the choice to talk to me.

It's safe to say number one wins.

I knock on the door, holding my breath until Murdock opens it. He raises one eyebrow at me, but I don't give him much time to question me before I push past him. He huffs in exasperation and chases after me, but I'm too fast as I drop to my knees in front of Ollie. He's lying on the couch in the fetal position, his eyes bloodshot, his face puffy. I knew this would hit him hard, but this just breaks my fucking heart. How could he ever think I'd just let him go? That I would give him up?

My stomach drops when he looks at me with thin lips, and I get a bit dizzy. He sits on the couch and looks at me expectantly, probably waiting for me to speak. But instead, I grip his thighs and bury my face into his lap. I'm fucking sobbing, my body shaking. But I can't seem to stop. The adrenaline is waning, and all that's left is my trembling limbs. I could've lost everything, but it would've been worth it for him. He's all I fucking care about.

"Please, Ollie." My heart squeezes in my chest when his fingers thread through my hair. "Come back home. Come back to me. You didn't even wait."

"What do you mean?" He asks me, his voice shaking. "It was clear as day you weren't fighting him."

"I love you." I sob, my shoulders shaking, and tears begin to gather in his eyes. They spill over as he takes a deep breath. "I told him to go fuck himself. He's not going to be a problem, I swear it."

Ollie strokes the back of my head slowly, yet he shakes his head. I bury my face back into his lap. "No."

"I'm begging you." I squeeze his waist with my arms. "I'm on my knees, begging you to give me another chance. I stood up for myself, Ollie. I'm not letting him come between us."

"Please don't make this harder." He replies, pushing me away until I'm looking up at him. He wipes my tears with his thumbs and grimaces. "He's never going to let this go. Eventually, he'll tear us apart."

"I'm not just going to let you go, Ollie," I reply through gritted teeth, and I can see the fear in his eyes. "I'm fighting for you."

He smiles, but it's sad, and my face crumples again. "Sometimes we don't get what we want, Hunt. And right now—I don't get you ."

"You could."

"I need a year, Hunter." He blurts out. "I can't handle this between us right now. Things need to settle between Dad and us. For the sake of my sobriety, I need to take this year for myself. I need to be sober."

My eyes widen. "Be sober with me , Ollie."

"I don't think I can do it." He sniffles, wiping his own tears. With a strong voice, he says, "I'm asking for time, not telling you we're never getting back together. One year, then I'll be sober with you."

I shake my head vehemently, my eyes pleading. "Please don't do this."

"I have to do it for myself." He smiles sadly, brushing his knuckles over my wet cheek. "Please. Please accept this."

I nod. "You promised, Ollie." My stomach drops at the look in his eyes. "You promised me we'd be together in New York."

"I'll be there." He assures me.

"I love you, Ollie." My voice cracks. "I'd do anything for you. So if this is what you need, I'll do it. Just know I don't want to—I don't want to be apart from you for even a second. But if you need this…I'll force myself to stay away."

"I'll always love you, Hunt." Fresh tears spill down my cheeks. "Now leave ."

"Please, baby." I shake my head, more tears, more sadness. "Please, Blue."

Now, he shakes his head.

"Okay," I whisper. "I'll see you in a year, baby. We're not over, though. This is just a see you later."

At that, he sobs hard and covers his mouth. Jamie looks between us, and he looks furious. My whole body shakes, but I force myself to get up and walk away, looking over my shoulder to see Ollie's face buried in his hands.

"Time to go," James says with a finality I feel in my heart.

This is really happening.

Ollie doesn't want me anymore. He wants us to be apart. He wants to work on himself without me. Can't he see I want to be there for him? I love him just as he is; I don't need to fix him. It's supposed to be us against the world, yet he won't even give me the chance to show him that. I don't give a fuck what my dad says or how he feels, Ollie is everything to me, and I wouldn't ever let him come between us.

But it doesn't matter.

Ollie— my Ollie—doesn't want me.

One year is a fucking lifetime. Will he fall in love with someone new? Replace me? Will he even want to get back together when he realizes he's just fine without me?

James slams the door on me, barely missing my face, and I grimace. It begins to rain, and I bury my face in my hands as I sit on the front step. I could go to the cemetery and drink my life away. Or I could go back home and have a pity party there instead. I need someone to be with me, mostly because I don't trust myself right now. I thought I did everything right, but it turns out maybe I really did hurt Ollie too much. He doesn't want me anymore.

How am I supposed to survive a year without him?

