Chapter 21

Rosabel La Rouge

I blinked my eyes, looked around at the faded sparks that were still floating around the room. The drapes were drawn, but sunlight slipped through the cracks between them as if to let me know that it was daylight outside.

My body was still heavy, my muscles sore in the best possible way, and the memories were right there in the center of my mind, so of course I was smiling. I rolled on the small bed and scanned the room quickly, like I thought Taland might be hiding somewhere in the corners, but he wasn’t. I was all alone.

I sat up and tested my legs, squeezed my thighs— yep, they hurt, the pain barely there, a beautiful reminder of the night before. The day before, too. A deep sigh escaped me, and my eyes closed, and my lips stretched and stretched. Definitely one of the best days of my life, and I couldn’t wait for more of them. So many more.

The charm that Taland’s mother had made him was right there on the bedside table together with the bracelet and my ring.

I pushed myself to stand, to put my clothes on, to go downstairs and find Taland.

I did.

The kitchen, the small living area downstairs, were empty.

My heart skipped a beat, and this cloud was slowly coming over my head, but I pushed it back with all my strength. I pushed back every single bad feeling that wanted to creep up on me when I wasn’t paying attention because there was absolutely nothing to worry about. Taland wasn’t here because Taland had gone to town to get groceries.

And maybe we did have groceries from yesterday’s trip, but he’d gone to get us those sandwiches—the turkey sandwiches that we’d both loved.

Or maybe he forgot that he hadn’t gotten coffee yesterday, and he’d figure I’d want some in the morning, and that’s why he wasn’t here.

He wasn’t gone gone—he’d just gone to bring me coffee.

So, I sat in the single chair in the kitchen and I waited a whole hour.

Taland didn’t come.

My stomach was rolling and twisting, and I felt like my limbs had rocks inside them when I went to the front door—unlocked—and outside the house, into the sunlight. I didn’t feel its warmth. I didn’t feel anything other than this black hole that was expanding in my chest because Taland wasn’t outside, waiting for me, either.

Gotcha! I imagined him calling. You were so scared, sweetness. So scared!

And we’d laugh and laugh and laugh—never mind that I knew Taland would never do something like that, would never scare me in this way. Never mind that even if he did, he’d have come out by now— never mind! What mattered was that he’d pop up in front of me and I’d jump in his arms and we would be perfectly fine. Together.

“ TALAND! ”

Birds flew off trees. My heart took a good long pause when I called out his name at the top of my lungs. Every muscle in my body froze and I held onto my arms and I didn’t even breathe as I waited and waited and waited…

Taland didn’t come.

The charm was in my hands, the colors of the eye paler now than they’d seemed when he first showed it to me. Maybe because there’d been sparks floating all around us then—never-dying sparks that had definitely died now.

After all, it was almost dark outside, and I didn’t know the spell to keep them alive and I watched their light fade little by little as I sat at the edge of the bed and waited.

For so many hours now, I’d waited, ignoring that initial instinct that knew Taland wasn’t coming back.

He was gone, goddess knew where, and he hadn’t left me a note—I’d checked the entire house—and he hadn’t left me a clue. He hadn’t left me anything but this pain and this cold and this emptiness in my chest, together with his charm on the bedside table.

That’s it. That’s all I had now.

And even though I knew this was all I was going to get, I still sat there at the edge of the bed and looked out the window, eyes dry and on the darkening sky, until the night defeated the sun and took over completely.

I took in a deep breath and I held it there for as long as I could.

When I let go, I closed my eyes and a tear slid down my cheek, the only one I’d cried since I’d woken up.

Because to cry would have meant accepting that Taland was gone gone. To cry would have meant that I no longer expected him to return.

Instead, I put the bracelet in my jacket pocket, and my ring on my finger, and Taland’s charm remained in my hand. That he’d left it behind could mean two things: he’d really gone out to town for groceries and couldn’t come back for whatever reason. Or…he’d left it for me.

Which, knowing Taland, was much more possible, unfortunately for me.

