Chapter 49 - Oliver

T he last few days have been perfect. We've been hanging out with his friends, Jamie, and going out in public like a real couple. He's not trying to hide me, and the relief I feel knocks me off balance every time we leave the apartment. Hunter holds my hand, kisses me, and stares at me like I hung the moon out in the open—the same way he does when we're behind closed doors. I didn't realize how much I missed how affectionate he is, but damn, now it feels like I can't live without it or him.

My ear is pressed against his chest, right above his heart, and the steady beat has me in a state of hypnosis. He's trailing his fingertips slowly up and down my back, and my eyes are closed as I breathe deeply, almost sleeping. Hunter takes a deep breath and clears his throat. It's loud, and I peer up at him. The soft glow of the bedside lamp illuminates his face, and he looks at me shyly.

"What's that look for?" I ask him with a smile.

He leans in and kisses my forehead softly, making butterflies take flight in my stomach. It never gets old. "I have something to ask you." I narrow my eyes, and he smiles. "Come closer, baby. Get on top."

"I'm heavy," I tell him, and he laughs like I'm being funny. "I mean it, Hunter."

"You're not heavy, Ollie." He shakes his head. "Now get on top and put your arms right here." He gestures for me to cage his head in between my arms, and I climb on top of him, straddling him and lowering my body until our chests meet. "See? I can take you. Now get closer. Kiss me."

I smile and lean in, pressing my lips softly to his. My chest feels tight, so I take a deep breath as I pull away. His eyes search mine, and he has a massive smile on his face, and I realize…he hasn't stopped smiling at me since we decided to give this a shot. He looks genuinely happy.

Hunter grabs the back of my head, and I shift my hips so that our hard dicks are lined up, just trying to get more comfortable. We're both naked, yet we're not acting on it. I don't even know what to make of it. But he pulls me back toward him, presses our foreheads together, our noses brushing against each other, and kisses me again.

This time, he kisses my top lip first, then my bottom lip. I close my eyes and crash my lips against his, sucking on his bottom lip aggressively, and he groans. When he pulls away, he flutters his eyelashes against my cheek, and I laugh. It tickles slightly, but I let him. He's always liked butterfly kisses, and I can't deny him a damn thing in this lifetime.

One of his hands comes to my lower back, and he trails his fingertips over my skin like before. I can feel the steady beating of his heart on my chest, though I can tell he can feel the way mine is going crazy because he smiles at me with a twinkle in his eyes. I know he can tell how much he affects me, and I don't even care at this point. I want him to know that I can't live without him. It doesn't feel like I'm weak or vulnerable by putting myself out there anymore. Instead, I know he's going to meet me halfway.

"What did you want to ask me?"

Hunter grabs the covers from around my hips and brings them over our heads. We're suddenly wrapped in a cocoon of darkness, the same way we used to be back during senior year. Like nothing could hurt us here—our own little bubble.

"I want to talk about the future," he whispers, and I feel his heart kick up. It's beating faster, harder. "Us."

"What about us?" I whisper back, and I can't help it, my hands tighten around the sheets with fear.

"I want to know what you want to do after college."

"I'd like to sell my paintings." I smile, even though he can't see me. "Become well-known."

"Where?" He kisses my cheek. "Where do you want to live?"

"My dream is New York." I chuckle. "But it's far-fetched."

"Why?" I can just imagine his little frown.

"Do you know how expensive it is to live there?"

Hunter grips my hips and tightens his fingers. "New York has reached out to me. They want me."

"What are you saying?"

"We could live there. If you want." I stay silent. "The NHL pays good, Ollie. We will be fine."

"You want us to live together?"

"Why not?" He chuckles. "We already do."

He has a point, so I nod. Making plans for the future feels vulnerable, though. What if he gets bored of me? What if someone more interesting comes along? "So, you'd choose New York for me?"

"I'd choose anywhere for you," he replies firmly, emphasizing his words with a squeeze of my hips. "You have to know that by now."

"New York it is, then," I say with excitement. My hands shake slightly, so I tighten them around the covers again. "What about you? Are you ready to come out that way?"

"I am." My stomach flips, and his body trembles underneath me. "I want you to marry me after college."

I gasp, my heart squeezing in my chest. Letting go of the covers, I cup his face. "Do you mean that?"

"I do," he replies softly, his voice shaking. "I want forever."

I kiss him, just a quick press of our lips, and my eyes sting. I don't even know how to describe this feeling. Relief, maybe? That it's finally happening. That he wants this as much as I do. That he's no longer trying to hide. It gives me hope for the future.

"What do you say then, Ollie?"

"I say yes," I whisper, kissing his cheek. My lips linger, and I feel him smile against me. "Let's go to New York. Let's get married. Let's build a life together."

I bury my face in the crook of his neck and inhale his scent, and the way he's rubbing my back lulls me into a light sleep. Somehow, the covers end up back around my waist, probably from Hunter getting hot. But I don't dare move; I don't want to wake him. Closing my eyes, I try to fall back asleep. I almost accomplish it, until I hear a soft sound coming from the living room. I frown, trying to figure out what it is. Trying not to freak the fuck out. The bedroom door is open as always…

There's no way?—

"What the actual fuck is going on here?" my dad's voice booms, and Hunter and I both jump to a sitting position.

The covers slip from around my waist in the process, probably showing Dad how naked I am, and I scream, "Dad! Get out ."

"I'm not fucking leaving," my dad replies coldly. "Get dressed. Now ."

He slams the door closed, and there's a moment between Hunter and me that I can't even explain. His eyes are wide with fear, and he's shaking so hard his teeth are chattering. He's shutting down—I can feel it. So I squeeze his hand in reassurance, but Hunter won't squeeze it back. He's just stoic.