I can't give up, though. I owe him that much. I owe it to him and myself to fight for us. And I will, until my last breath I will fight for him. He's never going to forget about me, and wherever he goes, I will be there. I'm going to give him some space for a while and take care of other matters. I'll make sure that when he comes back to me, I can give him a home and all of myself. I'll come out to the NHL, and they'll have to get over it. I'm going to love Ollie in the open, because that's what he deserves. If I can manage to get Ollie back, I'll always put him first. I don't want to know what it's like for him to be gone from my life forever—and I can't let it happen. I just can't .

I can't hear anything going on inside the apartment, and it pisses me off. I want to know how Ollie is reacting to this. I want to know if he's okay. If he's crying his heart out like I'm doing right now. But instead, I just sit here and text Connor, telling him to meet me at my place. I need someone to be there for me; he has never failed me. Maybe he won't fail me now.

Connor

On the way.

Hunter

Thanks bro.

My chest is heaving by the time I finish my run back to the apartment. I know I need to slow down, but it's hard to do that when I feel like I'm dying. I just want to numb myself and try to ignore the pain.

By the time I make it back, Connor is already knocking on my door. I guess I should've mentioned I wasn't home yet. He's soaked to the bone too, and I grimace.

"You look like shit." He points out, his blue eyes widening, his eyebrows rising as I shrug my shoulders.

"Feel like it, too." I unlock the door and push it open, then step into the apartment, letting him in too. Clearing my throat, I wait until he walks past me to lock up. "Ollie left me."

"He did what ?"

I hold up my hands and shake my head. "Dad found out about us." Connor sits on the couch like he owns the place, kicking off his shoes and putting his feet under his ass. I groan as his clothes soak the fabric, but I can't bring myself to tell him to get up. And I'm not giving him my clothes. Those are only for Ollie.

"What the fuck happened?"

I run a hand through my hair and pace in front of him. "Ollie left before he could hear me stand up for us. But when I found him, he said he wanted a year to work on his sobriety."

"What do you mean?"

It's painful to explain, but I breathe in slowly to keep myself from crying. I don't know how my tears haven't dried out at this point. "Ollie is an addict. He can't deal with this stress. He could relapse. I don't want that for him, obviously. But waiting a year…I'm going to lose my fucking mind." My hands shake as I rake one through my hair. "I don't know if I can survive a year without him."

"Fuck." Connor mutters.

"So what do I do?"

"You're asking me for advice?" He laughs, and I smile. "I've never even had a girlfriend."

"I have to ask someone for advice. I have no fucking clue how to handle this." I tell him. "I'm not equipped for it."

"You don't have a choice, Hunt." He grimaces. "You have to wait the year."

"Listen." I sigh. "Until I can get Ollie back, I will act like this. I'm going to do stupid shit, get drunk, not sleep, and show up wherever he is. I'm going to message him every night until he gets sick of me and blocks me, and I'm going to follow him after college to New York—because I love him. I will do whatever it takes to get him back."

"How did it go with your dad?"

"Not well." I shake my head. "He still doesn't approve. But I told him it's non-negotiable. Either he accepts our relationship, or he can't be in our lives anymore." And I fucking meant every word. If he can't accept us, then he can stay away. "He said he wouldn't get in the way of us, but now Ollie doesn't want to be with me."

"And you're fine if your dad is out of your life?" Connor's jaw drops.

I shake my head, "I'm in way too deep with Ollie. I don't care about what Conrad has to say."

"Conrad, huh?"

"Fuck. Him." I mean it, yet it still makes my stomach clench with fear. What if he really does abandon me, and Ollie doesn't come back to me? Then I'll have no family. I'll have no one. "I have to fix this."

"Okay, so don't be mad?—"

Someone pounds on the door, and I raise an eyebrow at Connor. What the fuck? Who is that? He holds up his hands in what looks like surrender and goes to the door, opening it. There, stands Dylan. I widen my eyes at Connor, wondering why the fuck he would invite someone I absolutely despise, but he gives me puppy dog eyes, and I roll my own, then go to my room to change my wet clothes.

After changing, I return to the living room, just to find them cooking for me in my kitchen. I'm trying my damn hardest not to kick Dylan out, but so far, he hasn't been an asshole—though we have barely looked at each other. So I sit at the tiny two-person dining room table next to the kitchen, and they both turn their heads to look at me. Connor looks apologetic, and Dylan has pursed lips as his eyes roam my face.

"What?" I ask him. "Spit it out."

"I heard about what happened." He shrugs. "If we were friends…"

"If we were friends…?" I trail off just like he did, and I know whatever information he has, I want in on. I guess the fucker does have some use, considering he's dating the asshole Jamie.