But it was okay, though. It was okay because wherever he’d gone off to, whatever had happened, I was going to find him. I was going to start searching for him, and I was going to find him even if he went all the way to the end of the world.

I did another search of the entire house, checked the corners and the spaces behind every door to make sure there were no signs of struggle anywhere, and no notes or clues as to where Taland could have gone. There wasn’t, and all the feelings that wanted to suffocate me, pull me down and drown me remained locked deep inside me for now.

I walked out of the house and I didn’t look back.

The narrow road outside the gates of the safe house was longer than I remembered. Taland had been carrying me then, so maybe that’s why. It was dark and a half moon was on the other side of the sky, and there were trees everywhere, but I didn’t care. I knew I was alone, I could feel it. Talandless once again, and I almost smiled at the thought and then almost burst out in tears right after.

Madeline’s Mercedes was right where we’d left it by the edge of the main road that led into the town, and nobody was in it. I got into the driver’s seat, holding my breath, praying I didn’t lose my shit—and I didn’t. The car really was empty, save for the keys in a cup holder, and a phone in the front seat. An old phone. A broken phone. Completely broken.

I grabbed it between my fingers and turned the light of the car on to inspect it better. It was completely ruined, like someone had stomped on the small screen over and over, and had burned the rubber keyboard as well, had broken the plastic to a degree that it was a wonder it was still holding itself together.

I could sit there and lie to myself all day long, but I knew Taland had done this to this phone. I knew Taland had used this phone when he went to town for food last morning, and whatever news he’d received through it, it had made him smash this thing completely.

When he’d come back, I’d noticed. Goddess, I’d noticed the faltering smile and the look in his eyes. I’d noticed in the way he fucking held me, but I’d told myself that it was all just in my head, that I was projecting my own fears onto him. And he said nothing was wrong and I believed him when I knew I shouldn’t. I believed him and I didn’t let myself get paranoid, when I should have stuck to him, shouldn’t have even closed my eyes at all. When I should have stayed up all night to make sure he was still there— I should have-I should have-I should have…

My knuckled were white from how tightly I was gripping the steering wheel, teeth gritted as I tried to hold back. To not cry. I lowered my head to the leather, too, and I focused on breathing, on not thinking, not regretting because what would the point be in that? Taland was gone and all he’d left behind was his protection charm and a broken phone, but that was okay. Because the asshole was going to explain everything to me as soon as I found him. He was going to explain to me why he left me all alone in a safe house he brought me to, after he put me to sleep. He was going to explain why I had to wake up without him, when we said we were never going to be apart again.

“I am not done, damn it!” I said and hit the steering wheel with the heels of my hands over and over again. “ Not done, I am not done! ”

I caved, and a couple tears slipped, but I got myself together quickly. I was pissed and hurt—understandable. Confused, but who gave a fuck? I’d be perfectly clear on everything when I found him and punched him in the fucking face and knocked his damn teeth out for leaving me like this.

Just when we were together again. Just when I left everything behind for good.

He hadn’t even answered my questions! I had so many questions for him still, and I’d been foolish enough to think that we’d have time to go through everything because even though we’d talked and talked and talked in bed, there was still so much we didn’t know about each other. So much I didn’t know about him.

How did you escape prison, Taland?

Who put you in the Iris Roe?

How did you get out of the Roe, Taland—how did you escape the IDD?

What were you stealing in the Vault, Taland? Why didn’t you take the veler when it was right there?!

My mind spun. The questions kept on adding up and repeating themselves in my head over and over until I was sure I would throw up.

“Enough.”

My own voice startled me in the chaos that reigned inside my head. But it was enough. Taland was gone, and Taland was going to get his teeth knocked out because of it, and Taland was a fucking asshole for doing this to me, for leaving me here like this—but none of these things were going to help me find Taland, which was the only thing that mattered.

It didn’t matter where he went or what he thought he was doing—by the goddess I was going to find him, and he was going to explain this to me even if it was the last thing I did in my pathetic existence.