"Hunter, please," I whisper. "Look at me."

His eyes snap up to mine, darkening, the green looking almost black in the dim light. He doesn't say anything—the silence says it all, though. He wasn't ready for this yet. What's going to happen now? Is he going to stand up to Dad? I can only hope. I can only hope everything will be fine once Dad leaves, but I can see Hunter closing himself off.

"Baby," I whisper again, " Please . Please don't do this. You promised." My eyes sting and sudden tears fall down my face. My shaking hands cup his face. "Don't leave me. You said forever ."

"Get dressed, Ollie." His voice is neutral, and fear tightens its talons around my heart.

I sob, my shoulders shaking. As if I weigh nothing, he picks me up and sets me on the bed beside him so I'm no longer straddling him. Then he gets up and gets dressed. I follow closely behind, putting on my clothes as fast as possible, and when he opens the door, I take a deep breath. He pauses and looks back at me with pleading eyes. Begging me to understand. His sad eyes are cutting me deeply, but I can't do this. He can't do this to us—not again.

I can tell this is coming to an end.

He walks through the door, and my heart breaks a little more. We make our way to the living room, and Dad is sitting on the couch, his head in his hands, tugging at his hair. I know this must have been a surprise, and maybe he's a little shocked, but he could be a little nicer about this. Not such a fucking asshole.

He peers up when Hunter comes closer and stands before him, then straightens up. My heart is thundering in my ears, my hands are shaking from the fear of losing Hunter, and my mouth is dry as fuck. I don't know what to do, so I stand next to Hunter and attempt to grab his hand. But he just moves to the side so I can't reach him, and my heart drops into my stomach. It seems we're not going to be a united front on this.

"How long?" my father growls. He's always been an asshole—casting me aside because of my mistakes. But goddamn, this is on another level. "How long has this been going on? This is disgusting—you are brothers. What the fuck were you thinking? Hunter, you're the one with self-control here. How could you let this happen?"

I look over at Hunter. At the fear in his eyes. He's shaking like a fucking leaf, and I just want to reach out and wrap him around me. Tell him he's going to be okay—but I know he won't let me.

"Senior year," Hunter whispers and my dad's blue eyes widen. He looks so much like me, it's disgusting. "Then this year."

"Even after what happened to your mother?" my dad seethes. "He doesn't deserve you. He's a fucking junkie." My spine straightens, and Hunter's mouth opens to object. Except my dad holds up a hand to stop him. "You have to break up with him, Hunter," my dad says as if reasoning with him even though I know it's a demand. "It's wrong on so many levels."

Hunter swallows hard and shakes his head, his tears finally falling, and he takes a deep breath before he speaks. "I love him, dad." His voice trembles as he says it. "Please don't make me do this. I want a future with him. It wasn't just a fling…it's forever."

"Fuck that." Conrad laughs and gets up from the couch, walking toward Hunter and going toe to toe with him. "You're brothers. This isn't happening."

"It already did, Dad!" Hunter pleads. "Please."

"No." My father shakes his head, and I'm just silent, like a fly on the wall. He hasn't looked at me once or even considered my feelings. In his mind, I corrupted Hunter. I'm at fault for this too—just like with everything else. "It's him or me, Hunter."

I know the moment he says it, we have no chance. Hunter doesn't want to lose the love of the only parent he has left, and I know that. He doesn't want to side against him or disappoint him.

"I'll always love him, Dad," he whispers. "Why does it matter if I choose you?"

"Now," my dad grits out.

I shake my head, my shoulders trembling as I sob.

"Pack your shit, Hunter," Dad growls. "You're coming with me."

I straighten my spine and shake my head again, wiping my tears. But Dad isn't even looking at me, so I take a deep breath and say, "I'm leaving. No need." There's no fucking way I'm staying here to be haunted by memories of us.

I can't take this anymore. There's no reasoning with Dad—so I have to rip off the Band-Aid. I stomp away. I head to my room and begin to pack, which takes me exactly ten minutes, and I hurry to the door. I glance over my shoulder to see Hunter still standing across from Dad, and they're having a stare-down.

My heart squeezes in my chest when his eyes connect with mine. His bottom lip is quivering, and he doesn't even attempt to hide it. He looks regretful. He looks broken. He looks defeated. I bite my bottom lip, and with fists wrapped around my suitcases, I take a deep breath. I look away and open the door.

I'm done .

I can't do this anymore.

I'm not waiting for him.

This was our chance at forever, and there won't be another one.

I wheel my luggage out and begin the short walk to Jamie's apartment. Thankfully, we don't live far away, only about two miles up the road. Once I reach the building, I slowly walk toward Jamie's door, knocking softly. All my strength is gone, and I'm ready to fall into his arms and sob. I can't do this alone, or I'm going to relapse.

I can't fucking do this.

After two knocks, Jamie opens up. He frowns, looking me over and then at the suitcases, and his eyes widen with understanding.

"Can I stay with you?" I ask him with a shaky voice. "Please?"

"Oh, babe." Jamie wraps his arms around me, and I break down. My shoulders shake as I sob, and my tears soak his green long-sleeve shirt. I'm tempted to beg him to change his clothes. I never want to see that color again in my entire fucking miserable existence. "Of course, you can stay here."

I nod into his shirt.

"Come in." He lets go of me and looks at me. Really looks at me. "I will kill that fucking asshole."

I smile, but it's fake. I don't want to smile anymore—I don't know if I ever will again. "Please, do."

"Tell me everything."

And with that, I follow him in and proceed to cry on his couch for the next hour, telling him every single detail of my heartbreak. I guess I should at least be grateful I have him—I am grateful. I just also hate my fucking life right now.

I have a feeling I'm going to hate it for a long time.