"I'd tell you what I know." He shrugs again, then goes back to seasoning ground beef. It looks like they're making pasta and my mouth waters. It's been days since I had a real meal. "But we're not friends, are we, Hartman?"

"We could be." I lie, and it tastes bitter on my tongue. I don't like that he fucked my Ollie. So what if I'm possessive and neurotic? "If you wanted."

"You've treated me like shit," he murmurs. "I don't think I want it."

"Then why are you here?"

"Wanted to see you miserable." Dylan chuckles, and my nostrils flare. "But I'm feeling nice tonight, so I'm gonna stay and make you food. Then we can have a pity party, and you can cry. I'll pretend to give a shit while Connor rubs your back, then I'll rub in your face how you're never getting Ollie back."

My heart drops, but I nod. "Sounds good." I want to kick him out. No—I want to kick his ass. But I'm not going to, because even if I don't want to hear it, he has information that I need.

Dylan raises an eyebrow. "You don't even care about humiliation right now, do you?"

"Nope."

"Wow." He grins as he puts the meat on the pan and begins to stir it. "Never thought I'd see the day you'd be whipped. But I guess I shouldn't be surprised."

"If you're gonna talk about fucking Ollie, then you can walk out now. Because I will beat your fucking ass."

He laughs, "I'll keep comments to myself." I seethe and ball up my fists, and he sees it. "Relax, I'm with Jamie. And he fucks me real good."

" He fucks you ?" I ask with confusion. "I thought you topped?"

"Vers." He shrugs.

Interesting .

Even though I should pretend not to be interested, I nod. I want information, and I'm gonna pry it out of him one way or another, even if it means I'll spend some time talking about him. He's a self-centered prick anyway. I have no clue what the hell Murdock sees in him, but whatever.

"He's kind of an asshole," I mention, and he grins.

"Only to you." His wink pisses me off, and my face heats. "He's a big teddy bear with everyone else. Then again, I can't exactly blame him for hating you. You really hurt his best friend."

Fuck. That.

I'm Ollie's best friend, not this cheap replacement that he calls Jamie. But still, I nod and say, "It was a misunderstanding, okay?" I sigh in exasperation. "He didn't stick around long enough to hear what I told his dad."

"Maybe you need to move on." He shrugs.

"The fuck I do," I growl, getting out of my chair. If he suggests that shit one more fucking time… "I'm not moving on, Dylan. I'm getting him back. I've never felt shit for anyone until him. I've never even liked sex before he came along. I can't let him go."

Dylan's brow's furrow, then his eyes widen to saucers. "You didn't like sex?"

"I don't know," I tell him, looking at my feet. "I've never been interested in anyone else. I had to force myself to have sex, and even then, I had to turn myself on. I don't even know why I'm fucking telling you this?—"

"So why the fuck didn't you tell your dad before?" Dylan interrupts.

"Do you want to hear about my daddy issues too?" I smirk, and he grins. But still, he nods his head, and I sigh. He should be the last person on this planet I confide in. He will either use it against me or run his mouth to Jamie. "My dad abandoned me, okay? And the only guy who stepped up and took me in without questions was Ollie's dad. I know it's fucked up, because we're already in this whole stepbrother predicament. But Ollie and I were raised as brothers for half our lives now. And so his dad—he's my dad, too. I can't change that in my heart. I was scared to lose him, yet the thought of not having Ollie in my life is terrifying. I can't do it, Dylan. I can't fucking live without him."

Dylan nods slowly. "Well, I'll be damned." He turns around and stirs the meat again. "I didn't realize it went this deep. When Jamie said you chose your dad, I thought you were just being a selfish asshole who wanted to keep the golden boy status."

"I didn't choose my dad. And fuck being the golden boy," I growl, running my hands through my hair. "If Ollie doesn't take me back…I'll have no one left. No family. But he's worth it. I'd do it for him."

"I think Jamie convinced him to pick himself over you." He frowns. "But if he's the love of your life, you have to try either way, man."

"I'm gonna try." Fuck Jamie for putting shit in Ollie's head. But then again, I can actually see his point too, and that pisses me off. I don't want Ollie to choose himself, even if it makes sense to do so. I know I've hurt him a lot, but damn it, I chose him .

"Sounds like you have to try really, really hard," Connor says, sitting across from me. "I'm sorry. I know this sucks. But we're here for you." I look up at Dylan, and he's pursing his lips.

"I need it," I admit. "Thanks."

And the truth is that I don't know what I would do if they weren't here right now. This sucks so fucking bad, and I need the emotional support. This next year is going to be the worst of my life. But I'll give Ollie what he's asking for.

A year from now, though.

I'm going after him.