“ Through summer breezes ,” I whispered to myself. “ Through fucking hurricanes .” My heart ached. “You fucking liar .”

I turned the engine on. I made sure I could see through this rage, through this pain in my chest, and finally, I drove the car into town.

I had a plan, believe it or not. It might not have been the best plan, and I didn’t really have the details figured out, but I had a general idea of how I was going to go about finding Taland.

The first part of this plan was the most obvious—go to the town to make sure he wasn’t there, hiding, or that he hadn’t been arrested or something—or maybe at the bar, drinking?

Yes, yes, highly unlikely, but it was just something I needed to rule out before I moved to the rest of the plan.

So, I did.

I went to town, and I found the place where they sold those sandwiches that I couldn’t even smell now without wanting to gag because of the memories, and I found the only bar in town as well, but Taland wasn’t there.

I asked the guy who made the sandwiches if he’d seen him today; he said no. He knew exactly whom I was talking about— we don’t get that many newcomers around here, ha-ha-ha, he said, and he was sure that he hadn’t seen Taland in town today at all.

I asked the bartender at that bar, too, and he had no clue who I was talking about, but the clerk at the grocery store did. She had a weird kind of smile on her face when she told me that she did remember Taland, that he’d been there yesterday, but not today.

She was sure, she said— I would remember, and I got this urge to put a spell on her so that all that shiny brown hair on her head fell out.

Then, “Is he your brother?”

Goddess, what was taking over me? I had never wanted to use my magic to harm someone before.

“He’s my boyfriend,” I said instead, and her smile dropped, and I walked out of the grocery store feeling a hundred times worse.

Taland was not my boyfriend. Boyfriends didn’t leave their girlfriends all alone in safe houses. Boyfriends didn’t disappear in the middle of the night without a trace.

But then again, he never said he was my boyfriend now . We never really talked about what we were because I didn’t think we even needed to. I honestly didn’t even imagine that I could wake up and he’d be gone, not after everything.

Funny how life had a way of picking the things that seemed the most impossible to me and making them come true.

Only when I sat in the car again did it occur to me that I was walking around with my head up, asking questions and talking to people while the IDD was after me. They had to be—they’d surely seen the footage, and those guards we’d knocked out had already told them everything. Of course, they’d be onto me, and I was parading around here with my face revealed, without an ounce of protection on me like a damn fool.

That’s why, when I got back to the car after nightfall, I immediately started to call a spell to shield myself from prying eyes and ears and spells, the strongest one I knew. Third degree, which was why it hurt so much even before I let the magic out that I almost screamed.

But…

I stopped chanting before the spell was complete. The magic that had accumulated in my chest, seconds away from tearing out of me, faded away. I reached for the pocket of my jacket that I’d left on the front seat, and I took out the bracelet.

One spell. One powerful spell to keep me out of the IDD’s radars. One spell to keep the clairvoyants and the finding spells and objects off me.

“One spell. ” Might as well try it if I had this thing now, and I wasn’t going to return it.

I was off the road just outside of town, and there was nobody around me that I could see, but I still pulled the jacket over the bracelet in my hand to keep the colors invisible to anybody watching. Then I chanted that same spell, third-degree, and the ease with which I performed it left me speechless. There was no pain, and the magic glided through my veins, silky smooth, and it burst out of my hands with so much intensity, the colors of the flames were visible even through the thick leather covering them.

Then they faded, and the spell fell over me, like an invisible layer all around my skin. It locked around me and made me very hard to find for anybody looking, at least for the next twelve hours. By then, I hoped to have found Taland, but if I didn’t, I could still do another spell. As many times as I needed because it was for my protection. This bracelet might have been dangerous, and using it might have been wrong, but right now my options were severely limited.

Taland was gone and the IDD was after me. My grandmother was probably after me, too. Fuck me, I was possibly in the worst position I’d ever been in—even worse than when I was Mud, now that I thought about it.

This time, I had nowhere to turn to for real.

I was completely, utterly alone.