28. Chapter 28

Chapter twenty-eight

It had been two weeks since Louisa left Stonemoore. She busied herself with Colin, stealing him from his governess whenever she could, as well as being of any help to Violet as she could. Prince seemed comfortable to be back at home in Tunbridge, almost as if he had never left. If Louisa tried very hard, everything felt normal, at times. Like it had felt only months ago. But when she laid her head down at night, her mind reminded her of all she left behind.

She tried to picture what Robert was up to. Without her or Prince, he would be alone with his staff in that large, rambling house. Guilt crept up her spine, and she tossed and turned in her bed. Her hand fell against the empty pillow beside her, and she pictured Robert lying there instead, his broad shoulders peeking out from beneath the covers and his hair in disarray as it had been the morning she left. If only fear of the unknown did not grip her, that reality could be hers.

Louisa's legs itched with unease until she finally rose from her bed and padded into the hall, dragging her fingers along its wall. They were so familiar, yet they no longer felt like her home. Moonlight filtered through a window at the far end of the hallway, giving just enough light to guide her.

Her ear caught on a sound downstairs.

Perhaps someone else was unable to sleep as well.

Louisa made her way down the main staircase, crossing her bare feet in front of her with each step, taking her time. She had a feeling she knew who it was, and if correct, he would be awake for some time.

Louisa peered into the main drawing room, but upon finding it empty, she continued on to the others, giving each a quick perusal. And then she found him in the kitchen, sitting on a stool by the counter and helping himself to a late-night snack.

"Care to share?" she asked, causing Henry to jerk and spin toward her.

He smiled around a mouthful of cornbread, then held the plate up in the air in offering. "Help yourself."

"Happy to." She sat in a chair next to him, taking one of the smaller pieces of sweet, tender cornbread.

Henry swallowed his bite, eyeing her carefully. "What is on your mind? It is not often you walk the halls at night."

"No, it is not. I suppose, subconsciously, I thought you might be awake."

"And I assume whatever is on your mind has to do with Boroux?"

Louisa nodded, tears welling in her eyes. "Yes. He has . . ." She paused, taking a steadying breath.

"I knew you shouldn't have married that man." Henry tossed the remainder of his bread down, rubbing his forehead. "He does not deserve you. But now, it is too late."

Louisa leaned down, crossing her arms over the counter and resting her head on them. "No. It is rather the opposite, in fact."

"The opposite? I don't understand."

"No, you never have, have you? I never wanted to marry, Henry."

"Yes, and I told you not to marry the duke, yet you insisted."

"The reason ," she said, enunciating her point that he had not thought to ask, "had to do with not wanting to love my husband. Not romantically, anyway."

"Wait." Henry sat up, brow furrowing as he studied her. "You do not want to love him? So what is this about?"

"The truth of the matter is I had never wanted to be hurt like Mother was. I never wanted someone to hold that power over me. Someone who could break my heart by simply not existing anymore."

"So why did you leave, Louisa?"

"Because he loves me." She turned her head so it was buried in her arms and Henry could not see her face.

"For pity's sake," Henry hissed under his breath. "This is the most ridiculous problem I have ever heard of."

"Excuse me?" Louisa's head shot up. "Just because you do not understand it does not mean my feelings are to be thrown aside. I watched our mother mourn Father. I still do, to this very day. So do not tell me how I get to feel about it." She braced her hands on the counter, standing and spinning about.

Henry took her elbow before she got more than a step away. "Louisa, wait."

"Why should I?" She kept her back to him.

"Because I want to talk to you about this."

She huffed a breath, deciding if she wished to speak with him or not. But why else was she here? She could not run away from Robert forever. Eventually, a decision would need to be made . . . whatever that turned out to be. For now, this house was a safe place for her to figure out her thoughts and feelings.

"Fine." She turned back, sitting down and finishing the rest of her bread with one large bite.

"Let me get this straight." Henry held his hands up in the air. "The duke loves you, but you do not want to love him."

"Yes." She nodded.

"So you left to come here."

Another nod. "Yes."

"And how do you feel now that you are here?"

She scowled, fiddling with the lace cuff of her nightgown. "I feel . . . confused."

"Are you happy?"

"No."

Henry reached a hand over, placing it gently over hers. "Then what are you doing, Louisa? Why not choose happiness while you have it? We are not guaranteed anything in life. If you have the opportunity for happiness now, why not take it?"

"Because I fear what happens if the unthinkable occurs. What if he dies, Henry?"

Henry was silent for a moment, seemingly mulling over his words. "Very well. Let's say he dies tomorrow. Would you mourn him?"

Louisa chewed her lip, finally relenting with a nod. "Yes. I would." She straightened her shoulders. "And that is exactly why I had to come here. To vanquish these feelings before they get out of hand."

Henry sighed. "Louisa, it is not that simple. I do not believe a person can just fall out of love. Especially if the person returns that love. They won't let you go so easily."

"Precisely," she nearly shouted. She closed her eyes. "He has been wooing me, and that was not in our agreement."

"Your wedding vows say otherwise," Henry added dryly. He picked up a cup of water, then took a sip. "So this is why you never married all these years? Because you did not want to love someone?"

"What a simple way of stating a very complicated problem."

"Because it is simple. You are over complicating it."

"To answer your first question, yes. That is why. And when the duke proposed and asked me to be his duchess and entertain his guests for him, it seemed like a perfect situation."

"Well, perhaps he is more deserving of you than I thought. I guess I won't have to pummel your husband after all."

Louisa stopped and turned, a disbelieving laugh slipping from her lips. "Goodness, Henry. I love you, but fighting the man would be quite pointless. He is much stronger than you."

"Excuse me?" Henry's hand went to his arm, rubbing it as he scowled. "I am very strong."

"I did not say you weren't. It is only that Robert is stronger."

Henry rolled his eyes. "It is pointless anyway. I shall no longer need to fight him if what you say is true."

Louisa giggled again, eliciting another glare from her brother. "I am sorry. I just cannot fathom you fighting anyone."

"Well, I could." He rolled a shoulder. "Now, what is your plan? You know you are always welcome here, but under the circumstances . . ."

"I need more time." Louisa looked down at her hands, remembering the feel of Robert's fingers as he checked her thumb to see if it was broken. And then the memory of them boxing appeared, her fist crushing into his nose.

"What?"

"Hm?" Louisa looked up to see Henry watching her.

"You are smiling."

"Oh." Louisa sighed. "It is nothing. I was only remembering the time I accidentally punched Robert in the face. It was the first time he let me see behind that mask he wears." She mindlessly ran her finger in circles along the countertop. "To see the man he really is."

"You won't be able to suddenly fall out of love with him, Louisa," Henry said quietly.

Her throat tightened. "I do not want him to break my heart." The words barely slipped past her lips, and tears threatened to brim over her lower lids.

"It looks like it doesn't much matter. You are miserable without him, so why not be happy while you can be?"

"And so the cycle continues." Louisa sighed, pushing back from the counter. "I suppose I should get some sleep. And so should you." She pointed a finger at him.

"If you give me reason to stop fretting over you, I might be able to." His words made worry niggle at her, but then he smiled. "I am teasing. Now, off to bed with you."

And so she made her way back to her room, where a cold, empty bed awaited her.