13. Ward

Iwas disappointed to find the mattress beside me empty when I woke up. Despite his reluctance to do anything more than kiss when we fell into bed, I'd hope Dev would have a different perspective on waking. Apparently not.

Taking advantage of the space, I flopped onto my back, my arms outstretched, and stared at the ceiling. What the fuck was I doing? Pursuing something with Dev—with anyone—was so far outside of my comfort zone, it might as well be another planet. But I couldn't deny it felt…right. More right than anything had in a long time. Once, I'd trusted my instincts. I didn't think they were leading me astray here.

I wallowed in bed for a few more minutes until I got sick of my own thoughts. As I opened the bedroom door, intent on making a trip to the john, my name on Eric's lips pulled me up short.

Dev sighed. "Eric…"

"No, no, I'm not judging or trying to…je ne sais pas…sway you back to me. I want to understand. This was quick, non?"

I couldn't see either man from my position outside the bedroom door, but I could hear someone moving around in the kitchen—Eric, I presumed. I pictured him putting together coffee or snacks. Or hell, maybe he liked to dance in the kitchen while he spoke to guests, how the fuck would I know.

"It was. And unexpected."

"Dev, mon chou, don't feel you have to humor him if—"

"It's not like that. Honestly, Eric, it's not. It's…" He blew out a breath. "Difficult to explain."

I didn't like hearing Dev sound uncertain. He was usually so upbeat, so casually competent and confident. Like no matter what challenges life threw at him, he had faith he'd figure them out. I didn't want to be a challenge that he had to overcome, or worse yet, one that defeated him.

"I have the time, my friend." Eric's voice was gentler, coaxing. "Talk to me."

"He needs someone. So badly."

I gritted my teeth.

Eric scoffed. "That's not a good reason to—"

"I've never been needed before. You know?"

There was a pause, as though Eric was considering Dev's assertion. "All right. Go on."

"He's so closed off. I don't know the whole story there, only part of it, but the fact that he's opening up to me, even a small amount, it's…" A pause. "An honor? A privilege? There's something in me that makes him feel safe enough to do so, and that's…amazing."

Now I was gritting my teeth in something other than annoyance. Emotions clogged my throat.

"He's so strong, Eric. More than he thinks he is. Life keeps throwing obstacles in his path and he's just like, ‘Okay, I'll deal with it. Next.' Under all the gruffness and grunts, he's kind and generous, and—" He broke off, chuckling. "A hero. For real."

"You're falling for him," Eric said softly.

"I…I think I might be. Yeah." Dev's voice was equally as low, sounding almost reverent. "You know me, I like everyone, but he's special."

I took a few steps forward, to the end of the hall, where I could see the two friends and they could see me. Dev spotted me first, his eyes widening, and his rosy cheeks drained of color.

Eric smiled broadly as his gaze followed Dev's. "Bon. Well. I believe I'll go visit…someone. For a few hours, yes? Yes." He took off the apron he was wearing and tossed it on the counter, revealing his bare form beneath. "à bient?t."

Dev's eyes never strayed from mine as Eric grabbed a jacket and made a quick exit, chuckling to himself and saying a few things in French I didn't understand. I paid him little attention, noting only when the door closed behind him so I could finally say something.

"I don't need you," I clarified. "I've been surviving perfectly fine without you."

"Surviving is the keyword," he countered. "You haven't been living."

My breath caught in my throat, because goddamn him, he was right. My heart beat, my body moved, my brain worked—mostly—but had I felt any joy in the past five years? I'd gone through the motions, continuing with my trajectory in SPAM despite my injuries, and it hadn't been a defiant I'm going to do it anyway sort of thing, but more of a I don't know what else I am situation. I still didn't know what else I was, but I was starting to think that there could maybe be more in my life than being a SPAM agent.

There would have to be. Once all this was over, that part of my life would be too.

Dev got up from the kitchen island stool and moved toward me like one might approach a wary animal. Slowly, deliberately, as though he understood I was wounded in more ways than one. His beard was as fuzzy as ever, and he hadn't taken the time to style his fauxhawk after our nap, so it mostly laid flat. "I need you too," he murmured as he got close.

"You're living just fine," I choked out.

He shrugged. "Yes and no. Don't get me wrong, my life is fulfilling. I'm doing what I love to do—both with SPAM and with my channel—but…" He swallowed. "Do you know how hard it is to wonder if people would like you if you didn't automatically make them be nice? I've learned to push that aside, but it's always there at the back of my brain. With you, though, I know you like me. You're choosing me, and it's your choice, not my powers forcing you."

"I don't know what the fuck I'm doing." The words, spoken lowly and carefully, freed something in my chest. "You think I'm strong and capable, but Christ, Dev, I'm not. I'm a mess."

He shook his head, his hands coming up to cup my cheeks. "You're not."

I swallowed hard, the acid tang of bile stinging my throat. "I am. You've got this impression of me that isn't true, and I don't know if it's hero worship or—"

"It's not."

"—what, but when you see me, the real me, I—" Sucking in a breath, I closed my eyes, unable to bear looking at him so close, his blue eyes so full of something that frightened me more deeply than the threat of Jeffrey Crimson walking through the front door. "What if you realize I'm not who you think I am and you walk away? What then?"

His fingers stroked my cheekbones, before he shifted his hands back to thread them through the hair behind my ears. "I'm not the smartest guy out there. My day-to-day needs are pretty simple. I've got no ambition to go higher in SPAM or become a social media celebrity or whatever. What if you get bored of me?" He looked at me knowingly when my eyes popped open. "We're both risking ourselves here, don't you think?"

As much as I wanted to deny the idea I'd want to move on from Dev, I knew the point he was trying to make. The future was unknown, and when venturing into the unknown, everything was a risk. The best we could hope for was to take calculated risks.

He was a risk I was willing to take.

"Yeah," I said, nodding, my voice gravelly. "I guess—I guess we are."

He held my gaze for a moment, wearing an uncharacteristically solemn expression, before he leaned in and gently brushed his lips to mine. Though we'd kissed before, this felt different, more like a promise. A promise to try, to do our best, to be kind to ourselves and each other. A promise that whatever risks we were taking, we were taking them together.

It seemed as though between one breath and the next, we were tumbling onto the bed in the guest room. Dev's weight pressed me into the mattress, and I arched my back to feel him even more firmly, every bit of him snug against every bit of me. We'd gotten rid of our clothes at some point…maybe on the way to the bedroom, I wasn't sure. Not something to worry about now, though, not with Dev's beard scruffing my neck and lighting up nerve endings I'd forgotten about. He nipped my collarbone, then let out a growl and lifted his head. A second later I heard a soft clatter of something being tossed onto the nightstand.

"Glasses," Dev muttered in explanation before returning to his mission.

Which was, I suspected, to make me mindless with lust.

He worked his way down to my nipples, teasing one with the pointed tip of his tongue, then the other, before going back to the first and sucking hard. I nearly levitated off the mattress, letting out a strangled cry and grabbing the back of his head to keep him doing what he was doing. Good lord, I'd forgotten how amazing that felt. How could I have forgotten?

And, god, he was good with his mouth. He did this thing with his tongue…I couldn't even describe it. If he was that good with my nips, how would that magical tongue feel on my dick?

"Like that?" Dev asked breathlessly, joy in his tone. He looked so different without his glasses—more open somehow. More playful. It was a good look on him.

I couldn't help but grin. "Fuck, yes."

"Awesome." He didn't need any more encouragement to dive back in, sucking and nibbling at my tender flesh until I was writhing beneath him, nonsense pouring out of my mouth.

He levered himself up on his arms to watch me, and I took the opportunity to gaze down the length of our bodies, noting the string of precome dangling from his cock to my stomach. That sight, the evidence of his desire, made my gut clench in warning. I shot my hand down to pinch the base of my dick and averted my eyes to the ceiling, thinking about the alphabetical order of the fifty states.

Alabama, Alaska, Arizona…

"You okay?"

"Yep," I said tightly. Arkansas, California, Colorado… "All good."

He chuckled. "Got a little too excited, did you?"

I gave up on my mental recitation to glare at him. "It's been awhile."

"Uh-huh."

"And you're…you." I couldn't stop myself from looking down again, and started salivating at his bunched biceps and pecs, how easily he held himself in what was essentially a plank. His cock, though…that was an even better sight. Thick, not too long, the flushed head jutting out of his foreskin like it was eager to say hi.

I wanted my mouth on it.

In a move that would have made my hand-to-hand instructor at the academy proud, I flipped Dev onto his back and straddled his legs. After surprise crossed his expression, it settled into a hell yes dare. Like he could read my mind.

Although, with the way I was eying his dick, I figured my plans were pretty transparent.

"I'm negative," he assured me.

"Me too."

He lifted his arm to casually cup the back of his head. "Go to town, then."

All the encouragement I needed.

I dove for his cock, sucking the tip into my mouth with, admittedly, more enthusiasm than technique. Not that Dev complained. I glanced up at him to find his eyes on me, intent, dark with lust, his mouth gaping open as though he were too engrossed in what I was doing to remember to close it all the way. I held his gaze as I took in more of his shaft and he let out a groan.

"Fuck, Ward."

Making Dev swear felt like an accomplishment. I bobbed my head, going as deep as I could without gagging. With every upstroke and down, Dev moaned, or groaned, or made some other filthy noise, and I had to grip my own cock again.

"Off, off," he panted. "Too close."

That made two of us. I sat back, straddling Dev's legs again, enjoying the sight of his spit-slicked cock resting against his belly.

"There's lube in the nightstand," Dev said.

I frowned. "You asked him?"

"No." He chuckled. "But I know my friend. He'd make sure his guests were supplied."

Leaning over, I opened the drawer to find the promised lube. It was the good stuff, too, not some drug store brand. I held up the container for Dev to see. "Nice."

He snorted, grinning. "Eric is a very considerate and thorough host."

"Apparently." I popped the top, but hesitated before squeezing any lube onto my hand. "So…top or bottom?"

"Vers. You?"

Of course Dev was vers. That fit with his entire personality. "I'm a top. Mostly. I mean, I've bottomed, but…" I grimaced.

"Hey, man, if you didn't like it, you didn't like it. There's no shame in my bed."

"We're in a guest room."

"But for now, it's my bed." Displaying his significant core strength, Dev sat up without any help from his arms. He cupped my cheek and guided us together for a soft, sweet kiss. "And I don't believe there's any reason for shame about sex, any sort of sex, between two consenting adults. If you ever want to try bottoming again, I'm down for it. If you never do, that's fine too. I love a hard plowing any day of the week and twice on Sundays. There are plenty of other ways to get off too."

Fucking Dev. How he could speak so openly and freely about stuff that made me blush, I would never know, and it was something about him I never wanted to change. "Are you saying you want to be plowed, Agent Campbell?"

"Uh, yes, please, Agent Sullivan. Wasn't I clear enough?" He flopped back and spread his arms to either side. If I wasn't sitting on his legs, I had no doubt they'd be splayed too. "Plow me. Rail me. Take me to Poundtown."

I laughed. "You're ridiculous."

"Always."

For some reason, this little back-and-forth banter lightened my soul. In my experience, sex had never been about fun. It had been about connection, maybe. Definitely stress release and endorphins. But joy?

I could be down with that.

I got off Dev's legs so he could widen them and get to work preparing himself. I could have done it, but the sight of his legs spread and lifted, his fingers deftly rubbing his hole until it gleamed with lube, made my brain go offline. My cock ached with how hard I was, how eager to be inside this happy bear of a man. By the time he had three fingers buried in his ass, I was gripping his knees tightly enough that my knuckles were white.

"Please tell me you're ready," I rasped, swiping lube on my dick without looking away from Dev.

He smiled up at me, though his eyes were unfocused—probably partially from the pleasure he was giving himself, and partially because he wasn't wearing his glasses. "Impatient to get in here?"

I didn't even try to deny it. "I'm going to go off like a rocket. Just warning you."

"I'll consider it a compliment," Dev managed. "Fuck, yeah, I'm ready. Need you."

He didn't have to tell me twice. As soon as he moved his hand, I lined myself up and sank inside of him, slowly but steadily. I wasn't hung like a horse, but I was a decent size, and Dev's long, drawn-out groan was gratifying to hear.

"God, you're hitting alllll the right spots." His mouth gaped as a long, drawn-out moan emerged.

Mine hung open too. Goddammit, if I drooled on him…fuck it, I didn't care. The velvety heat surrounding my cock, squeezing it perfectly, felt too good for me to think about anything else.

Finally fully seated, I stopped, holding still, waiting for Dev to adjust. After a second, he tapped my hip. "Go. Please."

I pulled back and thrust. Hard.

"Fuck!" Dev shouted, and I silently thanked god we didn't try to do this last night with Eric in the house. Dev's hoarse cry was too good to stifle, as were the tiny grunts and moans that escaped him. I didn't even think he realized how noisy he was, but I didn't care. I needed to hear him. I needed to know I was lighting up his world the same as he was lighting up mine.

He wrapped his hands under his knees and pulled his legs back even farther, and suddenly I was sinking in that much deeper.

"Oh, fucking Christ." His tone was something between a plea and a sob. "Ward. Ward, that's—it's—"

"Yeah." Unlike Dev, whose dick apparently had a straight line to his mouth and tongue, I could barely remember I spoke English, let alone voice it. Sweat beaded on my forehead as I picked up my pace, wanting Dev to howl.

He didn't disappoint. A sound that might've been a curse, or a prayer, or nothing coherent at all, burst from him at the same time that his dick erupted. Untouched.

That view and the feeling of him clenching around me was enough to set me off. I pushed into him as hard and deep as I could, my jaw clenched as I rode out my own climax. My brain shorted out from the intensity. Fucking hell, had I ever come that hard?

I came back to myself to find I was rutting into Dev again, short, small thrusts that nudged whimpers from his throat every time. I was still hard, but softening quick, and when I went to withdraw, Dev's hand grabbed my ass to hold me in place.

"Feels good," he moaned.

"You're not too sensitive?" Hey, look at me, I found my words.

Dev shook his head, his eyes mostly closed. "Helps me come down. 'Specially when it's slow and sweet like this."

"I'll remember that," I promised him, leaning down to brush my lips over his.

It was an easy promise to make, and the first of many, I suspected.

I couldn't tell how long we lazed in bed. Long enough that Eric returned, stomping his feet on the mat and announcing loudly that supper would be ready in about an hour.

Dev chuckled, a hand playing with my mussed hair where my head rested on his furry chest. "Thanks, mon ami," he yelled back.

"De rien."

"We should probably shower," he said to me, his voice much lower.

Yeah, probably, but I was comfortable, damn it. Relaxed in a way I rarely was. "Think we could get him to leave a tray outside our door?"

"You know, I bet he would."

Distantly, I noted the ringing of a phone, my eyes drooping as Dev continued to stroke my hair. A moment later, there was a tentative tap on the door.

"Yeah?" Dev asked.

"Call for you," Eric said, sounding puzzled. So was I—no one was supposed to know we were here. "She says her name is Hallie? It's important."

We were both sitting up before Eric finished speaking and Dev scrambled over to the door. He opened it only far enough for Eric to thrust the phone at him—we were both still naked—and closed it once he had the cordless receiver.

"Hal? What's up?" Dev managed to keep his voice even. Mostly. I heard the slight waver in it, maybe because I was feeling the same uncertainty. How had she gotten Eric's number? Why was she calling?

He returned to the bed and sank down beside me, angling the phone so I could hear Hallie's tinny voice on the other end. When she spoke, I almost wished he hadn't.

"Dev," she whimpered, then sniffled. "Where's Ward?"

"I'm here." My voice came out rougher than I intended, but my heart was in my throat. Hallie's voice was wrecked, like she'd been crying for some time, and I prayed it was for some personal reason. Call me a prick, but I'd much rather she was upset because something happened to her parents, or her dog, or a friend of hers, instead of what I suspected.

"He says—" Her voice broke, and my stomach dropped to my feet. Fuck, sometimes I hated being right. "He says you need to come to him at these coordinates." She shakily recited latitude and longitude numbers. "You have ninety minutes before he…he…" She stifled a sob.

"Hallie, are you okay? Has he hurt you?" Dev demanded gently but urgently.

"No. But h-he killed the agents who were escorting me. Right in front of me. I—" Another sob. "It's my fault. All my fault."

"No. No, it isn't." I made my voice firm and strong. "It is not your fault. Do you hear me? It's only his. You've done nothing wrong."

"But—"

"Nothing. Wrong," I repeated, enunciating the words. "The only person to blame is the asshole who's using you to get to me."

"Oh, Ward, is that truly the way to talk about someone who you were going to marry?" The sound of Crimson's voice made my gut clench, but I should have expected he would be right there, listening to everything we said. He would've been stupid not to, and Jeffrey Crimson was anything but stupid.

"You fucker," I growled. "If you touch her, I'll—"

"What? Glare at me intensely?" Crimson's chuckle was nasty, made all the worse because god-fucking-dammit, he was right. "We have unfinished business, you and me."

"If you mean the type where one of us ends up dead, you're correct. And it's not going to be me."

"Keep dreaming, sweetheart. Ninety minutes. Oh, and your new friend can come with you, but if he speaks a word, I'll fry him without hesitation. Understood, Agent Campbell?"

I caught Dev's eye and he nodded. "He understands."

"Good. Ninety minutes, gentlemen." The line went dead.

Dev's gaze felt like a physical weight. I tried to ignore his stare, but I couldn't. He deserved to know why Crimson was after me. He deserved to know how I'd put his life, and Hallie's, in danger. Not to mention all the other agents who'd been hurt through all this. Christ, I couldn't believe he'd killed the agents escorting Hallie, to get to her, so he could get to me. How many lives had I ruined this time?

"You were going to marry him?"

I closed my eyes, covering my face in my hands. After a second, I let my hands fall. "We can't— We need to move."

Before I could launch myself off the bed, Dev caught my arm. His expression was the most serious I'd ever seen it, his brows drawn low and no hint of amusement around his mouth. "You're right, and we do, but you're telling me the whole fucking story on the way. Got it?"

Goddammit, I was a mess if I thought Dev being so stern was hot. "Got it."

He deserved it. Just as much as I would deserve his disgust when I was done.